Sex: are you worried?

[luckynumber]

Firstly, apologies if this an an inappropriate topic for PS LIW. Please remove it moderators if you feel so.

If not, read on ladies!!!!


Ok, what I want to know is , are any of you worried that your lovelife will become stale and boring once you''ve committed to The One?

Like, this amazing mindblowing roll in the hay (if ya know what i mean

) will turn into a mundane 3 minute lie back and think of england sort of thing??

would love to hear your views!

i''ve just read the thread on "witholding" LOL!!!

 

[Princess_Dreamer]

I''m not really worried. I don''t think ours will change after we are married. It may get better after the engagement since the stress of being an LIW will be over, and I will hopefully have a job that keeps me at home! But as it is, we spend every day and night together that I am home (we alternate whose place we stay at since we don''t live together).

 

[4ever]

lol

I''m not particularly concerned about that, we''ve been together long enough that our sex life has waxed and waned many times and it''s not a big deal. I have zero sex drive when I''m super busy and stressed so there have been periods of time where nothing much was going on but once that''s all over

We like to keep things interesting though, so I don''t think things will ever get that stale.

 

[Lauren8211]

I just got married 4 weeks ago, and I know this sounds weird, but its actually been better.

You just can''t be afraid to mix it up!

Also, if it turns into 3 minute-get-off-and-go then start taking control and tell HIM what he can do and when. He can''t make it 3 minutes if he''s commanded to slow down and do it your way.

 

[luckynumber]

good to know elledizzy!!!

phew, so no one''s that worried and i can rest easy

 

[sctsbride09]

There is no reason for you to be concerned, my Dh and I are coming up on 1 year (woohoo!), and our sex life is still, umm, quite steamy. ( dont want to be too raunchy

)

 

[Princess_Dreamer]

My cousin had a lingiere (sp?) party before her wedding. She got TOOOOONS of new cute stuff! She also got some other interesting "gifts" if ya know what I mean

So that could also be a way to help start off your married love life with a bang

 

[vc10um]

I''m not worried at all! I mean, it''ll be one thing once there are kids and that kind of thing...but between the wedding and then, I can''t imagine things slowing down at all!!!

And like the PPs have said...you''ve gotta be willing to change it up/spice it up/try something new from time to time...and who better to do that with than someone you love and trust COMPLETELY?!?!

 

[lilyfoot]

I am not worried. I realize everyones love life goes through different phases. I hope this doesn''t come across as TMI, but I''m not afraid to ask for what I want (and that doesn''t mean just sexually). BF and I have great communication, in all aspects of our relationship.

Honestly, even though BF is not my first, I feel like our love life is so intimate. There''s definitely something there that was missing before, with others.

I love only being with one person, it''s my nature.

 

[MrsHToBe]

I''m not worried. After being together for nearly 9 years now, we''re pretty much a married couple, anyway! We also have a 5-year-old DD thrown into the mix, which hasn''t thrown us any curveballs, yet (*knock on wood*). LOL!

 

[brooklyngirl]

I''ve been married nearly a year (

holy crap, that went by fast!) and it''s actually gotten quite a bit better. Go figure.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 11/5/2009 4:04:40 PM
Author: elledizzy5
I just got married 4 weeks ago, and I know this sounds weird, but its actually been better.

You just can''t be afraid to mix it up!

Also, if it turns into 3 minute-get-off-and-go then start taking control and tell HIM what he can do and when. He can''t make it 3 minutes if he''s commanded to slow down and do it your way.

 

[Hera]

married sex is waaaaay better!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 11/5/2009 8:23:45 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 11/5/2009 4:04:40 PM

Author: elledizzy5

I just got married 4 weeks ago, and I know this sounds weird, but its actually been better.


You just can''t be afraid to mix it up!


Also, if it turns into 3 minute-get-off-and-go then start taking control and tell HIM what he can do and when. He can''t make it 3 minutes if he''s commanded to slow down and do it your way.

DF! Get over it! And stay the heck out of LIW!

 

[Squirrly]

i''m not worried in the least

 

[chiquitapet]

Date: 11/5/2009 9:57:11 PM
Author: heraanderson
married sex is waaaaay better!

So true.

 

[katomm]

Nope, not worried. From day one we''ve had great chemistry in that department and we both accept that relationships have their ups and downs even in the bedroom. I think we''re both uninhibited and fine to try new things so if it gets a little boring one of us will step up to change that.

And yes, engagement week has been fun if you know what I mean

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 11/6/2009 7:16:28 AM
Author: katomm
Nope, not worried. From day one we''ve had great chemistry in that department and we both accept that relationships have their ups and downs even in the bedroom. I think we''re both uninhibited and fine to try new things so if it gets a little boring one of us will step up to change that.


And yes, engagement week has been fun if you know what I mean

Holy crap, threadjack, you are getting married in two months!?!?! Ha whoa how is that going?!

 

[diamondringlover]

edit, never mind

 

[katomm]

Date: 11/6/2009 3:46:58 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13

Date: 11/6/2009 7:16:28 AM
Author: katomm
Nope, not worried. From day one we''ve had great chemistry in that department and we both accept that relationships have their ups and downs even in the bedroom. I think we''re both uninhibited and fine to try new things so if it gets a little boring one of us will step up to change that.


