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Remembering a loved one

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museikchik

museikchik

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 2, 2008
Messages
267
Okay so I kind of want everyone''s opinion on this. Last year my younger brother passed away from leukemia. I was thinking of putting a rose on a chair or something like that to remember him at the reception. My only problem is that my mom is taking it very hard (which is understandable). I am not a mom but can''t even imagine what it must be like to lose your own child. She came into my office a few months ago and started crying when she saw our family picture. I don''t want to upset my mom but I really want to do something special for my brother. Can anyone think of anything that is reallly subtle? I know this is really difficult, believe me I have been thinking about this for the past couple of months. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
museikchik, I am so very sorry about your brothers passing. *hugs* But I think it''s a lovely idea to want to honor his memory in a subtle way. I think your rose idea is lovely. I''m not sure what your wedding colors are going to be, but maybe have a single yellow rose as a part of your bouquet in honor of him? Or add a nice poem dedicated to him in the program? If you haven''t already, it''s probably a good idea to ask your mother what her opinion is of a nice way to honor him. I can''t even imagine how hard this must be for your family, but I am sure you will find a lovely way to honor his memory at your wedding. Best wishes!
 
i''ve lost a LOT of close family members and friends in the past few years and am in a similar situation of wanting to honor people but not upset my guests. i''m having my florist attach small pictures of loved ones to my bouquet--i''ll know they''re there, but it''s discreet. here''s a picture of what i mean--lots of websites sell the bouquet charms. i''m so sorry for your loss, and kudos to you for your strength and bravery! i can''t imagine losing a younger sibling! best wishes to you for much happiness and a beautiful wedding!

this picture is of a bouquet with the picture charms sitting in a vase, and it also has a closeup of the charms with it. hope it gives you some ideas!

charmed in vase.jpg
 
one more picture of the bouquet without the vase in the way...

charmed bouquet.jpg
 
We lost my most beloved grandparents, Baba (7 years ago) and Pa (recently). I was very close to both, and especially my grandfather. He was like a father...

We had a corsage and boutonniere on the cake table with a small candle. We felt it didn't make the event too sad, and was a nice way to remember them. I also wore my Baba's baptismal cross which she wore every day of her life, until she passed. My husband carried in his pocket my Pa's war cross...My Mom did cry when she saw the corsage and boutonniere...but she soon smiled after!

For our parents gift, I bought my mom a locket necklace with pics of me, and my new husband, my brother and dad, and her parents, Baba and Pa. It is engraved....
 
How about lighting a candle in his memory? I have seen this done, it''s a nice way to remember those that you have lost? Just a thought.
 
Good idea Kaleigh (so smart!). We thought of something similar, but our Catholic Church would not allow it
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Instead, we did a prayer to them, ready by one of their other daughters....during mass.
 
Date: 8/24/2008 9:24:17 PM
Author: PearlDahhhling I think your rose idea is lovely. I''m not sure what your wedding colors are going to be, but maybe have a single yellow rose as a part of your bouquet in honor of him? Or add a nice poem dedicated to him in the program? If you haven''t already, it''s probably a good idea to ask your mother what her opinion is of a nice way to honor him.
Click to expand...

I think both of these ideas are absolutely FABULOUS! A rose in every bouquet, a poem in the program, even a prayer or some other acknowledgement during the ceremony... or a toast at the reception.
I''m not sure about an empty chair though (I know you''re just brainstorming) I think that''s a bit ''heavy''.
 
I just wanted to thank you ladies for all of your wonderful ideas.

Pearl Dahhhling: As crazy as it sounds, I had never thought of asking my mom what a good idea would be. I guess I was soo afraid of making her upset that I somehow didn''t even think about it. I will have to do that next time I talk to her. Thank you for your support *hugs*.

Doodle: It is a really weird feeling to know that your brother won''t physically be there to see you get married or even meet his future nieces/nephews. I am just hoping that by doing something at my wedding, he will still know that I do think about him everyday. Thank you for your kind wishes.

UCLABelle: I really like your locket idea, I think I might copy you and do something like that for my mom. I think she would really like it.

Kaleigh: Normally I would love to light a candle in someone''s honor but it reminds me too much of the rosary ceremony we did after his passing which was a very emotional time for me and it would be too much for me to handle. I do appreciate the thought though.

LaraOnline: We may do a toast but I just have to figure out what to say not to make all of my guests cry or depressed.

Thanks again ladies. I hope that all of you have a great week.
 
I am so sorry about his passing.

I am sure your mom will feel sadness, but I think she would also want your acknowledgement of him. Can you ask her what she thinks? I am sure she will want him to be remembered as well, but it will be of course a sad moment in a happy celebration.

I love the rose idea personally. I have also seen someone put a small item that was treasured by the person who passed away. Not sure if you have anything like that. I just feel terrible for you, was he very young? It is every parents worst fear to lose a child.
 
