Question about holiday gifts and diplomacy

[snowflakeluvr]

hello all,
i am a frequent lurker with lots of children so this is often my late-night respite when the house is finally quiet. you are such a nice bunch!
here''s my question. we have five children-my mother has given the children savings bonds forever, for birthdays, christenings, holidays, etc and they are greatly appreciated, especially by our college age daughter who had a nice little savings when college began for her last year...anyhoo, my mother will give the 3 younger kids bonds, the two older $$$ since it''s worthless to invest in bonds that they will be using immediately...so, they will receive bonds(or cash) and then some other gifts. BUT she delights in spending her hard-earned money on very JUNKY, no name toys, gadgets, etc for the kids.
i am grateful for her efforts and thought but frankly most of these things end up in the goodwill. she will ask,"what can i get the kids for christmas?" and i''ll say, "well, the older kids really appreciate money or gift cards." and then she''ll give my 17yr old son a plastic bobble head(he has received the same one 3 times, 3 years in a row!) of a sports figure, my 3 yr old a cheap plastic trucks that will get broken easily, etc.
is there a GRACIOUS way to say to my mom, "we love you, the gifts are not important. how about a few dollars for the movies or chuck e cheese for the kids?" i KNOW she really enjoys holiday shopping for them but she is wasting her retirement money. she is not extravagant and lives within her means, but i hate to see her waste her money like this.
my husband and i are financially able to meet our chldren''s needs and then some-we have always had great holidays. she lives out-of-state so i hate to see her ship things.
any thoughts or advice? thanks so much. this has been on my mind since i received two pairs of khaki socks last year from her....

 

[~*Alexis*~]

to avoid it I would have the kids register a wishlist somewhere online and have it emailed to her. That way to comes straight from the kids and you can sweetly say...no more crap.
OR
I would make up a story about how a friend is completely wasteful and gives cheap toys that break easy, she might get the hint.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

thanks alexis,
what a great idea. she has recenly become very email savvy so i''ll just send her a few little "wants" from the kids. you''re smarter than me

my mom is just one of those huber controlling, has to be right all of the time kinda persons. i know she loves my kids nad i don''t want to hurt her but just wanted some ideas on how to deal with this issue. thanks again!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Trust me I know the type....

amazon is a good place, so it target and best buy.

 

[rainydaze]

you know, my thought on this is that if she''s not overspending her means and it brings her joy (which you indicate it does), let her have her fun and enjoyment. think of it as YOUR gift to HER.

i know how you feel, my grandmother sends my kids similar type items that i often can''t let them play with or things we have no real use for, but i thank her and let her know how much we appreciate her thinking of us. she lives far away so she never knows that most of the stuff doesn''t stick around, and it make her feel good to give the kid something. i think she feels its part of being a grandma and it wouldn''t be worth the hurt it might cause her to do anything other than continue to let her do what she can and feel good about it. the only other advice i could give you is to give her some very specific items within her price range that she could easily find and see if that works. then she''ll never know the difference and your kids will finally get something they can use.

 

[crown1]

i think she should have the pleasure of giving what she wishes.

 

[somethingshiny]

First of all: Christmas is not about GETTING what you want. It''s about GIVING what you want. Secondly, many people feel giving money (or the like) is tacky and impersonal. I imagine your children''s grandmother wants to give her grandchildren something they can open and she can see the joy on their faces. Giving the bonds is a very practical and responsible thing for her to do, cut her some slack on the rest.

I don''t mean for this to sound offensive, but I''m a straight-forward person.

 

[door knob solitaire]

This isn't exactly what you asked...but we also gave bonds to the nephews and when they graduated HighSchool handed them to them. They couldn't believe it. All the stereos and Nike's and video games had come and gone...but the one gift they hated to get...the dreaded Savings Bond was the bell of the ball! Everyone else's graduation gifts failed in comparison.

Sorry if my comment sounded so insensitive to those who gave trinkets. I had suffered much at gift giving gatherings...as I had a slip of paper to the sea of fisher price or Milton Bradley or...what ever the toys were. I finally got a redemption day! Yahooo!!! Think they both got over $3.5 k. Not bad.

I think your Mother's gesture will also be remembered by your children in the same way. They won't remember the cheap truck. But her generosity and thoughtfulness of their future will be forefront in their thoughts when they mature.

DKS

Oh they also won't remember the quality toy truck...either.

 

[strmrdr]

I have a little plastic truck that was giiven to me by my grandma, 30 years later I wouldnt trade that truck for a 3ct asscher.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 11/14/2007 1:28:12 AM
Author: strmrdr
I have a little plastic truck that was giiven to me by my grandma, 30 years later I wouldnt trade that truck for a 3ct asscher.

Awww. I have to agree, let Grandma give her gifts, she gets the joy of giving. Life is short, and is precious. Something that has really hit home to me in the past few days. Let people in your life give as they want. The joy they get is priceless. Whether you like what they give or not, isn't what it's all about. It's a gift, of love.... And comes from their heart.

 

[TravelingGal]

If she "delights" in this, I''d be hard pressed to take that away from her. In our adult lives, it gets harder and harder to be absolutely delighted...so let your mom''s light shine!

 

[swingirl]

Part of the fun of giving is picking out the gift. Giving your mom ideas about what the kids'' interests are might be appreciated but let her select what she wants. It''s her fun and as long as she can afford it, it''s her money to enjoy and spend.

