People not returning RSVP?

[misysu2]

Hey everyone-- we''re starting to see an issue here...

FI sent his guests'' invites out in December and I sent mine out in January. We''re getting married in Illinois, but FI''s parents are throwing us a party in Texas the month before the weddding, so we have three options on our RSVPs: See you in IL, See you in TX, and Decline.

Well, aside from wedding party, we''ve only received 2 back! AND, what''s worse, people are "talking" about coming to IL or TX to other people but not returning their RSVPs, so we have no idea. And we''re also getting notes on gifts saying, "Sorry we can''t see you in May...", but we don''t know if that means they''re not coming at all or they''re coming to the TX party.

Has anyone else had this problem? How can we get people to return their freaking RSVPs? Don''t people know how important it is!? We even paid postage, so there really is no excuse....

 

[sumbride]

I completely sympathize and I have no idea why people are so incapable of putting an already stamped card back in the mail!!! We only got RSVPs back from about 60% of our guest list. Fortunately ours wasn''t quite as crucial to have exact names and numbers but so many are that in the end you have to start calling people. Split up the task amongst the parents and you and your FI if you can.

 

[gtn]

I have not gotten to that point yet, but I know it''s coming and I feel your pain. I would call them. Have your wedding party and families to help you make the calls if you have a lot of people to contact. Make it just like phone banking, give everybody a script so they ask the important questions and have all of the information.

 

[Independent Gal]

Misysu, when is your wedding? If it''s not until May, it really isn''t fair to make people make a firm commitment this early. Some people will know for sure that they''re coming, and others will need a little more time to see how things are going, perhaps with work commitments, money issues, etc.

Technically, I think you''re only supposed to send out the invites 8 weeks before, and not to require a response until 3 weeks before. We sent ours out early too (about 12 weeks before, seeking a response by 5 weeks before) because of the international travel involved (hence, passport updates etc. that require some time). If the deadline you put on your RSVP''s has passed, it''s OK to call around and ask people if they know if they are coming. But if they aren''t sure yet, cut them some slack and just ask them to let you know when they are. Then do another call-around 3 or 4 weeks before asking for a firm commitment.

 

[curiopotter]

I agree with Independent Gal with the timing. A lot of people have to make plans at work and make sure they can afford going, and they need time to make those decisions. My wedding is on May 30th, and I just sent my Save The Dates. I won''t be sending my invitations until the end of March. If you''re worried about it, you should call your guests who have sent the notes saying they won''t see you in May to get official confirmation from them as to whether they''re going to see you in TX.

Give them time, but if your time is running short, you should start making phone calls in a few weeks.

 

[cara]

Do you have a deadline on this card?

Yes, people are horrible about such things, even when given proper deadlines. If there was no written deadline, set a mental deadline in your head. When that has passed, start calling people to inquire about their plans. You may have to go through the whole list!
And if there are phone numbers/emails to track down, you could start assembling them now.

Even with a clear deadline, we got maybe 60% of our RSVPs total (and that includes the late ones). The rest, we had to call around and a few we had to guess on.

 

[misysu2]

We did send them out significantly early, but FI''s family need to book flights. I was going to wait on mine, but my family also started asking questions and getting concerned about asking for time off, etc.

We put a return by date on the card, so I guess I just need to chill out, at least until then.

 

[bee*]

I would definitely take it easy until at least the rsvp date has passed. Once it has, then give it a few days and call people if you want after that date.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh yeah, definitely chill out until the return-by date. Most people are procrastinators.

 

[Harleigh]

Hi misyu...

I do feel your pain, but if your RSVP date hasn''t passed yet, I would sit tight for a bit and see how things pan out. For those who have sent notes, I don''t see a problem with clarifying their intentions if you are able to do that. We also had three options for people to choose from on our RSVP cards, and I honestly think it''s become more hassle than help, which was the original intent of all of the choices.

Our wedding planner said we needed to know at least 6 months out who was coming to Maui for our wedding to plan accordingly for our numbers. I was like, "SAY WHAT???" but I did it anyways and got all of the information out about our July wedding way back in November. Since we only invited about 60 people, it wasn''t that big of a deal as the bulk of the people invited were already bugging us for information at that point. Most of our family and friends needed to make their plans at least 6 months out for vacation time from work and also for making reservations in Maui by now, but those who haven''t are having fits that the prices have gone up so much for hotel and airfare in the past few weeks.

We haven''t gotten several of the RSVP''s back, which is highly irritating, but I don''t have to give a firm number to the planner until the end of February, and even then I''m going to tack on a few extra people to the number, just so we''re covered in case some of the lollygaggers decide they actually CAN make it and a few others who already said no change their minds...and yes, there are several who have already threatened to do this, so I am really trying hard to just go with the flow and will try to be happy that they found their way to Maui to celebrate with us.

However, I am extremely frustrated that the dang Best Man has not found it necessary to RSVP, but R assures me that he and his wife will be there...heaven forbid they drop the self-addressed stamp in the mail or go online to RSVP, or at the very least, pick up the phone and call to confirm? Yeah, right! Sorry...had to vent on that one!

I am going to start calling at the end of February as our RSVP by date was 1/22/08 and try to get firm numbers. For those I can''t reach or get a response from, I am going to have to assume they are not coming and somehow convey that to them. Just a bad situation all around, IMHO!

Hang in there...I''m sure it will all work out!

 

[misysu2]

Hey Harleigh,

Our best man hasn''t RSVP''ed yet, either!

Good luck on getting answers out of everyone this month! I can''t wait to see your wedding photos! (You know you''re a PS''er when you''re excited for strangers'' weddings!)

everyone- Thanks for quelling my potentially bridezilla thinking!! What would I do without all of you!!???

 

[Harleigh]

Aww, thanks, misyu! You''re so sweet!

I know what you mean, though, and it''s so nice to be able to let our frustrations out here, so that in our real lives we AREN''T considered bridezillas!

Keep us posted as your RSVP date gets closer...maybe I''ll have some better pointers for you after contacting all of my no-shows!

Thanks, too, for being so excited for me...I love to see how everyone''s weddings turn out, too! I really don''t know what I''d do without all of my favorite PS''ers to go through all this with!

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh yeah. That''s for sure. I pretty much never talk about wedding stuff except on ps, and sometimes with my MOH. PS is my outlet. Thank the lord for that.

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 2/6/2008 2:44:11 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Oh yeah, definitely chill out until the return-by date. Most people are procrastinators.

For sure.

I just sent in my RSVP for a friends wedding the day before it was due.

"Hi, I''m Courtney and I''m a procrastinator."

 

[enbcfsobe]

I have to admit I am the queen of procrastination on rsvps. I treat the return date as more like a "mail by" date and then add a week like I would with a "sell by" date on milk...
I would wait until at least a week after the return date so that those who mailed it that day will have arrived.