proposal without a ring?

[mjertl]

I am very excited... My BF and I have been in the process of getting a ring for me. We are meeting with 2 more people tomorrow that do custom work, but I would like a setting like this: http://www.brilliantearth.com/Luna-Ring-Platinum-BE1PB1-475/?show_setting_tab=true with a 1ish carat oval (approx 7.5x5.5 mm) set north-south. I have size 9 fingers that are relatively long (so I've been told...)
I have thought for quite some time that my boyfriend was planning on proposing this weekend. We don't have a lot of weekends off together, and I've been thinking he was going to take me hiking (one of our favorite things to do) when the leaves are changing and ask me. This weekend is supposed to have amazing weather (70s and sunny!) and the trees are near-peak, plus we're both off from work.
Well, we hit some speed bumps with getting a ring on time. I know he does not have a ring. By tomorrow afternoon he might have a stone, but not a setting. I feel bad about this - because I'm picky about the ring I've taken the element of surprise away from him there, but he's had the proposal planned for months, and I don't want my pickiness about the ring to prevent him from proposing the way he wants to...
How would you feel if you were proposed to without a ring? I guess part of me thinks it isn't EXACTLY what I pictured, but I don't want to compromise my "forever ring," or the proposal! I talked to him about all of this and told him I want him to propose when/where/how he was planning, regardless of the ring. He just kinda smiled, like he was up to something, and said he would (who knows, but I'm pretty perceptive). I hope maybe he'll buy a very simple necklace with a tiny diamond pendant and use that instead... With the money we're saving on the ring (versus a different ring we had been considering), to spend a little bit on a necklace I'll likely also wear all the time shouldn't be a big deal - we'll still come out a few hundred thousand dollars ahead.
Well, I guess we'll see - I'll keep you guys posted!
He's said a few times that he's really excited about this weekend though... I am too! (regardless of the ring thing )

 

[gem_anemone]

There a lot of ways this can be answered, but since I don't know you personally I would have a hard time telling you what to do. I can bring up a couple points for you to ponder

Firstly, has your dream proposal involved any sort of surprise? If you let him do it this weekend you have removed ALL chance for your man to surprise you as you already know what the ring will look like and when he will propose. BUT, if you do it this way you can avoid the agony of actually waiting once you know he has the ring in his possession (that was the worst part of being a LIW IMO and some men drag it out for some reason...).

Secondly, how comfortable are you telling or not telling people you are engaged when you don't have a ring to show off? Would you tell people or would you wait until you received the ring?

Thirdly, are you in a rush to be engaged? Are you trying to get engaged before some milestone event to announce your engagement or do you want to start wedding planning or whatever?

Personally I waited for my ring, but that is only because I would be uncomfortable both telling people I was engaged before I had a ring and hiding the fact that we were engaged with no ring. Double whammy! I also was not in a super rush to get engaged.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[mjertl]

There a lot of ways this can be answered, but since I don't know you personally I would have a hard time telling you what to do. I can bring up a couple points for you to ponder

Firstly, has your dream proposal involved any sort of surprise? If you let him do it this weekend you have removed ALL chance for your man to surprise you as you already know what the ring will look like and when he will propose. BUT, if you do it this way you can avoid the agony of actually waiting once you know he has the ring in his possession (that was the worst part of being a LIW IMO and some men drag it out for some reason...).

Secondly, how comfortable are you telling or not telling people you are engaged when you don't have a ring to show off? Would you tell people or would you wait until you received the ring?

Thirdly, are you in a rush to be engaged? Are you trying to get engaged before some milestone event to announce your engagement or do you want to start wedding planning or whatever?

Personally I waited for my ring, but that is only because I would be uncomfortable both telling people I was engaged before I had a ring and hiding the fact that we were engaged with no ring. Double whammy! I also was not in a super rush to get engaged.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I don't know that I necessarily have a dream proposal... When I was younger and daydreaming, really the only thing that mattered to me was the dream man and an overwhelming sense of love, and I have those things I don't know that it needs to be a surprise, per se - I'll be elated regardless.

I think if I had a symbol of the engagement (like a necklace) I would be happy telling people I was engaged. You're right though - it isn't the same as the traditional ring!

