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Pet adoption frustration

Niel

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 23, 2012
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Recently I lost a fur baby.
I am not looking to replace Mort. But my house feels empty without a dog and the search helps me.
I went into a humane society today. I filled out an application online before I went in. They require you to put a name down of a dog you want, so I wrong a random one down and said “but really just looking for the right one.”
I go in by myself because I didn’t want it to effect the my kids to see dogs they couldn’t take home. They sit me down for a “consultation.”
They didn’t seem very interested in my criteria. We “might have something idk, go look around and see if anyone speaks to you”
I did. Walk back to the front and said that I was interested in the spaniel
An older lady with an very “that mother in law you hate” vibe was like “ oh, no. “ and someone next to her had to explain to me that one wouldn’t work.
We have one maybe “and she takes me to see one dog that barked at me the whole time she stood by him. I felt nothing but bad that I didn’t want him and we walked away. Walked back to the front desk and someone said they “might have one other one that might work. She is nervous when she first meets people but she warms up.“
It was a dog I had overlooked before. Idk why. Don’t even remember seeing it the first time. They take us to a tiny room. Leave us alone. She acts curious but sweet. Listens. Calm. Like I’m surprised how into this dog we are. They tell me I can’t adopt it without a child visit as my kids are 4 and 7. Like ok whatever.

I drive to get my kids and bring them back to the humane society. The nice woman who helped me before went home and now I get the old mother in law. She seems disinterested in helping us. Takes us back to the tiny room. Me, my two kids, and my husband.
The dog comes in. The old lady is standing up. Tells my kids to pet the dog. Here pet the dog. Just pet the dog. My (on the spectrum) daughter gets a little nervous. She doesn’t pet dogs. She never pet our old dog. Don’t get me wrong she likes dogs. Sit with them. Share blankets whatever. But like I sit there thinking “my daughter just doesn’t pet dogs”
Anyways the old lady says “oh look at her(dog) she’s terrified. Yup. She’s terrified. Ok was there some other dog you were interested in?”
Like that’s it. You put my kids in a weird situation and zero time to acclimate and now I can’t adopt the dog. I’m on the exact situation I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t want my kids to have to get their hopes up for nothing. Of course I told them “the dog might not like us and that’s ok” but of course tell that to a girl who has to see a dog come in and go out again. She cried the whole way home of course.

Anyways it’s frustrating and puts me off the whole thing. I would like to adopt a dog. But the rigorous adoption process almost always leaves me out. Oh you don’t have a fence? Ok application denied.
This dog is has heart worms and likes you but oh didn’t acclimate to your family ASAP so sorry. I don’t want a dog that’s night right for our family but like, you can’t expect a dog in a small room with 5 people to becomes perfect friends right away and apparently that’s what needed to happen. Idk. Just frustrating.
Can’t I just have mort back :cry2:
 
Neil, I'm really sorry for your loss. A friend had a similar experience with one of the popular shelters in my city, the people their gave her a hard time and denied her adoption b/c she works too much. She's the most devoted pet owner and they seriously misjudged. I got rude and dismissive responses from a breed specific rescue and went on to adopt and volunteer with one of their "competitors." I know these folks think they have the animal's interests at heart but they can be judgy and wrong and denying that dog a good home with you is a shame. I hope you find another organization that deserves your support and the right dog for your family, though no one can fill Mort's shoes. *hug*
 
Neil, I'm really sorry for your loss. A friend had a similar experience with one of the popular shelters in my city, the people their gave her a hard time and denied her adoption b/c she works too much. She's the most devoted pet owner and they seriously misjudged. I got rude and dismissive responses from a breed specific rescue and went on to adopt and volunteer with one of their "competitors." I know these folks think they have the animal's interests at heart but they can be judgy and wrong and denying that dog a good home with you is a shame. I hope you find another organization that deserves your support and the right dog for your family, though no one can fill Mort's shoes. *hug*
Yes issues with work are another reason it’s difficult to find something.
I’ve completely given up on the breed specific rescues- they are harder to please than Harvard.
And, like I said, most of the rescues here won’t give you the time of day without a fence.

