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Ring cold feet.... What is wrong with me

  • Thread starter Thread starter MillieLou
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MillieLou

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I finally got my dream ring - 2 carat EC, beautiful cut, ideal (for me) specs, perfect setting. It's lovely and exactly what I wanted.

And now...

... I've remembered I don't actually like wearing jewellery
... I find it annoying to have something on my hands that isn't a plain band (the setting is as smooth as can be, and I had the same issue with a full bezel in the past - it's me not the setting)
... I worry about damaging it
... I worry about it being stolen (I don't tend to lose things but if someone broke in / mugged me / whatever it would go - and insurance options in the UK are very expensive and poor for jewellery, and claiming would significantly impact my other insurance premiums)
--- I don't really have "special occasions" to wear it to, even in non-Covid times - I have a very casual lifestyle - so what exactly is the point?

I like the idea of jewellery but owning it and wearing it... not so much. I don't own any other costly or luxury possessions. You'd think I would have considered this BEFORE spending all that money on it, wouldn't you? :wall:But I keep thinking, if only I find the perfect one, it will be OK.

I've put it away for a few days and feel a sense of relief that I can use my hands properly, not have to worry about anything. I don't miss it. I take it out and look at it, and think "oh pretty" but not the deep sense of joy and fulfilment I thought I'd feel :roll:

After casually chatting at the jewellers, I was offered much more than I expected for it, upfront (albeit still a significant loss to what I paid - but that money is spent). So, now I'm also thinking I could have that nice chunk of money in my bank account, comfortable free hands and a carefree mind. It's very tempting.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, and what they did about it.

Please be gentle, I know I'm an idiot :wall:
 
Maybe guilt for spending the money?
 
It doesn't make you an idiot at all, I see it as it makes you a connoisseur: you appreciate finely crafted pieces, want to own them, and treat them with the highest levels of care and respect...even if that means that they end up sitting in a jewelry box most of the time.
 
This is an honest truth, from a complete stranger. There are only a few select reasons you wouldn't want to wear your ring, and I won't get into any of them.

Maybe, just maybe, you're not used to wearing jewelry every day. And hey, that's OKAY. You don't have to. Who makes the rules? you do. You don't need a ring on your finger to scream look at me im married! My ring is 9.4 carats. Do you think I wear it every day? uh.. no. Sometimes I dont even wear my band every day. My husband knows this, and he doesn't give it a second thought. YOU do you..that's all there is to it. But don't sell it back to the jeweler unless you're in dire need of funding for something.

Cheers <3
 
Since you’ve already purchased the stone and the money has already been spent, I would wait and really think about what you want to do before doing it - you don’t want to make any expensive decisions! I would commit to myself to not sell it for six months to a year and go put it in the bank until then so the safety thing is taken care of. You can always sell it later.

For one month, do nothing. Go about your life like this diamond doesn’t exist. See if after a week or month you start feeling the pangs. Don’t “visit” it in the meantime - no dopamine rush from looking at it!

Purchase an equivalent size ring and pendant in CZ. Start with the ring - wear the CZ around and see if you actually want to wear it more. Then you know the value of the diamond is what is throwing you off. If that is the case, then there are things you can do - steps you can take to secure the stone when you’re not wearing it, coming to terms with the actual risks (making sure the fear of being robbed is not overblown for example).

If you don’t want to wear the CZ ring either, wear the CZ pendant and see if the ability to wear it as a pendant gives you joy. If it does, reset your ring as a pendant. If it doesn’t, and it feels like wasted money, you know this isn’t for you; and at that point you can look to selling your stone.
 
You’re not an idiot. At all.

These are high stakes purchases because they are special items that cost loads of cash. I think it’s ok to be having second thoughts, and to ultimately decide it isn’t for you even having gone through all the trouble.

I will share an analogy.

I transferred undergraduate schools twice. It took me 5.5 years to graduate instead of 4 because of it. I burned all of my savings on moving back and forth across the country…twice. And paid 1.5 years of extra tuition. In the US, that’s a small fortune. But, I ended up in the best program for me and had an incredible experience along the way. Was that idiotic? Depends on who you ask.

