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Question For Those Of You With Promise Rings

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TheNextMrsB

TheNextMrsB

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 20, 2008
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The boyfriend originally told me he wanted to propose next summer, about a year from now. He has now added two more years onto the timeframe. My new timeline is "in one to three years."
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Anyway, he brought up the idea of a promise ring, but I''m not quite sure how I feel about the matter due to our age, lack of spare change, and my opinion that promise rings are kind of a cop out. For those of you who recieved promise rings from your FF, how old were you? How much did you spend? What made you decide to buy one?
 
Date: 8/10/2008 5:54:22 PM
Author:TheNextMrsB
For those of you who recieved promise rings from your FF, how old were you? How much did you spend? What made you decide to buy one?
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I received two promise rings from my FI before we got engaged. The first one I kinda told him I wanted. It was for our first Christmas together. We were 18 and 19. The second one he got for me as a surprise. It was about a week before our 2 year anniversary and us moving in together and he got it as a replacement for my old one which had kept losing stones. He spent about 200 on the first one, and about 400 on the second. When I got the second one, we were 20.

Hope that helps.

Personally I think promise rings are quite romantic. It makes a statement that you are in a committed relationship, but just aren''t at the point of being engaged yet. Plus it''s a fun excuse to get some sparklies!

But quick question.. Do you know what made him change his timeline from 1 year to 3 years?
 
I don''t have a promise ring and I agree with you that they''re kind of a cop out unless you''re in your teens or something. How old are you? Why did he change the timeline? And are you okay with the new timeline?

I don''t mean to bombard you, but I always think it''s insane that so many women post that their boyfriends told them they wouldn''t be getting engaged for X amount of time. Marriage is a joint decision. Why is it up to the guy? I don''t get it. Okay, sorry, threadjack over!
 
To me personally

Promise ring = shut up ring or if you don''t like the idea of shut up ring, it''s a ring to hold you over until he''s ready to get married. My FI gave me one two years ago for Christmas. We had just gone to a wedding where everyone and their mother (lilterally) was asking us when we were getting married and I made a few jokes about it. He said it was a ring to show me his love (in a shape of a heart). I knew what it really meant though. He wasn''t ready to talk marriage and was giving me a ring to hold me over. I wasn''t ready either so I just found it funny.

I say, why not. It''s jewelry and you can never have enough jewelry.
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Mine was for our 2 year anniversary when we were 20.. I think at a younger age, it''s not really a status of "I''m not ready to talk about marriage" as much as it is when you are older.. At least it wasn''t in my case.. It was just a romantic present from my FI..
 
I think when you are young before you are really ready to seriously talk about marriage, promise rings are cute.

But once you are out of college/a bit older and should be able to legitimately decide TOGETHER about your future it seems like a cop out to me...just my opinion though...
 
I was about 19 or 20 when I got the promise ring..and we spent around $350 I think. We bought it after we had been together around a year and a half or so. It was just a simple ring from Tiffany''s. I didn''t feel like it was a cop-out though because we weren''t quite ready to be engaged yet. Hope this helps some!
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Here''s my ring
 
We're both 26, and neither of us is quite ready to get engaged because there are a few more things we both want to get done before we take that step. BF gave me a tiffany ring for my last birthday. Several people asked if it was a promise ring, including myself. His answer, "No, it's just a gift. You will know if the ring is supposed to be anything besides a gift." I asked him about promise rings later and his response was, "I think that we're way too old for that. If I were to get you a ring that means I want to marry you, it'd be an engagement ring, and we're not ready yet."

I really think they are pretty juvenile, honestly. I think that once a couple is on their own, not in school anymore, and not in their teens...

Its a cop out. Totally.
 
Date: 8/10/2008 10:03:47 PM
Author: FrekeChild
We''re both 26, and neither of us is quite ready to get engaged because there are a few more things we both want to get done before we take that step. BF gave me a tiffany ring for my last birthday. Several people asked if it was a promise ring, including myself. His answer, ''No, it''s just a gift. You will know if the ring is supposed to be anything besides a gift.'' I asked him about promise rings later and his response was, ''I think that we''re way too old for that. If I were to get you a ring that means I want to marry you, it''d be an engagement ring, and we''re not ready yet.''