Yeah he was pretty young. He just made it to see his 24th b-day. The doctor''s had told him on February 14th 2007 that the chemo treatments weren''t working and that he had the option of staying in the hospital for six months while they gave him medication to make him comfortable or he could go home and would only have one week. He choose to go home but he made it to March 16th before he passed away (a little over a month).

My mom was there with him every step of the way. She used to spend the night at the hospital sometimes when he didn''t want to be alone. She had the opportunity to really talk to him and I think that is why she is taking it so hard. I mean we all are but of all of us she is taking it the hardest.
 
I think your mom would be MORE upset if you didn''t honor your brother''s memory. She is still grieving, that''s clear, but I think you should involve her in your planning for this. She will be sorrowful, but I think ultimately it will help her. Not talking about your brother won''t lessen her hurt in any way, and she may ultimately find it comforting to be able to plan this with you. I think it will mean a lot to her that you want to honor him in some way.
 
I agree Musiek that you need to talk with your Mom about this. Otherwise it''s like the The Elephant in the Room. I think that this will be another opportunity for healing although still bittersweet. I agree that the chair would be too "heavy". No matter how you approach it, it will be emotional for all of you, but perhaps it can be subtle and you can enjoy the celebration as I suspect M would expect of you.
 
Okay so I finally got to talk to my mom about this and told her what I was thinking and she loved it. I have to give you a back story. When we were little kids my brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs. He had this teddy bear named RADAR (just like M.A.S.H) that he loved more than anything in the world. Whenever I would get mad at him and really wanted to get him good I would rip RADAR''s head off (I know it sounds awful but that is the joy of being the oldest). Anyway my mom used to always make me sew his head back on. After the second time I was like screw this and purposely sewed his head on crooked ever since. I never told anyone.

Fast forward twenty years later when we were sitting in the hospital room my brother takes out RADAR. I guess he brought him to the hospital with him. I started laughing and of course my whole family wants to know why I am laughing so hard. I finally admitted to sewing RADAR''s head crooked on purpose which no one ever noticed before. Then I also admitted to using different color thread on purpose. I think we found out that I had to sew the head back on like five times. My family was rolling, especially my brother. It was a good memory for us.

Back to my idea. I was thinking it would be fun to bring RADAR and just have him sit in a chair at my family''s table. My mom got really into it and wanted to make RADAR a tuxedo. I know that it sounds really weird but I was just soo grateful that she thought it was good idea and it didn''t make her upset.
 
Date: 9/1/2008 1:37:08 PM
Author: museikchik
Okay so I finally got to talk to my mom about this and told her what I was thinking and she loved it. I have to give you a back story. When we were little kids my brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs. He had this teddy bear named RADAR (just like M.A.S.H) that he loved more than anything in the world. Whenever I would get mad at him and really wanted to get him good I would rip RADAR''s head off (I know it sounds awful but that is the joy of being the oldest). Anyway my mom used to always make me sew his head back on. After the second time I was like screw this and purposely sewed his head on crooked ever since. I never told anyone.

Fast forward twenty years later when we were sitting in the hospital room my brother takes out RADAR. I guess he brought him to the hospital with him. I started laughing and of course my whole family wants to know why I am laughing so hard. I finally admitted to sewing RADAR''s head crooked on purpose which no one ever noticed before. Then I also admitted to using different color thread on purpose. I think we found out that I had to sew the head back on like five times. My family was rolling, especially my brother. It was a good memory for us.

Back to my idea. I was thinking it would be fun to bring RADAR and just have him sit in a chair at my family''s table. My mom got really into it and wanted to make RADAR a tuxedo. I know that it sounds really weird but I was just soo grateful that she thought it was good idea and it didn''t make her upset.
Click to expand...
Great story...you do whatever gets you and yours through the day with ease...just make sure that someone or a child dosnt walk off with your well dressed teddybear.
 
That''s an awesome idea!! I can''t believe you ripped RADAR''s head off so many times.
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I love that your Mom made you sew it back on though. That''s awesome. I think a dressed up RADAR will be a loving tribute that the whole family will recognize as well as bringing some lightheartedness to the situation. I''m glad your Mom was on board, because honestly, I was a little worried about that.
 
Date: 9/1/2008 1:37:08 PM
Author: museikchik
Okay so I finally got to talk to my mom about this and told her what I was thinking and she loved it. I have to give you a back story. When we were little kids my brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs. He had this teddy bear named RADAR (just like M.A.S.H) that he loved more than anything in the world. Whenever I would get mad at him and really wanted to get him good I would rip RADAR''s head off (I know it sounds awful but that is the joy of being the oldest). Anyway my mom used to always make me sew his head back on. After the second time I was like screw this and purposely sewed his head on crooked ever since. I never told anyone.


Fast forward twenty years later when we were sitting in the hospital room my brother takes out RADAR. I guess he brought him to the hospital with him. I started laughing and of course my whole family wants to know why I am laughing so hard. I finally admitted to sewing RADAR''s head crooked on purpose which no one ever noticed before. Then I also admitted to using different color thread on purpose. I think we found out that I had to sew the head back on like five times. My family was rolling, especially my brother. It was a good memory for us.