Now, grad school. Apparently I learned little from my undergrad experience. I was in my late 20s and wanted to change career tracks. I attended a specialized program for a full year, then freaked out, thought it wasn’t the right program and stopped. I applied to completely different types of programs over the course of a year. I got into those, and then realized, shucks! The program I was initially in was the right one after all. Was it idiotic to was the time, energy and money on getting cold feet? I burned a whole year hemming and hawing that I could ill afford. So? Depends on how you look at it. But now I feel confident that what I’m doing is right for me.

My long winded point is, sometimes we have to actually try something out before we really know what we want. There is something especially “frivolous” about jewelry at face value, but it’s not really. Anything engagement related is usually emotional, and it took you trying it out to discover what works for you and what doesn’t. It’s an expensive way to learn, but if you hadn’t tried, you would’ve always wondered I bet and it would’ve gnawed at you.
 
You aren't an idiot at all!!!! I bought a ring thats my dream, and have never worn it outside of the house due to fear of damaging it or losing it.
 
I was reading a thread recently and two longtime Pricescopers admitted to not wearing their jewelry very often. Both women have collections that rival any I’ve ever seen, but they go in and out of wearing any of it. Sometime months at a time. So, know you’re not alone.

What jumped out at me about what you said is the ”deep sense of joy and fulfillment” you thought you’d feel once you found the right ring. No doubt a lot of us here can identify with that sentiment, but that’s a lot to ask for from a piece of jewelry, any object or even a person, for that matter. Taking a break from the piece as others have mentioned would be a great idea. That way you can let go of all the expectations you had around the purchase and come back to just appreciating it for what it really is.

What is it? At the very least, it’s something you thought was very beautiful that you deserved to enjoy. So let yourself have that experience of enjoying it, even it’s only for a half hour in morning while you drink coffee and hang out on Pricescope. You can always sell it down the road if you need the money.
 
Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read my ramblings and for your thoughtful replies. They are really helping start to make sense of what might be going on.

AprilBaby said:
Maybe guilt for spending the money?
Click to expand...

Yep. I am a very frugal person. I literally have no other expensive luxury items. We don't need the money but I am just not in the habit of spending it. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if that's something I will get over or not.

DejaWiz said:
It doesn't make you an idiot at all, I see it as it makes you a connoisseur: you appreciate finely crafted pieces, want to own them, and treat them with the highest levels of care and respect...even if that means that they end up sitting in a jewelry box most of the time.
Click to expand...

I do appreciate finely crafted pieces! And handle my jewellery with kid gloves. But while this doesn't seem to bother some people, I don't get much pleasure out of just looking at what I own and not wearing it. Again... not sure if this might change over time.

blingmeupscotty said:
This is an honest truth, from a complete stranger. There are only a few select reasons you wouldn't want to wear your ring, and I won't get into any of them.

Maybe, just maybe, you're not used to wearing jewelry every day. And hey, that's OKAY. You don't have to. Who makes the rules? you do. You don't need a ring on your finger to scream look at me im married! My ring is 9.4 carats. Do you think I wear it every day? uh.. no. Sometimes I dont even wear my band every day. My husband knows this, and he doesn't give it a second thought. YOU do you..that's all there is to it. But don't sell it back to the jeweler unless you're in dire need of funding for something.

Cheers <3
Click to expand...

Thank you. Wow, 9.4 carats, that puts things in perspective :DI don't need the funds... it's a weird drive to relieve myself of unnecessary material possessions. I'm basically Marie Kondo crossed with an ascetic.

AllAboardTheBlingTrain said:
Since you’ve already purchased the stone and the money has already been spent, I would wait and really think about what you want to do before doing it - you don’t want to make any expensive decisions! I would commit to myself to not sell it for six months to a year and go put it in the bank until then so the safety thing is taken care of. You can always sell it later.

For one month, do nothing. Go about your life like this diamond doesn’t exist. See if after a week or month you start feeling the pangs. Don’t “visit” it in the meantime - no dopamine rush from looking at it!