I really think they are pretty juvenile, honestly. I think that once a couple is on their own, not in school anymore, and not in their teens...

Its a cop out. Totally.
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I agree with this.

My husband wasn''t ready to propose (he was 25, I was 28), so he gave me a sapphire and diamond band in platinum. Wasn''t considered a promise ring, just a foray into the world of jewelry. He bought me another delicate baguette diamond band about 5 months before we got engaged(he was 26, I was turning 30), just because he wanted to buy me a ring.

I think the concept of a promise ring is too juvenile if you''re out of college. Just call it what it is, another reason to buy a ring.
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Maybe I shouldn''t have answered this thread..
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..but I need to add that if you feel like a promise ring is a cop-out you really shouldn''t let him buy you one as a promise ring. Do what feels right to you. I am sorry the timeline was extended.
 
Hi,
My husband gave me a promise ring about 2 years before we got married. For us it was a purity/promise ring. He wanted to give me one to show his commitment to me and respect of my purity before we got engaged. It is a 3 stone diamond ring... the center stone represented our commitment to God, one stone commitment to my purity, one stone for commitment to my boyfriend. He was also leaving for a long deployment and wanted me to wear this ring while he was away. Truthfully he was ready to get engaged before I was. I was 20, he was 26. But we were engaged about a year after I got the promise ring, then married a year later when I was 22. He spent about $1000.
 
Date: 8/10/2008 10:22:24 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Maybe I shouldn''t have answered this thread..
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..but I need to add that if you feel like a promise ring is a cop-out you really shouldn''t let him buy you one as a promise ring. Do what feels right to you. I am sorry the timeline was extended.
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Ditto. If you think he''s trying to get out of making an actual commitment, then I probably wouldn''t let him get it/accept it. I also agree with thing2 that I don''t understand why *he* gets to be in control. I understand he may not be ready...but shouldn''t you get some say in how long you''ll be waiting?
 
I should probably explain my comment too and say that was more directed towards older couples. At 18/19, it is a romantic gift. My cousin got a promise "band" from her husband when she was around 19 because he wanted to marry her but my aunt was not having it. They got married a few years later and she uses her promise band as her wedding band. It was really cute at that age.
 
Date: 8/10/2008 5:54:22 PM
Author:TheNextMrsB
The boyfriend originally told me he wanted to propose next summer, about a year from now. He has now added two more years onto the timeframe. My new timeline is ''in one to three years.''
29.gif


Anyway, he brought up the idea of a promise ring, but I''m not quite sure how I feel about the matter due to our age, lack of spare change, and my opinion that promise rings are kind of a cop out. For those of you who recieved promise rings from your FF, how old were you? How much did you spend? What made you decide to buy one?
Click to expand...

I think that it''s all based on how YOU feel. If you like the idea of a promise ring, fantastic. If you don''t, then you should talk to your BF about that.

Some people feel that you aren''t engaged unless you have a ring. Others feel like they are engaged when they decide they are, regardless of rings. Commitments are only REPRESENTED by symbols... the symbols do not create the commitment.

Good luck with your timeline! A lot of us (including myself) can relate.
 
In my mind, a promise ring is like layaway. He doesn''t want to purpose, but is taking you off the open market until he can better decide what he wants. Because, frankly speaking, an engagement is not about the size of your diamond, or the bling...it''s about the promise. So, if he can promise to promise, why can''t he just commitment in a more traditional way and enjoy a longer-than-usual engagement? I mean, since it shouldn''t be about a diamond, any ring would signify a serious commitment...and clearly, he believes he can afford *something*....

I also believe that a promise ring is best left to someone who is unable to get married...like someone under 18. It''s cute and meaningful and sweet in an "can''t vote, or drink" sort of way, but I think once you''re legally able to be married...you should just get married, or just date...none of this "limbo" junk.

