Should I be offended?

[Mreader]

Hi you guys! I am feeling kinda weird and bummed about a recent transaction and dialogue. Ok so I'm resetting my diamond in a new ring and want to keep my old setting. Was trying to find a gem to fit the old setting, that wasn't working so decided find a gemstone person to cut one to spec. I told the vendor (used lots here) that I needed a stone that was 6.6-6.7 to fit, he quoted $300/carat for a gem and I said great. I said that was in line with my budget and that it probably wouldn't be much over a carat since the diamond was 1.16. Anyway he has the stone now, and it's really pretty. But when he emails me about it, he says that he should have thought this through more because it only came out to over one carat so won't be much more than $300, and also said that was not exactly worth the cost of the rough and his time, that he had to cut a lot away and could have gotten a more than 2 ct stone out of it. But he did mitigate it by saying "oh well!" with some "haha" and "laugh" emojis. Anyway it just left me at a loss as a consumer. Like it bugged him that he accepted the commission when he could have gotten more but he needed to vent to me about it...I don't know. But then again I guess he was "good spirited" about it with the "hahas". I just wrote back and said that the stone was lovely, that I'll pay asap, and sorry that he lost more of the rough than intended (with my own "monkey covering eyes" emoji). So I guess what I am doing now is venting - hope vendor isn't on here - . But like why was that necessary to say ya know? All it did was make me feel bad and that my piddly $300 (which isn't a small sum for me btw) wasn't worth it. Thanks for listening.

 

[MamaBee]

I agree with you @Mreader..He shouldn’t have said that. I don‘t think that was very professional...He should have kept his thoughts to himself. I hope you will enjoy the stone when you get it...I would love to see it.

 

[lovedogs]

Sorry you didnt have a great feeling about the exchange I hope you love the stone when it arrives!

 

[lulu_ma]

Ugh @Mreader that's annoying. And short sighted on his part!

But don't take it personally! ...Hopefully he was just joking around?

 

[ShinyPink]

It wouldn't bother me, but I've noticed that lately people are not communicating very well. Even on here, some people are judgmental and brash, while others are extra sensitive. (I am NOT referring to this post.) I'm a sensitive person, and I'd probably just say "What a d#$%" and move on. My guess is he hoped you'd offer a little more for his time, although dancing around it like he did wasn't the greatest route. Just enjoy your stone.

What stone did you get? I'm sure it's lovely!

 

[Mreader]

It wouldn't bother me, but I've noticed that lately people are not communicating very well. Even on here, some people are judgmental and brash, while others are extra sensitive. (I am NOT referring to this post.) I'm a sensitive person, and I'd probably just say "What a d#$%" and move on. My guess is he hoped you'd offer a little more for his time, although dancing around it like he did wasn't the greatest route. Just enjoy your stone.

What stone did you get? I'm sure it's lovely!

It’s a Tanzanite. I’ll be sure to share pictures after reset once everything is finished.

 

[Mreader]

Ugh @Mreader that's annoying. And short sighted on his part!

But don't take it personally! ...Hopefully he was just joking around?

If I had to guess, I think he was a bit frustrated to discover that he could have gotten and sold a bigger stone and chose to somewhat vent about it while
covering said vent in a jokey manner. I am purely analyzing though. I think this is like the third experience I’ve had dealing with jewelry people where they have said something somewhat crappy and so it got to me!

edited to add - I take that back bc Daniel M has been great and I dealt with him recently.

 

[Mreader]

It’s a Tanzanite. I’ll be sure to share pictures after reset once everything is finished.

And yes maybe lockdown and quarantine has diminished our social skills lol.

 

[MrsBlue]

I agree that the communication was a little awkward but at least the vendor admitted that they could have thought it through more and placed the blame on themselves.

Enjoy your stone. Hopefully the vendor learned a lesson and will plan more carefully in the future.

 

[fredflintstone]

Never complain after you make the sale. The best way I know to lose a customer.

 

[peacechick]

It wasn’t like you chose the rough, he did! He could have declined the commission if he didn’t have the right size.

I agree he was thinking aloud, which he shouldn’t have, but then again he’s not exactly a retail business but an expert artisan—I think I would give him more allowance.

For a similar analogy, my jeweler tells me that many bench craftsmen are very blunt/ornery and that’s why it’s good to have a layer between the customer and them.

 

[Mreader]

Ugh @Mreader that's annoying. And short sighted on his part!

But don't take it personally! ...Hopefully he was just joking around?

It wasn’t like you chose the rough, he did! He could have declined the commission if he didn’t have the right size.

I agree he was thinking aloud, which he shouldn’t have, but then again he’s not exactly a retail business but an expert artisan—I think I would give him more allowance.

For a similar analogy, my jeweler tells me that many bench craftsmen are very blunt/ornery and that’s why it’s good to have a layer between the customer and them.

