Self-improvement woes.

[june48]

My fiance and I are trying to do a lot of self-improvement before we get married and move in together, and we're come up with five major area that we need to work on:

1) Working out on a regular basis.
2) Eating healthier, and esp eating out less.
3) Not procrasinating on your schoolwork.
4) Getting more sleep (going to bed earlier).
5) Being more organized.

We *really* need help in these areas, but the isses just seem so overwhelming. What's the best way to tackle something like this? Should we make a weekly goal in each domain, or just work on each domain one at a time? It seems like a lot of the things are wrapped-up in each other (i.e. we can't go to bed early if we have to finsihed a ton of schoolwork we've been procrastinating on). I'd love to get your feedback! Thanks.

 

[squarediamondlove]

June 48,

Sorry I can''t really be of help, but you actually have the same problems me and my FI have. I don''t know quick you can adjust these routines but me and my FI have been trying to improve for a couple of years and its been hard. Old habbits are hard to get rid of so you may just have to be patient with it and realize that you may not solve these problems before you get married.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 4/12/2006 4:03:42 PM
Author:june48
My fiance and I are trying to do a lot of self-improvement before we get married and move in together, and we're come up with four major area that we need to work on:

1) Working out on a regular basis.
2) Eating healthier, and esp eating out less.
3) Not procrasinating on your schoolwork.
4) Getting more sleep (going to bed earlier).
5) Being more organized.

We *really* need help in these areas, but the isses just seem so overwhelming. What's the best way to tackle something like this? Should we make a weekly goal in each domain, or just work on each domain one at a time? It seems like a lot of the things are wrapped-up in each other (i.e. we can't go to bed early if we have to finsihed a ton of schoolwork we've been procrastinating on). I'd love to get your feedback! Thanks.

Being orgainzed and working out on a regular basis would be the hardest ones for me. Let's see if I have any wisdom (probably not):

1) Are you working out for health reason or to get into better shape or both? I walk, not because I want to get in better shape (although I'd like to) but more because I don't do anything so walking gives me some form of exercise and make me healthier. It's a easies simple way to start exercising. Try and think of it as something that you have to do for yourself and your new family, I know this may seem silly to some but it has really helped me stay true to it. I've started taking vitamins, eating better, all around taking better care of myself since I've been with my FI. I want to be healthy for him and our future kids so it's an incentative, it's just too bad I couldn't think that way before.

2) Do you cook? I never did until I started dating my FI, now I do ALOT not every day mainly because we don't see each other every day but when we are together we do. You tend to eat more healthy if you cook at home rather than go out.

3) I can't help with this, I'm not in school but when I was, I was a huge offender of this.

4) Make a conscious effort to turn off the TV at a certain time. My FI started doing this since he's usually ready for bed at 10 while I force myself to stay up, it really works.

5) I really can't add to this either, I try to be orgainzed by getting basket for things but it just doesn't click with me.

I doubt I helped at all.

But it is good that you both are trying to have a go at these things. Good luck to you.

 

[monarch64]

Start small. Try to do one thing each day towards a weekly goal. Keep a journal of how you are spending your time, your moods, and what you are eating. You could also try having a monthly "meeting" to discuss your progress or areas where you still need work. My husband and I had a lot of unhealthy habits and disorganization going on before we got married, and even after we got married. We still have some bad habits or things we would like to change, it''s an ongoing process. I think it''s great that you and your FI have decided to tackle these issues before they get out of hand, or before some crisis happens that forces you to make changes suddenly. When my husband and I decided to buy a house after we got married, it was a huge wake-up call. We both had to take a long, hard look at our priorities and goals and go from there. Change is never easy, but if you have patience and communicate a lot with your partner, and you take things in baby-steps you can achieve your goals. Don''t forget to reward yourselves...my husband and I have gone from eating out several times a week for the first 2-3 years we were together, to eating healthy meals at home during the week now and rewarding ourselves with pizza or take-out on Sundays. We''ve seen the positive difference financially and of course in our overall health. Good luck!

 

[snow_happy]

Hello!

Actually I''ve been working on all these things as well.

As for the eating, I''ve found that it''s important to find some awesome recipes that taste great and are healthy. I LOVE Eating Well magazine''s recipes. I''ve also found the low-salt, low-fat cookbook from the American Heart Association has some wonderfully tasty recipes but take a long time to cook.

About taking them on one at a time or all at once, I''d say that they kind of go hand in hand... Working out motivates eating well and finding time to work out and cook (instead of eating out) requires more scheduling and being organized to manage your time... you might be surprised that they all improve at once!