Okay, so the moral is...

If he likes/loves you enough to say "I promise I will marry you" then he should. However, I believe that if he is pushing back dates, and offering to spend money to go only half way with you, you should politely decline and keep your options open.
 
Date: 8/10/2008 11:02:00 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
In my mind, a promise ring is like layaway. He doesn''t want to purpose, but is taking you off the open market until he can better decide what he wants. Because, frankly speaking, an engagement is not about the size of your diamond, or the bling...it''s about the promise. So, if he can promise to promise, why can''t he just commitment in a more traditional way and enjoy a longer-than-usual engagement? I mean, since it shouldn''t be about a diamond, any ring would signify a serious commitment...and clearly, he believes he can afford *something*....


I also believe that a promise ring is best left to someone who is unable to get married...like someone under 18. It''s cute and meaningful and sweet in an ''can''t vote, or drink'' sort of way, but I think once you''re legally able to be married...you should just get married, or just date...none of this ''limbo'' junk.


Okay, so the moral is...


If he likes/loves you enough to say ''I promise I will marry you'' then he should. However, I believe that if he is pushing back dates, and offering to spend money to go only half way with you, you should politely decline and keep your options open.
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I agree with the bold!
 
Date: 8/10/2008 11:43:50 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl
Date: 8/10/2008 11:02:00 PM

Author: Italiahaircolor

In my mind, a promise ring is like layaway. He doesn''t want to purpose, but is taking you off the open market until he can better decide what he wants. Because, frankly speaking, an engagement is not about the size of your diamond, or the bling...it''s about the promise. So, if he can promise to promise, why can''t he just commitment in a more traditional way and enjoy a longer-than-usual engagement? I mean, since it shouldn''t be about a diamond, any ring would signify a serious commitment...and clearly, he believes he can afford *something*....



I also believe that a promise ring is best left to someone who is unable to get married...like someone under 18. It''s cute and meaningful and sweet in an ''can''t vote, or drink'' sort of way, but I think once you''re legally able to be married...you should just get married, or just date...none of this ''limbo'' junk.



Okay, so the moral is...



If he likes/loves you enough to say ''I promise I will marry you'' then he should. However, I believe that if he is pushing back dates, and offering to spend money to go only half way with you, you should politely decline and keep your options open.
Click to expand...


I agree with the bold!
Click to expand...

Well said! I agree with the agreement!
 
No I don't believe promise rings are a cop-out, at least not in my case. My boyfriend and I got silver engraved bands for our 2 year. Now we've been together 4 years, but are still only 20 and 22 years old. I've finally(!) come to terms with the fact that we are just not ready to get married at this point. Yeah, I used to feel a little resentful that my promise ring was not an engagement ring, but we're young (ugh I hate hearing that), and we shouldn't try to rush things.
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My BF gave me my promise ring after we had been dating for only 6 weeks! He told me that he knew I was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with but out of respect for my parents (and common sense!) he didn''t feel right proposing in under 2 months.

I was 22 at the time and he was 27. In my case he said that he wanted me to know how serious he was about me. We really hadn''t even talked about marriage at this point.

So I think my situation shows that promise rings are not always "shut up" rings, but I can see where in some situations they do seem to be so.

We have been together year and a half now and he just proposed yesterday. No dragging feet here.

I think that if you guys are ready to be engaged soon-ish, don''t get the promise ring, put the funds towards your e-ring. Good luck!
 
I read that you are 19.

19!!!

Get the promise ring and enjoy being young and in a relationship with someone you love. You''ve posted a few times about him proposing during Christmas and then in April and now not for 2 years. I think the pressure might drive him away. There is no need to rush (not that young marriages don''t work!
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). It really does sound like you are ready and he is far from it (rightfully so at 21!!) so you either calm down and wait OR consider moving on. Pushing someone to propose is not ideal.
 
I never felt that a promise ring was a cop-out. Not when i was a teenager and not now. I understand how some people can view them as juvenile, but I think basically it's just the term "Promise Ring".

