Registry, Schmegistry... Apparently.

[sumbride]

Vent:

M just called. His mom is upset. SHOCKING.

Seems she bought us the knifeblock set we registered for, but he told her we already got it. I had, in fact, removed it from the other registry TWO WEEKS ago, where it was still marked 0. I thought I was safe. But no, she informed me, via him, that it was "still on the list!" I don''t know if she''s using an old print out or what, but I''ve updated my registry about 40 times since my last shower. And if she DID buy it from the registry, why didn''t she have them take it off the list? or put it on? or whatever.

and somehow this is all my fault. Not only that, but she is upset because she now has in her possession a present I already have. She could take it back and get something else... she has time... the shower isn''t until Saturday. But she doesn''t want to because C&B is "too far away". (15 miles)

What''s the point of creating a registry if people don''t actually look at it when they shop? Or use it appropriately? I don''t have a problem with people going off registry, per se, but when they do so in such a way to completely violate the principle, it''s just irritating. I already had a knifeblock... that''s why I took it off the list.

ah well, maybe she''ll attach the gift receipt and we can pretend the whole thing didn''t happen... but most likely she''ll tell EVERYONE at the shower the whole story, the whole time making sure it was MY fault she duplicated her gift.

 

[surfgirl]

Just a gentle reminder that is it a "gift", and you can always return it and get something else. It''s not the end of the world.

 

[sumbride]

I know... but for HER it IS a big deal. For me, not so much. For her, it''s like the worst thing I could have done. umm... huh? yes, it is.

I will accept graciously, whatever it is, but she will harrass me about it for the next 20 years. "I bought them a gift and THEY ALREADY HAD IT!!!" Like that''s my fault.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Yeah...this isn''t another "ungrateful bride" issue, this is an issue of the gift-giver getting pissed that you DARE to have something she bought...

 

[sumbride]

Date: 7/19/2007 3:45:00 PM
Author: rainbowtrout
Yeah...this isn''t another ''ungrateful bride'' issue, this is an issue of the gift-giver getting pissed that you DARE to have something she bought...

EXACTLY! Had she marked it on the registry, I would have taken the other one back, but now I''m 1500 miles from the store where the other one was purchased and must keep that one.

 

[Pandora II]

Hmm, could you tell her you took the other one back and then accept hers and either use it as a future gift or sell it or give it to a charity raffle or something?

 

[sumbride]

That''s a good idea, Pandora! Thanks! Now to get FI to keep the story straight...

 

[surfgirl]

Oh, I see. well tell her that you''re of course keeping HER gift since it''s from her (whatever!), and let it go at that...Does she not have anything more pressing to occupy her time? Like, say, world hunger or the Junior League?

 

[sumbride]

Date: 7/19/2007 5:32:47 PM
Author: surfgirl
Oh, I see. well tell her that you''re of course keeping HER gift since it''s from her (whatever!), and let it go at that...Does she not have anything more pressing to occupy her time? Like, say, world hunger or the Junior League?

alas, she has no hobbies aside from shopping. Maybe I should suggest she get started on that world hunger thing. As a food pusher, it would come easy!

 

[havernell]

Just to make sure this doesn''t happen again (and someone else gets mad at you) I would make a rule between you and your FI that you never tell someone "we already got that gift" and just accept any duplicate gifts you get without saying anything and then return them later on your own.

Now, I''m not saying your FI was wrong to inform your mom she was about to give a duplicate gift (I''m sure he thought he was being helpful and rational, which, in the opinion of sane people, he was). But, this is a good lesson for all of us on this board (and our FIs) that the ONLY reaction we should ever have to someone''s gift is to say "thank you" and smile (and then deal with it later if we don''t particularly want it).

Sorry this has turned out to be such a big deal for you FMIL though... but just remember, this too shall pass!

 

[FireGoddess]

Maybe she should redirect her anger at the person who BOUGHT it already and didn''t have it CHECKED OFF the registry.

What does it all have to do with you?

I second just not saying anything anymore...at least at stores where you have a registry, whether they give you the gift receipt or not, the store is usually good about taking the stuff back that is duplicated.

 

[Selkie]

Ack...sorry for the drama. FMIL-directed eyerolls outgoing.

