Question about no seating chart or assigned tables

[violet02]

At my wedding I had assigned tables and assigned seats. I really thought it was important to sit at the head table with all of my wedding party and their SO''s and spouses so we had very long table. We made sure to seat both sets of parents nearest to us, the party people closer to the dance floor and so on and so forth. We had 80 people at our wedding.

My stepbrother is about to get married and they are having 35 people. His fiance let me know today that there will be no seating chart or assigned seating. With a group that small that might be ok but they are splitting people up into multiple smaller round tables (I believe). I''m not super fond of either them but I''m trying to be nice by doing their favors, thank you cards, invites etc. I''m a professional darnit!

She likes to ask me for a lot of advice (and to do work for her!) and I''m riding that line between telling her what to do and not. I really don''t want to tell her about the seating debacles people have. I think it''s up to them to sink or swim.

My question is, with 35 people is it going to be as other people on here have been annoyed by? You wander around looking for somewhere to sit? What''s going to happen to the parents? Are they going to have to make a run for the front tables or what? I know my stepmom will be extremely put out if she''s in the back somewhere heh. I was at a wedding with 50 people, long tables. There were assigned tables but not seats. By the time we got there my DH was one end of the table and I had random chair at the other end. Fortunately people were nice enough to all move down a spot, kind of ugh though. But crisis averted. We didn''t wind up with a lot of our friends though. I''m not going to know more than 5 people at this wedding but whatever, I''m social enough to get by haha.

 

[PearlDahhhling]

We had about 65 guests (not including wedding party) at our wedding. It was VERY important to me to have a seating chart because I''ve been a guest at wedding with no seating chart and I just feel awkward! I wanted my guests to know what to do and not feel awkward about where to sit.

I guess if she''s planning on having more than enough tables so each table will have extra room it might not be too bad, but if I were you I''d throw the practicality of a seating chart out there and try to talk her into it.

 

[Junkenpo]

I had a very casual lunch buffet on the beach and no seating chart at my reception. I think there were about 80 or so people, i have no idea how many plus or minus kids there were. People came, sat with whoever they wanted (mostly by families or groups of friends) and it was not a big deal.

I had a long rows of tables, not small round ones, so maybe that made it easier. No one seemed miffed or put off, at least no one said any thing to me. xD

I gues the question is, how formal is everything else? If more formal, then table assignments might be nice. At least a "Smith Family" placard on the table

 

[jstarfireb]

I think it's courteous to mention that you've heard of many people being annoyed by the lack of a seating chart. Then they can do whatever they wish with that invitation.

I chose not to have a seating chart for my 125-guest wedding because (1) I wanted a casual feel to the wedding, and a seating chart seemed too formal; and (2) I had assigned tables but not assigned seats. I felt that in that setting a seating chart was not necessary. In fact, I saw it as almost insulting, with the insinuation that intelligent adults can't be trusted to find their own seats. However, I'm well aware that most people don't feel as I do here. I only went to one wedding that had a seating chart, and there were over 200 guests, so it was almost necessary. The more guests you have, the more a seating chart is helpful. For 35 people, I don't think a seating chart is really that important.

ETA: To clarify, the seating assignments for my wedding were written on the "escort cards" (which were actually CDs) along with the guests' names, and the table numbers were highly visible and rose above the centerpieces.

 

[honey22]

If you are not going to assign seats, the I would definately assign tables, it takes the stress and awkwardness out of it for your guests.

 

[violet02]

It''s been a real test of will for me to put a smile on my face and deal with this wedding! She likes what she likes and I know she respects my opinion but I''m a bit put off because she spends most of her time copy''ing me or asking me to do favors for her. So I kind of feel like I''m her mom at this point having to tell her what to do all of the time. She''s a good 14+ years younger than me and 13 years younger than my stepbro, major generation gap hehe.

I will mention it to her. I personally think assigned tables would be good enough but I don''t know if she thinks its SO casual that who cares! I know my stepmother is marrying off her only baby son and is having a hard time with all of this because she''s been kind of cut out of the whole thing and if she gets stuck at a back table gah. I don''t think that would be so great. I never would have had that happen at my wedding, period. In the last mail I sent to her I casually asked her what the floor plan was. They are having a sweetheart table so I asked her how the other tables are going to be arranged.