My current SO gave me an aquamarine ring for our first Christmas together as well as a matching little pendant (Ring was around $400.00). These gifts where so meaningful to me becasue he had been in two long term relationships prior to ours that (at the time) where much longer than the stage we where at then, and he had never felt comfortable enough to purchase jewerly for them (except something under $100. once). When he gave me the gifts tears fell from his eyes, and I could see how much it meant to him. That made the ring & necklace mean so much more! He later said he felt it was like a promise ring, it was something that he put his love into and that meant a ton to him. I never felt that was a cop-out. I mean at the time if he would have proposed I would have laughed! We where far to early in our relationship for that! However, when he gave me the ring I was able to see how serious he felt about me, how much he loved me, and I knew that great things where in store for our future together! The price didn't matter... he could have spent .50 and if he would have given it to me with the same smile and same cute tears as he had with the other one, I would have loved it just as much!

I assume some men would be able to use the ol' promise ring routine as a cop-out. I guess it comes down to your feelings based on you and your SO's own situation. I see that your 19, and while I'm not trying to say anything negative here (after all I'm not quite 23 yet), alot can change in the following years, I know personaly, for me it did a TON. I discoverd who I am and who I thought I wanted to marry and realized I was wrong, luckily I wasn't in too deep and was able to get out of the relationship and be on my own. I decided to buy a home and see what came to me, and I ended up falling in love with one of my closest friends! I don't know your relantionship, so I can't judge, but if he wants to wait, it's probably a good thing! Every relationship is diffrent, some people are ready before others, I don't think there's a magic age or anything, you'll just know... and an important factor in that IMHO is you'll BOTH just know!!!


If he'd like to get you something to show his love but just isn't ready for the "big promise" why not let him? Go out and pick something reansonable priced together, something that wonl't hit your wallet too hard, there's nothing wrong with one more ring
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Also, remember a promise ring dosn't have to be a diamond! This being said you could get one with a gem stone and save a signifcant amount of money and have a nice RHR whenever engagment time comes!


Good luck!
 
I recieved my promise ring last Christmas (I was 23 at the time he was 25). We had only been together for 3 months so I wasn''t expecting anything like a promise ring. When I opened it I was totally stuned, and then when he started telling me his reasoning behind the ring it gave me goose bumps. I could really see how much he cared and loved me, and the best way for him to show me that was through a promise ring.

When people see my ring and ask if I''m engaged and I answer no, I do sometimes get a confused look followed with "well what''s the ring for then?" The conversation usually goes like this:

Me: It''s a promise ring
Them: A promise to get engaged?
Me: Yeah sort of.
Them: Why the promise to promise?
Me: (and this is key) We don''t look at it as a promise to get engaged. We view the ring as a promise to respect eachother, and our relationship. It''s a reminder that we have someone in our lives that we very deeply love and respect very much. That feeling isn''t going to change when we get engaged so therefore the "value" of the ring is never going to change. I''m always going to be able to look at my hand and see my ring and have those same feelings...even after we''re engaged and married.

So I guess the point I''m trying to make is at the end of the day a promise ring can mean something very different to everyone. If you feel like receiving a promise ring would feel like a "cop out" on your BF''s behalf then your always going to view it like that...so what''s the point of having something that brings you that negative feeling. If your BF wants to buy you a ring to show his commitment to you then let him. Just make sure you both are on the same page with what the meaning behind it is.

As far as age goes I don''t feel like getting or receiving a promise ring should depend on your age, everyone is at different stages of their relationships at different times and different ages.

