Question about Bachlorette party

[Treasure43]

I''m having a dilemma about my bachlorette party. Someone told me that it was usually the case that just the bridal party is invited to the party and then anyone else you may choose to include. My problem: my future sister-in-law is in the wedding, along with my 3 best friends, and I''d really like to have a seperate time for us the four of us to go on a mini vacation or have a girls'' night. Is it acceptable for me to do that and then for the entire bridal party to go out for dinner and maybe a drink or two and call that my "bachlorette party"? I don''t want to offend my future sister-in-law but I''m not close to her at all and at some point would like to do something with just my three best friends.

 

[sonnyjane]

Hmmm. I mean, it's fine to just have dinner and drinks with your wedding party and call that your bachelorette party, I'm just wondering what the likelihood of her finding out that everyone BUT her was invited on this mini-vacation? I completely understand just wanting to get away with your three close friends, I'm just not sure how to do this tactfully without her finding out or being hurt. Do you think she would even be interested in going? If not, then it's not as bad as if she really WOULD have enjoyed going, and wasn't invited.

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 11/25/2009 6:41:20 PM
Author: sonnyjane
Hmmm. I mean, it''s fine to just have dinner and drinks with your wedding party and call that your bachelorette party, I''m just wondering what the likelihood of her finding out that everyone BUT her was invited on this mini-vacation? I completely understand just wanting to get away with your three close friends, I''m just not sure how to do this tactfully without her finding out or being hurt. Do you think she would even be interested in going? If not, then it''s not as bad as if she really WOULD have enjoyed going, and wasn''t invited.

I''m honestly not sure if she''d find out or not. Obviously neither FI nor I would tell her but I guess there''s always the possibility of someone slipping and saying something at the wedding. Honestly, I''m not sure if she''d want to go or not. At our engagement party she said hi to the other girls and I and then ignored us for the rest of the party. I don''t think she''d really WANT to go (since she''s met only one of my friends more than once and I''ve only spent time with her in family settings about 5 times total) but she would probably go if asked and would probably be upset if she wasn''t invited.

 

[sonnyjane]

Well, I know this won''t be your favorite response, but for peace-keeping, I''d probably just invite her, and hope she said no, considering you said she''d probably be upset if she found out. Things like a spa-day she probably wouldn''t find out about, but if you went on a trip out of town and took pictures, in this age of Facebook and Myspace and blogs, lol, I have to think she might see it. I have a way of inviting people I don''t *really* want there at the last minute, or more like "I''m going on a trip with XXX, you can come too if you''d like, but it''s no big deal if you can''t make it." instead of "I am going on a trip with XXX and would love for you to attend!" (see that subtle jerky difference lol).

Good luck, it''s a tough position to be in!

 

[soontowed]

There are no rules about who to invite other than invite who YOU want to invite. I left my FSIL out of the bachelorette party because it was important for me to have one last hurrah with my girls. I like my FSIl but we're not firends. I am SO glad that I did not invite her. I know it would not have been the same with her there. She knew that she wasn't invited and I haven't heard anything about it. My bachelorette party was one of the best weekends ever so I know I made the right choice.

My excuse to FIs parents was that my friend pretty much planned the whole thing and it did not occur to invite the FSIL since she's never met her.

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 11/25/2009 8:48:24 PM
Author: soontowed
There are no rules about who to invite other than invite who YOU want to invite. I left my FSIL out of the bachelorette party because it was important for me to have one last hurrah with my girls. I like my FSIl but we''re not firends. I am SO glad that I did not invite her. I know it would not have been the same with her there. She knew that she wasn''t invited and I haven''t heard anything about it. My bachelorette party was one of the best weekends ever so I know I made the right choice.

My excuse to FIs parents was that my friend pretty much planned the whole thing and it did not occur to invite the FSIL since she''s never met her.

Just curious, was your FSIL in your wedding party? I''m not sure if that changes things at all. On one hand, I don''t want her offended but on the other hand it''s important for me to have some time with JUST my best friends.

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 11/25/2009 9:02:31 PM
Author: Treasure43

Date: 11/25/2009 8:48:24 PM

Author: soontowed

There are no rules about who to invite other than invite who YOU want to invite. I left my FSIL out of the bachelorette party because it was important for me to have one last hurrah with my girls. I like my FSIl but we''re not firends. I am SO glad that I did not invite her. I know it would not have been the same with her there. She knew that she wasn''t invited and I haven''t heard anything about it. My bachelorette party was one of the best weekends ever so I know I made the right choice.


My excuse to FIs parents was that my friend pretty much planned the whole thing and it did not occur to invite the FSIL since she''s never met her.

Just curious, was your FSIL in your wedding party? I''m not sure if that changes things at all. On one hand, I don''t want her offended but on the other hand it''s important for me to have some time with JUST my best friends.

I see what you mean, but will having your FSIL at your get together cheapen your friendship with your best friends? it shouldn''t.

Would you rather get your 3 friends to yourself, or have one extra person there and know that no feelings are hurt? It''s really up to you, but I personally would invite the SIL. I def wouldn''t want to start being in the family on the off hand that she found out out the get together and got really upset.