Purchase an equivalent size ring and pendant in CZ. Start with the ring - wear the CZ around and see if you actually want to wear it more. Then you know the value of the diamond is what is throwing you off. If that is the case, then there are things you can do - steps you can take to secure the stone when you’re not wearing it, coming to terms with the actual risks (making sure the fear of being robbed is not overblown for example).

If you don’t want to wear the CZ ring either, wear the CZ pendant and see if the ability to wear it as a pendant gives you joy. If it does, reset your ring as a pendant. If it doesn’t, and it feels like wasted money, you know this isn’t for you; and at that point you can look to selling your stone.
Click to expand...

This is great advice. Thank you.

The fear of being robbed / burgled... We don't live in a high crime area. I have had jewellery stolen as a student but that was down to carelessness (leaving real gold items in an open jewellery box on a shelf in a student room... ). But I know people who have had things stolen more recently and it's at the back of my mind. It's also the annoyance of having to be careful. I like the freedom of leaving the doors open to let in fresh air when I'm at home, and when I'm cooking... not necessarily closing windows if I'm just out for a short time... now I have to think about where the darn ring is all the time. I have nothing else worth stealing so have had to change my habits!

Cerulean said:
You’re not an idiot. At all.

These are high stakes purchases because they are special items that cost loads of cash. I think it’s ok to be having second thoughts, and to ultimately decide it isn’t for you even having gone through all the trouble.

I will share an analogy.

I transferred undergraduate schools twice. It took me 5.5 years to graduate instead of 4 because of it. I burned all of my savings on moving back and forth across the country…twice. And paid 1.5 years of extra tuition. In the US, that’s a small fortune. But, I ended up in the best program for me and had an incredible experience along the way. Was that idiotic? Depends on who you ask.

Now, grad school. Apparently I learned little from my undergrad experience. I was in my late 20s and wanted to change career tracks. I attended a specialized program for a full year, then freaked out, thought it wasn’t the right program and stopped. I applied to completely different types of programs over the course of a year. I got into those, and then realized, shucks! The program I was initially in was the right one after all. Was it idiotic to was the time, energy and money on getting cold feet? I burned a whole year hemming and hawing that I could ill afford. So? Depends on how you look at it. But now I feel confident that what I’m doing is right for me.

My long winded point is, sometimes we have to actually try something out before we really know what we want. There is something especially “frivolous” about jewelry at face value, but it’s not really. Anything engagement related is usually emotional, and it took you trying it out to discover what works for you and what doesn’t. It’s an expensive way to learn, but if you hadn’t tried, you would’ve always wondered I bet and it would’ve gnawed at you.
Click to expand...

You are totally right. As much as I hate wasting money, the prospect of doing it if I sell the ring doesn't bother me. It's a sunk cost and I feel that I had to do it - get the perfect ring I had in my mind - in order to know how it felt. I would always be wondering otherwise. I agree you don't know until you've tried something and sometimes (often) experience has a cost. Thank you for sharing this.

Tourmaline said:
I hope you get over not wanting to wear it. It's beautiful. You may regret it if you sell it.
Click to expand...

Aargh you may be right :errrr: Thank you.

lovedogs said:
You aren't an idiot at all!!!! I bought a ring thats my dream, and have never worn it outside of the house due to fear of damaging it or losing it.
Click to expand...

Now this is very interesting @lovedogs .... can you tell me more? How do you feel about keeping it but only wearing it in the house?

mwilliamanderson said:
I was reading a thread recently and two longtime Pricescopers admitted to not wearing their jewelry very often. Both women have collections that rival any I’ve ever seen, but they go in and out of wearing any of it. Sometime months at a time. So, know you’re not alone.

What jumped out at me about what you said is the ”deep sense of joy and fulfillment” you thought you’d feel once you found the right ring. No doubt a lot of us here can identify with that sentiment, but that’s a lot to ask for from a piece of jewelry, any object or even a person, for that matter. Taking a break from the piece as others have mentioned would be a great idea. That way you can let go of all the expectations you had around the purchase and come back to just appreciating it for what it really is.

