Should I be expecting it?

[anchor31]

Hello!
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and two months and this summer we''ve started talking seriously about what we believe, see and expect when it comes to our future together, marriage and family and we understand each other and agree with each other. We have a truly wonderful relationship and want to spend the rest of our lives together, for better or for worse.

In the last two months, he has even brought up the subject of marriage himself without seeming nervous about it or joking about it (something he tended to do before). Saturday, he told me he ran into his ex (who he hadn''t seen in over two years) on Friday evening and he told her about me and said he was thinking about proposing to me.

I''m very excited that he is thinking about it and even more that he admitted it (to me, even!), but I wonder... Is it likely that he''ll do it for Christmas (never mind big rings and diamonds, I just want to marry him), or should I stop holding my breath and expect to wait for about another year, since he said he''s thinking about it?

Thanks for your opinions!
Cheers!

 

[ello]

It''s hard to say how long it will take - it''s almost better to go about it with ease and enjoy every day...don''t drive yourself crazy. Your time will come and it will be so special! Keep us updated...your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful person. Good luck!

 

[ellewoods]

Hi Anchor! Welcome!

That is such wonderful news about you and your boyfriend! I think if he''s talking to other people (even just 1 other person!) about thinking about proposing to you, then that''s a definitely great sign. It sounds like you''re both crazy about each other and headed for engagement!

That being said, as I''ve learned from this board, there is definitely a giant difference between "girl soon" and "boy soon."

Some girls on here have thought an engagement was coming soon, and sure enough, it was very very soon after they posted that they were starting to think about it! But some have thought it was going to be soon, and its been more like months and months. I have no idea where I fit yet, since I''m pretty new here.

But I suggest doing a search for "girl soon" or "boy soon" and reading through some other people''s experiences. It may not directly parallel your situation, but its really great reading about other girls'' experiences and how they''ve dealt with the excitement, anticipation, and also stress of waiting.

In the meantime, I think PriceScope is also a great place to dream a bit about engagement and learn about diamonds and rings. Of course rings aren''t what''s really important, but its really fun to look at everyone''s gorgeous rings and jewelry on here, and consider what types of stones you like and settings, etc. If anything, it''s a good way to relieve some stress when you''re anxious/curious about when your boyfriend might propose.

 

[MissAva]

Why Christmas? Is this a special time for ya''ll? Is there something in your relationship that makes you pin point that date?

 

[goldengirl]

Hello, boy-soon poster here, wanted to give my two cents:

$0.01: There''s a big difference between "starting to think about it" and "doing something about it".

$0.02: Even if he''s ready emotionally, he may not be ready mentally. What I mean is, my SO has probably been "emotionally" ready to propose for, say, six+ months now. But he is/was hung up on "doing it right," ie, presenting me with a proper (though not extravagant) ring. Finances just didn''t allow for that possibility, so to HIM no money = no ring = no proposal. Therefore, he is not "ready" and here I still sit waiting "patiently."

Watch for the signs. Sudden changes in spending habits (does he pack his lunch now? He might be saving) or maybe working overtime. Excessive curiosity in other girls'' rings (trust me, they don''t notice them if they''re not in the market) or even in your preferences, however "subtly" they ask about them. Your girlfriends giggling secretively whenever you talk about him.

Once you start seeing these things, I''d say you''re probably one to six months away.

Good luck! I''ll cross my fingers for ya.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 10/18/2005 9:07:32 PM
Author:anchor31
or should I stop holding my breath and expect to wait for about another year, since he said he''s thinking about it?

Thanks for your opinions!
Cheers!

To me thinking about it means he is trying to determine if that is what he wants. Once he has determined that he does indeed want to get married he will start looking at things related to getting engaged. He will try and determine a budget and so on and so forth. I did not really catch that until I was reading Golden Girls post. Some of that depends on your SO of course, but if you read some of the other ladies posts you will find that some of them have SOs who have been thinking about it for years. Are the two of you in a place where marriage is possible?

 

[ello]

Great advice ladies! - - enjoy the moment..shop secretly and drop hints from time to time...this coming from another girls in the waiting game - wink-wink! One of my friend told me that she bothered her boyfriend endlessly about a proposal and ring and when it finally happened she was a bit bummed that it was so quick and the excitement was over...
All the best and hope to see the ring on your finger soon! That being said - keep those nails painted and make sure your camera''s battery is charged! ha ha ha. Have fun!

