RD sadness

[tlh]

I just received my solo invitation to my Bride''s RD. (I''m a BM.) I understand times are tight, it is just a little hurtful that my friend didn''t invite my husband, when she was a BM in our wedding just last year. My feelings are hurt, as are my husband''s.

We thought he''d be invited and he had to pull some strings to get off of work during his busy season in order to attend the THU RD. We''ve purchased the plane tickets, in July and we''re set and ready to go. I do understand that times are tight right now, it is just a little hurtful that my husband is regarded as a disposable +1.

Sorry about my vent. I guess I just had to get it out.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I can totally understand your disappointment, in my opinion not inviting a +1 is always in bad taste...but try to cheer up. You and your DH will still have a nice time simply being together on a mini-vacation, and he gets to relax while you do some BM work. Order him a nice dinner from room service, encourage him to rent a PPV movie he wants to watch...and esspecially since it is his busy season, give the guy a much deserved night off.

((hugs))

 

[tlh]

Thanks, Italia. That does make me feel better. Him being shy, it will be nice for him not to have to make small talk with strangers... and it will free me up to be a social butterfly with inlaws. (My bride has had some MIL drama this whole time.)
Oh well. I''m really just sad about losing my DD!

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Are you kidding me? You have to fly out for this and he is not invited? That is rude.

FWIW, DH and I were invited to my niece's rehearsal "dinner" this past Friday. DH had gotten roped in to being the videographer. It, too, was out of town [long drive] and we had to go through some "schedule modifications" to accomodate our being there at all and then an hour earlier than originally agreed [and then they decided to do the thing an hour later at the original time but did not bother to let us know], pick up the jackets for the groomsmen the next day [What they were doing instead of picking up their own jackets I have no idea.

]. And then up again [we stayed the lake which was an hour away] for the wedding late Saturday PM.

I was dismayed when, after being told that the bar was open [by my BIL, the bride's father], the bartender asked me for $7 for my screw top Chardonnay. I would not do that to my guests [even if they are relatives - LOL!] at the rehearsal dinner. Jeez - I would not do that to my guests at a wedding or anything else I'm hosting!

Maybe I am too old fashioned? My position is: If you can't afford 'em, then don't invite 'em and if you invite a wife, the husband comes too, etc.

 

[tlh]

Thanks Blu. That stunk. Was it drama from the hurricane Bill on Saturday? Sounds like a rough time, but I''m sure you looked like a lady the entire time. I''m just a little bummed my hubs didn''t get an invite, but eh... I don''t want my friend to worry about it. She has enough of the bride stress going on right now... you know?

 

[meresal]

Show up with him anyway. You are traveling to be there, that''s ridiculous!!

Is there anyway the invites were sent by the groom''s parents? maybe she forgot to indicate you were indeed a +1. I had to literally go thru our list one by one with my MIL, eventhough I had written it out quite well already.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 8/24/2009 6:15:58 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu

I was dismayed when, after being told that the bar was open [by my BIL, the bride's father], the bartender asked me for $7 for my screw top Chardonnay. I would not do that to my guests [even if they are relatives - LOL!] at the rehearsal dinner. Jeez - I would not do that to my guests at a wedding or anything else I'm hosting!

I actually had that happen at my wedding due to a miscommunication between me and my vendor and I felt awful! I had made a drink list to display at the bar, which I did because many of my guests tend to stick to the one drink they know the name of, and I thought if I made a list with some suggestions, they might have an easier time trying something new and tasty (instead of going through the restaurant's 9 page drink list, which would also back up the bar line)

Anyways, the bartender thought it meant any drink not on the menu was not included, and charged a few guests for their "off list" drinks

I didn't find out until the after party, so it was too late to clarify. But I'm pretty sure most people caught on, and just ordered things from the list (it had 10 different things on it, so hopefully they found something they liked!)

Anyways, sorry for the threadjack. And sorry your husband wasn't invited. Personally I think it's a huge etiquette breach to not invite a spouse to a wedding unless the guest list is under 20. Maybe you could just politely drop that he already bought tickets since you thought he'd be invited, and it would mean a lot to you if they would invite him if they end up with more RSVP regrets than they were expecting? It's also possible it was an oversight if somebody else was addressing the envelopes.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Date: 8/24/2009 6:27:47 PM
Author: tlh
Thanks Blu. That stunk. Was it drama from the hurricane Bill on Saturday? Sounds like a rough time, but I'm sure you looked like a lady the entire time. I'm just a little bummed my hubs didn't get an invite, but eh... I don't want my friend to worry about it. She has enough of the bride stress going on right now... you know?

