Recession and engagement

[caribqueen]

I''m just wondering what some of you gals think about the current state of the economy. My hope is to be engaged some time this Spring, and then plan for a Spring 2010 wedding. My mother is moving forward with ideas to be ready, because my SO has already talked to my parents about an impending engagement. My question is, will you feel a little funny when you get your ring and "show it off" at work or wherever else, when people around you are being laid off or worry about that? Another thing that crosses my mind, is that I don''t want to be an unemployed bride when 2010 rolls around. I''m in an industry that is pretty shaky right now. I realize life must go on, and I know I can only take things one day at a time, but this year is not projected to be any better than 2008. Does anyone else worry or think about these things? Any thoughts?

 

[mrscushion]

Hey caribqueen, I see where you''re coming from. I was thinking about this topic the other day, too -- that had SO and I gotten engaged before year''s end 2008 (like I had originally hoped for but did not happen) I would have felt awkward showing off my ring at my workplace knowing that a few of my colleagues were leaving the company due to layoffs at the end of the year and were undoubtedly experiencing some degree of financial worry. If I get engaged some time in the next few months, I''ll likely be somewhat less effusive about showing off my ring than I would in better economic times.

I also see what you''re saying about the uncertainty of wedding planning when you don''t know what 2010 will bring professionally and financially. Don''t have any great advice here... as you''re saying, life goes on and you only know what you know, so I''d move ahead as planned and just probably spend some time thinking about how a potential stretch of unemployment in the next 18 months would affect the wedding budget, if at all.

 

[CNYHopeful]

Caribqueen,
These are some great questions and I do think about them from time to time as well. In regards to showing the ring and sharing the proposal to co-workers, I think they''d be really happy to hear some good news during the tough economic times. I think it''s especially important then for people to know that life does go on and that there is much to celebrate.

To be honest, I''d be fine with the whole pot luck reception thing. Really, during the Great Depression, when there were far worse conditions than right now - that was the norm. The whole community/family would celebrate with a simple meal but a truly heartfelt celebration. Unfortunately, for many brides, the possibility of a layoff means either 1) a delay in marriage or 2) giving up the glamor of a dream wedding for a more simpler celebration. It''s tough to face that reality when friends or family enjoyed elaborate dream weddings recently, but ultimately it''s about the couple starting their life together as one, and a recession cannot take that away from them.

However, I can completely empathize with the fear and anxiety at this time. It would be a very scary prospect to be out of work and have to start off a marriage with that added challenge. I just try to remind myself that I''m fortunate to have a job right now and try to make the most of it while I still can. Eventually, the economy will get better and more jobs will open up. I think about how my dad, the primary breadwinner in my family, was laid off for 18 months in the late nineties. He had 3 kids in college at the time and I have no idea how we were able to make do, but we managed. So, I think it''s possible to have a memorable, lovely wedding even if job situation got worse for both.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Just thought I''d chip in Me and fi got engaged sept. 30, i got a great job oct. 22, was laid off oct. 24 (yeah i know lol) and we are both still jobless. If anything it has made our relationship stronger and i know when we say for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, we will truly mean it and it will have a stronger impact on us
in case you''re wondering, our parents have been really great with lending us money to help with bills and rent

 

[trillionaire]

I''mnot engaged, and SO has already purchased the ring, but the economy effects us all! We were talking today about our V-day plans. We are cooking at home together, and not buying gifts. I think for weddings, as long as whatever you do says "you", you will be fine!

 

[stephbolt]

As a graduate student, there's not really a danger of being laid off from my job, so I don't think I would feel that weird about having people see my ring around school/work. However, I am a little worried about how it will affect the timeline of the wedding - my mother has already told my sister and I not to plan on a 2009 wedding because my parents will not be able to contribute at all due to the market downturn. Depending on how that turns around, they may not be in a position to contribute in 2010 either. Ultimately there's nothing to do about it now, if it comes to that point, FF and I will have to decide what is more important: getting married at that time and drastically minimizing our plans, or having a bigger wedding and postponing it further so we can save or my parents can be in a position to contribute again.

