Question for everyone

[godaime]

If you have been invited to a wedding yet you''re unable to go, do you still send a gift? If you do how much do you usually spend on that gift.

My situation is that a friend of mine who moved away around ten years ago somehow ran into me while I was in NYC. We havent spoke since middle school. Anyways She told me she is engaged now and sent me an invitation to her wedding. Her wedding will be in California, and I will not be able to attend because of the costs. Should I still send a gift or not? Is it bad etiquette not to send a gift if you were invited to a wedding? Thanks in advance!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/13/2007 7:20:13 PM
Author:godaime
Is it bad etiquette not to send a gift if you were invited to a wedding? Thanks in advance!

I don''t think anyone is ever obliged to send a gift ... it''s voluntary. If you want to keep in touch with her and pursue the friendship anew .. then I''d send a smallish gift ($50 max). If you don''t want to rekindle the friendship -- a Congrats card would suffice ... or ... nothing at all. Though I''d probably at least send a card -- as a gesture, since they''re "reaching out" to invite you.

 

[Kaleigh]

I agree with Deco!! I''d at least send a card. If you want to send a gift, I''d spend about $40. But sounds like it was a chance run in, you guys haven''t been in touch since middle school. So it''s really up to you... Do you want to stay in touch, renew the friendship??

 

[WTNLVR]

I''d just send a card.You haven''t spoken since middle school so even that is going above board IMHO.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 5/13/2007 7:20:13 PM
Author:godaime
If you have been invited to a wedding yet you're unable to go, do you still send a gift? If you do how much do you usually spend on that gift.

My situation is that a friend of mine who moved away around ten years ago somehow ran into me while I was in NYC. We havent spoke since middle school. Anyways She told me she is engaged now and sent me an invitation to her wedding. Her wedding will be in California, and I will not be able to attend because of the costs. Should I still send a gift or not? Is it bad etiquette not to send a gift if you were invited to a wedding? Thanks in advance!

I know the ettiquite police would probably say send a gift, but for me it would depend on a few things like if I ever planned to see her again, how deep our pre-teen relationship was, how happy it was to see her again, whether I thought the invite was sincere or a long-distance tag for gifts (since she knew you'd likely not attend)... and how much I spent would be evaluated along the same lines. A card would be lovely, a small gift would suffice, be as generous as you are inclined to be but don't feel guilty if you are not so inclined.

ETA: I see others think small gifts are 40-50 so I just want to clarify that to me a small gift is $10 LOL Of all the gifts I got for my wedding two of the cheapest ones are the ones I actually used for like 10 years each until they wore out.... a butter dish and a pepper grinder.

 

[crown1]

i''d send a really nice card with my regrets. if you really want to enclose something i would have a fancy white handkerchief embroidered (in white) with the initials and the wedding date.

 

[lumpkin]

You know, the invitation may have been her taking an opportunity to give you her address so you can rekindle a friendship or keep in touch, and to kind of include you in this next phase of her life. I would likely send my regrets with a card and perhaps a gift card to Target or some other place where they can buy household goods, and then follow up with her later if I wanted to keep in touch. I probably would not send over $20, personally. I think that''s a nice gesture considering it''s literally been years since you were close. If, as Cehra brought up, you think she''s just trolling for gifts and you really aren''t interested in keeping in touch, I''d only send a card and I''d probably just drop the ball after that.

 

[diamondfan]

If I were close to them, I would send a gift...I might not spend as much as if I were attending, but still...I would send something...

 

[KimberlyH]

Thritto what deco said.

 

[scarleta]

I tend to agree no gift is necessary since you have not seen her in such a long time..

 

[bujiatang]

One of my cousins just got married over the weekend, but because of extensive oral surgery earlier this year I am now completely out of time off. So we sent a card, and a nice small gift.

Joel and I have always been close, but sometimes it just doesn''t work out.

For someone I hadn''t seen since middleschool, I would send a nice card and maybe a place settign for their flatware if it isn''t too expensive. 50 dollars would be too much.

 

[ljmorgan]

A gift is never required, but it''s the polite thing to do. I would send a small gift with a nice note to congratulate them!

 

[FireGoddess]

I believe that receiving a wedding invitation obligates you to send a gift (etiquette says). How much you spend on that gift depends on how close you feel to that person, and what you feel comfortable spending.

 

[Mara]

if i am invited to a wedding, i always give a gift, even if we can't attend. i figure...they cared enough to include us in their wedding (and knowing how crazy guest lists can be i always appreciate the thought!!), so i should reciprocate with at least some sort of token to say that i appreciate the thought of wanting to include us.

for something like this i might just send something small from their registry that is $25ish and a card. or i might go more personal and send something like a picture frame with a card (PB used to have a great $25 'i do' silver frame that i loved for the 'small' wedding gift or as an engagement gift, but i don't know if they still carry it).

i do the same thing with baby showers or similar. even if i don't know the person very well, if they invite me to some event for the baby, i always send a gift if i can't attend. even if it's $20. just my thoughts!

recently PB had 'i do' wedding albums for clearance for like $15 each i think. i got 2 of them since i have 2 friends getting married this year and this is a great 'add on' to their gifts. but stuff like this is also handy to have on hand for this type of scenario, where you want to send something meaningful but don't want to break the bank.