When I was looking for a dog when I got mort- there was a little tiny terrier I tried to adopt and they refused to take an app because I didn’t have a fence.
Now I lived in the country. If you let a 7 lb dog just roam without a leash a hawk would eat it. This common f*ing sense doesn’t mean anything but shrug
 
So sorry to hear about this. I've had good luck with city/county government operated shelters. Where I am, if you own your own home or have permission from your landlord and can pay the rather nominal adoption fee, you're done. Otherwise, I found the restrictions that the private organizations place on potential owners range from a little crazy to utterly ridiculous. As much as I am a proponent of adopting pets from shelters, I fully understand why people decide to purchase from breeders instead.
 
So sorry about Mort. I can relate about frustrations with adoption, when we were looking for a kitten last year the humane society basically told us they put all the animals online and it's first come first serve, so if you see a cat you want to meet, drop everything and get down here as fast as you can. Yeah okay, we went and adopted for a city shelter instead.
 
Rescues drive me completely freaking bananas.

I represented one as a lawyer and I won’t comment on that but it certainly sent me down the path of finding them insufferable. Then I too had a friend who was told she worked too much and ended up buying from a breeder because rescues/shelters wouldn’t let her adopt.

And then these same people will b**** and moan about people who buy dogs from breeders. Hello???
 
C6E7F641-E971-43FA-B90B-02B23EB3418B.jpeg Sending hugs.
Is there another adoption facility or group (sometimes breed groups gather up impounds/ strays and rehome them themselves) you can enquire?
We had a similar experience. My mother started feeding a stray cat, trying to get it so she could catch it. Before that happened it got attacked by a fox or dog. Mum rushed it to the vet explaining the story and she’d pay any bills. Oh no, it has to go to the pound.
Mum then goes to the pound and says “I want to adopt that white cat please. It was a stray I was feeding and when it got injured I rushed it to the vet”.
“Do you have any other pets?”
Yes says Mum, another cat. Muffy is a Rescue too. Our cats live inside and I’m retired and we have a set up outdoor enclosure as well.
“No, this cat has to be an only cat”!
What the @@@@@!
Mum is devastated. I phone the Pound. Can I come and see that white cat you have for adoption?
“Do I have any other pets? They ask, No I say, lying through my teeth.
I adopt said white cat and drop Jimmy off at my Mums where he is now very very happy.
So there !
 
C6E7F641-E971-43FA-B90B-02B23EB3418B.jpeg Sending hugs.
Is there another adoption facility or group (sometimes breed groups gather up impounds/ strays and rehome them themselves) you can enquire?
We had a similar experience. My mother started feeding a stray cat, trying to get it so she could catch it. Before that happened it got attacked by a fox or dog. Mum rushed it to the vet explaining the story and she’d pay any bills. Oh no, it has to go to the pound.
Mum then goes to the pound and says “I want to adopt that white cat please. It was a stray I was feeding and when it got injured I rushed it to the vet”.
“Do you have any other pets?”
Yes says Mum, another cat. Muffy is a Rescue too. Our cats live inside and I’m retired and we have a set up outdoor enclosure as well.
“No, this cat has to be an only cat”!
What the @@@@@!
Mum is devastated. I phone the Pound. Can I come and see that white cat you have for adoption?
“Do I have any other pets? They ask, No I say, lying through my teeth.
I adopt said white cat and drop Jimmy off at my Mums where he is now very very happy.
So there !
Right would have done better off just saying I didn’t have kids :rolleyes:

This one was actually the more lax of the shelters in my area. Idk man I’d emailed them asking if possibly we could have a less ****ing awkward meeting. We shall see what they say.

And not like any of it matters but I’ll be posting a scathing review when this is all over. A terrible experience for my socially challenged child and that dog. No one will care but I will still write it.
 
