questions on "and guest"

[janinegirly]

i''ve been trying to get the names of the guests of FI''s guests. Some of them are long term girlfriends so i''d like to put their names on invitations.
well he hasn''t managed to do that and is telling me to just put "and guest". So i said ok. But i told him i would eventually need the name of the guest before the wedding for the placecard. He says it''s ok to put "and guest" on the placecard.
what?! i''ve never heard of such a thing, have you guys? I don''t want just random "and guest" people whose name I''ll never know or have anywhere in a finalized head count?

 

[Stephanie]

That does sound odd.. But if you can''t find out their names what else can you do? Could you maybe ask the person that is RSVPing to include the name of the guest they intend to bring so that they will have a place card. I would like to have my name on a place card rather than the generic "guest" name. Plus how can you arrange seating with "guest" labeled at each table? I think that would get confusing.

 

[janinegirly]

i agree with you--i think FI is just not wanting to bother to call his friends to ask the names of their guests.
i''m ok with putting "& guest" on the invitation and hope they include the date''s name on the rsvp. but otherwise he''ll have to call them (closer to the wedding date of course) to ask for names so i can do place cards and seating.

however FI is telling me he''s been to weddings where "&guest" is added to his placecard. that just seems really cheezy to me, but of course he''s been to tons more weddings than me so thinks i''m following etiquette too much. so thought i''d ask here since who know, maybe he''s right..

 

[tanyak]

Funny you should mention that because I saw one a couple of weeks ago at a wedding. A co-worker invited another co-worker. When the invites went out, the second girl wasn''t dating anyone. I think she RSVP''d back she was bringing someone but didn''t put a name. So the place card at the wedding said "Jane Doe and guest." It made me chuckle a minute, but it didn''t seem like an awful faux paux - I''m sure the guy didn''t really care.

That said, that was a short-term thing - Jane and the boy have already broken up. But for long-term relationships, I think it''s worth the effort to get the name.

 

[rockzilla]

This isn''t a wedding example, but I used to work in the development department of my university, and every few months we''d have a large fundraising talk/lunch in the banquet room of a hotel. Guests had to RSVP in advance, and were asked to list the names of their guests on the back of the card. Well, about 5-10% of the time, they forgot to list it, and we''d have to call them up "to confirm" and ask the name of their guest.

Sometimes we couldn''t reach them and so if it was the guest of John Anderson we''d put "Anderson guest" on the placecard. If we were able to find out as they were checking in, we''d have our calligrapher on the spot to write a new name. Otherwise it would stay "Anderson guest" and they''d know where to sit.

I''m guessing your FI either doesn''t want to bother to call, or is embarassed that he doesn''t remember the names of his friends'' girlfriends He could always call just to "check the spelling" or something...

RZ

 

[laine]

I once RSVPed to a cousins rehearsal dinner just as "and guest" I wasn''t sure if I''d be attending with my boyfriend or with a friend (we had three events in two different states to try to attend and I had two different plans to try to get to them). Anyway, the seating chart just listed all the people at our table including "Laine and guest" I''ve also seem the same thing with placecards that tell you which table to go to (so people may be listed as couples), but if the place card is at each seat, then one that just says "guest" would seem a little odd.

 

[cara]

Proper etiquette is to find out all the full names of people whom you wish to invite and issue invitations to them by name. "And Guest" invites, while a courtesy to your single guests, are not technically correct. The idea being that you should at least know the names of people that you invite to something as intimate and personal as your wedding.

So your instincts are right. Your FI was being lazy when he didn''t track down people''s names for the invitations, and even lazier saying that people who are going to attend your wedding should be addresses as So-and-so''s guest on their name cards!

This is not to criticize anyone who issued "and guest" invites - but afterwards you should try to find out the names of people who are coming.

 

[Pandora II]

For something as personal as a wedding, you or your FI should call if you don''t know the name and surname.

For business events I go with the Smith Guest on placecards/table plans etc I actually keep files on people I deal with a lot for work with all their husbands/wives and kids names in case I ever need them.

 

[So_happy]

My FI tried to pull the same exact thing!! I just was not as understanding as you I think lol. I really kept on him to get me names as the time passed and it worked in the end. We did, however, through no fault of his, end up with about 10 "and guests" (mostly people whom were a bit older and we just felt odd not letting them bring a date if they wanted one and a few in there for other reasons). We did not list "and guest" on anything, tho, and included a note with the rsvp card that they were "welcome to bring a special guest with them to our wedding by indicating his or her name on the rsvp card". So far so good But then again, we are having a cocktail reception so will not be needing to worry about placecard issues.

R really tried hard to track down those girlfriend''s names! But in the end, even HE is glad he did. Now he knows at the wedding that he''ll be able to use thier name when he meets them again

 

[Fancy605]

I was afraid I wouldn''t know the names of everyone''s "and guest" because some of my single friends change relationships frequently, and likely wouldn''t have had the same date right then as they would when the replies were due. So, to insure we had everyone''s names, our reply cards were set up like this:

Please reply on or before (whatever the date was) by indicating each guest''s meal selection:

Filet of Beef (names):
Seared Salmon (names):
Pecan Encrusted Chicken (names):
Unable to attend (names):

This way everyone wrote out the names of those attending (or not attending), and I had the proper spellings of everyone''s "and guest" (Not to mention everyone''s exact dinner selection so that we can mark the place cards accordingly). Now as it turns out most of my single friends ended up deciding to bring along people who I went to college with and know realitively well, so it worked out especially well.

If you haven''t already gotten your reply cards printed, you could try doing something like this.