shape
carat
color
clarity

Readings - a person close to you or the officiant?

aliciagirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2007
Messages
416
Hi everyone!

For those of you doing readings, are you just having your officiant read them or are you having a close friend/family member read them?

We have been working with our officiant on the ceremony and will be having at least two readings. She suggested asking friends/family to read them and says it always adds something extra the the ceremony - trouble is, who do you ask? If there are only, say 2 readings, and 8 people who would be willing to help out, is it just an opportunity to hurt people''s feelings?

In our families, the people closest to us are teachers, public speakers, and generally outgoing and most of them would really love to participate. Do you think it would be better to just let the officiant handle it as to not offend anyone who didn''t get asked? How did everyone else handle this?

1.gif
 
We didn''t have any readings in our wedding, but I''ve been to many weddings where the couple has asked people close to them to do a reading. My husband''s oldest and closest friend asked me to do a reading at his wedding. It was nice because my husband was the best man, and I obviously wasn''t going to be a bridesmaid, but that was a very nice way to include me in the whole thing.
 
I plan on having people close to me do the reading. One person that I''m positive I''m asking is my godmother. The other might be my FI''s sister as she is not in the wedding. I read at my cousin''s wedding. I think it''s great to have people close to you. By chosing my godmother, it''s obvious why and therefore no feelings should be hurt.
 
We are having a mutual friend do the reading.

And she''s actually a writer so instead of reading something already written, she''s writing a poem about us. I''m really excited!
 
We had my brother do a reading because he wasn''t a GM. It was nice to include him in that way.

Can you really not pick a couple of people? Are you equally close to all of your choices?
 
I think it definitely adds more to the ceremony to have people close to you vs. the officiant do the readings. We had two readings and each of us chose one person to do it. We chose my hubby''s sister and one of my close friends who is quite literary to read a more challenging poem. I don''t think it will hurt any feelings...folks generally understand.
 
Date: 6/15/2010 2:21:41 PM
Author: sunnyd
We had my brother do a reading because he wasn''t a GM. It was nice to include him in that way.


Can you really not pick a couple of people? Are you equally close to all of your choices?

We have two people in mind and no, we certainly aren''t equally close to all of our choices. The first is FI''s aunt who teaches young elementary school children and has such a great spirit and would be so great for a reading - only FI''s aunt and FMIL have always had such a competitive relationship (even as adults!) he is afraid it would hurt his mom''s feelings to not be asked (she, too, is a teacher!)

Second choice is a very close cousin. I was adopted by an aunt when I was young, so really this cousin is almost a brother. Problem with that is my aunt has another son I''ve never been quite as close to - possibly offending him and my aunt.

I''ve made it this far without hurting anyone''s feelings or stepping on toes (God bless my wedding planner!) and with a little over 2 months to go, I really don''t want to do anything now.

Thanks for all the advice everyone! We''re still thinking about it - maybe if we stay away from family and ask friends instead?
 
We had family members do the readings (I think we had two or three poems), and it was very meaningful. It was definitely more personal, so I''d recommend that instead of asking the officiant to do the readings. I''d be surprised if people''s feelings really would be hurt if you didn''t ask them to do a reading. If you feel strongly that you''d like to include more people, maybe you could ask them to do something else instead of a reading. We had two relatives hand out programs.
 
We did things a bit different, in that we asked whoever wanted to participate in our wedding to do so, and surprise us. We had a small guest list, so we could get away with it, knowing not everybody would. And until the ceremony we had no idea who would participate or with what...ha. We ended up with readings, poems, a slide show, a belly dance, a guitar duet, etc from about 8-10 of our guests. I can say that it was far more meaningful to us to have family and friends do these sorts of things than it would have been to have the officiant do them! I don''t think I would have felt the same tears or emotions listening to my officiant read "Oh, The Places You''ll Go" by Dr. Suess as I did listening to my sister and her partner read it, for example...ha ha.

So, I would recommend you have a couple family members, or friends, do them. I would never be offended at NOT being asked to do a reading. I mean it is your wedding!
 
Date: 6/15/2010 12:15:05 PM
Author: Travel Goddess
We are having a mutual friend do the reading.

And she''s actually a writer so instead of reading something already written, she''s writing a poem about us. I''m really excited!
Woah, you are one lucky girl! Will you post the poem on PS after your wedding?
21.gif
 
I vote for having people close to you do the readings. I''m lucky that one of our officiants is my best friend, but she''ll only do the message/sermon/homily. We''re each only having 1 attendant, so the readings are another way to incorporate more people. And I don''t think it would be inclined to cause jealousy. Particularly when they know and recognize that you''re closer to some people than others.

If you''re looking for more ways to incorporate people then maybe select them to do toasts at the reception, or to do a prayer at the beginning of the meal, or to hand out programs, be ushers, help tell people which table they will be seated at, etc.
 
Date: 6/17/2010 11:10:04 AM
Author: RaiKai
We did things a bit different, in that we asked whoever wanted to participate in our wedding to do so, and surprise us. We had a small guest list, so we could get away with it, knowing not everybody would. And until the ceremony we had no idea who would participate or with what...ha. We ended up with readings, poems, a slide show, a belly dance, a guitar duet, etc from about 8-10 of our guests. I can say that it was far more meaningful to us to have family and friends do these sorts of things than it would have been to have the officiant do them! I don''t think I would have felt the same tears or emotions listening to my officiant read ''Oh, The Places You''ll Go'' by Dr. Suess as I did listening to my sister and her partner read it, for example...ha ha.


So, I would recommend you have a couple family members, or friends, do them. I would never be offended at NOT being asked to do a reading. I mean it is your wedding!

Your wedding sounds great and so fun!! What a fabulous idea!
 
Date: 6/15/2010 10:23:00 PM
Author: aliciagirl


Date: 6/15/2010 2:21:41 PM
Author: sunnyd
We had my brother do a reading because he wasn''t a GM. It was nice to include him in that way.


Can you really not pick a couple of people? Are you equally close to all of your choices?

We have two people in mind and no, we certainly aren''t equally close to all of our choices. The first is FI''s aunt who teaches young elementary school children and has such a great spirit and would be so great for a reading - only FI''s aunt and FMIL have always had such a competitive relationship (even as adults!) he is afraid it would hurt his mom''s feelings to not be asked (she, too, is a teacher!)

Second choice is a very close cousin. I was adopted by an aunt when I was young, so really this cousin is almost a brother. Problem with that is my aunt has another son I''ve never been quite as close to - possibly offending him and my aunt.

I''ve made it this far without hurting anyone''s feelings or stepping on toes (God bless my wedding planner!) and with a little over 2 months to go, I really don''t want to do anything now.

Thanks for all the advice everyone! We''re still thinking about it - maybe if we stay away from family and ask friends instead?
I have never seen a parent do a reading at a wedding, only aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, etc. Your FMIL has a place of honor as the mother of the groom so hopefully she wouldn''t mind sitting there and taking in the whole thing, rather than getting up and speaking. If she wants to be able to contribute to saying something special about you two, she can always do that at the RD or during the speeches at the reception.

Based on what you''ve said, I would ask your cousin/almost brother and your FI''s aunt. It sounds like you''ve thought this through quite a bit.
 
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Top