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 11/26/2009 1:18:08 PM
Author: swedish bean

Date: 11/25/2009 9:02:31 PM
Author: Treasure43

Date: 11/25/2009 8:48:24 PM

Author: soontowed

There are no rules about who to invite other than invite who YOU want to invite. I left my FSIL out of the bachelorette party because it was important for me to have one last hurrah with my girls. I like my FSIl but we''re not firends. I am SO glad that I did not invite her. I know it would not have been the same with her there. She knew that she wasn''t invited and I haven''t heard anything about it. My bachelorette party was one of the best weekends ever so I know I made the right choice.


My excuse to FIs parents was that my friend pretty much planned the whole thing and it did not occur to invite the FSIL since she''s never met her.

Just curious, was your FSIL in your wedding party? I''m not sure if that changes things at all. On one hand, I don''t want her offended but on the other hand it''s important for me to have some time with JUST my best friends.

I see what you mean, but will having your FSIL at your get together cheapen your friendship with your best friends? it shouldn''t.

Would you rather get your 3 friends to yourself, or have one extra person there and know that no feelings are hurt? It''s really up to you, but I personally would invite the SIL. I def wouldn''t want to start being in the family on the off hand that she found out out the get together and got really upset.

Not so much cheapen as make it awakard.

 

[Treasure43]

I also feel like just because she''s in the wedding party it shouldn''t mean everytime I hang out with my three best friends I''m required to invite her. Hence having a girls night/weekend with my friends and then doing something with the whole bridal party.

As for what I meant by akaward, my MOH has mentioned that when she met FSIL, FSIL gave her one of those all up and down all over looks and looked at her like she thought she was better than she was. I have to say I know what my MOH is talking about because despite FSIL''s intentions, she does have this way of looking at people and gives off this air like she thinks she''s better than everyone else. Hence the akawardness.

 

[doodle]

If the weekend is just a girls'' weekend and not your actual bachelorette party, I don''t think there''s anything wrong with not inviting her; on the other hand, if this weekend is supposed to be your actual bachelorette party, I think you should invite her because she''s a bridesmaid. I hope that made sense!

 

[soontowed]

Date: 11/26/2009 2:49:42 PM
Author: Treasure43
I also feel like just because she''s in the wedding party it shouldn''t mean everytime I hang out with my three best friends I''m required to invite her. Hence having a girls night/weekend with my friends and then doing something with the whole bridal party.

As for what I meant by akaward, my MOH has mentioned that when she met FSIL, FSIL gave her one of those all up and down all over looks and looked at her like she thought she was better than she was. I have to say I know what my MOH is talking about because despite FSIL''s intentions, she does have this way of looking at people and gives off this air like she thinks she''s better than everyone else. Hence the akawardness.

Treasure, don''t try to keep it a secret be open about the fact that you are having your bachelorette party with only your closest friends. I completely understand the awkward thing, I''m not close enough to FSIL to want to go and take a weekend vacation with her. It would be weird. I would have hated to have any awkwardness on one of the biggest weekends of my life (I consider the bachelorette party a big deal). You also don''t want your friends to feel awkward. It sounds like your FSIL would disrupt the harmony a bit. You already included her enough by making her a BM.

In answer to your earlier question - she is not in the wedding party beacause I do not consider us to be close and I only wanted the important girls in my life as BMs. Honestly the fact the I did not invite FSIL to the bachelorette party has not been an issue.

 

[soontowed]

Date: 11/27/2009 5:30:43 PM
Author: doodle
If the weekend is just a girls'' weekend and not your actual bachelorette party, I don''t think there''s anything wrong with not inviting her; on the other hand, if this weekend is supposed to be your actual bachelorette party, I think you should invite her because she''s a bridesmaid. I hope that made sense!

That''s a great idea - call it a girl''s weekend with your friends. IF your girlfriend''s then decide to bring bachelorette parafanilia, well that''s on them, you have nothing to do with it

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Why don''t you have an actual bachelorette party one afternoon or evening where everyone (bridesmaids, sister in laws, mothers, workmates and other friends) are invited and then still go on your weekend away with your girls?

My Hens day will be happening about a month before the wedding with everyone (all people listed above) but one of my highschool friends can''t make it, so in the week leading up to wedding we are going to have a spa afternoon with ''just us girls''. I''m really looking forward to both!

 

[charbie]

Date: 11/27/2009 5:30:43 PM
Author: doodle
If the weekend is just a girls'' weekend and not your actual bachelorette party, I don''t think there''s anything wrong with not inviting her; on the other hand, if this weekend is supposed to be your actual bachelorette party, I think you should invite her because she''s a bridesmaid. I hope that made sense!

Exactly what I wAs thinking. Does it really have to be a bachelorette party wth your girlfriends? Have a min getaway vacation with them. She won''t know its anything wedding related if it isn''t made out to be a bacheloette party beforehand.

 

[jaylex]

I completely understand how awkward it may be to have to invite your FSIL to a function that you would see as a "girls night out" with your besties. It may be more of a chore for you all to make her feel included... especially with all of the inside jokes/ other stuff that comes along with being "friends" and not just "acquaintances" (as it seems you and your FSIL are).

Could you maybe go to dinner and drinks as your "bachlorette" party and just plan a SEPARATE vacay with your friends, maybe even before the bach party?? You wouldn''t have to put a label on it.. after all, it''s not in bad taste to NOT invite your FSIL to everything.
Does that make any sense? lol

 

[honey22]

Have an official b.party (even just an afternoon tea) and invite everyone, then you can get away with your mates another weekend. That way no feelings are hurt and you get to spend time with your friends by yourselves. Spending an entire weekend with someone you don''t really get along with is going to be awkward and no fun for anyone IMO.