Pipped at the Post

[aussiecountrygirl]

Hello fellow Ladies,

I haven''t posted much since my original introduction, but have been avidly following your topics and your stories have kept my LIW-itis largely in check.

So, last night aussieboy and I were reviewing the design of our ring in order to finalise the custom order, which would take a matter of weeks to make, and in my very shockingly bad at staying out of surprises way, i knew the proposal was quite close.

AND then my sister rang pretty late and I was like "Its not like you to ring late, is everything ok?"

And there it came. "Guess what, we''re engaged!!!!!!" (Her and her man). Im pretty sure I am just about the worst sister in the world. I am SUPER SUPER happy for her and can''t wait to get to planning a wedding with her. However, there is a but

A small piece of my mind wandered to "she''s beaten me to it!!!!" ahah. Not in a competitive, angry, resentful way, but in a like "here we go, the wait extends" kind of way. She is my sister, and I love her dearly. There isnt one part of me that would want to steal her engagement, then wedding planning, limelight. I mean you only get to enjoy this once (hopefully), right? And she deserves to be the focus (and I dont think my mum could handle more than one wedding on the books at once).

I do have a confession to make. I did cry. I am an awful person. Please go easy on me, I am quite ashamed. *hides* On the upside, she doesnt know any of this and there is no way she ever will. She doesnt need to feel guilty. Its nothing more than timing.

So theres my rant. For those other LIW out there, if it looks like you too are at risk of getting pipped at the post, give your boys a kick up the bum to hurry it along!! Tell them an aussie girl who knows, said so!

Oh, and has this happened to anyone before? Like I know there are often many friends who get engaged around the same time, but am I right to feel that family (especially sisters) is quite different?

 

[Deelight]

Hey ACG

congrats to you sister getting married thats fantastic news and how exciting your ring is on the way .

In relation to you question I don''t think your awful for crying, sometimes our emotions get the better of us and even if you feel 110% over the moon for someone you can still be slightly upset for yourself, this is no way makes you any less of a good person . Saying that I don''t think you have to wait till you sister gets married get engaged there is no reason two sisters can''t enjoy planning for two weddings together actually to me that would be kinda sweet .

It might be nice to wait a couple of weeks or longer after you sisters engagement party to let your sister have her time in the limelight but there is no reason to wait overly long .

 

[niki1234]

Hi ACG,

The same exact thing happened to me! I''ve been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years and we just bought a house together a year ago. Getting engaged has been a huge topic of discussion for the past 8 months or so. I''ve felt ready for a while now but my boyfriend wasn''t quite ready to think about it seriously until recently. I think the engagement is coming soon (at least I hope it is! - we picked out a ring in March) but I don''t know exactly when because he wants it to be a surprise. My sister who is 3 years younger (the fact that she is younger makes it so much harder for me because I grew up thinking that I would be first because I''m the oldest - even though that may be completely ridiculous, it''s just the way that I always thought it would happen) got engaged at the beginning of this year. It was REALLY REALLY hard for me. Especially because her relationship has been very volatile. They''ve been dating for a little less than 2 years and they''ve broken up 3 times. Although, she said that they do plan to wait 2-2.5 years for the wedding so that makes me feel better! Anyway, when she called to tell me I told her how excited and happy I was for her. I couldn''t tell her how I was really feeling because it was such an exciting time for her. She actually said that she was nervous about telling me b/c she thought that I''d be upset. It''s such a hard situation. I had so many mixed emotions. I was happy for her and hoped that her relationship would work out but I was so sad about my situation. I was at work when she told me and I couldn''t stop the tears...I cried all day long. And I too felt like an awful person! But I just couldn''t help how I was feeling. As the months have passed, it''s gotten easier to deal with but still no engagement for me yet! My boyfriend definitely needs a good kick in the bum!

 

[KCCutie]

It is so much harder when it''s a sibling! You are not a horrible person!