 

[door knob solitaire]

I like Pandoras suggestion too!

"Oh MIL I am so glad you thought to get this....XXX was missing and the block was chipped. You saved us!"

Then go out and kick the heck out of her tires...deep breath...dive into a huge bar of chocolate and eat it like a 1 year old eats his bday cake. You will feel better. And she will come out smelling like a rose...everythough she really smells of sauerkraut.

DKS

PS. Just between you me and fencepost...MIL''s are never supposed to buy the knifes. It is sort of a thing you just don''t do*.

This tale was way before Lorena Bobbit....So I don''t know the orgin.

 

[FireGoddess]

Not to totally go off topic though, but isn''t it superstitious that one is never supposed to give a knife as a gift? Usually you are supposed to ''pay'' for them. One of my former coworkers got us a chef''s knife and included a dime in there that we were supposed to give back to her to ''pay'' her for the knives. I hadn''t heard of that before but apparently it''s some superstition?

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 7/19/2007 7:38:10 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Not to totally go off topic though, but isn''t it superstitious that one is never supposed to give a knife as a gift? Usually you are supposed to ''pay'' for them. One of my former coworkers got us a chef''s knife and included a dime in there that we were supposed to give back to her to ''pay'' her for the knives. I hadn''t heard of that before but apparently it''s some superstition?

My Chinese aunt taught me that one. It applies to any sharp object that could "cut" the friendship.

 

[risingsun]

Perhaps it''s time to develop a "regifting" strategy!! Just remember to remove all the evidence, such as shower cards and siix-month olld Jordan almonds

 

[door knob solitaire]

I remember the jordan almonds! Too funny!

DKS

 

[sumbride]

I told FI that we would just deal with it, but I like the idea of a policy. We can take it back or sell or whatever. He told me she also bought us a fondue pot that also wasn''t on the list because we already have one so I''m practicing my "surprise face" now.

No knives as gifts eh? That''s interesting... hadn''t heard that before. It does seem a little sinister I suppose, but they are Wusthof and we both like to cook!

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 7/19/2007 9:04:38 PM
Author: sumbride
I told FI that we would just deal with it, but I like the idea of a policy. We can take it back or sell or whatever. He told me she also bought us a fondue pot that also wasn''t on the list because we already have one so I''m practicing my ''surprise face'' now.

No knives as gifts eh? That''s interesting... hadn''t heard that before. It does seem a little sinister I suppose, but they are Wusthof and we both like to cook!

Yes, practice the surprise face.

Oh I love my knives too...just give the giver a penny or something.

Can''t hurt.

 

[janinegirly]

how was your shower sum? mine was so nice. small, intimate, great friends, family and touching gifts! i was still a lil'' sick but took some flu pills so no one noticed a thing!

 

[sumbride]

Glad to hear your shower went well Janine! And glad the cold has abated a bit. I felt fine for mine, luckily.

The shower was fun, and FMIL only embarrassed herself... but she tried HARD to embarrass me. Ugh. She was 40 minutes late because she got lost though she has lived in the area for about 40 years. She walked in, immediately called attention to and insulted her granddaughter''s choice of dress and posture (I watched the girl wilt at the comment), and then proceeded to ask my mother, in front of everyone, if my brother was still mad at me. (petty argument that my FI should not have told his mom about, but alas... she shouldn''t have brought it up!) Luckily my mom ignored the question and changed the subject, but still... it stung. I mean, come on... this is a celebration of ME and she''s trying to bring up what is somewhat of a painful subject in front of 15 of my closest friends that she has never met???? UGH. Also, when one of the hostesses offered her a tea cup as a favor she launched into a rant about how she has all this china and silver that "nobody wants" even though she told me I was inheriting it... I guess she forgot. Whatever. My bridesmaid was not amused.

And we did get the fondue set. She also got me similar versions of things that were on my registry but she told me that she picked them because she didn''t like the ones I had picked out. And she was annoyed when I pullled the easter grass out of her gift basket and added it to the trash bag because she had "packed it" and I said "my cat will EAT it, I can''t take it home!" Ah well...

Everyone and everything else was fab and I''ll do a post soon, but it''s good to leave the vent here I suppose.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I would have just returned it and never told her

I am sure it will blow over.