I'm not in a rush to be engaged, but he has had a proposal planned, and I think it needed to happen in fall... I don't necessarily care, but I don't want to ruin his plans because of my dreams about the ring, you know? I care about the ring, but he cares about the proposal, and he's letting me have my part my way, so I want him to have his part his way too!

 

[mogster]

My FI proposed with rings he picked up from his mother the night before (he wanted to let me pick out THE ring). Neither of them were engagement rings and neither of them fit, so suffice to say, it was terribly disappointing to not be able to have anything to show for the proposal. I think in your situation, I would ask for something that I could wear right away, whether it be a cheapie gas station ring or a necklace like you suggested. It's a good compromise to have the perfect proposal and the perfect engagement ring as well.

 

[mary poppins]

With the money we're saving on the ring (versus a different ring we had been considering), to spend a little bit on a necklace I'll likely also wear all the time shouldn't be a big deal - we'll still come out a few hundred thousand dollars ahead.
Well, I guess we'll see - I'll keep you guys posted!
He's said a few times that he's really excited about this weekend though... I am too! (regardless of the ring thing )

Gulp. Is that a typo? If not, tell us about the other ring you were considering!

I like the setting in the linked you included.

Nothing wrong with getting engaged without an engagement ring. Personally, I would prefer to have the ring at the proposal. Then again, the bonus necklace you referred to would be great to have, too!

 

[mjertl]

With the money we're saving on the ring (versus a different ring we had been considering), to spend a little bit on a necklace I'll likely also wear all the time shouldn't be a big deal - we'll still come out a few hundred thousand dollars ahead.
Well, I guess we'll see - I'll keep you guys posted!
He's said a few times that he's really excited about this weekend though... I am too! (regardless of the ring thing )

Gulp. Is that a typo?

haha, oh dear! yes, a humungous typo! I meant a few thousand (about 3, to be exactish). Thanks for calling that to my attention - I tried to edit my original post, but it wouldn't let me...

 

[tuffyluvr]

I don't think that proposing without a ring is a big deal. maybe you could just get a simple silver band or a semiprecious gemstone ring to 'keep your finger warm' and wear as a symbol of your engagement? It's very sweet that he has put so much effort into planning a proposal!

 

[Pandora II]

My husband proposed without a ring - it's pretty normal in the UK to get the ring afterwards, all my relatives back to great-grandmothers chose their own e-rings.

My husband spent over 6 months planning his proposal - I even got given the 'ideas' folder afterwards. In the end he decided to go with a 'Scrabble' proposal using a beautiful wooden and gold Scrabble board and letters (my proposal is in detail on the sticky at the top of the 'Proposals' bit of the forum).

I would have been very sad if he had had all the fun on his own. Instead we designed the ring together and he chose the type of stone (my selection of types might have been edited in the direction I hoped for ), I then did all the work and he paid!

As it took a long time, he gave me a placeholder ring of a Victorian eternity band with sapphires and diamonds which I often wear if I don't want to wear my wedding set somewhere.

The 'tradition' of a suprise proposal with a diamond ring worth x months salary isn't really a tradition, it's the result of a very effective advertising campaign by De Beers after WWII.

So, in my biased opinion I say to go for the ring-less proposal - it's very romantic choosing together afterwards and there is never the sad 'I really don't like my e-ring' result.

 

[mjertl]

Well, my boyfriend said he can't possibly propose without a ring, so I guess that makes this a moot point for me! I did tell him a few times though that I don't want to ruin his proposal, so he should just do what he wants, and I also mentioned the necklace idea...

I am SOOOOO excited though. Friday morning we went to 2 jewelers, and loved them both. I have been wanting an oval stone in the bezel setting I mentioned, but as we were looking at stones my BF mentioned maybe I'd like the stone turned east-west, and on my finger it looked even more amazing than the north-south orientation. I am really excited, and also really happy because one of the biggest "design elements" of the ring is something my BF thought of.

Now, just waiting for the one place to make a preliminary wax, and the other to make their preliminary sketches, and both to bring in diamonds that meet my desires a little more. One place needs to bring in slightly whiter stones, the other slightly larger. If I could morph my favorite stone from each into one, it would be perfect! Then we need to figure out which place we ultimately want to go through... I hope things are done by our trip to Hawaii in 5 weeks, but we'll see

 

[LittleRiver]

I love the look of an oval set east-west! Dust for a proposal soon!