I hate to say this, but sometimes you just have to withhold information.
Or even lie. :Up_to_something2:
If they aren’t physically visiting your home, say you have a fully fenced backyard, no kids and you work from home.
You know you can give them a better life.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss and for the experience you've had trying to adopt. I've also run into issues with some rescues. Some shelters/rescues are great, but others are just a nightmare to deal with - they're the best example I know of where people let the absolutely perfect-in-their-eyes be the enemy of the more-than-good-enough for these poor animals who need a home.

Just an idea - do you think you could pop in some time when the nice woman is there again and try to explain what happened and make an appointment with HER specifically for another try at a meeting with the kids and the dog?
 
@Niel I feel your pain. When I lost my Coco in 2015 I applied to 17 different rescues for another pup, and I was turned down or not responded to by ALL of them. Coco lived to be 22!!! How much better of a pet owner could I possibly be???? They didn't like it that I had a full time job. Ummmmm, how do you expect me to feed and house Fluffy if I don't have a full time job?

Then I found a Doxie rescue and everything went smooth as silk. When I first started my grooming business I had zero clients so I volunteered with a Bichon rescue to groom their rescues for free, they were the only ones to respond to my free services!!! Some of these people go overboard with their concerns for their rescues, wanting only retired people who are home all day, but might forget to feed the dogs....

My advice to you is, if you REALLY liked that baby, make a call on Monday and ask to be speak to whomever is in charge, REALLY in charge, not that nitwit MIL type. Explain what happened and how disappointed you are by their staff's treatment of you and your family's needs, and that you want a realistic get-to-know visit with that pup by yourselves, and a reevaluation after that. You can make it happen! Don't be turned off by the idiots my dear. It's not the dog's fault that stupid humans are in charge of their future, well-meaning as they may be.

To be brutally honest, I can really understand why these people get so overzealous. They see and hear about so many atrocities, they tend to become very black and white about things and I can't blame them, they do try their best to do by right by the pets in a world that is overwhelmingly uncaring and neglectful towards pets. I think if you call and make your case, that will go a LONG way towards showing them that you really care for and want that furbaby, and that will likely turn the tide for you. Please come back and let us know how it works out!!
 
This is the very sad and unfortunate reason why I don't adopt. All my dogs have come from private breeders. I'd rather just pay the money and be able to have what I want, rather than let some power tripping rescue throw me on an emotional rollercoaster.

Many years ago, I convinced my brother to opt for rescuing a Doxie instead of buying from a breeder. I was working full time for a nonprofit animal shelter and veterinary clinic at the time and my doxie which was raised with my brother for 12 years (she was still alive at the time and older) was mentioned when they called me for a reference check. The woman that responded to his app was so condescending and didnt even let him express interest in the dog he was wanting to see. She basically told him, "we will let you know what's avilable to you."

Anyway, they ended up claiming that they couldnt get ahold of my brothers third reference person even though they left no messages or evidence of trying to reach out. Frustrated by how rude and unhelpful the rescue was, my brother ended up getting his dog from the breeder and didnt have to jump through a million hoops to do it.

I find that city run animal shelters (usually those with a kill policy) are much more lax and actually care about placing these animals in homes rather than hoarding them in fancy holding facilities with TVs in them(your high and mighty no kill shelters).it drives me bonkers when I hear people dont want to support or adopt from city shelters because "they kill". True, but that's because they cannot turn animals away. Those fancy "no kill" shelters do not have to accept unwanted animals and will usually only take in the cute ones, the charismatic ones, etc that already have a high chance of getting adopted.
 
I'm so sorry for you Niel. How heartbreaking for you and your kids.


I've been hesitating to post a similar post for a long time. I was flat out told we won't ever be considered for a dog adoption because we have 5 kids. All shelters around us.