Back to my idea. I was thinking it would be fun to bring RADAR and just have him sit in a chair at my family''s table. My mom got really into it and wanted to make RADAR a tuxedo. I know that it sounds really weird but I was just soo grateful that she thought it was good idea and it didn''t make her upset.
Click to expand...

This is such a lovely idea! Radar is going to look great in a little tux too. We are trying to think of something to honour FI Dad who passed away before we met, and it''s hard to come up with something special and personal without bringing the tone down if you know what I mean. I hope your day is very special and I am sure your brother will be there sitting with Radar watching over you.
 
Jewelerman: I didn''t even think about that. I guess I will either have to superglue RADAR to the chair or have someone stand guard with a taser.
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Miracles: Yeah I was a mean sister (I''d like to think I have gotten better over the years). You would think that after having to sew it on like two times that would put an end to the whole ripping the head off thing. I guess I was on a mission. Honestly the whole thing started on accident. When we were kids I had my own room. He was in it and I wanted him out because my friend was over. I pushed him out of my room and closed the door. Well the little punk decided to shove RADAR''s head under the door just to irritate me. Well I decided to pull on the head to get the whole bear and hold it hostage. Well the head ended up ripping off and my brother screamed. It was soo funny but I knew I was going to get it. My mom came up the stairs and saw what happened. I couldn''t even deny it because I was still holding the head. She wouldn''t even listen to my side of the story and insisted that I sew the head back on (I think I was like 8). Well the rest is history.

Honey: Thanks for the kind words. I am sure that you and your FI will find someway to remember his Dad without bringing everyone down.
 
Museikchik, that is the FUNNIEST story! I was SOOOO like that with my brother and sister when we were little.

Will Radar need a booster seat? You could glue him to that.
 
I think that having Radar at the table would be a wonderful way to remember your brother. I''m so sorry for your loss, and touched that you''re trying so hard to honor his memory.
 
Marchswallowbird: The booster seat thing is a great idea. I will have to try to find one. It is comforting to know that I was not the only person in the world that was mean to their siblings. As I was typing the story, I was totally cracking up. I don''t know why I think it is soo funny.

geckodani: Thank you soo much for your kind words. I have to tell you this though. I used to work at GEICO and saw the gecko and was like oh my gosh they are stalking me.
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Just had to share.
 
museik: You need to take a trip down RockyTalky lane and look at some of the loose stone pics geckodani took of her diamond with that GEICO pin. Unbelievable!! It made me want to order a diamond just so I could play with it.
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Date: 9/2/2008 8:10:47 PM
Author: museikchik
I couldn''t even deny it because I was still holding the head.
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i''ve read this whole post three times, and every time i get to this one line, i completely lose it! my FI thinks i''m nutty, but he''s an only child, so he just doesn''t get it.

i think having radar at the wedding is a truly brilliant idea and is very symbolic of y''all''s relationship. i love it!
 
Doodle to be honest with you I can''t even tell the story without busting out laughing. When I worked at GEICO, I tried to tell my co-workers the story and got to the part where my brother stuck RADAR''s head under the door and completely lost it. I was laughing so hard I couldn''t breathe. Of course they thought I was insane. I tried to continue the story but they couldn''t even understand me through the laughter. I will ask my mom to take a picture of RADAR so that everyone can see what his crooked head looks like.
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ETA: geckodani slipped those pics into the Show Me The Ring Thread, even though there is no ring yet
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I can't wait to see Radar.
 
radar reminds me of a story with my little sister''s doll, ethyl tethyl. someone gave the doll to my sister and it was BEYOND ugly, as in, if you made a ragdoll of a homeless person, it''d look like this doll, but she LOOOOOOVED it. the doll had a name tag attached to her, so it became a big family discussion about what my sister would name the doll. mom, being silly and knowing my sister would hate it, kept telling her to name it ethyl, but my sister was SET on naming it tiffany, so she asked my mom how to spell it, and mom said "e-t-h-y-l". my sister writes this on the tag, then goes, "i thought tiffany started with a t", so mom says "yeah, t-e-t-h-y-l" and my sister wrote it on the tag. my brother and i are both sitting there cracking up, my sister''s like "what is so funny!?" and we finally broke it to her that the doll''s name tag said "ethyl tethyl" and, since there wasn''t any more room on the name tag, she had to leave it. ethyl tethyl came to an untimely end when my sister woke up in the middle of the night one night and threw up all over me and ethyl tethyl, whose head came off in the washing machine. TO THIS DAY, and my sister is now 20 years old, if you mention ethyl tethyl, she gets FURIOUS and my brother and i both laugh until we cry.
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That is an awesome story doodle. I think it is imagining what ethyl tethyl looked like without a head once she was taken out of the washing machine. That is the way my brother used to get about other stories (not the ones about RADAR ). It is soo funny because when they get mad like that it just makes you want to tell the story even more. I used to share stories to all of my brother''s new friends. They would crack up but he would just get upset. Of course my younger brother and I thought it was hilarious.
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