I just have to keep telling myself, it will be over soon, soon! I got a call from her yesterday telling me her lady can''t make the placecards so she''ll need me to do all of those as well. And we''re not 5 favors short. Whatever! La la happy place!

 

[Londongirl1]

If your stepbrother's fiance has decided that she wants to keep the wedding casual and not assign tables or seats then that's her decision to make. Perhaps she doesn't want the headache of deciding where people should sit. With only 35 people it shouldn't be a problem.

If she's told you that's what she wants, then that's what she wants!

 

[violet02]

Date: 7/5/2009 7:43:18 AM
Author: Londongirl1
If your stepbrother''s fiance has decided that she wants to keep the wedding casual and not assign tables or seats then that''s her decision to make. Perhaps she doesn''t want the headache of deciding where people should sit. With only 35 people it shouldn''t be a problem.

If she''s told you that''s what she wants, then that''s what she wants!

Yes indeedy! Thank you, that''s pretty much the way I was going with it. It''s like I said she''s a big girl and should handle these things on her own. Really I want to make sure my part of iit is perfect the rest is up to them. I honestly think there are too many people that coddle her so she needs to make her own choices anyways.

I was derfinitely interested to see what the ''concenus'' was about a free for all seating plan though. That way when I see some people awkwardly wandering around I''ll know most people aren''t fond of that.

 

[neatfreak]

I had 35 people at my wedding and if I had not of had assigned seating there is a distinct possibility I would have had my MIL's annoying friends sitting near me rather than my nearest and dearest. And as a result THEY would be in all the pictures!

I don't think it's ever necessary to assign seats if you have small round tables but it's nice to reserve a block for your close family near you if it's a long table. I DO think it's necessary to assign tables though!

 

[iheartscience]

Ha, we just did our seating chart last night. It was just as fun as I thought it would be!

Actually, I''m having about 120 guests and it was really not that difficult. I''ve actually never been to a wedding without a seating chart, but I imagine it would be a high school-ish nightmare, with people saving seats, wandering around, etc.

I think your stepbrother''s fiancee should definitely do a seating chart, particularly if your stepmother is going to be pissed about being stuck in the back somewhere. And that is very likely, considering that she''ll be getting her picture taken, running around, etc., and will be too busy to worry about snagging a seat.

 

[violet02]

Date: 7/5/2009 10:10:25 AM
Author: thing2of2
Ha, we just did our seating chart last night. It was just as fun as I thought it would be!

Actually, I''m having about 120 guests and it was really not that difficult. I''ve actually never been to a wedding without a seating chart, but I imagine it would be a high school-ish nightmare, with people saving seats, wandering around, etc.

I think your stepbrother''s fiancee should definitely do a seating chart, particularly if your stepmother is going to be pissed about being stuck in the back somewhere. And that is very likely, considering that she''ll be getting her picture taken, running around, etc., and will be too busy to worry about snagging a seat.

I liked doing the seating chart as well I had fun figuring out who goes where and it is better than fumbling around for a seat. I had 24 people at my rehearsal dinner and that was in one small room at two long tables, so I''m not sure I''m able to visualize how big a 35 person wedding is. It''s tenatively 27 pushing its way to 35 so that doesnt seem like a lot to me. But if they do a lot of small tables that may be weird. I really don''t think she''s thought any of it through she hasn''t done much of the planning aspect. Her mom''s been flying out there to do it for her cause she gets too overwhelemd then kind of falls apart heh.

Anyways I will try to ''lightly'' suggest it but on the positive side I''m all for sitting in the back with some hopefully interesting new people so works for me. I know my Dad could care less but i know my stepmom will lose it. So yeah I''ll give it a shot.

 

[violet02]

Date: 7/5/2009 10:04:53 AM
Author: neatfreak
I had 35 people at my wedding and if I had not of had assigned seating there is a distinct possibility I would have had my MIL's annoying friends sitting near me rather than my nearest and dearest. And as a result THEY would be in all the pictures!

I don't think it's ever necessary to assign seats if you have small round tables but it's nice to reserve a block for your close family near you if it's a long table. I DO think it's necessary to assign tables though!