We have a rather big home and yard (not for US standards but for our area) and the kids are
A) out of the house (school + return trip) from 8.10 to 5

B) they are calm and respectful towards animals (my friend who did get a dog from a shelter has 2 who bother their dog, so the sheer number is not the main point)

C) I am a sahm and we have live in help. The dog would only very rarely be alone, ever .

No further animals. Both dh and I have always had dogs in our youth.
But they won't even look at our family.
Then I thought :OK, maybe we're really not the right family for a dog...

I applied with a very popular breeder for one of her puppies and we passed her very thorough assessment incl. a home visit no problem. The whole adoption process has put me off so much though, that we'll wait another year or so ...
 
Ugh I'm sorry Niel, that's an awful situation you and your kids were put in at the humane society.
I am so sorry about Mort. :cry2:

Are there any local dog rescues in your area? We have a few cat and dog rescue groups and they are much more pleasant to deal with IMO and generally they ask you to fill out an application for and then they make a home visit if you find a specific animal you want to adopt.

Sending you and your kids good thoughts and gentle hugs. It sucks losing a beloved fur baby. And rescuing another is saving another life and that's always a positive thing to do.
 
I'm so sorry for you Niel. How heartbreaking for you and your kids.


I've been hesitating to post a similar post for a long time. I was flat out told we won't ever be considered for a dog adoption because we have 5 kids. All shelters around us.

We have a rather big home and yard (not for US standards but for our area) and the kids are
A) out of the house (school + return trip) from 8.10 to 5

B) they are calm and respectful towards animals (my friend who did get a dog from a shelter has 2 who bother their dog, so the sheer number is not the main point)

C) I am a sahm and we have live in help. The dog would only very rarely be alone, ever .

No further animals. Both dh and I have always had dogs in our youth.
But they won't even look at our family.
Then I thought :OK, maybe we're really not the right family for a dog...

I applied with a very popular breeder for one of her puppies and we passed her very thorough assessment incl. a home visit no problem. The whole adoption process has put me off so much though, that we'll wait another year or so ...

Wow that is crazy. There are many dog rescues around us that would love you to adopt one of their dogs. So many homeless animals and they would never turn down a loving family who could easily take good care of a dog. @kipari please don't give up. I am so sorry you are having so much difficulty adopting. That's just freaking wrong. Ugh, so many animals in need of a good home how could they turn you down.:nono:
 
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words, @missy!
You know, for me it just feels "wrong" to not adopt, when there are so many animals in need out there. So for the moment I'm just stuck... We decided to five it more time and look into it again next year... But yes, my friend who gave up her career to work in animal rescue sais that there are are some very peculiar people amongst the generally very caring rescue community. At least in my home country, there are no kill shelters and generally super strict animal protection laws, so at least there's that...
 
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words, @missy!
You know, for me it just feels "wrong" to not adopt, when there are so many animals in need out there. So for the moment I'm just stuck... We decided to five it more time and look into it again next year... But yes, my friend who gave up her career to work in animal rescue sais that there are are some very peculiar people amongst the generally very caring rescue community. At least in my home country, there are no kill shelters and generally super strict animal protection laws, so at least there's that...

Yes I totally agree. About rescuing and about some peculiar personalities involved in rescue work. Having said that there are wonderful rescue people and groups and the animals deserve a chance. Thank you for all you do. :appl:And I hope you find your next furry family member soon.
 
@Niel I'm so sorry :( I relate to this so much. We wanted to rescue for our 2nd dog. We were renting a condo and had landlords permission. We were told "no" by every single freaking rescue bc we didn't have a fenced in yard and we work.

How the F is anyone who doesn't own a he expected to have a fenced in yard??? And obviously there are breeds who need that , but we were talking about tiny poodle or Maltese mix dogs who would rather chill and cuddle all day than run around outside.

We were also told "no' because my DH has allergies, so we were only considering dogs that are mixed with hypoallergenic breeds (poodle, Bichon, Maltese, etc). Apparently, they think a 32 year old adult doesn't understand how his own allergies work and that it means we will return the dog. No. The WNTIRE POINT of only considering these specific dogs is to avoid returning the dog!!!!!


