Sad that friend is missing bachelorette party (vent)

[peony44]

Hi all, I usually just lurk here but felt like I had to vent to someone. One of my best friends just let me know that she will be missing my bachelorette party this weekend to go away with her fiance. I am not having bridesmaids but if I were, she would be one and I am one of her bridesmaids. Also, she has been planning the bachelorette party with my other friends and I planned hers. I guess the weekend getaway was a surprise trip from one of her fiance''s friends and the tickets are all booked because her FI didn''t know that this weekend was my bachelorette. First of all, why didn''t her fiance know? When I have weekend plans, my FI knows, and deifnitely knew when I was helping to plan this friend''s bachelorette party a few months ago. I just don''t understand how it''s possible to let someone book a trip for you without double checking that the weekend works. And I know my bachelprette is not a big deal, but I have done a lot for this girl''s wedding and was really looking forward to a small bachelorette party with my close friends. And I even picked the date based on her schedule since she is getting married later this summer! So she emailed me telling me she couldn''t come and I want to know how to respond. I am pissed and sad and feel like I should tell her that I think what she''s doing is sort of messed up. But I also don''t want to cause problems and I am in her wedding and blah blah blah. Am I overreacting? Should I tell her how I feel or just pretend everyhthing is okay? Thanks girls!!

 

[princesss]

Honey, take a deep breath.

It''s totally possible that her FI didn''t know. I''ve found that even when I tell my SO that I have plans on a certain day, and remind him the day before, he STILL forgets on the actual day. Unless I''m flying out of town and need a ride to the airport, he generally has no idea that I''m doing anything. So she may have told her FI (several times, even), but once the tickets were booked it was too late.

I''d tell her you''re sad to not have her there, but that you hope she has fun. Then maybe go out for drinks just the two of you, or do something else special. You''re two brides-to-be, I''m sure you can come up with something fun and special!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 7/6/2009 11:51:22 AM
Author:peony44
Hi all, I usually just lurk here but felt like I had to vent to someone. One of my best friends just let me know that she will be missing my bachelorette party this weekend to go away with her fiance. I am not having bridesmaids but if I were, she would be one and I am one of her bridesmaids. Also, she has been planning the bachelorette party with my other friends and I planned hers. I guess the weekend getaway was a surprise trip from one of her fiance''s friends and the tickets are all booked because her FI didn''t know that this weekend was my bachelorette. First of all, why didn''t her fiance know? When I have weekend plans, my FI knows, and deifnitely knew when I was helping to plan this friend''s bachelorette party a few months ago. I just don''t understand how it''s possible to let someone book a trip for you without double checking that the weekend works. And I know my bachelprette is not a big deal, but I have done a lot for this girl''s wedding and was really looking forward to a small bachelorette party with my close friends. And I even picked the date based on her schedule since she is getting married later this summer! So she emailed me telling me she couldn''t come and I want to know how to respond. I am pissed and sad and feel like I should tell her that I think what she''s doing is sort of messed up. But I also don''t want to cause problems and I am in her wedding and blah blah blah. Am I overreacting? Should I tell her how I feel or just pretend everyhthing is okay? Thanks girls!!

I''m sorry you''re feeling upset. I think you''re overreacting though. It''s very possible she did tell her FI and he just forgot. Or she was having a busy week when the trip was booked, or any number of other reasons. Your bachelorette is important to you and your closest friends, but it''ll always be MORE important to you...it doesn''t sound like she intentionally planned to miss it. Just unfortunate timing. So wish her a good trip, and like Pricesss said, maybe you guys can go out later on your own.

 

[meresal]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I would be upset if I were in your situation. Since she was one of the planners, you would assume that she might have mentioned it a time or two around her FI. Yes, maybe he forgot, but like you my FI and I don't paln or agree to any group events without checking with eachother first.

Can I vent back to you about the EMAIL notification. One of my House Party members backed out on me last night. She lives in another state with her BF, and she sent me a FACEBOOK MESSAGE last night, 3 weeks before the wedding. I'm not an idiot, I knew she was going to back out, she hasn't called or returned email in quite a while and never sent in her RSVP, but she, just like your friend, decided that email was the best way to handle it.
What is it with these people? It's funny how situations like this show you a person's real character. Man-up and freaking CALL a person.
*Vent over* Sorry about that.