I don''t think kids should only expect gifts that are on their "list". Even if your kids only remember the goofy gifts they used to get from their gramma it''s better than having NO memory of what they bought with a gift card or cash. Who remembers what they used a gift card for? But most people remember the odd ball gifts. My daughter still fondly smiles when she remembers the coloring books and second-hand costume jewelry she used to get every year from an elderly aunt. Let gramma have fun! And teach your kids to be gratious no matter what the get.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 11/14/2007 1:48:33 AM
Author: TravelingGal
If she ''delights'' in this, I''d be hard pressed to take that away from her. In our adult lives, it gets harder and harder to be absolutely delighted...so let your mom''s light shine!

You might be surprised how much those crappy gifts can mean to your kiddies I know my on my BF''s (he is now 33) fondest memories for Christmas as a child was getting a sackful of cheap crappy gifts from his great-aunt. He loved it and his g-aunt would spend all year collecting stuff for all of them.

I think it is wonderful that you worried about your mum''s spending but somethings are best left be. She enjoys it and it makes her happy to give.

Those memories will be priceless one day, even the bobble head that was given to your son 3 times 3 years in a row.


P.S I have no idea what savings bonds are but that is also really thoughtful that she is putting away for their futures as well

 

[door knob solitaire]

Yeah...it wasn't until Deelights post that I was reminded..... One Christmas all adults were rushing around to get the tickle me elmo or the cabbage thing...something that YOU HAD to have. Hubby kept telling me to chill. A few nights before the big day he took me to the local grocery store...and the toy isle. He said get two of everything.

Huh? This stuff is junk. He said, trust me ...do as I say. Ok...two silly puttys, two pickup sticks, two paddle things with a ball, two army men 20 pack, 2 silly string, 2 slinky...you get the point. We threw in some candy that was that toy kind...the lips, the trash can, the gold coin things, the necklaces....

Then he took to the laundry isle. Get to of those...two of those? But honey they are laundry baskets. Yeah, I know what they are get them. Arghhh! Ok.

The thing is...the man had a vision. I took cellophane and a sparkly metallic bow and that one Christmas...when my nephews were 4 and 6 is the ONE Christmas they talk about more than anyother. They still can't believe they got everything they wanted on the toy isle all at once. Cheap...cheap junky .69 cent maybe a 1.99 stuff. They had never seen anything so cool. They paid no attention to Elmo...no attention to the radio car...nadda. THe basket blinded them. When the one nephew graduated...handed him his bonds...he said, Oh, I was hoping for a laundry basket filled with toys!!

You see...they really do appreciate all gifts. What they remember may surprise you. They aren't going to remember the ipod or the Wii thingy.

DKS-sorry I keep adding to this thread

 

[Dee*Jay]

DKS - can your husband please meet my husband at Pearlman's on Christmas Eve? And I don't want to be greedy; ONE of everything will be plenty!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

My grandmother gives me some of the goofiest presents, but I love them even more because they are just so "her." She insists on spending the exact same amount on each of us. One year, along with a sweater, I got a pack of white Hanes underwear because my sister's present had cost her $2 more. Trust me, your kids will remember, laugh about, and love those gifts because of who they came from and the thought that went into them. Asking for money is a bit tacky to me. There are plenty of kids out there without a grandmother to send them gifts. So just be happy that she is there and she cares enough to go out and buy a plastic bobble head for a 17 year old!

 

[snowflakeluvr]

hi all,
thanks for your responses. i did not want to come across as ungrateful, etc to my mom''s effort but i need to clarify that she IS the person that says, "here''s what i want for christmas" or "i bought this coat, boots, etc for myself. you can just give me the money for it" so i am sometimes perplexed because she feels free to ask for/receive exactly what she desires. ya know? i will continue to let her do her thing but just wondered if there was a way to encourage her to not spend/spend her money wisely on my children. ps we love the savings bonds best of all and yes the older child so appreciated them when it was time to cash in for university. thanks again

and happy holidays.
pss when dh has the means to be generous, i get exactly what i want in terms of jewelry or gifts. i have read countless stories here about thoughtful gifts from boyfriends, spouses who surprise their honeys, but somehow after 25+years, dh still doesn''t really know my personal taste so he''s glad to let me choose. i soo appreciate that.

 

[VegasAngel]

I know how you feel. For Christmas & my daughters Birthday, great grandmother comes over with a huge bag of what I call junk toys. After she leaves I dig through it, keep a few things for my daughter & give the rest to my stepmother to send to the Philippines. As much as I would LOVE to say something or make requests, I wont. If she enjoys bringing all those toys, so be it. In the end my daughter keeps a few & some kids who have never had a toy are smiling ear to ear.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 11/14/2007 9:57:09 AM
Author: Dee*Jay
DKS - can your husband please meet my husband at Pearlman''s on Christmas Eve? And I don''t want to be greedy; ONE of everything will be plenty!

ROTFLMAO! You nearly gave me a coronary!

 

[fansynancy]

I think that when you have 5 children keeping everything in order must be pretty tough. I can''t imagine what it would be like to organize all of the gifts, paper and boxes after they have been opened. Extra, unwanted gifts would make that pile even higher. I also think a teenager might feel sad to get the same bobble head 3 years in a row, as if his grandmother forgot what she gave him two years in a row. I do think he''ll laugh about it later, but it could be a bit hurtful now. It''s hard when our parents who seemed so capable when we were young now seem less able.

Nancy