Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

pre-nuptial agreement?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
zhuzhu

zhuzhu

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 15, 2006
Messages
2,503
Coming from Asian culture, the concept of pre-nuptial agreement is a bit foreign to me. While we don''t consider it necessary for our marriage, I am curious as to how "prevalent" this practice is in PS community. If you are comfortable sharing please comment on the concept, if not please just vote anonymously. Thank you!
 
I am sorry, I was not able to get the poll functiont to work...
 
we dont have too much money, but even if we did, we wouldn''t require a pre-nup. one of our friends makes a few hundred k a year and he wants his fiance to sign one but doesnt have the courage to ask her...we''ll see how that goes. no one in my family has ever signed a pre-nup either, italian culture.
 
I know that I read a thread about this a while back--
While my FI and I have nothing---and therefore have no need of a pre-nup,
I can understand why others would want to go that route.
If there is family money involved, or children from a previous marriage, or there is some way
that one party could be severely hurt, I think there is no harm in covering yourself.
NO ONE plans on getting divorced, but the truth of the matter is, you''ve got a 50/50 chance
of your marriage ending. As much as it stinks to think about...
I wonder if someone could dig up the thread.
 
FI and I are young and don''t have much (what we have we''ve acquired together) so we''re not having one, but I completely understand some couples'' need for one. If I had a lot of money and FI didn''t, I''d want one, and I wouldn''t be at all offended if FI wanted me to sign one. The divorce rate is so, so high these days, and no one''s immune.
 
I''m pretty sure it''s a religious thing as well as a culture thing. Since Asians generally aren''t big on divorce, I can imagine that many would think that signing a prenup is needless, a sign of doubt, or bad luck. My fiance is Vietnamese, and I am white, but our aversion to prenups is more from a religious sense, and I imagine many others would feel the same. Since we are Catholic, if we could foresee any potential situation to get divorced in the future, we probably wouldn''t get married in the first place. Splitting up money is nothing compared to the ramifications of a divorce in a very Catholic family (on his side... I converted, my family is protestant so they really don''t care).

But no matter what your religion, I think marriage is supposed to be founded on trust, so it''s hard to ask someone to agree on how you will split up money if you divorce. Then again, if I was a multi-millionaire, I may think differently.

Great topic for discussion!
 
From what I learned (from Susie Oman :)) the pre-nup is like an "insurance" against being taken for granted, or protecting oneself from spouse who is financially irresponsible. Seriously who knows about the future? and who can guarantee that your loved one will never change? Still I think pre-nup may add a "shadow" to the marriage and I wonder if anyone who has pre-nup regreted for it?
 
being asked to sign a prenup would be a deal-breaker for me. i know it''s probably the "practical" thing to do, but i don''t consider marriage to be a business arrangement. in my mind, if you consider divorcing me then you shouldn''t consider marrying me. i know it''s idealistic, but it''s just my opinion. it''s such a personal thing.
 
I agree that the odds are not great, and if there is some compelling reason, like kids from a former marriage and you need to protect their inheritance...totally makes sense. But if you start out with nothing, and work hard, and end up with stuff, clearly that is gain made during the marriage and should be looked at differently. I know someone who was married, had a very successful family business, and was worried in a divorce that the business, and all his family who worked there, could be harmed if she went after it. But it is sad to go into the marriage having previsions for getting out...hedging one''s bets so to speak... UNLESS you are KATE Holmes-Cruise (big question, will she hyphen or is that too little girl for him?!) I would say sign it since you are clearly too zombied now to NOT go forward, and if and when you snap out of it, at least you will have some compensation for all the insanity and be able to provide for your child, since your career will have been obliterated by the control freak you married...
 
Prenups are not just in case of divorce but also in case of death. My sister and I both stand to inherit a fair amount of money someday and our parents consider it to be ''family'' money. They do not want it to go outside of the immediate family, no matter what. And since it is their money, we need to respect their wishes. My sister is getting married this summer and will acquire a truely spoiled and bratty 15 yr old step-son. I gotta say, I''m all in favor of her having a pre-nup.
31.gif
Of course she may feel the same about the chance of the family money ending up in the hands of my fsil!
However, I informed my parents that I''d rather be disinherited than ask my beloved to sign a prenup. He views it as a lack of faith in the marriage and it''d be a deal breaker. There may be a grain of truth to the idea, since my mother recently told me that they don''t feel that a prenup is necessary with my bf. You gotta love that vote of confidence!
5.gif
 
Neither one of us has any money or comes from money so it''s not even an issue. If we did strike it rich while we were married then we would split the money right down the center because we supported each other financially and emotionally. Anyway, no prenup for us.
9.gif
 
I''m the money maker from the two of us, but since I''m not loaded, I am not doing a prenup.

I would have no problem being asked to sign one, nor would I have a problem asking my boyfriend to sign it if necessary. I''m probably too pragmatic for my own good. But as far as I am concerned, good marriages take work and commitment...and sometimes that means nights of crying your eyes out that things aren''t going well, then wiping your eyes dry and strengthening your resolve to work it out together.

People are human and therefore fallible, so I see a prenup as insurance in case one person decides to give up on the marriage for whatever reason. Even if two people amicably agree to get divorced, it could get ugly once they start to separate things. At least a prenup can keep things more clean and keep a amicable divorce amicable!
 
BTW, if someone asked me to sign one, I would not see it as his love is doubtful. Instead (if the prenup was fair), I would see it as him not being foolish!
 
I don''t see any problem with a prenup protecting what is brought into a marriage, especially if there is family money involved or one person makes considerably more than the other and has a great amount of assets prior to marriage. If I ever do marry I have some small assets and property that I would like to go to my niece, instead of being considered community property, whether that''s more of a situation for a will rather than a prenup, I don''t know. I wouldn''t expect to benefit financially from what my future husband earned before we met, so a prenup wouldn''t be a big deal for me.
 
I think if we look at them as protective to the ones we love, versus a commentary on the marriage, it might help. I agree that it should help even if there is a death, it sort of makes thing clear (like a will would in case of death)...of course, they are not ironclad a lot of the time, and sometimes people feel pressured to sign or else, and the terms are not favorable. But, it is a case by case issue, and the bride to be or whomever has to have a lawyer of their chosing read it, and really feel comfortable and be clear about things...it is in their own best interest to be smart about it...
 
DH and I talked about this, mainly bc of a family business, but we ended up not doing it. I think it would be necessary if one party had kids from a previous marriage, or if one party had a LOT more assets than the other...

CA law protects inheritance, so I''m not worried about that, and it is also one of the community property states (I think that''s what it''s called) where all assets attained during the marriage are shared regardless of who earns them... so a prenup would not be able to supercede the state laws...
 
I didn''t sign a pre-nup when I got married for the 2nd time last year. But I did consult an estate attorney about money that I inherited from my 1st husband''s death. A lot of it got put into tax-free growth accounts for my son''s school. I don''t distrust my husband at all, but the money from my 1st husband should go to my son.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top