reception entertainment HELP-long

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Sorry this is long, once things get closer and I have to deal with FMIL these are going to be a lot more tense. My site gives 4 ½ hours for the wedding and the reception which means that after dinner and the ceremony there is 2-3 hours for the actual reception, this is where the problems come in. It is almost exclusively family who don’t dance and very few young people like FI and myself, so the standard DJ thing is out. We have a surprising number of single older males in our families and very few couples who dance, so dancing is mostly out. This leaves talking which is very bad.
My mother’s family is well educated, benevolent and extremely nutty. My father’s family is sweet, poor and mostly from small towns. My Fi’s family is split between nice people who don’t talk, young people with no tact and some people like his mother with strong emotional problems. While my family has little in common, they are all friendly. His family is always split into factions that are not speaking. Also, most of his family are really poor and they hate people with more money. Even their own relatives with more money are looked down upon. Meanwhile most of my family has done well for themselves and my parents are paying for this very nice wedding. Our families are going to hate each other. It is already so bad we talked about eloping just to avoid this. We have been together for four years and our families have never met and if it were up to us they never will.
So my problem is, once the food is done, what do we do? Dancing is out and conversations seem like a recipe for homicide. Anyone else have this problem? What did you do? What are other things people do with mostly older relatives at weddings?

 

[swingirl]

Music is always nice. Not dancing music but listening music. A 3-4 peice jazz combo with a female vocalist. That way all attention is on something. Or how about a slide show with photos of both families, almost lilke a family history kind of thing which of course ends up with your wedding.

 

[deorwine]

Ow, that sounds awkward, but it might be fine. At my reception there wasn''t dancing or DJ (we had mostly-classical music), and some but not much family factionalism with my family. (My dad and grandfather were kept apart AT ALL TIMES.) What happened was that the people who weren''t as close to us left fairly early, pretty much right after dessert/cake-cutting, and the ones who were close to us stayed later and talked. So it may not be such an issue as you think: the ones who don''t want to talk will probably just go home.

Can you do assigned seating in such a way that none of the people who would hate each other are together (or at least are at opposite sides of the table-- it''s actually pretty difficult to carry on a conversation with someone across the table at a wedding!) -- maybe ask your reception place if they could give you small tables so that it''s easier to arrange the seating. It may cost slightly more but it might be worth it for you. If they''re not sitting together (and often even if they are!), they probably won''t start to talk to each other if they don''t know each other already. You might also try to put friends with tact with the tactless ones (we did a bit of that at our wedding too).

 

[rockzilla]

I vote for the slideshow idea...just saw one of these at an Indian wedding and it was really cool.

What was extra cool is that the photographer had the phots from the ceremony that morning (!) already ready, so they were showing those as well!

 

[zoebartlett]

The slideshow idea is a great one! What about Irish music being played? I mentioned that because judging from your screen name, I''m guessing you have some Irish heritage. You could hire an Irish group to play during the reception. It''s lively but no one has to really dance to the music. Just a thought.

 

[jesterjigger]

We had a fairly large live jazz/big band because DH is a musician. Everyone *loved* it. Most people didn''t dance to the swing songs, but they were bobbing their heads and tapping their feet. There were always a lot of people on the dance floor for the slower songs. If you hire a good band that will make the atmosphere, we had lots of people come tell us or our families that they loved the band...so did the photographer even! One of my mom''s cousins liked the band so much that she and her husband found out where the band is playing in a couple of weeks and are going to go see them again. I highly recommend getting a live band, the older generations and our friends all loved the band (we''re not really the type to go clubbing anyway), so it was perfect for us.

 

[Haven]

Date: 9/23/2007 9:59:22 PM
Author: swingirl
Music is always nice. Not dancing music but listening music. A 3-4 peice jazz combo with a female vocalist. That way all attention is on something. Or how about a slide show with photos of both families, almost lilke a family history kind of thing which of course ends up with your wedding.

Great ideas, swingirl. We''ll be having a jazz ensemble and a slide show, too. I don''t even want to deal with the balking we would get from my family if we hired a DJ (there will be no electric sliding at my wedding!) and a full band really isn''t necessary since we''re having an afternoon reception.

We were also thinking about putting photographs all around the reception site with little stories or anecdotes about the people in the photos or the moment that is captured--almost like a scrapbook of our family history exploded onto the site, which will give people something to do during the reception, as well. My mother and I are throwing around the idea of asking shower guests to bring a photo and a story of their favorite memory with us or our family. We''re not sure if that''s asking too much, but we''ll see.

Hmmmm, now you''ve got me thinking--how else to entertain these guests of yours (and ours?)

I know of one couple that hired an artist to sit at their wedding and sketch renderings of the guests. He sketched using charcoal and pencil, I believe, and when the guests weren''t sitting for him he drew up pictures of people dancing, or laughing at the table. It was really sweet. I have no idea what that cost, but it was a nice token for the guests to take home. Perhaps you could find an art student to do something like this.

I think the best entertainment will be each other''s company, so a finely crafted seating chart will pair people with others who will be good company for them at the wedding.

I''ll be sure to come back if I get any good ideas! I know the ones I included are pretty odd, I''m working on it . . .

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

An irish band isn''t a bad idea, I will just have urge to go on stage and start performing (I used to compete as an Irish step dancer).
The seating chart really doesn''t make a difference. We are getting married in an old mansion, the grant humphrey''s in denver, and the seating area and the ball room are on different floors, so chances are that everyone will move to the ballroom once dinner is finished.
Also, as most of the guests are not local, I suspect they would not be leaving early.
My Fi keeps reminding me his family will find a problem no matter what, but for all the money that is going into it I really want it to be as nice for everyone as possible.
Any suggestions for the few young people there? Most are single but with one possible exception I suspect they will have the same animosity as the older generation.