I thought about it for about an hour, and I chose not to tell her how I felt back thru email. I sent a nice email saying, "Please tell BF that I am so excited for his new job offer and your relocation. I am upset that you won't be here, but that is no reason for you to go broke." She will be visiting in the Fall and I plan to talk to her about it then, if it is still on my mind, which I doubt it will be. My friend's situation was budget related (moving across the world for BF's new job), as opposed to a last minute trip. If I were in your shoes, I would wait until after the weekend, and try to meet with her next week.
For right now, I would call her, and say something along the lines that mine did, "I hope you have a great time. I'm definitely upset you won't be at my bachelorette party, since we have been planning and awaiting it for quite some time. It won't be the same without you." Since she hid behind and email, I have a feeling she, like most people, will become extremely apologetic. Hopefully that will make you feel better!!

My Bachelorette Party is this weekend as well!!! I hope you have a blast!!!

 

[peony44]

Yeah, you are probably right I am overreacting and I won''t say anything. I think it''s also I''m annoyed because I spent a lot of time planning her party, feeling bad for her when it didn''t turn out the way she wanted, listening to her complain about it, etc. I purposely didn''t have bridesmaids so people wouldn''t feel guilty about my wedding so I guess this is one of those times. But this friend is also constantly MIA and just never around when you need her. so I guess this goes deeper. haha but I will be nice.

 

[mrm]

I don''t think you are overreacting. I wouldn''t turn it into a huge argument or anything but I would tell her how you feel. Otherwise I think it will fester inside of you. I would be a little disturbed that she e-mailed rather than called... Did she seem really sympathetic?

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Hi Peony-

Sorry that you are having such a hard time. My advice is to reply that you hope she has an amazing weekend with her Fiance and that you look forward to having a drink with her before your wedding to celebrate.

MY POV is from having 6 weddings this summer including my own and both hosting and attending events for all brides involved.
I hosted 2 bridal showers this season for friends who were getting married. Both were in full force of my own wedding planning. Both had invitations go out within 3 weeks of their shower, because I was so busy! It didn''t mean that I don''t care, not at all. I was just really busy with our own preparations but really wanted to do this for them.

As far as the FI thing, my fiance is a boy. He knows that I do a million things and I send him calendar updates constantly, but honestly, he still doesn''t know we are having dinner with his parents until I am getting dressed and looking at him because he is still planted in front of the TV.

He just booked a trip for us to go to Munich and Vienna three weeks after our wedding and when I asked if that was our honeymoon, he said, "No. Is that after the wedding?" SERIOUSLY! It''s HIS own wedding!!!! And he booked us on a business trip for himself!!!!

So I would truly advise you to be very graceful about the situation. She probably feels bad already and if you are angry or hurt towards her it will make her defensive. If you attack the communication with her FI or his lack of listening skills, she will become protective of them. But if you wish her a fabulous trip and invite her for a drink, she will probably be very grateful to you and want to do other things for you.

Good Luck and many hugs!

 

[Blair138]

I don''t think you are overrecting...7 of my college friends didn''t make it to my party, this was after I told them in NOVEMBER when it would be...I am still pretty miffed about it, but the situation has made me realize that they are probably not as great of friends as I thought they were...It does seem weird that if your friend was planning it, her FI wouldn''t know, but guys are sometimes forgetful, and like others have said, your bachelorette party will never be as important to anyone else as it is to you.

I wouldn''t be angry with her, just let her know that you are sad she won''t be there.

 

[LilyKat]

Yes, I would feel a bit upset, in that I would miss her at the party. But I wouldn''t be annoyed. It sounds like she''s been a good friend helping you to plan it, and really, missing someone''s bachelorette party is not the same as missing their wedding. As for her fiance not knowing it was your bachelorette that weekend, there''s no way I''d remember more than a week in advance that my boyfriend was going to a bachelor party, so it really isn''t that surprising.

If you value your friendship with her, I would just be gracious about it and avoid saying anything negative.