What made us completely give up and just buy from a breeder was the rescue who told us "no", and then recontacted me asking if we were willing to Foster a dog with an infectious disease (at the risk of our other dog). No. Not a chance.

Ugh even thinking about it makes me furious. All we wanted was to rescue a dog in need. But apparently we couldn't.
 
Similar here, I rent, so no dog. Went to a reputable breeder, Sebastian is a very happy 5 year old now!
 
A lot of the dog rescues, especially breed specific ones, are a little much. I know it's for the good of the animal in their minds, but it's overkill.

Honestly, a fenced yard prevents nothing. the dog can dig out from the yard and/or jump the fence if inclined. Plus, people sometimes cannot have a fence. We can't have a typical fence in our backyard because we back up to to a golf course. We can half a 4 foot white picket fence in the back and that's it. I personally think that would look silly and it really does nothing anyway- no offense to my neighbors. Working too much, not enough space in the house, rent, but declined even though have permission, etc., and they fail to realize that it is infinitely better than the dogs being in foster care for however long, where the rescue cannot help more and/or in a facility with cages.

I think cat rescue in the states is generally more lax. They usually won't say only cat unless the cat has severe behavioral issues. I am sorry that happened @Bron357 to your mom. Here, they actually encourage that you adopt more than one if you don't have one already at home.

I am fostering kittens right now and I know the rescue won't allow you to adopt if the adopter intends to have them be an outdoor cat at all- I think that's so dangerous personally- or if you intend to declaw. But, that's reasonable to me.

I know some cats do indoor/outdoor okay, but it's just really dangerous with all the cars, predators, etc. It would break my heart if one of my little guys was hit by a car our eaten by a coyote because they were put outside. To me, if you want an out door cat for a barn, warehouse, etc., find a working cat program and that's a good fit.
 
Adopting a pet has been, for me, a nightmare every time I do it. I have to admit that I have wound up with two dogs I absolutely adored in the end...but what I went through to get there each time was unbelievable. The expense in terms of trainers, classes, fines from the police, and the trauma of neighbors hating me because if my dogs' bad behavior also left marks on me. Plus I had to hire a dog walker for one (at great expense) because even with a positive correction collar and a muzzle I could not handle him! And I was turned down, too, because my fencing (I have and had a fenced in yard) was inadequate for some of the dogs I liked. (Indeed, the fence turned out to be inadequate for the dog I adopted because the people who gave him to me either didn't know him at all or else lied to me!)

I had a very easy time with both the purebred dogs I got from reputable breeders (one a Golden Retriever, one a Newfoundland) even though I got the Newfoundland when he was 16 months old and he had lived in a kennel, not a private home, before I got him. Adopting has been, for me, much, much harder. It has also been rewarding and I have loved my adopted dogs absolutely as much as my other dogs. It is definitely not a challenge meant for everyone, though. It can be too rough on the dog as well as on the humans when there is not good communication between the people who have the dog in their custody and the prospective owners. If one thinks of human adoption, one can imagine how hard it is to put it all together.

I wish you all the best luck with whatever you do, Niel.

Deb :wavey:
 
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Oh Neil... I'm so sorry for this bad experience! Clearly you should have a dog and the people at the shelter should work with you in a reasonable way to make that happen. Sheesh!

When we adopted The Demon my ex had been volunteering there at the Anti Cruelty Society for a few years. Oscar came from a multi-shelter adoption event a few years later and we went prepared with all of the documentation we knew we'd need so we could take a dog home with us that day if we found one. (Because we lived in a townhouse with an association we knew we'd need to bring the rules and regulations showing we could have up to three dogs, etc.) The people at that event treated us like we had done something wrong by coming armed with everything we needed. I mean, I'm sure lots of people don't realize the paper hoops you have to jump through to get a pet in the city but Bill frickin' volunteered at a shelter so we DID know. It was like they didn't want to let us have a dog!
 
