REALLY feelin'' the itch!

[MrsHToBe]

I don''t post here often, but I just need to vent a bit, before I go all nutball, lol..

Reader''s Digest condensed version of mine, and FF''s situation: Met online in Sept. ''00, met IRL January ''01, and have been together ever since. Have lived together since ''02, on-and-off, but permanently since ''04. Have a DD together, who will be 5YO this year. Proposal was supposed to be by Dec. ''08, but STILL waiting.. rather impatiently, now.

FF had saved $ for my e-ring last year, but due to financial stress/job situations (for both of us), it went towards bills, etc., and he felt terrible for breaking the ''deadline''. We''ve both since found jobs (his more stable, and quite ''fruitful'', we''ll say), and he says that this year will be it, "for sure."

Today, though, I''m just having a hard time, STILL waiting. We''re great together, we have a family started, and financially we''re pretty much back on track, but part of me is really worried he''ll break the loose ''timeline'', yet again. Am I crazy? I mean, I know it''s only July, and we still have 5 months ''til the end of the year, but I feel like if I have to wait another 5 months to possibly let down again, I''ll resent him. Especially when we are doing so great right now. That doesn''t jive with me. I don''t want to resent him, as he''s an incredible boyfriend, and father.. it''s not like he''s doing this deliberately to make me upset..

Geez, I''m not even making any sense! LOL!
This rambling did sort of help, though.

 

[LilyKat]

You made lots of sense

I can totally see why you're frustrated.

Maybe this is just me, but I think once a couple has a child together, the dynamic of getting engaged and married changes. You've already made the biggest commitment that exists with each other - raising a child together. You're already partners in every sense. So I really don't think you should have to wait around for HIM to feel like he's ready, in the same way - I mean, ready for what? To take on the emotional, practical and financial responsibilities of being a husband and father? He's already doing that.

I would sit down and have a serious, honest discussion with him, telling him what you've told us, before the resentment builds.

ETA: Maybe he's worried about the costs of the ring and the wedding. If that's unjustified, talking to him honestly about your expectations and that you'd be happy with an inexpensive ring/wedding might help a lot. However, if that isn't the case, it might be time for you to prioritise what you really want - an expensive ring/wedding, or just to be married.

 

[MrsHToBe]

Thanks for your response, LilyKat!

I''ve voiced my opinions/concerns with him quite a bit, and he tries to assure me that the engagement/marriage is coming, and I won''t have to wait much longer.. I guess I''m just really feeling the itch today (more like, jumping the gun), more than others, and had to vent. LOL!
He knows the ring doesn''t have to be anything spectacular, and same for the wedding, but he wants them to be "what deserve", meaning more than just there, and it finally happening. He doesn''t want me to feel like he''s cheating me out of the big things, maybe?

The proposal, and wedding are just as much his, as mine, so if he wants to do it his way, I guess I''m just going to have to wait it out a bit longer.

 

[Indylady]

That sounds frustrating! I would be incredibly frustrated as well.

But to be honest, he sounds entirely committed; that''s the important part! Remind yourself that you have a lot to be thankful for.

And do something to take your mind off LIW-itis! A nice de-stresser and maybe a date night with SO?

 

[Magpie09]

Hey MrsHtoB

I''m sorry that you''re feeling frustrated, who wouldn''t be but i think many ladies are couple of other ladies in your same position where timelines were moved because of the financial situation. Has your SO shown any indication that he isn''t planning to propose according to the timeline you set together? If he hasn''t then maybe he''s just planning the perfect proposal for you and hunting for the perfect ring and you can also just ask him if everything is on track closer to the date if you don''t see any movement being made. In the mean time just keep yourself busy or focus on another area in your life (easier said than done though

)

 

[MrsHToBe]

szh07 - Thanks for your reply! You''re completely right.. I keep trying to remind myself that we''ve got a great thing going, and that I shouldn''t let my expectation of a proposal bring down my mood, but I''m just really, really anxious, lol. Thankfully(?) we''re apart for the summer (he''s 4 hours away for work), though, so at least I''m not bugging him constantly about it, haha. Also, since I''m back in my hometown, visiting my Dad, and old girlfriends while he''s gone, my mind has been other places.

Magpie09 - No, he hasn''t hinted that he may have to break the timeline, again, so I guess I''m jumping the gun. He actually keeps trying to reassure me that it''ll happen "soon'' (ugh, guy ''soon'', lol), but like I told szh07, I''m just really anxious. Being together as long as we have been, coupled with already having a family started, I''m just so ready to take ''us'' to the next level. Over the summer, I am trying to focus my energies on other things, though.. sometimes easier said than done, but I''m trying!