Good luck!

 

[decodelighted]

The issues you laid out are pretty universal! Most of us probably struggle with some or all of those whether we''re single, engaged, married, divorced ... as long as we''re still LIVING!

I''d say ... first of all, don''t set yourself up for frustration & added stress by making "moving in together or getting married" a "finishing line" for these goals. It''s just not possible. It''s great to have goals & support each other! I admire your self-awareness & desire for discipline! Just realize that lasting change is gradual and difficult and not a straight-line, with hiccups & back & forth & two steps forward, eight steps back.

Making very, very simple acheivable goals will keep you on the right path. Be gentle with each other. Realize YOU ARE NOT ALONE in wanting to be better & more fit & more efficient. Just make sure you don''t forget to have fun & enjoy this exciting time in your lives that YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK.

Worth saying 2x: be gentle w/each other!

 

[Mara]

i agree that small steps are the way to go. first off i''d say what is most important to change? or if it''s better to start off this way, what is the easiest to change? you don''t want to totally be overwhelmed by tackling all 5 issues at once.

for something like the going to bed earlier, we totally do this too. want to go to bed earlier but then always seem to get to bed at the same time each night, which is around midnight. if we were really serious about it, we''d set an alarm that goes off like the stove timer or something that goes off at a certain time each night, like 10:15. we know from experience it takes us about 30-45 minutes from saying we are going to bed to actually get into bed and turn off the lights, because there''s kitchen cleanup, portia has to be taken out, then if there are clothes to fold we do it then, bathroom rituals etc. so if we wanted to be in bed by 11 we''d set the timer to ~10:15pm so that we''d know it''s time to stop reading or turn off the TV etc and do our stuff then go to bed. we are always TIRED by 10:30 or so anyway, we just always find something else to take care of or one more south park to watch or something.

eating healthier can be fun too, i love cooking light and their online website has a huge database of recipes stored so you can use it to search and find things you LIKE to eat rather than just going off whatever they have in their latest issue. if you buy a newstand one this week, you can use the code in there to access their website until the end of april. i did that last week and saved about 15 recipes i wanted to try this month. it also lists all the health/nutrition stats for each recipe so you really know what you are eating. maybe just start off making small changes in the diet like 1 new healthy recipe a week, eat more healthy snacks like apples, bananas and oranges (my three faves right now), eat more fiber in your meal aka replace your morning cereal with something high in fiber and protein. small changes like that are easy to implement, you don''t have to do them DAILY but even just a few times a week will eventually grow into something more often and longer term. i actually crave apples or bananas sometimes now!

lastly, for me the other one i can offer some advice is on working out...not sure what your routine is now but walking has been great for me as a low impact, kind of mindless relaxing activity. i try to walk about 10 miles a week, however i want to split it up and have noticed a huge positive differences in my lower body and esp my butt and legs. i don''t go super fast, just a steady pace for 2 miles or so and i feel better after doing it and i feel like i am doing something positive for long term. so if you have a workout you do now 2 times a week, add 2 more days of walking or something and see how that makes you feel. again, small steps..i don''t think throwing yourself into something super strict will make you want to stay with it long term.

just my big ole ten cents!! have fun, whatever you do.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Hm... I used to be terrible about sleep, but FI is manical about sleeping by 11PM each night, and I find if one of you is in the bed asleep it tends to make the other one want to go to bed too. I've found its more effective to have a mutual wake-up time set than an alarm for when to go to bed. Provides a powerful disencentive to procrastinate.

schoolwork---hah. I'm having a spot of senior slump right now so I can't help you! (last week of class, next year is all tied up,so..) My biggest help is to UNPLUG THE INTERNET and turn off the TV.

organized: make lists in the stickies program on your computer for each day. Under no circumstances put more than a reasonable amount to accomplish on the list. Try to accomplish everything on it.

working out--enh, that's gotten thrown in with the slump and FI not having time. when I can't get to the gym though I do try to take stairs to class, walk faster there, that sort. also situps and pushups are great when studying. so are jjumping jacks and wall squats.

ETA: I also cook like a crazy person. I personally hate cooking light (for me) and use my books and some mags, favs are Vegitarian Cooking for Everyone, Cook's Illustrated, epicurius.com, Joy of Cooking (for baked goods ONLY), and the NYTimes weekly recipies.
I also try to eat lo-sugar rather than lo-fat.