What is it? At the very least, it’s something you thought was very beautiful that you deserved to enjoy. So let yourself have that experience of enjoying it, even it’s only for a half hour in morning while you drink coffee and hang out on Pricescope. You can always sell it down the road if you need the money.
Click to expand...

Yes I read the same as you and was also surprised! But the difference is that they seem to get a lot of pleasure from just looking at their jewellery. Whereas I look at mine and don't feel any different to looking at pictures of beautiful pieces on PriceScope. Actually I probably feel worse, because the PSers jewellery didn't cost me anything...

You're right about the excessive expectations on a piece of jewellery. I was being tongue in cheek about the deep sense of joy and fulfilment :cheeky: but there's an element of - why did I spend SO much on something that's just pretty and pleasant to look at? It's the proportionality of cost to enjoyment that feels way off.

You're right that I could always sell it down the road.
 
Just a random thought but do you think a bezel setting would help? They are great for people who use their hands a lot and provide a lot of protection to the stone, not to mention it provides a sleek low-key look.
 
Petalouda said:
Just a random thought but do you think a bezel setting would help? They are great for people who use their hands a lot and provide a lot of protection to the stone, not to mention it provides a sleek low-key look.
Click to expand...

I used to have a bezel OEC ring :) A beautiful, smooth, well-made one that now lives with a lovely PSer as a pendant. Same problem unfortunately :( I still couldn't bash my hands around the way I like to, without taking it off first.
 
MillieLou said:
I finally got my dream ring - 2 carat EC, beautiful cut, ideal (for me) specs, perfect setting. It's lovely and exactly what I wanted.

And now...

... I've remembered I don't actually like wearing jewellery
... I find it annoying to have something on my hands that isn't a plain band (the setting is as smooth as can be, and I had the same issue with a full bezel in the past - it's me not the setting)
... I worry about damaging it
... I worry about it being stolen (I don't tend to lose things but if someone broke in / mugged me / whatever it would go - and insurance options in the UK are very expensive and poor for jewellery, and claiming would significantly impact my other insurance premiums)
--- I don't really have "special occasions" to wear it to, even in non-Covid times - I have a very casual lifestyle - so what exactly is the point?

I like the idea of jewellery but owning it and wearing it... not so much. I don't own any other costly or luxury possessions. You'd think I would have considered this BEFORE spending all that money on it, wouldn't you? :wall:But I keep thinking, if only I find the perfect one, it will be OK.

I've put it away for a few days and feel a sense of relief that I can use my hands properly, not have to worry about anything. I don't miss it. I take it out and look at it, and think "oh pretty" but not the deep sense of joy and fulfilment I thought I'd feel :roll:

After casually chatting at the jewellers, I was offered much more than I expected for it, upfront (albeit still a significant loss to what I paid - but that money is spent). So, now I'm also thinking I could have that nice chunk of money in my bank account, comfortable free hands and a carefree mind. It's very tempting.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, and what they did about it.

Please be gentle, I know I'm an idiot :wall:
Click to expand...

If you are an idiot, then I think you are in very good company....myself included! :) I have a Tiffany diamond bracelet that DH bought me years ago that has never been worn out of the house except for my daughter wearing it on her wedding day. I have bought and sold a Rolex watch. DH bought me an Hermes Kelly and I sold it (with his approval--he knows me and does not take this personally).

Right now I am struggling to pick out a major anniversary present (I have a thread here about a toi et moi ring) and I absolutely cannot yet pull the trigger.

I wish I could say, like you, that this is because I am part Marie Kondo--far from it lol.

I just think of all the other things that the money could be used for, and that I might appreciate more. And, like you, I worry about losing a valuable item or having it stolen.

I think you have to weigh for yourself the risk/reward of this situation. If it has become a burden to you to own this ring, I would think about selling it.

NOW--I say that as a very new member here with little understanding of the financial aspect of the diamond industry. I just really know what it is like to have a possession be an ongoing internal struggle---for me--there is no peace until it is out of my house.

Good luck and please keep us posted!
 
MillieLou said:
Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read my ramblings and for your thoughtful replies. They are really helping start to make sense of what might be going on.



Yep. I am a very frugal person. I literally have no other expensive luxury items. We don't need the money but I am just not in the habit of spending it. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if that's something I will get over or not.



