Question about etiquette re: religion

[MichelleCarmen]

I'm hoping for a bit of feedback because there are many different cultures/religious upbringings and I'd like to get your take on this. . .

ALL of my relatives follow the same religion. I'm the odd one out as my views are less conventional.

The problem is one of my relatives will not stop talking about her beliefs. I've put up with it and put up with it, but now am flat out sick of hearing her go on and on. The breaking point was one day, when I grew annoyed and told her MY belief system, she responded with more of her babble and summerized that I'll "come around eventually."! She is trying to convert me and is exhaustively persistant.

I find all this offensive but rather than telling her so, I'm avoiding her phone calls.

What do I do? Is it impolite to state I do not want to hear this anymore especially since one of the last phone calls she preached like a lunatic for an entire HOUR about the mark of the beast being brain chips implanted in our heads!!! Her entire speach was so fast, I couldn't get a word in to tell her I had to go to change my son's diaper. . .

Too much is too much already! She is driving me insane!

Thanks for any ideas. . .

Michelle

 

[fire&ice]

Can you just agree to disagree? Perhaps you could say simply - Please do not discuss religion with me anymore....if it''s out of concern, I appreciate it....but your belief system is simply not mine.

If she can''t respect that, just interupt her and say "out of respect for me, please change the subject as I indicated I did not want to discuss religion." If she STILL goes on and on, hang up.

I know this can be maddening. Sometimes you just have to be firm.

 

[Kaleigh]

Yes I would just simply tell her that you would prefer not to dicsuss religion with her as you have different beliefs. That you repect hers and that she should respect yours. It is maddening I know. Just be firm, but nice.

 

[ame]

I am generally respectful of other people's choices as long as they never tell me I should do this, that Im wrong, or believe this or that. And since that's the way more folks are than anything I am very honery about it. I get downright mean and hurtful and violent about that. I don't want to be recruited, and that's one of the primary fundamentals of the churches of this era.

If I were you, Id tell your aunt that while you are glad she has come to terms with life and her religious beliefs and her station in life, you'd prefer she not share that with you. If that doesn't sink in or she gets mean, either hang up or say "look I was trying to say how I felt nicely, obviously you arent mature and open minded enough to speak with me, so until you realize that your way isn't the only way, I really have no reason or desire to speak with you."

Ive done that and it's helped. But there are family members I haven't spoken with in over 10 years and who I refuse to invite to my wedding because they simply cannot get it through their skulls that their way isn't the only choice.

 

[glitterata]

Date: 4/8/2005 2:12:42 PM
Author:MichelleCarmen
one of the last phone calls she preached like a lunatic for an entire HOUR about the mark of the beast being brain chips implanted in our heads!!! Her entire speach was so fast, I couldn''t get a word in to tell her I had to go to change my son''s diaper. . .

Michelle,

Is your relative usually like this? Does she usually talk too fast for you to get a word in? Does she usually talk about implanted brain chips? I ask because this sounds as if it might be not just a difference of views, but a symptom of a mental illness.

If it''s just a religious disagreement, I agree with the other posters--be polite but firm, change the subject, and if she doesn''t respect your wishes, tell her you don''t want to talk to her for that reason. However, if this behavior is unusual for your relative, and if other people in your family have noticed a change in her personality, perhaps you should try to persuade her to see a doctor or mental health professional.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 4/8/2005 4:12:26 PM
Author: glitterata
Is your relative usually like this? Does she usually talk too fast for you to get a word in? Does she usually talk about implanted brain chips? I ask because this sounds as if it might be not just a difference of views, but a symptom of a mental illness.

Glitterata, you are very astute. Even if she *is* always like this, it could be a sign of mental illness! If it is *NOT* a sign of a mental illness that can be identified, it still remains a sign of being out of touch with others and lacking an observing ego, that part of us which allows us to look at ourselves a bit objectively!

MC: My advice? It depends on how much you can tolerate and how much influence you have with her. I suspect that she will not want to see a mental health professional. If she does not, the only question is how to make this as painless as possible on yourself without damaging your relationship. I suspect that in your place I would *NOT* onfront her, but would pull away gently, just being less and less available gradually, and speaking kindly to her when we *did* speak.

Deborah

 

[ForteKitty]

wear a "PAGAN" sign on your chest the next time you see her.

 

[elepri]

Michelle, I agree with the others, that pressured talk about implanted brain chips is something i hear plenty of from my very disturbed patients (I'm a psychologist, well almost). I'm certainly not diagnosing your relative but if she sounds like a lunatic to you, there might be a good reason for it. Whether it's rude or not, you have no reason to listen to her raving for hours. Excuse yourself and hang up next time and every time she brings it up. She might not get the hint but you don't have to suffer.

 

[tanuki]

I'm in the medical field as well and agree with the others who have stated that when people start exhibiting these symptoms you need to strongly consider the possibility of mental illness. Best of luck figuring out a way to within your family to get this person to seek an evaluation. They are likely to think you are just resisting their efforts to convert you.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Does she usually talk about implanted brain chips? I ask because this sounds as if it might be not just a difference of views, but a symptom of a mental illness.