Since last fall both my SOs sister and really close cousin have both gotten engaged. They are all younger and have been together less time than we have and every time I think our time line is going to be pushed back again. At first my SO said he didn''t even want to get engaged until after his sister''s wedding (this October) b/c he didn''t want to steal her limelight either. Well all that has gone out the window. He talked to her and she is so happy that he will be getting engaged she doesn''t care if he steals a little of her limelight. Talk to your sister I bet she''ll be excited and so happy for you.

Now it looks like his sister''s wedding will be in October, his cousin''s in November and ours early next year! Everyone is so happy for all 3 couple that there are no hard feelings.

 

[meresal]

You are definitely allowed to be a little hurt, as long as there is good reason. I have 3 older sisters and an older brother... so we are always trying NOT to step on eachothers toes. Babies during another''s wedding, wedding around anothers graduation, you get the idea. SO and I are very close to getting engaged, but my second oldest sister lost her baby this past week, and we have decided that pushing it right now, just wouldn''t be right. She''s now 38 and this was the first time she had EVER been pregnant the natural way, and we were all so excited, bc no one thought it was even possible. It is hard for the whole family.

Anyway... I have a few questions. Is she younger? Have they been together longer? You sound very close, so honestly who has been talking about an upcoming engagement longer?

Just trying to see it from both sides.

 

[aussiecountrygirl]

Deelight, Niki, KC- thankyou for your support. Isnt it funny how you post on here and check eagerly for the reply. Your support and understanding is hugely appreciated, I had worried over my wording on that post but seems I managed to get my feelings across without sounding like too much of a cow! I am sorry that some of you have been through this before- its definitely an emotional process! So much happiness for your sibling, then the bit of sadness for yourself, and then the guilt for the sadness! Today I was trully a wreck, however going to work (i work in family support) made a HUGE difference to my perspective and allowed me to step back from the initial emotion and start to think about it. I had a client who''s ex-wife will only allow him contact with the children if he pays for supervised access (they have been to court and having supervision was not ordered by the court, unfortunately this demand is just the result of their volatile relationship), and he appeared to be a genuine, loving dad. After the children left he conveyed how truly broken he felt about not seeing his children regularly, and that helped me appreciate the relationship that I do have. Whilst its not perfect, it is loving and stable, which I guess witnessing the effects of not having that for my client was kinda heartwrenching, and i gave MYSELF a kick in the bum. (I maintain though that there are still boys out there who need one too!)

So, I am still a bit bummed that we have to wait a bit longer. My initial reaction, as you could tell, was like, ''well that''s it, no future plans until her wedding'' because I desperately do not want to be someone who steals the thunder. But you are right, planning weddings as sisters would be fun, maybe not so much for my parent''s wallet/ stress levels

, but still fun. And I know there isnt any competitiveness amongst us, and that she would be happy for us, but I want it to be perfect for her, ya know?

Meresal- I am so sorry for the news of your sister. It must be heartbreaking for your sibling, as well as u as a sister to have a sibling go through that. In answer to your questions, she is a year older, aussieboy and I have been together for 1.5 years longer, and every time I made jokes to sister''s SO about proposing, making an honest woman, having my parents as in-laws, I was playfully scolded by her and the subject changed. Of course I hoped they would marry- but I guess that when her and I talked about it there wasn''t an indication it was coming soon. She herself had no idea (how romantic!) and was a surprise for all of us. Just want to reiterate i definitely dont begrudge her the happy news, she deserves it totally! Just came as a bit of a shock.

To be a total drama queen, it was like I had this fairtyale in my head (you guys know how much we all think about this stuff!) and I was totally caught out, with a moment of, I never thought it would happen this way!

So yeah, still extremely happy for her, slightly more calmed down, and forever grateful that I can talk about it here. If not I think I would go mad (they should prescribe PS as therapy!!) Thankyou for indulging my vent. Better shoot off to bed, its 1AM and have to work in the morning, eek!!

 

[trillionaire]

Sorry this happened to you (the frustration part). I know a girl that got engaged and started planning her wedding, then her older brother proposed to HIS girlfriend, and planned the wedding exactly one month prior to her wedding

. Their family was from Jamaica, so people couldn''t really fly in twice, to make both weddings. The guy was only a year older, and I think he and his GF had been together for about the same time or a little less that the sister.