Just my $.02
 
If you two are on the same page, I see no problem with a promise ring. If you are questioning his motives behind wanting to get you a promise ring I would just talk to him about it so you can determine if he is just trying to use it as a "shut up" gift or as a symbol of his commitment to you. Also remember that there are varying levels of commitment, I don''t think it''s just married or not (or there wouldn''t be so many LIWs!)...some people take longer to get to the marriage commitment stage and some never get there. My SO gave me a diamond halo-ed aquamarine ring as a birthday present this year (dating about a year at the time) as a symbol of his commitment to me. Yes, you can obviously have the commitment without a ring or anything like that, but it''s always nice to receive jewelry with love! I do not want to be engaged for awhile and I don''t want a long engagement, so I just accepted the gift with gratitude and wear it proudly. Neither of us have ever specifically said it was a promise ring of any sort, but he did buy it to symbolize his commitment to me. If you are on the same page and would like to wear one and he would like to buy you one, I see no problem whatsoever. Different strokes for different folks.
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I had a promise ring, well... OK, so it wasn''t a promise ring per se. He gave me a ring in college that was very special and in the card, he wrote, "This is the first ring I am giving you, but it''s not the last one."

In my mind, I just wore it as a special gift. I liked wearing it on my left hand when there were creepy guys around. (I know you ladies hear me on this one!) Anyway... we were in college and I think 19 is a WONDERFUL time for a promise ring! It is very very sweet and meaningful.
 
I got a promise ring this past December (I was 21, he was 24) but for me, a promise ring was really just a sign of commitment and nothing to do with an engagement per se. He spent around 400 dollars on it.
 
I got a promise ring from my ex when I was 19. It was a diamond 3-stone ring from a BM that cost $300 on sale. Like Bliss, it was mostly to keep creepies away!
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It doesn''t have to be expensive if spare change is a concern...it doesn''t even have to be a diamond. If you both are okay with the ''promise ring'' idea, then why not a nice band or colored stone?

FF has bought me a ring, not diamond, not promise, and I wear it on my middle finger on my left hand. I love looking at it because it makes me think of him.
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TheNextMrsB- How old are you? ETA: I just read you are 19.
(I have 4 rings from FF, and only wear 2. A promise ring and a small ruby with itty bitty diamonds on either side ring)
I actually got the promise ring from FF when we were 18 or 19 I think. It was probably $350 or so. I still wear it though I really would rather not anymore. I know, it may sound shallow...but its set in gold which I don't prefer anymore. (all the jewelry I currently wear is Tiffany silver so Id prefer platinum on my finger these days!) And its a little baby .10ct solitaire promise ring. I've had people ask me if its my engagement ring
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I used to wear it on my left ring finger but got annoyed by the questions so I moved it to my right hand ring finger. It's too big. A size 7 while my actual ring size is a 5.5. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby promise ring. It has a lot of meaning and signifigance to it. Its a little beauty. And he was so sweet to get it for me back then and oh I was so in love with it. Though, I plan on removing it and keeping it in a safe place once we are engaged. I recently asked FF if I could get a Tiffany Celebration ring (as a trade-out type situation) like maybe the Tiffany Jazz or Tiffany Swing to celebrate our 10 year relationship. (I knew it was a longshot, and I knew he would say no lol!) I told him I thought my promise ring was sort of "kiddish" these days as Im now 27 (but still love it for its meaning.) He knew btw that I wouldn't wear this ring forever. It was bought as a promise to one day get engaged and then married. Like a commitment type thing. Well, that and Im a jewelry fanatic so.........lol! We were young, but knew we wanted to get married to each other. His response to the Tiffany Celebration ring idea: "Why would you get a Celebration ring when you are only going to wear it for a short time?!" I said "I will always wear it why do you think I would only wear it for a short time?" He says "Because once you are engaged you wont wear it anymore!"
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Are you kidding me?! I would wear that sucker forever on my right hand. HA! But anyhow I obviously didn't get a celebration ring and I still wear the promise ring thinking I will jinx myself if I take it off now or something crazy like that.

My point is this: If you are at least in your mid 20's.....I wouldn't suggest the promise ring but maybe a diamond necklace or something like that instead. Like I told FF, I feel like my rings are sort of "kiddish" on me as of current times........It was great when I was 19 but now at 27, Id rather have a WOMAN'S ring lol!

(didn't intend on offending anyone or anything like that btw.......)
 
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