See I'm not advocating seat assignments at all even though I'm anal retentive and did it at my wedding. And thanks, I needed to know what it was like at a 35 person wedding because I was having difficutly visualizing how good/bad it might be. I would assume people won't be rude and will tend to leave the front tables for family but where does the bridal party go? They are having a sweetheart table. I can TOTALLY picture that happening though. That's so how their luck is. I think that secretly my stepbrother's fiance is hoping my stepmom won't get a table near them. Maybe thats the plan?

I'll just aim for the back and be safe.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 7/5/2009 10:18:08 AM
Author: violet02

Date: 7/5/2009 10:04:53 AM

Author: neatfreak

I had 35 people at my wedding and if I had not of had assigned seating there is a distinct possibility I would have had my MIL''s annoying friends sitting near me rather than my nearest and dearest. And as a result THEY would be in all the pictures!


I don''t think it''s ever necessary to assign seats if you have small round tables but it''s nice to reserve a block for your close family near you if it''s a long table. I DO think it''s necessary to assign tables though!

See I''m not advocating seat assignments at all even though I''m anal retentive and did it at my wedding. And thanks, I needed to know what it was like at a 35 person wedding because I was having difficutly visualizing how good/bad it might be. I would assume people won''t be rude and will tend to leave the front tables for family but where does the bridal party go? They are having a sweetheart table. I can TOTALLY picture that happening though. That''s so how their luck is. I think that secretly my stepbrother''s fiance is hoping my stepmom won''t get a table near them. Maybe thats the plan?


I''ll just aim for the back and be safe.

Oh you would think that people would be smart and leave the "best" tables for the bridal party/close relatives-but in my experience (have been to 3 weddings without seating charts now) it''s the really obnoxious cousins/aunts/uncles that you didn''t want there in the first place that push their way to the best tables.

I''m a big advocate of seating charts even with small weddings...we did assigned seats at my wedding because we had long tables so it really was necessary to make sure that my parents didn''t end up over on some random end of a table.

 

[KimberlyH]

We had 28 guests at our wedding and we all sat at one very large table for a sit down dinner and no seating chart. We set our (bride/groom) toasting glasses at seats directly in the middle of the table, when we moved from cocktail hour to dinner we found an appropriate place for my mother-in-law (she was in a wheel chair and needed to be at the end of the table, she also needed to be seated by her best friend as she had Alzheimer''s and on the day of the wedding she was very confused about where she was and what was going on, to the point that she didn''t recongize me) and my parents were seated next to me. All of our guests deferred to the parents and then found seats for themselves once those people were seated.

I wouldn''t go back and do a seating chart if I had the choice. People, and especially guests, are usually very respectful and polite and would assume that parents should be seated by the bride and groom. I also wouldn''t tell her what to do. Her wedding her choice.

 

[ilovesparkles]

I would say reserve one or two tables for family, the rest is just casual seating.

 

[Gypsy]

We went to a wedding without assigned tables once and it was awful. There was a head table for the Bride Groom and the two sets of parents but the rest of it was like musical chairs. It was like the bride put no thought to guests comfort, to seat people with common interests, and family members and so forth together. There were a 120 people and it was a 5 star luxury venue. But it was mayhem and SO ridiculously uncomfortable.

With 35 people it might be okay if it's like buffet style food small clusters of conversational areas, an open bar and lots of passed food for people mingling. So that it feels like a cocktail party. But if it FEELS like a formal (or even semi formal) put a the effort forth. Your guests will thank you. You don't do assigned seating for a cocktail hour. So if the feel of the reception was like a longer cocktail hour with 35 guests, that's fine IMO.

 

[Lanie]

Ok...I''ve been biting my tongue (fingers in this case?) but now I just have to ask...

What is so horrible about no seating chart? Is it the wandering around? Is it the fact that you are sitting with Great Aunt Maude?

 

[SassyB]

Date: 7/6/2009 8:47:06 AM
Author: Lanie
Ok...I''ve been biting my tongue (fingers in this case?) but now I just have to ask...

What is so horrible about no seating chart? Is it the wandering around? Is it the fact that you are sitting with Great Aunt Maude?

Lanie - I''m with you on this one. I''ve been to SO many weddings and very very few have had assigned seating.
So many ladies on this forum dislike the lack of assigned seats however. It''s making me self conscious! ha ha!!!

Is it regional? I''m in the Pacific NW. Is it a formal thing?