It’s so funny you mention that bc I asked my husband (after a couple of situations like this) why this keeps happening and he said “these gemologists are like academic misfit nerds - if you think about it, it’s a solitary profession.” We are in academia so are familiar with profs who are only into research and don’t know how to deal with students or admin.

 

[ShinyPink]

I've spoken to a few of the cutters, and I believe some of them are engineers, too. Having married one, I can attest to the complete lack of communication skills. Just gotta shake your head, roll your eyes, and move on.

 

[qubitasaurus]

I guess a lot of people are struggling at the moment and maybe it is harder than normal to make these kinds compromises. Its better probably that there was a sale, and I feel he'll also be happy about that at the end. But if things are tough at the moment, then it's also possible to see why he winced when he realized half way through that he had to cut up what should have been yield into scraps. With coloured stones usually only 1/3 to 1/5 of the rough ends up as yield. And 4/5 are offcast scraps. A loss of half the yield might mean 5 cts of extra scrap from the rough, which would be probably frustrating if you were struggling a bit with covid. Its also sometimes hard to predict whats going to happen apparently, so he may only have realized after he started cutting.

For what its worth it is a little surprising its only just over a ct. Most coloured stones are much denser than daimond -- so apriori one would have expected it to be larger. Id just say thank you and let it go.

 

[Mreader]

I guess a lot of people are struggling at the moment and maybe it is harder than normal to make these kinds compromises. Its better probably that there was a sale, and I feel he'll also be happy about that at the end. But if things are tough at the moment, then it's also possible to see why he winced when he realized half way through that he had to cut up what should have been yield into scraps. With coloured stones usually only 1/3 to 1/5 of the rough ends up as yield. And 4/5 are offcast scraps. A loss of half the yield might mean 5 cts of extra scrap from the rough, which would be probably frustrating if you were struggling a bit with covid. Its also sometimes hard to predict whats going to happen apparently, so he may only have realized after he started cutting.

For what its worth it is a little surprising its only just over a ct. Most coloured stones are much denser than daimond -- so apriori one would have expected it to be larger. Id just say thank you and let it go.

Yes I have no intentions of bringing it up with him again. Just couldn’t get it out of my mind after the correspondence.

 

[T L]

I've spoken to a few of the cutters, and I believe some of them are engineers, too. Having married one, I can attest to the complete lack of communication skills. Just gotta shake your head, roll your eyes, and move on.

Lol! I’m married to an engineer too!! He has good social skills, when you agree with him, lol!

I’m not sure mine are that great either, but we’re all human.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Hi you guys! I am feeling kinda weird and bummed about a recent transaction and dialogue. Ok so I'm resetting my diamond in a new ring and want to keep my old setting. Was trying to find a gem to fit the old setting, that wasn't working so decided find a gemstone person to cut one to spec. I told the vendor (used lots here) that I needed a stone that was 6.6-6.7 to fit, he quoted $300/carat for a gem and I said great. I said that was in line with my budget and that it probably wouldn't be much over a carat since the diamond was 1.16. Anyway he has the stone now, and it's really pretty. But when he emails me about it, he says that he should have thought this through more because it only came out to over one carat so won't be much more than $300, and also said that was not exactly worth the cost of the rough and his time, that he had to cut a lot away and could have gotten a more than 2 ct stone out of it. But he did mitigate it by saying "oh well!" with some "haha" and "laugh" emojis. Anyway it just left me at a loss as a consumer. Like it bugged him that he accepted the commission when he could have gotten more but he needed to vent to me about it...I don't know. But then again I guess he was "good spirited" about it with the "hahas". I just wrote back and said that the stone was lovely, that I'll pay asap, and sorry that he lost more of the rough than intended (with my own "monkey covering eyes" emoji). So I guess what I am doing now is venting - hope vendor isn't on here - . But like why was that necessary to say ya know? All it did was make me feel bad and that my piddly $300 (which isn't a small sum for me btw) wasn't worth it. Thanks for listening.

Hmmmm
i find in instances like this don't let him rob you of your enjoyed of your new ring
Just ignore any perserved snarky or otherwise negative undertones
Perhaps he was having a bad day
Perhaps he had a fight with his wife
Its not the right way to conduct bussiness but don't dwell on it and just enjoy your lovelly new stone
i must say i, being a sentimentality old (not that old) fool loved that you repurposed your setting
and $300 is not loose change for me either, weather it be NZ$300 or US$300

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

It’s a Tanzanite. I’ll be sure to share pictures after reset once everything is finished.

 

[Mreader]

Hmmmm
i find in instances like this don't let him rob you of your enjoyed of your new ring
Just ignore any perserved snarky or otherwise negative undertones
Perhaps he was having a bad day
Perhaps he had a fight with his wife
Its not the right way to conduct bussiness but don't dwell on it and just enjoy your lovelly new stone
i must say i, being a sentimentality old (not that old) fool loved that you repurposed your setting
and $300 is not loose change for me either, weather it be NZ$300 or US$300

Yes I definitely wanted to keep my old setting as it was my original engagement ring

 

[Laurainthesky]

I'm a people pleaser also. I want to do business in a way where everyone is happy. I don't think I would survive at actual business. Yay for earning a salary in health care. Although my customers do complain about their meds, and there is definitely no return policy.

