Scared?

[waves044]

Hi I am usually a lurker, but I am feeling a little confused and am hoping you all can help!

First a little background... my bf and I have been together for a little over two years. Our relationship is very stable and I love him very much. We have been through a lot in the last 6 months or so that has brought us closer together. We have talked about our future, marriage, etc off and on for the past year, but it has never really seemed like a serious thing, more like a someday-in-the-future type of thing.

Last night was the first time that we talked seriously, in a sooner rather than later way about where things were headed. He mentioned that he was considering buying a ring before the end of the summer and I felt...scared! I am wondering: is this common? Is it a red flag? Is it really just extra excitement? What has been your girls'' experiences??

 

[blodthecat]

Bloody hell.....I'd be scare too, he hasn't said what kind of a ring!!!!!


But SERIOUSLY.........you are probably feeling like this because you weren't expecting it right now. He is moving forward because he wants you and the rest of the world to know that some day you will be married. So don't panic! This isn't walking down the isle, and engagements can be as long as you want, before you actually tie the knot!

Question is.......Do you think he might be the one?

Blod

 

[sumbride]

Definitely normal! There''s always fear and grief in transition, and you''re anticipating that. One thing that helped me get past that initial fear was reading ahead... "The Conscious Bride" is a fabulous book about the changes you go through during engagement, but I was able to apply that to the "pre-engagement" stage as well and it calmed me down.

 

[Mara]

a little healthy fear makes sense when someone is talking about a lifelong committment such as marriage! it's a big deal!

i have a couple friend who is kind of experiencing this now...the girl told me that they have just been kind of talking about it, like when we get married or someday when we are married, and now he said the other day he was kind of starting to look around at rings and diamonds, and she said the thought of actually doing it is sooo freaky!

having been there not too long ago i can remember it....i was freaked out too about 'forever' and i also got scared that it meant i was making the wrong decision about where to go with my life. it's easy to second guess yourself. but anytime i felt like that, i would just remind myself of all the reasons why i knew this relationship WAS right, and i would know that it was okay. i had been through enough in my relationships and life before to know that what i had found was rare and right and that i would not let a little natural fear get in the way of it. so just hang in there...don't give too much power to your fears but acknowledge them because i think when people DO have a bit of fear or get scared about the permanency of the whole thing, it's a good sign. better that, than to think that everything will always be fabulous and getting married is just another step in the fab adventure. because it's different than dating!!! hehee.

also what went a really long way for me was confiding my fears in my then fiance, and knowing that he had the same thoughts and also when he didn't freak out about the fact that i was feeling this way...i felt even better knowing i was making the right decision. after that period (which was right after we got engaged), it just kind of went away and that was that!!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/11/2006 11:30:03 AM
Author: blodthecat
Bloody hell.....I''d be scared too, he hasn''t said what kind of a ring!!!!!

Too funny!