 

[KimberlyH]

You can''t help how you feel, but you are responsible for how you act based upon your feelings. I''d call her and tell her that I was disappointed she won''t be there and it won''t be the same without her and leave it at that.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 7/6/2009 11:57:47 AM Author: princesss Honey, take a deep breath. It''s totally possible that her FI didn''t know. I''ve found that even when I tell my SO that I have plans on a certain day, and remind him the day before, he STILL forgets on the actual day. Unless I''m flying out of town and need a ride to the airport, he generally has no idea that I''m doing anything. So she may have told her FI (several times, even), but once the tickets were booked it was too late. I''d tell her you''re sad to not have her there, but that you hope she has fun. Then maybe go out for drinks just the two of you, or do something else special. You''re two brides-to-be, I''m sure you can come up with something fun and special!

Thats exactly how I would handle the situation.

I''m sure that non of this was intentional, and you will still have a fabulous time at your bachelorette party.. plus, if you do decide to do something with your friend when she returns, you get two celebrations

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I can understand your frusteration, but I also can understand her side as well.

When one of my friends get married, it''s not unusual for her to have 4 celebrations...the engagement party, shower, bachlorette party, and wedding. I''m honestly lucky if I can make 3 out of the 4 celebrations. That''s life. People are busy, they have lives and other priorities. Your wedding celebrations are never going to rank as high, in terms of priorities for her, as they do for you. So, you need to be somewhat understanding of that fact. Like you said, she did a lot of the planning for this party--so it''s not like she begrudged you your party...she just cannot make it to the actual event, but she will absolutely be reflected in the things you do and the good time you have.

Short Story:

The day before my wedding, my BM and her FI decided to buy a house. She missed the rehearsal dinner and so did her FI--they ended up signing papers. She also missed 75% of my bachlorette party, which was held the night before my wedding in our hotel. I was sad she couldn''t be there, but I also understood. My wedding was one day, her life and her family are forever. As important to me as my wedding was, that''s how important her house was to her. How could I really mad over that? She was my friend, and her adventures made me happy for her.

Moral:

Don''t let this come between you, sour your bachlorette party, and put a kink in your friendship. It''s not worth it. She is entitled to have a life, to take a vacation, be with her FI...just like you are. This is her wedding summer as well. Put it all in a great prespective...don''t get hung up on the little stuff.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 7/7/2009 1:57:55 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I can understand your frusteration, but I also can understand her side as well.


When one of my friends get married, it's not unusual for her to have 4 celebrations...the engagement party, shower, bachlorette party, and wedding. I'm honestly lucky if I can make 3 out of the 4 celebrations. That's life. People are busy, they have lives and other priorities. Your wedding celebrations are never going to rank as high, in terms of priorities for her, as they do for you. So, you need to be somewhat understanding of that fact. Like you said, she did a lot of the planning for this party--so it's not like she begrudged you your party...she just cannot make it to the actual event, but she will absolutely be reflected in the things you do and the good time you have.


Short Story:


The day before my wedding, my BM and her FI decided to buy a house. She missed the rehearsal dinner and so did her FI--they ended up signing papers. She also missed 75% of my bachlorette party, which was held the night before my wedding in our hotel. I was sad she couldn't be there, but I also understood. My wedding was one day, her life and her family are forever. As important to me as my wedding was, that's how important her house was to her. How could I really mad over that? She was my friend, and her adventures made me happy for her.


Moral:


Don't let this come between you, sour your bachlorette party, and put a kink in your friendship. It's not worth it. She is entitled to have a life, to take a vacation, be with her FI...just like you are. This is her wedding summer as well. Put it all in a great prespective...don't get hung up on the little stuff.

*starts the slow clap and builds up to a grand applause* you always put things in good perspective italia

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/6/2009 12:15:25 PM
Author: wannaBMrsH
Hi Peony-

As far as the FI thing, my fiance is a boy. He knows that I do a million things and I send him calendar updates constantly, but honestly, he still doesn''t know we are having dinner with his parents until I am getting dressed and looking at him because he is still planted in front of the TV.

He just booked a trip for us to go to Munich and Vienna three weeks after our wedding and when I asked if that was our honeymoon, he said, ''No. Is that after the wedding?'' SERIOUSLY! It''s HIS own wedding!!!! And he booked us on a business trip for himself!!!!

My SO is just the same - he has the worse memory ever!!! If I tell him in the morning that we''re going out to dinner that evening, he''ll come home from work with a take out and wonder why I''m all dressed up - it drives me nuts