Potential thunder stealing, should I worry?

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Hi girls,

I forgot I had any updates, but I do need to ask one question: bear with me for the slightly lengthy story.

Many years ago, sister #1 was graduating from school, which was a huge accomplishment on her part since she had had a lot of problems and dropped out a couple times only to turn it all around and get a solid degree. At her graduation party, Sister #2 announced that she and her FI had gotten engaged. They didn''t get engaged at Sister #1''s party of course, but they announced it because all the family were there for once, which is a rare event. (parents are divorced etc etc). Sister #1 was so angry that she didn''t speak to Sister #2 for YEARS, until of course Sister #2 had a baby and Sister #1 decided she wanted to play aunty.

Anyway, so SO is planning on proposing in September, he can''t keep a secret so he''s basically spilled the beans even as to what weekend it will be. Makes sense though, given our call schedules are so darn hard to coordinate. And I just noticed that it''s actually very close to Sister #2''s due date for her second baby!

I brought this up with SO and mentioned pushing it back a month or even speeding it up a month, but all he said was: I''m not putting my life on hold for other people, I''ve waited long enough. ....

Should I try to convince him otherwise? Granted it''s not sister #2 who''s crazy but... I mean... why take chances? These are HIS sisters by the way.

 

[StarvingMusician]

I don''t think you''d be stealing anybody''s thunder...a baby is just as big, if not bigger, as an engagement, so I wouldn''t worry about it trumping the other. It''s nice that you''re concerned, though. I know somebody who thought that it was okay to announce her engagement at someone else''s engagement party...thankfully, the woman who''s party it was was too nice/laid back to really care that much. I know if that had been me, I would have been pretty angry.

 

[Anna0499]

Coming from a family with 4 other brothers and sisters I understand the whole thunder-stealing thing. In your situation I don''t think you need to change a thing. Babies come when they want to (unless your sister is getting induced labor and even then it''s not an exact science) and it''s not like you''d be getting engaged or annoucing it while you''re in the waiting room or hospital baby ward. I mean what if you move the engagement up and the baby comes early or if you move it back and it''s late? It seems like a very very very different scenario than your sisters had, because that was an exact date set aside for one particular accomplishment. While I don''t understand not talking for YEARS, I can see how your graduating sister would be mad. You aren''t taking over a specific date that has been planned and set aside for someone else''s huge event so I think you''re okay.

I would, however, remind your soon-to-be fiancee (as I remind my LTR BF sometimes) that your family will always be very important and sometimes he WILL have to bend for them. Just my .02 though.

 

[purrfectpear]

They''re his sisters, so they''re his drama (if there is any) to deal with. I''m with him.

Sister needs to grow up already and learn that the rest of the world isn''t revolving around her. Besides, it''s not her first baby, it''s her second.

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

I guess I''m only worried because I don''t want to start things off with the ILs on a bad foot. I never hear good things about relations with the in laws.

But a baby should be bigger anyway, so it can''t be that bad.

I do feel a little better now, given that you can''t predict the timing of a baby and all that. Although I think she is doing cesarean and that will be scheduled.

 

[absolut_blonde]

I think it's fine.

Close to the due date is not the same as AT one's engagement party. To me, that would be more like you announcing your engagement at the baby shower. I think the main issue with the previous situation was that the party is a one-day event to celebrate something and then it was eclipsed by a huge announcement that also warrants attention/celebration. (And I do agree that it was in poor taste to announce the engagement at the graduation party, though that was quite the grudge to hold!)


A baby is such a big deal & such a long-lasting thing that to plan around that would be near impossible. You've got the 9 months leading up, then the birth, then before you know it it's the first birthday, etc. Again, as long as you're not doing it on a specifically important day (like the birth day!) I don't think an engagement will eclipse that at all. But it's nice that you were concerned.

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Date: 6/5/2008 7:42:05 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
I think it''s fine.


Close to the due date is not the same as AT one''s engagement party. To me, that would be more like you announcing your engagement at the baby shower. I think the main issue with the previous situation was that the party is a one-day event to celebrate something and then it was eclipsed by a huge announcement that also warrants attention/celebration. (And I do agree that it was in poor taste to announce the engagement at the graduation party, though that was quite the grudge to hold!)



A baby is such a big deal & such a long-lasting thing that to plan around that would be near impossible. You''ve got the 9 months leading up, then the birth, then before you know it it''s the first birthday, etc. Again, as long as you''re not doing it on a specifically important day (like the birth day!) I don''t think an engagement will eclipse that at all. But it''s nice that you were concerned.

LOL it is quite a grudge. haha. Sister #1 is quite unpredictable, and although I too thought she had a right to be mad, she definitely just held onto it. And on and on! We were all so surprised when she decided to pop in again after her nephew was born.

I''m glad everyone else thinks it''ll be fine. I do tend to worry about things like this, because I always find it easier to deal with my family than with another person''s family.

SO plans to ask the 1st or 2nd weekend of September and basically leave and spend M-F at sister #2''s house to help take care of the new baby, so it''s awfully close! I told him we should just wait, but I think maybe he''ll be ok just not saying anything to them about it, since I won''t be there, no one will see the ring anyway.

 

[Anna0499]

It is really sweet of you to care though! I would be worried if you were like planning a wedding or something on that day but an engagement announcement around the same timeframe isn''t bad at all. It''ll just add to the joy and anticipation!

 

[Independent Gal]

Hard to say without knowing her. If I were about to pop my sprog and my baby sister announced she was getting married, I would be SO HAPPY FOR HER!

I mean, I think it''s potentially rude to announce your engagement IN the birthing room, e.g., or (though it wouldn''t bother me) at someone''s wedding or someone''s graduation party. But having the timing be around the same time is, I think, fairly unproblematic. Just depends on her personality.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/5/2008 8:33:22 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Hard to say without knowing her. If I were about to pop my sprog and my baby sister announced she was getting married, I would be SO HAPPY FOR HER!


I mean, I think it''s potentially rude to announce your engagement IN the birthing room, e.g., or (though it wouldn''t bother me) at someone''s wedding or someone''s graduation party. But having the timing be around the same time is, I think, fairly unproblematic. Just depends on her personality.

Indy you crack me up girl. And I totally agree with Indy. I think this is a very different situation than announcing something big at someone else''s celebration (without clearing it with the honoree first).

Just make sure that when the baby is born if someone congratulates you on the wedding, say thanks, and quickly turn the attention back to the baby. This would be an inappropriate time to spend hours talking about your wedding plans with relatives, etc. But simply AROUND the time the baby will be born? Go ahead and get engaged girl!

 

[fieryred33143]

I agree with your FF.

I wouldn''t go as far as to propose in the delivery room (LOL) but his sister doesn''t own the day. If it was meant for you and your FF to be engaged on that date, then it should be regardless of what''s going on in the background.

YAY for you