I do appreciate finely crafted pieces! And handle my jewellery with kid gloves. But while this doesn't seem to bother some people, I don't get much pleasure out of just looking at what I own and not wearing it. Again... not sure if this might change over time.



Thank you. Wow, 9.4 carats, that puts things in perspective :DI don't need the funds... it's a weird drive to relieve myself of unnecessary material possessions. I'm basically Marie Kondo crossed with an ascetic.



This is great advice. Thank you.

The fear of being robbed / burgled... We don't live in a high crime area. I have had jewellery stolen as a student but that was down to carelessness (leaving real gold items in an open jewellery box on a shelf in a student room... ). But I know people who have had things stolen more recently and it's at the back of my mind. It's also the annoyance of having to be careful. I like the freedom of leaving the doors open to let in fresh air when I'm at home, and when I'm cooking... not necessarily closing windows if I'm just out for a short time... now I have to think about where the darn ring is all the time. I have nothing else worth stealing so have had to change my habits!



You are totally right. As much as I hate wasting money, the prospect of doing it if I sell the ring doesn't bother me. It's a sunk cost and I feel that I had to do it - get the perfect ring I had in my mind - in order to know how it felt. I would always be wondering otherwise. I agree you don't know until you've tried something and sometimes (often) experience has a cost. Thank you for sharing this.



Aargh you may be right :errrr: Thank you.



Now this is very interesting @lovedogs .... can you tell me more? How do you feel about keeping it but only wearing it in the house?



Yes I read the same as you and was also surprised! But the difference is that they seem to get a lot of pleasure from just looking at their jewellery. Whereas I look at mine and don't feel any different to looking at pictures of beautiful pieces on PriceScope. Actually I probably feel worse, because the PSers jewellery didn't cost me anything...

You're right about the excessive expectations on a piece of jewellery. I was being tongue in cheek about the deep sense of joy and fulfilment :cheeky: but there's an element of - why did I spend SO much on something that's just pretty and pleasant to look at? It's the proportionality of cost to enjoyment that feels way off.

You're right that I could always sell it down the road.
Click to expand...

I feel awful for not wearing it. But I'd feel worse if I sold it. So I'm hoping eventually I feel like I can wear it.
 
lovedogs said:
I feel awful for not wearing it. But I'd feel worse if I sold it. So I'm hoping eventually I feel like I can wear it.
Click to expand...

Do you have a thread / pictures of it? No worries if not, just being nosy as it seems a very similar situation to mine...
 
I think sometimes the thrill is in the chase, and once you have what you thought you wanted, and spent a lot of time and energy getting, the high is gone.

Honestly, I didn’t even wear a wedding ring for 40 years, I accumulated jewellery, but rarely wore it, for many of the reasons you’ve said, didn’t have anywhere to wear it, afraid of being robbed, didn’t want to damage it.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever own anything as beautiful as Bella, and even though I don’t wear her every day, I do put her own whenever I go out. I take her off as soon as I get home, and put her back in her box.

I also think being a member here skews your views about jewellery, and ‘The One’. Perhaps in time, your view will change about your ER, and your feelings about having it and wearing it will too.
 
Oh I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! Don't beat yourself up. Easier said than done, I know. Put the ring away for a few days and try not to put so much pressure on yourself to enjoy it.

I personally had a similar experience when I recently picked up my dream ring (I got it reset! :))) I was happy for a day, then overwhelmed with guilt, regret and this sinking feeling. Why did I need this? Why did I spend so much money on something of pure luxury? Who do I think I am? I was actively talking myself out of appreciating it and panicking thinking how would I sell and recoup the money?!

These feelings passed once I talked to my husband about my guilt. He brought me back to reality: we are so fortunate to be able to spend on fun things, it's my dream ring, you only live once. It's something I never thought I'd be lucky enough to own so it has taken some adjustment.

Perhaps you can take a break from wearing it and take a few months at least to think about what you really want?
 
Austina said:
I think sometimes the thrill is in the chase, and once you have what you thought you wanted, and spent a lot of time and energy getting, the high is gone.