Smurfysmiles I really admire your attitude, hope jobs turn up soon for you and your FI.

 

[Thomperchik]

Caribqueen - It really has taken a toll on me this year. My salary was reduced by 48% and I wouldn''t be surprised if I got laid off this month (I work in finance). I told my SO that I didn''t want him to go all out on the ring, and that I didn''t want him to owe any $ on it because I might possibly be unemployed soon (Not that I want to, trust me!). As far as the wedding goes, we will probably have a long engagement until I can be settled in a job where I know I will be secured. The worst part about this is that I am in finance and everyone else that is looking for a job is also in finance and have equal or more experiance than me. It''s tough, but we''re working hard and holding on to faith!

 

[NakedFinger]

Caribqueen- I am a wedding planner, and I am happy to say that people are still getting married!

I have had some couples push back their dates, or postpone to an undetermined time because of the uncertainty of the economy (mainly brides with fiancés in the financial market). However, the majority are pushing forward, and I am still getting flooded with new clients (especially after the holidays, everyone gets engaged over the holidays....except me of course! lol)

Depending on your budget, and what expectations you have for your wedding, you may need to make some "adjustments". Like still have the wedding you''ve dreamed of, but invite less people. Or if that''s not possible, then making make some cuts to some items, and stick to a lower budget. In speaking with brides though, I''ve found they are more willing to give up their starbucks addiction....buy a few less pairs of shoes....eat in more...etc, than give up their dream wedding!

As far as showing off your ring....that is going to be an amazing and memorable time for you, that you will never experience again. You have every right to be excited, and don''t feel bad about it for a second!

 

[Dreamgirl]

My goodness yes I worry about it! ALL THE TIME. My boyfriend (of 10.5 years) constantly reminds me about the economy and how we will probably stand in line wearing fadoras waiting for bread. This is the worst time for us LIW's trying to get our lives started. My boyfriend is very concerned about his current job but is still looking for a new better job with no luck. He is very adiment about saivng money. So how would he ever buy me a ring while being so worrie himself about our economic future. It's incredibly frustrating. I was laid off my job in '08 but hired at my new job back in September. You never know what will happen though and I could end up laid off again for all I know.

Also, as far as my boyfriend goes...he probably wouldn't even buy a ring until after he is 'settled' into his new job and feels secure enough that he wouldn't lose the job. It's incredibly unfair.

Oh, and I have said this many times but he might also go back to school to get his masters and if he does that, he will need to save the money to pay for that too............

 

[SuiteLady]

Nope. I wouldn’t feel funny at all. There is always something. If it isn’t layoffs, it is death in families, divorces, and on and on. I think that in these times people WANT good news. There are troubles, but life goes on. I try to be optimistic at all costs.

As for the wedding, I have been thinking about a “reasonable” budget. What was reasonable a year ago is no longer the case. My skills are marketable (I’m an IT project manager). I have savings. I would definitely have to be more creative and no doubt I think that my relationship will be a lot stronger.

 

[BlueSki231]

Date: 1/9/2009 11:43:47 AM
Author: SuiteLady
Nope. I wouldn’t feel funny at all. There is always something. If it isn’t layoffs, it is death in families, divorces, and on and on. I think that in these times people WANT good news. There are troubles, but life goes on. I try to be optimistic at all costs.

I agree!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I sometimes think to myself that we were lucky to get engaged before the recession, but now we are kind of screwed bcs we are having our wedding right in the middle of it! Luckily - our parents are helping us pay for the majority of it but otherwise - there would be no way we could afford it right now. I think an alternative would be to get engaged with a more subtle ring, and elope or have an extremely informal, small wedding. We are ready to get married, and I don''t think we would have let the state of the economy stop us... Although that is so easy to say in retrospect. On the other hand, most people prefer to be finiancially stable before getting married...