 

[Evie75]

Please I''ve been hearing soon soon soon soon... "dont be surprised if i propose soon" "oh you''ll have a ring by then" since LAST SUMMER.... last August to be exact... and no i dont mean this august that just passed!! I mean august of 04.. yeah Im still waiting. I finally got him to stop mentioning it since it only adds to my stress. Yeah but i have to say the waiting NOW is beginning to become more enjoyable and fun, i used to get all freakd out and mad, but now when I think about it.. when it does happen im going to be soooo happy and surprised its going to be wonderful and since i figure it has to be before x-mas, on x-mas or after x-mas! or my b-day in january..if it doesnt happen by then.. i have to have the "talk" with him. But im pretty sure it will be. So hang in there and really try to enjoy it and make the best of it.

and i agree boys soon and girls soon... are like years apart = )

 

[squeaksluv]

Welcome! I agree with all the ladies here. When a guy says he''s thinking about doesn''t necessarily mean when you''re thinking about it. At least that''s what I''ve experienced. The good thing is that at least he brought it up on his own and actually told someone else about it, that''s a positive step in the right direction I think. In the meantime, don''t go nuts each time you think it''s going to happen because if it doesn''t you''ll be disappointed..been there, done that!
Good luck!!

 

[ame]

Just never expect it. If you start thinking about it, hoping for it and expecting it to happen, you''ll drive yourself insane and get yourself disappointed when it doesn''t happen.

 

[leeenie]

Yes, "expecting" it or even "hoping" for it to happen during a certain time will definitely be no fun if/when it doesn''t actually happen. It''s hard to put it out of your mind when you''re excited about it, so if anyone has tips for that...shout it out!

 

[anchor31]

Thank you for the welcome everyone! It''s nice to know I''m not alone.

I''ve been reading a few other topics as well as your answers and I realised that instead of being antsy and impatient, I should sit back and enjoy the ride. Now that I think about it, it is fun and exciting! There''s no point in driving myself crazy and everything, it''s only going to make me mad and put a strain on the relationship.

I agree that girl-soon and boy-soon are two different things. And since he said he''s thinking about it, it doesn''t mean he''s going to do it soon, whatever soon is. I''ll do my best and follow ame''s advice and "just never expect it". I think it''ll make me feel better too.

Thanks for the advice! Cheers!

 

[ame]

That was advice given to ME by my friends in the same situation. One would get herself dolled up expecting it every time they went out to dinner. She would be so upset when he wouldn''t. When he finally did, he actually did so at their house by planting the ring in the vegetable garden and saying "look I grew you a carat". It was so sweet and hilarious at the same time. She had no idea what was going on when it happened. She had built it up in her mind as being something totally different than it was.

I actually knew when mine would happen even though he continually denied it. I think one of the lines I sputtered after was "You lie like a wall to wall carpet". I so knew it. But we had SO much ring drama before all of this/during all of this...he and I wanted to get past that part.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 10/19/2005 11:37:04 AM
Author: ame
''You lie like a wall to wall carpet''.

LOL

 

[ame]

If it''s a big "lie" I tell him that, if it''s only a little BS I say you lie like a rug. We crack each other up.

 

[cutes814]

Hi Anchor! Welcome to PS!

I know the waiting game can be pretty hard. I''m currently waiting as well, but my proposal should be very soon. He has picked up the ring that we created a month ago, so any day now.....

At the beginning stages, it is easy not to think about it and relax and enjoy the ride, but after another few months, if there is no action, you start getting antsy and start having many many questions. Just hang in there and if you need to vent, do so, we''ll always listen.

 

[anchor31]

"Just hang in there and if you need to vent, do so, we''ll always listen"

Thanks. That''s really appreciated.

 

[Hunali]

Date: 10/19/2005 9:51:10 AM
Author: ame
Just never expect it. If you start thinking about it, hoping for it and expecting it to happen, you'll drive yourself insane and get yourself disappointed when it doesn't happen.

I totally agree with this, but telling yourself not to expect it is one thing, unfortunately, it usually doesn't work out that way.

Once you think the moment is near, you hope and hope and hope.................. It comes all too naturally for girls.

I do wish you luck though, anchor31! I hope you get your proposal soon.

 

[snuga]

well anchor, it sounds like you are handling everything really well. just sit back and enjoy the ride (easier said than done-BELIEVE ME

).

just think, once you are engaged, you will never be a "girlfriend" again, so enjoy it while you are!

 

[anchor31]

"easier said than done-BELIEVE ME"
Yes, I know...
And the "never again a girlfriend" perspective is is something I''ve never thought of and it does make me feel better about my girlfriend status! Thanks!
Cheers!

 

[Evie75]

Yeah but how long do wanna be a "girlfriend"

oh and i got snotty with my bf for referring to me as "your daughter in law" to his mother... lol i said "dont call me that"

you're all talk no action.


it was quite amusing.