Honestly, I didn’t even wear a wedding ring for 40 years, I accumulated jewellery, but rarely wore it, for many of the reasons you’ve said, didn’t have anywhere to wear it, afraid of being robbed, didn’t want to damage it.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever own anything as beautiful as Bella, and even though I don’t wear her every day, I do put her own whenever I go out. I take her off as soon as I get home, and put her back in her box.

I also think being a member here skews your views about jewellery, and ‘The One’. Perhaps in time, your view will change about your ER, and your feelings about having it and wearing it will too.
Click to expand...

Yes definitely something about the high being gone after spending so much time and energy on getting it just right. It's something I've noticed I do in other aspects of my life. Going from being a non-jewellery-wearer, did you find that you got used to wearing Bella regularly over time? Both physically and in terms of the fear of losing / damaging it? Also (only if you don't mind my asking) do you know of any good UK insurance options?

Fllama said:
Oh I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! Don't beat yourself up. Easier said than done, I know. Put the ring away for a few days and try not to put so much pressure on yourself to enjoy it.

I personally had a similar experience when I recently picked up my dream ring (I got it reset! :))) I was happy for a day, then overwhelmed with guilt, regret and this sinking feeling. Why did I need this? Why did I spend so much money on something of pure luxury? Who do I think I am? I was actively talking myself out of appreciating it and panicking thinking how would I sell and recoup the money?!

These feelings passed once I talked to my husband about my guilt. He brought me back to reality: we are so fortunate to be able to spend on fun things, it's my dream ring, you only live once. It's something I never thought I'd be lucky enough to own so it has taken some adjustment.

Perhaps you can take a break from wearing it and take a few months at least to think about what you really want?
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness, the bolded part is EXACTLY what I am doing!!! You've just described it perfectly! I think my husband would say the same as yours if I told him how I felt (I haven't yet...)

I think taking a break is a good option. While no-one knows what diamond prices are going to do, there doesn't seem any advantage to selling now rather than 1, 2, 10 years down the line even. I need to get out of that mindset.
 
I was kind of in a similar boat. I bought a very beautiful ring and had no emotional response to it. Just like you I thought "Oh pretty", but I didn't feel anything.

I returned my new ring and went back to the ring that I fell in love with long ago ...but discarded due to some minor things because I needed things to be "perfect"

I'm looking at my old ring and I'm not bothered by its color or performance anymore. I love it, and always loved it I just didn't know it until I saw another "perfect" ring... which wasn't perfect for me

Have you ever had an attachment to another ring? ...or had an emotional response to a piece of jewelry? Sometimes what our head wants isn't a match to what our heart truly wants

Also if the amount of money you spent bothers you and it's right in your face every time you look at your ring... maybe it makes sense to return it and buy a smaller one?
 
MillieLou said:
Yes definitely something about the high being gone after spending so much time and energy on getting it just right. It's something I've noticed I do in other aspects of my life. Going from being a non-jewellery-wearer, did you find that you got used to wearing Bella regularly over time? Both physically and in terms of the fear of losing / damaging it? Also (only if you don't mind my asking) do you know of any good UK insurance options?



Oh my goodness, the bolded part is EXACTLY what I am doing!!! You've just described it perfectly! I think my husband would say the same as yours if I told him how I felt (I haven't yet...)

I think taking a break is a good option. While no-one knows what diamond prices are going to do, there doesn't seem any advantage to selling now rather than 1, 2, 10 years down the line even. I need to get out of that mindset.
Click to expand...

I'm exactly the same. Who do I think I am (as a swede, and in Scandinavia, it's a common "phenomenon" known as "Jantelagen")?

I wear studs and necklaces very often, but rings are a bit harder for me. I'm a clumsy individual and I gesticulate quite a lot. I'm so afraid of damaging the stone, or the setting, that I have a hard time wearing my engagement ring on a daily basis. Recently I have made an conscious effort of putting it on as often as I can (not when cleaning or exercising), and I think I'm starting to relax a bit more. My SO says that if something would happen we'll sort it out, it's not the end of the world.

Hope you feel better soon :).
 