 

[Spring Day]

Hmmm...I don't like this passive aggressive "laughing emoji" and "loling" one bit. This person is a professional and he should have known how much the rough would yield. He should have never made you feel like you were a waste of time and that he could have made more money off of the rough. This is just simply unprofessional and not ok in my book. This just leaves a sour taste in your mouth when it is supposed to be an exciting time. I am sorry this happened to you. I wouldn't call this vendor "good spirited" at all. These are all things that he did not have to tell you. He only did it to make you feel bad and maybe manipulate you to pay more? I really don't see what his intention was. To make himself feel better for doing you such a HUGE favor by losing money on rough? I know that vendors are people and they all have feelings but they still need stay behind the line of professionalism.

 

[maita13]

Hmmm...I don't like this passive aggressive "laughing emoji" and "loling" one bit. This person is a professional and he should have known how much the rough would yield. He should have never made you feel like you were a waste of time and that he could have made more money off of the rough. This is just simply unprofessional and not ok in my book. This just leaves a sour taste in your mouth when it is supposed to be an exciting time. I am sorry this happened to you. I wouldn't call this vendor "good spirited" at all. These are all things that he did not have to tell you. He only did it to make you feel bad and maybe manipulate you to pay more? I really don't see what his intention was. To make himself feel better for doing you such a HUGE favor by losing money on rough? I know that vendors are people and they all have feelings but they still need stay behind the line of professionalism.

Everything that @Spring Day said.

 

[LilAlex]

I did have a very honest (I think) vendor with whom we have done some things over the years do something like this on a low-end item. The fix ended up being a lot more complicated than anticipated and he could not honor his initial quote. We paid the extra $. No hard feelings. I understood what he was saying and I don't want him to lose money.

 

[lissyflo]

I wouldn’t feel guilty if you’re paying the price you both agreed to. I’m surprised though - wouldn’t/shouldn’t his pricing structure/charge be based on the weight of rough needed to cut a specific gem, rather than the finished weight of a gem, then he wouldn’t have this problem? I’d always assumed that was the way it worked - cost of rough + cutting time as the basis of a costing.

 

[KeepStepping]

I think the responses in this thread just show how difficult it is sometimes to base communication strictly on texts! Which, so many of us are doing in society right now for everything. I mean, in this thread, we’re all interpreting the same scenario and reacting each a bit differently based on our experiences. It can be tough.

Not all of us are good at communicating, and sometimes people just converse at a time where it hits both people at the wrong time for what they are going through that day. He, too casual, feeling a bit pained about wishing for a bit more income (who could blame him), you creating something meaningful with a budget that was within your means. To me, it doesn’t quite read passive-aggressive, it sounded a bit anxious financially and I would just embrace that as valid, but his own decision, and look forward to seeing my new stone. But, that’s coming from where *I* am at mentally right now, and tomorrow I might have read it a little differently in one direction or another because we’re all human.

My father was an engineer too, though, and my mother is an research scientist...so I’m used to ”non-versations and missed-understandings.”

I’m looking forward to seeing your former engagement ring’s new makeover, please post pics!

 

[Mreader]

I wouldn’t feel guilty if you’re paying the price you both agreed to. I’m surprised though - wouldn’t/shouldn’t his pricing structure/charge be based on the weight of rough needed to cut a specific gem, rather than the finished weight of a gem, then he wouldn’t have this problem? I’d always assumed that was the way it worked - cost of rough + cutting time as the basis of a costing.

This is the first time I have purchased a stone like this (cut to spec) so I don’t know - I was assuming the finished product though.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

This reminds me of an old saying. "You may forget what a person said, but you will never forget how they made you feel."

Sorry that the seller made you feel bad even if they did so unintentionally, and hope your finished ring brings you joy.

 

[missy]

Nah. His reaction is all about him and has zero to do with you. Inappropriate? Yeah. But don’t take it personally or waste your energy being offended. His reaction is all about him and has really nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong.

 

[LightBright]

I think this was his way of saying he is losing money on the sale because of his original quote. The extra weight on the rough is not your fault and I would have felt uncomfortable about hearing him say what he said. If it were me, I would throw in a tip to balance out the costs to him versus the costs to you. To me, preserving a relationship for the future would be worth paying a little more as a thank you for his expertise and custom cut. This is a dying art, during difficult times. That would be my way of making peace.

 

[Rfisher]

This is a tough one.
I have kinda been in the same position.
How would you feel if the vendor plain said they couldn’t honor the original quote? Better or worse?
In the end - do what makes you most comfortable, regarding giving them a tip, or moving on and never using them again, or whatever.

Retail is sometimes tough (communications as well) for small business that don’t really plan it out as a retail for profit business.