SF Can''t marry us

[Hudson_Hawk]

So FI and I had a plan to have both of my Dad''s involved in our wedding. I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, and my step dad to officiate the ceremony (he''s a judge). I''m so bummed. FI reminded me this morning that I needed to look into the details of having an out of state judge officiate in RI before we asked him. So I called the clerk of the court today to inquire about the necessary paperwork of getting him registered etc. It turns out we would need special legislation passed by the General Assembly for SF to marry us and that it''s rare for the state to allow it

I''m so bummed. So now we have to budget for an officiant.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Oh, Hudson, I'm so sorry!!

The good news, however, is that your SF can still do the ceremony, so long as there is a JOP there to sign the official paperwork. I think the JOP might have to be the one to oversee the the declaration of marriage, but the readings, the vows, etc. can all be done by your SF. I'm not even sure if the JOP needs to be there for the declaration of vows, he might just need to be there to oversee the ceremony and sign the paperwork. In any case, I know your SF can still do the bulk of, if not all, of the ceremony so long as a JOP is there. Certainly you could have an officiant there instead, I only mentioned the JOP because they are generally cheaper than officiants and if you still want your SF to do the ceremony, it wouldn't be worth it to pay more for the officiant. We had a JOP do our ceremony and we LOVED him!

Don't give up! I love the idea of your SF doing the ceremony, it sounds like it means a great deal to you. It might be a good idea to call the family court in your local district to find out what parts of the ceremony your SF can do and what has to legally be done by a JOP or officiant.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Yea, I heard a roumor that JoPs aren''t legal in RI either. It has to be a registered "officiant"

 

[karasue91]

i know its a little anti-climactic but maybe you could just go to the courthouse to get yourselves officially married a day or two before the actual wedding? and then have your SF do the ceremony anyway?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I just looked it up and you're right, Hudson, JOPs can't perform ceremonies! Ugh, I'm going ot do some more research...

Okay, so I can't help but laugh a little at RI's requirements for who can perform the ceremony. A Justice of the Peace cannot, however bankrupcy judges? Yep, they can. How about the police court of the town of Johnston? Sure! And the wardens of the town of New Shoreham? Why not, they can, too!

I did read that the "responsibilities of the officiant" were to "perform the ceremony", so I'm not sure how much leeway that leaves you. Sorry, Hudson, I have no doubt you can incorporate him in a meaningful way, but I'm so sorry you're disappointed. If he can't perform any part of the ceremony, he can certainly do a reading or be singled out. I'm sure it will work out.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I appreciate it. We''re pretty non-religious. I''m Catholic, FI is totally not into organized religion of any kind (wouldn''t be cool with even UU).

 

[sap483]

Hmm, this is all news to me as a fellow RI bride. I was hoping to have my best friend''s dad who is a JOP in CT do it. I had assumed the rules were the same for RI as they are for MA where they can get a one day pass. Please let me know what you find out. I''ll keep my fingers crossed that it works out for you!

BTW I think I stumbled upon your posting on the Knot today too Hudson...

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Lol, probably. My name is a combination of my RL initials and birthday. Scary, my mom did a google search for the dress I want and came up with a Boston.com post I made. It had no real identifying info other than I was looking for a sz 14. She sent me an email like "Is this you??" The web is a small small world.

I spoke on the phone today with the countly clerks office and she told me about the need to petition for the legislation. I have a feeling that this is a typical RI thing, the "Officiants" have a deal with the lawmakers to prevent people from not using the JoPs. But yea, I don''t think your friend''s dad will be able to do the legal portion of the ceremony

 

[Pandora II]

I had a similar situation.

In some regions of the UK, you can have a friend or relative do the ceremony and the registrar is there just to do the legal bits. However, in my region they insist on doing the whole thing - even worse they wanted me to have THEIR ceremony. I agreed to the former but not the latter.

The woman was really sniffy about it, and how they would have to ''read it out from a folder'' rather than knowing it. They sent me through theirs and it was talking about us and our personalities! I mean, I''ll meet this person for 30 minutes before the ceremony and they want to talk about my personality, having used the exact same words for 10 other people that day!

We are still arguing on that one!

I thought about doing the legal thing earlier in the day, but it just didn''t feel the same to me.

 

[ellaila]

I feel your pain, HH! I got married in RI too and we had discussed having my Dad do the ceremony -- he''s not an ordained anything, but in MA anyone can become ordained for a day and can perform a wedding ceremony so we were planning on doing that. But nooo, not in RI! So after we had all gotten excited about it (and my Dad was SO emotional about the thought of marrying off his only daughter!), we found out that we couldn''t go that route. We were so bummed.

We had a FANTASTIC officiant though, so if you''re interested, let me know! She''s a "life celebrant" and she truly truly is. She''s so joyous and spiritual (but not religious) -- we absolutely loved our ceremony! As for budget, we think she was $300 (?).

 

[basil]

Ellaila - I would love to know the name of your officiant! I''ve been looking for one and I haven''t come across one that I really like so far.

HH - Sorry that RI laws are so strict. I had no idea!