 

[katica]

Good questions. I''ve thought about this as well.
Regarding showing off the engagement ring, etc... I would not worry about that at all. If someone begrudged me my ring and engagement because of their personal finances, I would doubt that is the kind of person whose feelings I should even worry about. That is ludicrous. I think people should be happy for you and if they''re not, they''re not the kind of people you should worry about. Hey, life goes on...

If all goes according to plan (IF!! - still waiting on the ring) we should be engaged by the end of winter and married in the fall. I don''t plan to postpone because of the economy, but if I was a bit younger (I''m 29) I might consider doing so. I''ve waited long enough, I''m not going to hold off because of the recession.
Stick it to the recession!!

 

[caribqueen]

It''s nice to know I''m not alone in my thoughts. The talk on this board seems to revolve around diamonds and jewelry so much, that you''d forget that there are a lot of people out there barely making ends meet, who are also weary about the future. And I do understand for many of us, including me, the engagement ring could be the most valuable piece of accessory we ever wear, and we want our time to be fabulous. I do wish I could''ve been engaged and married when times were jollier, but that wasn''t to be. I''ll just continue to take it one day at at time.

 

[purelily]

This one hits a little close to home. Because of the recession, I was laid off a couple months ago and I have been actively searching for a job. Right now, my SO is supporting us both so his savings has gone down and what he did have for our ring is no longer available. We are probably going to get engaged w/o a ring b/c I''d rather have the proposal (and him!) than anything else.

That said, I would be extremely excited for any of my coworkers or friends if they had gotten engaged with a shiny new bauble. Everyone''s situation is different and we all have to be there for each other

 

[misskitty]

It''s definitely on my mind. I was laid off in October (actually, on the same day as Smurfysmiles) and had to do some rearranging, including taking a leave of absence from grad school. I''m working very hard to overcome feelings of career uselessness (until I get my master''s, I''m not even really entry-level in my field).
On the flip side, things took a wonderful upturn for B, and even though I''m still searching for a job, he got a promotion and we moved to a smaller city with a lower cost of living. I''m so happy for him, and it''s actually making me feel more optimistic about finding a job.
Things are still very tight, and it means that we won''t be getting engaged for a while (he insists on proposing with a ring that I "deserve" -- even though he knows I''d be happy with a twist-tie), but being poor together has actually been a good experience. We definitely appreciate the little things more, and we reeeeally appreciate the big things.

 

[laughwithme]

I think it would be very naive for people to not take the economy into consideration. Personally, I have definitely thought about ways in which it could affect my future wedding (our ability to contribute money, family''s ability to contribute money, if out of town guests can afford to come) and in my own circumstance, it seems that right now, there is always a "plan B." Luckily we both have good paying jobs so if one of us got laid off, we''d still be okay (we would have to adjust some plans though.) Most guests are in-town, and maybe 10% live a 3-hour drive away, and only a handful are a plane ride away. So, all in all, I don''t feel like it''s going to affect us that much.

However, if the vendors want to reduce costs to help struggling couples, I''m all for it!

 

[brendaman]

It''s delayed SO''s schedule in purchasing my e-ring. It took us four months to find the stone, and now he''s just agreed with jeweler on a two-month payment plan for the stone. I think this means the setting would be paid for on Month 3 (March), and I would get the stone thereafter whenever he pops the question.

So, yes, the economy has affected our engagement plans. We''re not even planning to plan the wedding this year. SO''s business has slowed down, and he has clients which have not paid, so: (1) he does not have the money he thought he would; and (2) he needs to put some money aside for other non-engagement/wedding-realted expenses.

I''ve actually asked whether we should postpone the ring purchase, but he wants to get engaged this year as he loves the sapphire stone we''ve found.

 

[brendaman]

Well, since writing the above post, we''ve decided to postpone the ering purchase.

I''ve written about it here.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I really think that even though the economy is bad and people are hurting financially, the joy of engagement and marriage will still be wonderful for those of you who are planning either (or both) and for those around you - its still such a joyful event, and ultimately its not about the ring, or the wedding, or any of that, its about the commitment you are making to each other.