Yeah, you have to sometimes wonder what people are thinking - or not! LOL!

No drama from Bill, luckily [the storm, not my ex - LOL!]. There was a stationary front hanging out Friday and Saturday so the thunderstorms were heavy [no tent for the ceremony! Luckily dinner was on the porch but got lots of splashing from the downpours!

] and the dew point was 76 degrees in the AM. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife! Ouch!

I wonder if his lack of invite was simply a screw up [as others have mentioned]? You might want to inquire in a round about way. And, if it a buffet, they always have extra so it may not be a big deal to have him there. Just a thought . . .

 

[brooklyngirl]

I agree with the others that it might have been a screw up on the part of whoever planned the RD. You should ask, just to be sure. IMHO, if you're close enough to her to be a BM, you're close enough to ask for clarification.

If it's a screw up, she's going to be mortified that your DH was excluded, so by clarifying you can avoid bad feelings on both sides.

 

[tlh]

Meresal- That is awesome! You are too cool for school. Thanks for your

pep talk... it is tempting... haha!
BLU - OMG, what a mess! You just made me spit up my juice! I hope you weren''t in heels on grass.. that would be BRUTAL! The humidity sounds killer... good thing you have such perfect hair, so it shouldn''t have been too bad.
Making the grade, OMG that is horrible, and what a miscommunication. I''m sorry that happened!!! I would have been mortified, but what do you do? Wow, that made me feel a lot better, surprisingly! (Sorry it was at your expense!)

Thanks ladies! I called to RSVP, and it was pretty clear I was invited solo. I had mentioned issues w/ the MIL. This apparantly was just another one of them. This is a day of quiet celebration and of reflection. I''m happy to be there for my friend and offer my support. I''m out of my pity pool party now, my fingers were starting to get all pruney. So I''m just going to look at this and be happy. My best friend is getting married, and I''m happy to be apart of it all. Who knows, maybe I can convince the MOB to give me a ride.. so that I can still eat drink and be merry! My hubs is already checking to see if there is a baseball game he can go to! So much for his broken heart, HA!

 

[brooklyngirl]

Sorry about your friend's MIL issues, why must MILs cause so much trouble

Glad you're feeling better, and DH gets a night of relaxation.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

He may be happier at a game! LOL!

ETA Yeah, I was wearing heels. My hair wound up looking like a brillo pad - a long brillo pad! Luckily, others looked worse! Tee hee! But I am sure nobody cared how I looked, everybody was looking at the bride!

 

[Clairitek]

I think what they did was pretty rude but it sounds as if you''ve come to terms with it. I don''t blame you for feeling upset at first at all. I hope your DH can come up with something to do while you are occupied with your BM duties.

 

[cindygenit]

I agree it is a bit rude. I would be hurt too if my hubby wasn''t invited.

 

[D&T]

Date: 8/24/2009 9:16:41 PM
Author: Clairitek
I think what they did was pretty rude but it sounds as if you''ve come to terms with it. I don''t blame you for feeling upset at first at all. I hope your DH can come up with something to do while you are occupied with your BM duties.

ditto. What?

That doesn''t make any sense to me. I assume those that are married goes together at any event, but maybe thats just me?

 

[Lilac]

Problem #1: Your HUSBAND was not invited with you to your good friend''s rehearsal dinner (someone who was a bridesmaid in your own wedding!) He is not a boyfriend (which I can definitely understand not inviting if money is tight) and he is not a fiance (who I think should be invited, but the lines are less clear here and I can see why one might not invite a fiance in certain circumstances). He is your husband and I can''t understand why someone wouldn''t invite a good friend''s own husband.

Problem #2: It''s long distance and you have to FLY there! What does she expect him to do while you''re there? Sit in the hotel room by himself?

I would be upset too. Unfortunately, unless you want to talk to her about it, there''s not much you can do. Hopefully you and DH will enjoy your mini vacation together and spend time together the rest of the time.

 

[gwendolyn]

Sounds like your best friend''s mother-in-law is REALLY keeping hold of those purse strings tightly if she isn''t inviting spouses of the bridal party who have flown out for the wedding to the rehearsal dinner! (She is the one paying for the rehearsal I take it, hence the complications coming from her, yes?) Sucks, but at least it sounds like you have a good back-up plan with the possibility of the baseball game for your hubs and you as completely devoted support to your best friend if she has more drama to deal with.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 8/24/2009 8:17:48 PM
Author: tlh


Thanks ladies! I called to RSVP, and it was pretty clear I was invited solo. I had mentioned issues w/ the MIL. This apparantly was just another one of them. This is a day of quiet celebration and of reflection. I''m happy to be there for my friend and offer my support. I''m out of my pity pool party now, my fingers were starting to get all pruney. So I''m just going to look at this and be happy. My best friend is getting married, and I''m happy to be apart of it all. Who knows, maybe I can convince the MOB to give me a ride.. so that I can still eat drink and be merry! My hubs is already checking to see if there is a baseball game he can go to! So much for his broken heart, HA!