I can completely empathize with you! I do enjoy wearing a wedding set, so I don't feel like you on that. But I recently got an amazing upgrade after wanting a large stone for my entire freaking adult life and going through 3 prior stones which carried varying degrees of "bad" feelings. So there was so much build up in my mind that this ring would just be perfect and make all those other feelings go away.

And I am struggling honestly. I also don't have any other luxury items. I feel embarrassed at how expensive it is! It would be bad taste to ask but if a close friend or my mom ever did I just wouldn't be able to admit what it cost. Even though we could comfortably afford it I still feel strange about it. The other things that we could have spent the money on, just investing it instead, doing something spectacular for my kids or as a family. I do believe that I deserve it and I knew I would struggle with this. So my mind is doing lots of things to try to sabotage my happiness during the return period: do I really need this, is it crazy to own something other than a car or house that is so valuable it needs insurance, is it too flashy (turns out no one has even noticed it enough to comment yet though!!), is this even the right stone/setting/style/wedding band, etc. And then the doubt causes more bad feelings because I feel like I owe it to my kind and patient husband to be over the moon happy at this point in the journey.

Some of us are just harder on ourselves than others. You do deserve this. Give it some time. But if it ends up being a net negative and you need it gone, that's ok to. But don't rush it right now.
 
I felt that way when I was 25 so I put my ering into a safe deposit box and there it sat for 15 years. When I woke one day, burnt out from being a full time working mom and just hitting 40, I said to myself, where is all my damn stuff? Bling, pretty things, things just for me? I had put everything I earned into the family and not a single thing for me, nothing for anniversaries, birthdays, push presents. I mean I got cool fun stuff, casual clothes, a few purses, but nothing significant. NO JEWELRY, no trips, nothing. And I had deprived myself, and never conditioned my DH to get stuff for me either. (Damn I was easy.) Then I got started on catching up. I do wish I had treated myself for the first 15 years of my marriage.

Well, your journey is your journey. You gotta do what feels right for you. However, if I could give my younger self some advice, it would be get jewelry, get used to wearing it, even if it feels weird and not you. There are worse things to get used to.
 
First, I so appreciate you for starting this thread and for your and everyone’s candor. It’s why I like this community so much. We like jewelry because it produces emotions but sometimes those emotions are complex. And this is a safe space to talk about that.

It seems you still have some sorting out happening in terms of which feelings are coming from where, and I fully realize I just referenced complexity and am now going to talk about only one feeling, but - you wrote about fear of wearing the ring. So when I’m faced with a fear, it always helps to ask myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” From my vantage point, the worst is that someone steals the ring and you never see it again, or you bash the stone to smithereens. While you’ll never get back THAT stone, if you buy the good insurance, you’ll be made whole and will have the chance to replace it, right? Can you see yourself being ok with that (unlikely) scenario?

We put a lot of emphasis on perfection here, so it can be cringe-y to think about all the wear and tear we put on our “perfect” rings. But that’s the price of admission. For me, I tiptoed around for the longest time until human nature won out and I started to just … be. And the ring lives on! But I had to suffer a bit until I got to place where I’m, like, 90% certain that I can’t destroy it and totally ok with filing an insurance claim if that 10% chance of destruction happens.
 