And yes, engagement week has been fun if you know what I mean

Holy crap, threadjack, you are getting married in two months!?!?! Ha whoa how is that going?!

LOL, yes, 7 weeks!!! Very small ceremony so there''s really not a whole to do. Luckily I have two days off work this month where I can get those accomplished. I''ve had my dress for a couple of months now and the alterations are done. Photographer has been in the works and I''ll be giving her the deposit next weekend.

Thing thing that is going to take the most time is getting our wedding bands. We both want custom bands that have to be made from scratch so I need to get moving on those. LOL

 

[Tuckins1]

Nope. We have been married for 2 1/2 years and it''s still all good! In fact, we have a lot MORE fun because we are so comfortable with each other that it''s not awkward to want to try new things!

 

[trillionaire]

Everyone says when you get married, you stop having sex, so it''s a natural concern IMO. I think I have more drive than FI, so I''m not too worried...

His co-workers tell him that sex stops when you are married, but from what I hear, it slows down a lot after KIDS, not just after marriage. So, enjoy a few years without kids! By then, you will be used to the natural ebbs and flows and have plenty of bonding time!

And, er, it got a lot better after we got engaged, so I think marriage will be even BETTER! FWIW, we''ve been together for 6+ years

 

[honey22]

We are getting married in 3 weeks, but have been together for over 13 years. I can tell you, in that time, the sex has only got better!!!!

It''s not going to magically disappear when you walk down the aisle. If you have a strong, healthy sex life, it shouldn''t be a problem. But like everything thing, if you don''t use it you lose it!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 11/7/2009 3:08:42 PM
Author: trillionaire
Everyone says when you get married, you stop having sex, so it''s a natural concern IMO. I think I have more drive than FI, so I''m not too worried...

His co-workers tell him that sex stops when you are married, but from what I hear, it slows down a lot after KIDS, not just after marriage. So, enjoy a few years without kids! By then, you will be used to the natural ebbs and flows and have plenty of bonding time!


And, er, it got a lot better after we got engaged, so I think marriage will be even BETTER! FWIW, we''ve been together for 6+ years

As a bride-to-be with four children, I can tell you that the sex doesn''t stop after children. It just means getting more creative when you''re wanting to play and the kids are still awake, learning how to be quiet, and appreciating the children being asleep!

So for those of you who are sans children, go enjoy yourselves!!! Get adventurous, and don''t be afraid to try different things. A great sense of humor and a few glasses of wine can lead to some seriously memorable times with your man.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Married almost 4 years, and together a total of 7.5. I think I'm going to be the dissenter here, but with so many women claiming that nothing has changed, that fear has to have come from somewhere. Right?

Our sex life has dropped off a little bit from our first years, but let's face it; it's a little unrealisitic to keep up a daily (or more) pace once you get older and have more responsibility in your career.

If you can, more power to you!

DH and I are still at a frequency that makes us happy, but if someone were to ask him, yes, sex did decline some after marriage. We went from like 7x a week + (I was working a stress free job) to about every other day (both of us have much more pressure and hours invested at work).

That's why I think you hear so many "horror stories" of sex declining after marriage.

"Oh no, I'm only getting sex 4 times a week instead of 8!"

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Haha, I have to agree with LTP.

I think it partially depends on where you''re starting from! Things have slowed done for us after we moved in together actually since living together meant we could have sex almost whenever we wanted, which took some of the urgency out of things. Unlike when we lived separately, we''d go at it immediately upon getting through the door, and fit in as many go arounds as was possible until one of us had to leave

And I''ve always been on the creative and adventurous side, so it''s getting harder and harder to "mix things up", haha.

I was definitely concerned things would get stale after marriage, especially since I was always sexually "liberal" in the sense that I believed that sex could be enjoyed for sex-sake, and didn''t necessarily have to involve love. I was worried sex just wouldn''t be mentally exciting/raunchy since it''s hardly risque to be sleeping with one''s husband. But while it''s true that a small part of me wistfully regrets the fact that I"ll never sleep with anyone new again and feel that particular rush, most of me is happy! Like they say, practice makes perfect, and that''s actually been pleasantly true for this matter too!

 

[HollyS]

WHY should sex become boring with someone you love, trust, and feel completely at ease with? It should get better over time, not less interesting. Being secure in a relationship should enhance the sexual intimacy between a couple. If not, you''re doing something wrong. Or you need change for excitement; in which case, you aren''t ready for a lifetime commitment.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 11/8/2009 8:28:42 PM
Author: HollyS
Or you need change for excitement; in which case, you aren''t ready for a lifetime commitment.

...I think a lot of people need change for excitement, who are also in happy marriages. I don''t really think those things are mutually exclusive. There are a lot of people who advise "changing things up" in the bedroom with your spouse to keep things interesting (what kind of change depends on the couple and their personal comfort levels)

Honestly, I do expect to be bored in bed occasionally during the rest of my lifetime of marriage, I think that''s just realistic (a lifetime is a long time!). Doesn''t mean I won''t be happy and satisfied in my marriage

 

[HollyS]

I meant change as in changing partners, not routines!

Aside from a few PSers who believe open marriages ''enhance'' things, most people don''t need that kind of ''change''.

As for the other, go ahead and do whatever doesn''t scare your pets should they walk in.