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/6/2009 11:30:50 AM
Author: SassyB

Date: 7/6/2009 8:47:06 AM
Author: Lanie
Ok...I''ve been biting my tongue (fingers in this case?) but now I just have to ask...

What is so horrible about no seating chart? Is it the wandering around? Is it the fact that you are sitting with Great Aunt Maude?

Lanie - I''m with you on this one. I''ve been to SO many weddings and very very few have had assigned seating.
So many ladies on this forum dislike the lack of assigned seats however. It''s making me self conscious! ha ha!!!

Is it regional? I''m in the Pacific NW. Is it a formal thing?

Yes. Completely.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 7/6/2009 11:30:50 AM
Author: SassyB

Date: 7/6/2009 8:47:06 AM
Author: Lanie
Ok...I''ve been biting my tongue (fingers in this case?) but now I just have to ask...

What is so horrible about no seating chart? Is it the wandering around? Is it the fact that you are sitting with Great Aunt Maude?

Lanie - I''m with you on this one. I''ve been to SO many weddings and very very few have had assigned seating.
So many ladies on this forum dislike the lack of assigned seats however. It''s making me self conscious! ha ha!!!

Is it regional? I''m in the Pacific NW. Is it a formal thing?

I think it IS regional. I am from Texas, from South Texas where the population is 80% hispanic. As I mentioned in another thread, we don''t RSVP, we show up late and bring extra guests! Any bride would have a nightmare trying to set up assigned tables much less assigned seats!

That said, I HATE the wandering around in a formal gown with FI in tow trying to figure out where to sit. And worse! Being asked to move because there is only two of us, but someone walked up with a whole table!

I don''t mind sitting with Great Aunt Maude if I know that she was the first female CIO at TI or that she personally handstitched the bride''s veil. It''s sitting with Great Aunt Maude when you know you are at the table where everyone who was "lost" ended up that sucks.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/6/2009 11:30:50 AM
Author: SassyB

Date: 7/6/2009 8:47:06 AM
Author: Lanie
Ok...I''ve been biting my tongue (fingers in this case?) but now I just have to ask...

What is so horrible about no seating chart? Is it the wandering around? Is it the fact that you are sitting with Great Aunt Maude?

Lanie - I''m with you on this one. I''ve been to SO many weddings and very very few have had assigned seating.
So many ladies on this forum dislike the lack of assigned seats however. It''s making me self conscious! ha ha!!!

Is it regional? I''m in the Pacific NW. Is it a formal thing?

I''m in Southern California and have been to 30+ weddings across the state of CA, most in Southern, and I have been assigned a seat or table at 3 of those weddings. Don''t let it make you feel self conscious, if it''s not the norm where you live no one will expect it and if they do life will go on and they will survive, I promise.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

I was thinking it might be a regional thing, too. A lot of the traditions that are a *must* out East, aren''t really done out here on the West coast. I''m in Southern Cali and very few weddings I''ve attended had seating charts. Only two that I can remember and they were very formal and very large, so you almost couldn''t do without one.

I personally am not a big fan of seating charts, unless they do really serve a purpose - large, formal wedding. But, I do like the hybrid approach. Save a few tables for "head table" and certain family, but the rest can be casual.

But, I can see the point of having one, too. The last wedding I attended did not have seating chart, so there was kind of a rush to save seat as soon as we got in...and, because of that, a large group of our friends ended up on the opposite side of the room, when they should''ve been sitting with all of us!! This was a 100 person wedding.

Hmmm...so am I changing my own mind?

 

[elrohwen]

I think with 35 guests, there might not be too many issues with seating. The tables probably seat about 6-8, right? So that's only 5-6 tables total. With that few tables, I don't think there really is a "front" table or a "back" table as long as the married couple isn't seated way off to one side.

It also depends on how well people know each other. If there's a faction of 4 people who don't know anyone else, it would be a shame for them to get split up on the hunt for tables and have to sit with people they don't know. However, if everyone is friendly already, it might not matter.

With that said, I would still do a seating arrangement if I were them, but that's just me. It just seems less stressful for everyone involved to have assigned seats.

ETA: I would only do assigned tables, not actual assigned seats, and that goes for any size wedding, really. As a guest, I don't like being told which seat to sit in, but I love assigned tables.

 

[violet02]

I found out they are supposedly only having four tables so in that caes it can''t be that bad. If there were more tables though I''d think assigned tables would be nice.