No criticism here. Jewelry is a luxury as it is not necessary. It is easy to see and understand the conflict. Then you realize it is not cheap and we all have love/hate relationships with money. Throw some guilt in the mix and you can literally see the stomach churning!
Wearing diamond rings really can be an imposition. You have to be careful with them on. However, in the house especially, it is easy to be free of them. I would not feel that I had to wear them all of the time but if they don’t bring you pleasure when you are out and about or at least for dress up, then maybe they really aren’t for you. I would give yourself more time to explore your feelings before deciding to sell. If all the things listed above make you crazy, there is nothing like a good dose of regret to send you over the edge!
I think your new ring is beautiful but I can’t help but wonder - did you think it would be the perfect ring but now it is not? Is there something about the diamond or setting that you don’t really care for? If you sold the ring, would you put the money in a separate account just for yourself - for something else - or would you just fold it back in the household and not remember what you spent it on? I don’t like wasting money but will spend good money on something I really want. I want to see something special for the money so I would hate to see you sell it only to spend it on this or that and have nothing to show for it at the end of the day. This money was spent on you so if sold, the ring money should be put away just for you - know what I mean? Spend it on a down payment for a car or new bedroom furniture or something that you will remember ‘trading’ the ring for so that you won’t feel that all is lost.
You may change your mind completely about it in time. Because jewelry is a personal luxury, it is nice when it brings pleasure and not angst. Insurance helps prevent the fear of losing or having something stolen and I am sorry to hear that insurance is difficult where you are located. Some don’t believe in it and while I understand their rationale, it is the very thing that allows me to wear and enjoy my best pieces without fear.
Above all else, don’t feel bad about your feelings. As you can see, many others have lots of thoughts and feelings about theirs too. Don’t spend time beating yourself up about it - the noise from that may be drowning out your deepest thoughts and feelings about it.
 
I think jewelry is meant to be worn, and if not worn, I guess some people just get joy out of looking at in the box. If neither is happening for you @MillieLou , then yes, maybe put it away for a while and then try again, but if that doesn't work, I'd say sell it and put the money into something that does make you happy, or put the funds away until you figure out what does. I wouldn't wait 10 or 15 years to figure out if you want to wear it.
 
I feel this way about high-end bags. Which are a fraction of the cost my ering or a lot of my jewelry, for that matter. I have no idea why the thought of babying my LV’s is so excruciating but my Jewelry is no big deal. I don’t have an answer for you except that I avoid my purses. They are locked up. I only have a couple now. But I can wear my anywhere and never leave home without it.
 
@MillieLou I think my jewellery insurance is an add-on (very expensive add-on!!!) to our household policy. The Insurance company insisted we upgraded our safe and Bella is insured if I’m wearing her or she’s in the safe.

In terms of getting used to wearing such a big diamond, I found it remarkably easy :mrgreen: Honestly, I don’t live in a high crime area, and after the last awful 18 months, I now wear her whenever I leave the house, even if I’m only going to the supermarket. I take care not to ram my hand in to things, but otherwise, I put her on and enjoy.
 
I just want to say that I love the responses in this thread. We’re all so different and we all approach jewellery differently, but we always seem to come to consensus on the #ImportantStuff!

So I guess I’ll just echo the consensus! You’re allowed to feel however you feel. No expectations. But don’t act on those feelings until you’re sure of your choice - give yourself several months to be sure.

I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t actually like wearing jewellery. I’m really easy on jewellery, generally, but it’s a mental weight - knowing it’s on and knowing I need to be careful. That’s one of the biggest reasons earrings are my favourite type of jewellery - I’m not knocking my ears into things, no need to be careful wearing them!

But even though I say “I don’t like wearing jewellery”… My engagement ring needs to be at least somewhat wearable, for me. I had a seven stone at one point (I still have the mount)… It’s sculpture in precious metals. It’s not the least bit wearable except in name only. I was absolutely terrified of damaging it - even though it’s insured it’s truly irreplaceable. I never ever wore it. Not okay, even for me. My current ring is delicate and I still don’t wear it regularly, but I can put it on every now and then and not feel haunted by spectres of Fate and Destruction.

May I recommend talking with your husband? He shares your financial situation so of course his perspective would be most meaningful to you, even without the ‘husband’ bit ::) A few months ago I redid my jewellery insurance policy. I keep details on pieces so it wasn’t hard to sort and tally everything up, but I’d never done it before, and the totality was shocking. I felt so guilty. All that money gone to… Pretty things that my husband can’t even share!? At least paintings are on the wall for everyone to enjoy!! I spent a couple days feeling too guilty to even talk to him about it. But then I did and… The man doesn’t give two figs about jewellery, honestly. He thinks it’s frivolous, ridiculous, and pointless. So his reassurance that we can afford it so my happiness is worth it - all that guilt evaporated nearly instantaneously. I don’t know how your husband views your sparklies but I rather imagine he’ll encourage you to try to squelch any worries about the extravagance just like mine did ::)
 
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