ANYWAY, they seemed perfectly thrilled about it, and they really enjoy being newlyweds together, and now they travel and vacation together, and will probably have kids around the same time! So this could turn out to be delightful!

I would say, however, that it might be worth mentioning to you SO that you don''t want to wait/postpone and engagement... You could mention that you would love to share planning with your sister and that you can''t imagine anything more exciting. I say this because my SO''s brother got engaged in January, to which SO declares "well, there will be no proposals this year, this is XXXXX''s year!". I thought this was strange (his brother is getting married in less than a month), but guys have their own ideas about not stepping on each other''s toes, so just be clear about what you are thinking and talk about it. You never know, he could be crestfallen that his proposal was eclipsed!

 

[Anna0499]

I agree with the above posts - you can definitely be happy for your sister but still feel maybe a bit jealousthat she is beginning her wedding journey before yours and frustrated that your journey now is postponed a bit. If your FF was planning to propose soon I think 3-4 weeks would be long enough. However, as you said, paying for two weddings is a daunting task regardless of the size of them...maybe they are planning a longer engagement than you and it would work out? Given their history, I would hope they would sort out everything before walking down that aisle... Anyway, don''t feel bad, it''s natural, human, and completely understandable.

 

[mimzy]

i just wanted to chime in and add myself to the list of girls who are in a two-wedding family! my sister and her FI got engaged about six months after me and my FI did, and originally planned their wedding for six months after ours (but have no pushed it back to september instead of june, so it''s about 9 months after ours). my sister and i have a bit of a strained relationship, so it has been really good to be able to have something in common. we are also planning pretty different events (mostly due to her budget being about triple what ours is! i''m just glad ours is first

)


i think your reaction is totally normal (and honest!). and who knows, there might not be any reason to have to delay your plans! have they set a date yet? are you both looking to have traditional weddings? unless either of you are extremely territorial this might be the most ideal way to plan your wedding! (together with someone going through the same things!)

 

[Bia]

Horrible person? You''re completely normal! My baby brother is getting married in a few months and sometimes I think to myself, "how can this be! He is 3 years younger and only in this relatioship for 2 years!" as opposed to my 6! The timing''s a b*#ch but its still wonderful news and you can be happy for her but a little peeved too! That doesn''t make you a bad sister or a horrible person...

You, like many of us, are just waiting for your MOMENT. It is coming, you know that, as many of us do, but the waiting is a pain-in-the-a$$...and its fun at the same time! We are women, and we feel a whole bunch of things at once...and therefore many of us are walking contradictions...but its FINE.

Be happy for her, be excited for yourself, because your moment of truth is on its way. No worries my friend. I think I would be so happy, after the initial shock, that I could have my sister there to support since she will be essentially going through the same things. Maybe it will be hectic but it certainly sounds fun.

 

[JulieN]

I think a month after hers is enough time. Maybe two months.

Whenever someone has this situation, I think that you only have one life, and anything could happen tomorrow! Maybe something happens to you or BF...would you regret waiting just so your sister doesn''t feel like her thunder was stolen?

 

[fieryred33143]

Aussie sweetie...

My best friend in the whole world who I love as if she were my sister got engaged last year. When she told me I was sooo happy for her because she and her fiance had struggled in their relationship and he finally got his stuff together and realized the wonderful girl he had in his arms.

But when I got off the phone with her, I cried for 2 hours until I fell asleep. And then the next day when I went to work and told one of my directors, she said "that must have been hard for you" (after saying congrats) and I cried again. It wasn''t that I wasn''t happy and thrilled (and super excited to be her MOH), I just had a moment of "why not me too? what am I doing wrong? what did she do differently?"

I think its normal. I got over it but I allowed myself to feel sad. At the time, I believe it was October/November??, my boyfriend and I were nowhere near where we are today (he bought the ring

) so it made it even harder. But like I said, its normal and I''m glad I gave myself the time to feel what I felt. Give yourself that time too. Once its over, its over