I''m glad you''re over the situation. I personally wouldn''t expect my SO to get an invite to every event I''m invited to just because he''s my husband but you say that she''s your best friend?? AND you''re flying there

- the more posts I read here on PS the more I feel like I''m reading a script from an American soap opera

 

[marlie]

ugh...tough situation. sounds like you are rising above it which is good but i think it''s crazy to invite someone to an event without their spouse. it''s not your boyfriend of a week...it''s your husband! and...you are traveling to be there. but all of that aside, because it seems like you resolved your feelings about it, do something nice for hubs at the hotel and go enjoy yourself, knowing you are the bigger person in the situation who didn''t make a big stink about it.

 

[tlh]

Thanks ladies, you''re awesome as always. Yes, I feel better, I just had to let my feelings out... and the ladies of PS are always such awesome supporters!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

 

[NYCsparkle]

if i were you i''d offer to pay for his plate to show her mil how tacky not inviting your husband is.....i''m surprised your friend didn''t offer to do so...especially since you are flying in to be there....your dh has to make sacrafices to be there too

 

[swimmer]

Gah! speechless

, which is very rare!

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 8/24/2009 6:15:58 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu
Are you kidding me? You have to fly out for this and he is not invited? That is rude.

FWIW, DH and I were invited to my niece''s rehearsal ''dinner'' this past Friday. DH had gotten roped in to being the videographer. It, too, was out of town [long drive] and we had to go through some ''schedule modifications'' to accomodate our being there at all and then an hour earlier than originally agreed [and then they decided to do the thing an hour later at the original time but did not bother to let us know], pick up the jackets for the groomsmen the next day [What they were doing instead of picking up their own jackets I have no idea.

]. And then up again [we stayed the lake which was an hour away] for the wedding late Saturday PM.

I was dismayed when, after being told that the bar was open [by my BIL, the bride''s father], the bartender asked me for $7 for my screw top Chardonnay. I would not do that to my guests [even if they are relatives - LOL!] at the rehearsal dinner. Jeez - I would not do that to my guests at a wedding or anything else I''m hosting!

Maybe I am too old fashioned? My position is: If you can''t afford ''em, then don''t invite ''em and if you invite a wife, the husband comes too, etc.

I agree. That''s very rude. Especially if the bride knows you and your husband are travelling to get to her wedding.

 

[D&T]

Date: 8/25/2009 10:27:34 AM
Author: NYCsparkle
if i were you i'd offer to pay for his plate to show her mil how tacky not inviting your husband is.....i'm surprised your friend didn't offer to do so...especially since you are flying in to be there....your dh has to make sacrafices to be there too

oooh, I like the idea of paying for the additional plate

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 8/25/2009 1:22:39 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 8/25/2009 10:27:34 AM
Author: NYCsparkle
if i were you i''d offer to pay for his plate to show her mil how tacky not inviting your husband is.....i''m surprised your friend didn''t offer to do so...especially since you are flying in to be there....your dh has to make sacrafices to be there too

oooh, I like the idea of paying for the additional plate

No, don''t be naughty

 

[that_someone_special]

I guess I''m catty. I would not attend the dinner

That way I''d be saving them the cost of my plate as well, since they obviously need the money

 

[D&T]

Date: 8/25/2009 1:54:35 PM
Author: Londongirl1

Date: 8/25/2009 1:22:39 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 8/25/2009 10:27:34 AM
Author: NYCsparkle
if i were you i''d offer to pay for his plate to show her mil how tacky not inviting your husband is.....i''m surprised your friend didn''t offer to do so...especially since you are flying in to be there....your dh has to make sacrafices to be there too

oooh, I like the idea of paying for the additional plate

No, don''t be naughty

wouldn''t that be the case

 

[tlh]

Ladies you''re great! Ha! You''ve really brought a smile to my face. Thanks so much.

 

[D2B]

It is just rude.
It is your husband for goodness sake, not a casual boyfriend. I would either offer to pay for his meal, offer to share my meal, not eat or not turn up. My husband and I are a team, in this instance, if she is really short for money,no harm we would pay for his meal, if the mil is being a cow, well dont let her get away with it. Bring it up politely and dont let them walk all over your marriage - just my humble .02c worth, I would be fumming.

d2b