If it''s just a religious disagreement, I agree with the other posters--be polite but firm, change the subject, and if she doesn''t respect your wishes, tell her you don''t want to talk to her for that reason. However, if this behavior is unusual for your relative, and if other people in your family have noticed a change in her personality, perhaps you should try to persuade her to see a doctor or mental health professional.

She''s probably completely off her rocker, but this aside, she''s just overzealous about EVERYTHING. She''s also a vegetarian and into animal rights and is pushy about these topics as well. Once she sent me a pamplet that showcased photos of seriously abused and tortured animals as some sort of statement because I refused to eat tofu. . .

Okay, yeah, maybe she should be put on some mild psychotropics (lol!). . .(she has a tendency to ramble on and on and usually the conversation is of her talking and me saying "yeah," every five minutes and it''d be a blessing to have her sitting on the other end of the phone drooling while I ramble for a change - lol. . .)

Ame - I''m similar to you in that I''ve chosen not to talk to certain relatives simply because they keep bringing up these subjects. . .there is a really pushy nature to many of my family members and I''ve held my breath for a long time now and am I ready to blow. You know how rather than saying something, you let it build up to the breaking point where you just flip out and yell??? This is where I''m at.

FK - my husband joked that I should send this annoying relative a book called, "the satanic bible." Of course I''m not a satanist. . .but it''d be funny to see what an uproar this would create. . .lol My family would probably send a priest to exercize me!

Okay, thanks for your replies. I just wanted feedback to know that it''s okay to say shut up to her about her persistant bantering. It feels good to vent a bit!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 4/8/2005 8:36:52 PM
Author: tanuki
I'm in the medical field as well and agree with the others who have stated that when people start exhibiting these symptoms you need to strongly consider the possibility of mental illness. Best of luck figuring out a way to within your family to get this person to seek an evaluation. They are likely to think you are just resisting their efforts to convert you.

You know, I'd like to mention that this relative watches A LOT of evangelistic TV and she recycles a good percentage of her sermons from what she hears from these lunatics. I wouldn't be surprised if she is slightly unbalanced, but she doesn't have a tendency to be delusional enough stuff to constitute any sort of serious mental illness like schizophrenia or BP mania, but she does take medication for depression.

Does fanantasism about five or six subject matters mean another mental problem? I'm not very familiar about more than a few forms of mental illnesses.

Edited to add: maybe you guys are right. I've been thinking a bit here and possibly she is worse than I realized??? She use to make my cousin watch River Dance every day as this was another of her fanatical obsessions for a few years. . .

 

[Jennifer5973]

Michelle, I had this happpen with a close family member and politics...we have very different views and she is FANATICAL about hers (I am leary of people who are overly passionate about any one thing to begin with--except diamonds, of course

)...anyway, it got so bad and insulting that I quiety pulled her aside and asked her not bring up politics at family gatherings, that I respected her views but it was just not fodder for pleasant, amicable conversation. It worked, although once in a while she slips.

 

[windy1365]

I have had to deal with this situation at least two times in the past. I am the one who is not very religious. If I am around a religious fanatic, and they are making me hear their extreme beliefs.... I pretend to be just the opposite of them. I will start talking about how there is no God... only evolution (even though I am really somewhere in the middle... and really don''t ever think about it). I then start telling them that I also believe that I was a dog in the past life... but I was such a good dog, that I came back as a human in this life. I make them hear stuff that is just as obnoxious to their ears as their stuff is to mine.

In both situations... the other person stopped talking about religion around me b/c they knew that if they did, the were going to have to hear about how I was a dog in my past life. This might take a few times b/f they give up, though... but it does work.

I have found that most religious fanatics were either alcholics or drug addicts earlier in their life. They are using religion to hide behind so that they don''t fall back into their old habits.

Don''t the religious fanatics understand that when they try to push their beliefs on us... it makes us turn against it that much more??? They make religion into some kind of institution of rules... that if broken, makes you a bad person.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 4/8/2005 9:25:26 PM
Author: Jennifer5973
Michelle, I had this happpen with a close family member and politics...we have very different views and she is FANATICAL about hers (I am leary of people who are overly passionate about any one thing to begin with--except diamonds, of course

)...anyway, it got so bad and insulting that I quiety pulled her aside and asked her not bring up politics at family gatherings, that I respected her views but it was just not fodder for pleasant, amicable conversation. It worked, although once in a while she slips.

hehehe - of course diamonds are an exception! lol

I''m glad you and your relative were able to come to an amicable agreement. . .I''ve decided that next time my relative brings religion up I''m going to be up front with her. I''m concerned that since she tends to be a bit extreme in all her views that even if I tell her not to talk about this any more, she may take this as a sign that she needs to push even more. . .I may have to change my phone number

lol