We have done it every which way possible: breeder, show breeder, adopted, and the equivalent of craigslist. Go with craiglist. I have currently 1 adoptee, and 2 craigslist dogs. You can just as easily find a good dog needing a good home, and honestly, you don't have to jump through hoops. I see adult dogs on there all the time. You're still providing a good home when someone else is rehoming. JMO.
 
There are other shelters that would love to have their dogs adopted. We looked at a few places in our area and chose the one that had the right dog for us. I think it is wonderful you want to adopt.
 
We have done it every which way possible: breeder, show breeder, adopted, and the equivalent of craigslist. Go with craiglist. I have currently 1 adoptee, and 2 craigslist dogs. You can just as easily find a good dog needing a good home, and honestly, you don't have to jump through hoops. I see adult dogs on there all the time. You're still providing a good home when someone else is rehoming. JMO.
I have looked on cregslist but not much besides pits in my area
 
I got my Lola from a rescue that goes to Petsmart once a month. I went there to see a little poodle type dog that I could do fun haircuts on, but he didn't like Griffy and Griffy didn't like him either. Then Lola came right over to us, kissed Griffy and sat in my lap to nuzzle. That was it! Done deal, no home check, no hoops and a free vet visit.

Something I failed to mention in my previous post, is that sometimes, things are just meant to be even if we don't like how it's happening. If those 17 rescues hadn't turned me down, I would never have gotten Griffy, and he was MEANT TO BE for us. The only thing this little angel was missing is wings. So when I look back on it, it was brutal to go through, but the outcome just couldn't have been better. He was the perfect brother to my senior Doxie, Scooby, and I can't imagine life without these two babies.

Meerkat.jpg
 
I hate to say this, but sometimes you just have to withhold information.
Or even lie. :twisted2:
If they aren’t physically visiting your home, say you have a fully fenced backyard, no kids and you work from home.
You know you can give them a better life.

This is exactly what I've had to do with all four of my cat rescues.

@Niel, I'm so sorry to hear about Mortimer -- you know I thought he was the absolute cutest pup ever! We recently lost our 19 year old cat that I adopted when he was only 5 weeks old. So we just had to do the shelter thing.

They can be so damn picky...
Have young kid(s)? "NOPE, can't adopt"
Have other pets? "Nah, not right for you"
Plan to declaw? "HELL NO"

So when we found the perfect kitty (well, she found me I think), I had to lie to give this cat a great life with us.

I have had 4 cats since I was 21 years old (I'm 40)... I lost my second rescue (Abner) at age 5 to congestive heart failure after he threw a clot - extremely sad and devastating. My 19 year old (Punkin) had an aggressive intestinal cancer, was suffering, and I couldn't put him through a surgery that he may not survive - he was just tired, he'd lived a wonderful long life, and I wasn't about to let my baby waste away and suffer... he deserved better. I still have my 3rd kitty, Peanut; she is 11. She misses Punkin, but is already warming to the new kitty. My newest rescue and 4th kitty, Hazel, was adopted 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks old.

We keep our kitties forever, as they are family members and fixtures in our lives... I just wanted to be like, "Do you want these animals to have a good life, or are you going to keep them from being adopted because you are against other pets/declawing/not having a fence/ect....???!!"

It gets on my nerves so bad! Sorry for the rant, but I know exactly what you're talking about with the shelter/rescue situation. Hope you find the absolute perfect dog for your family!
 
Maybe go the good breeder route. Good breeders will support you for the life of your pet. We have had dogs flown to us unseen. I know that sounds crazy but we've done it a few times. Our adoptee (Lola) was flown to us at 6 months old. She'd had 3 other homes before us. We had a pic of her and that was all. Find a breeder and follow their instagram. Check out spaniel FB groups. There are people out there who will help. Your Mort was clearly very special.
 
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