radical ring ruminations - longish post

[brooke.lynne]

Warning: this post got way longer than intended! Hopefully any extraneous info will be amusing, at least.

Hi, ladies.

First of all, let me just say I adore this forum: rarely is one thing both a source of true solace knowing what others are going through and learning from their wisdom, as well as a fun distraction at work!

I recently handed over all of my setting research to my BF and told him he''s on his own (which is how he wanted it from the start, although he still objected - that''s a different post). But I''ve been researching center stones still because, c''mon, I can''t stop. I''m beginning to think

that I don''t want a diamond as a center stone anymore! I have even gone so far as to research other white stones (not interested in colors for this) and order a few to look at. If nothing else, it''s an education - and I should know why we''re paying literally hundreds and thousands of times more for one type of gemstone than another. (Plus I ordered everything in pairs so I can always make earrings).

So far I have white topaz and danburite and they are both really, really gorgeous! I can''t stop playing with them and even carry them in my pocket to work and back. I am less and less able to justify spending so much more money for something when we still have an entire professional degree to pay for (his law school), among other things. So I''m pretty much at peace with the idea - really my only concern at this point is busybodies like my future MIL (who once told me with deep conviction that it had to be at least a carat, or else what else would my family think of his? as if they care about such nonsense -or as if she''d chip in a single cent).

The problem is this: my BF is totally not on board. In fact, he called my beautiful danburite plastic!

He doesn''t even know about any of the unique properties of diamonds (10 on Mohs, for example) and was shocked when told that a center on a setting at a jeweler''s was actually CZ, so I know it''s just the cultural aspect for him. I guess everyone has their lines in the sand of where they like to be unique and where they like to play it old school but I''m just shocked at his resistance to the idea, and even less comfortable with the idea of him paying so much more for something he really doesn''t understand.

A friend recommended I rent Blood Diamond to turn him off, but the setting I want has diamond sidestones so that won''t work. How can I help him be a bit more open minded? I am HUGELY open to suggestions! I''m not 100% sure I don''t want a diamond, but at least 85%.

Thanks in advance!

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

In regards to turning him off to diamonds, I just watched a three part series on Discovery called "Diamond Road" and it chronicled workers in Sierra Leone, a 13-year old boy who was a diamond cutter/polisher in India, and a few other professionals in the business, such as Martin Rapaport who is avid in "fair trade" diamonds for workers in Sierra Leone. It''s an eye-opener, really. Blood Diamond is quite graphic in instances, but this series focuses on several different aspects of the industry, including a company in the US (gemisis, I believe) that creates the diamonds rather than them being mined. If you do a search on here for "Diamond Road", there has been discussion on this series, but I just saw it on Discovery HD Theatre on Sunday.

My ring has already been purchased, however, this did make me think about what other people go through in order for us to have the precious sparklies...

Back to your topic, maybe if you rationalize with him that you want a stone other than a diamond, and even show him pictures of rings that compare, maybe he''ll come around? Besides, you''re cutting down on the money that he''s spending - and getting something equally as gorgeous!

 

[brooke.lynne]

Brilliant advice, Jetta! I''ll look into it. We are both big Discovery geeks so that sounds like it could really make an impact. I''m going to keep trolling the SMTR and Colored Stones pages for good examples of other white stone rings. This one is the best I''ve found so far: an icy white sapphire princess. I showed my BF this thread and he got turned off when I told him it was a white sapphire - although he certainly couldn''t tell it wasn''t a diamond if I hadn''t told him!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 1/31/2008 3:23:30 PM
Author:brooke.lynne



I don''t want a diamond as a center stone anymore!

Blasphemy!!

I have the opposite problem - My BF loves colored stones and not diamonds (since before we watched Blood Diamond). I''m thinking small doses of exposure over a long period of time to my point of view will work. Gradually, he''ll come to understand that I''m right!

If all else fails, explain that it''ll be your ring that you''re wearing for the rest of your life and it would make you immensely happy to have a plastic (or danburite) stone.



BigT

 

[bee*]

I''d probably look at more stones until you find one that you both like. While he may not like the danburite, there has to be one that he will like the look of more. Have you explained your reasons to him as to why you don''t want a diamond? He might understand if he knows that there''s a sensible reason to it. I just mentioned to D and he said that he wouldn''t have liked it if I hadn''t got a diamond as he really likes them so maybe it''s a man thing

 

[pjean]

I hear you on the "what will they think" problem. I originally wanted an alexandrite, and we were told that to get a pretty gem in a good size for anything I would be willing to spend, we should look at lab created ones. I was totally fine with that - bf was NOT.

Could you get him on the rarity point? Danburite is considerably rarer than diamond, especially in larger sizes. Alternately, you could be very patriotic and ask for an American mined stone, since I believe Danburite was originally discovered in the US.

Caveats, though. Be very sure you''re going to be happy with a softer stone. Danburite is about a 7 on the Mohs, I believe, so it''s not going to stand up to every day wear like a diamond. Plus it doesn''t have that much dispersion, so no fire shots for you! White sapphire will give you the hardness, but not the dispersion. So how much sparkle do you want?

This would be so much easier if you were looking for a coloured center stone. Are you sure you won''t take that one extra step over to the dark side?