Shower Anxiety

[ArtistJess]

Okay, this may be a silly fear, but I am having a little shower anxiety. It might sound ridiculous, but I am a little nervous about being the center of attention.. really at the shower AND the wedding. Let me explain myself...

I work from home so I don't see that many people on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a homebody or loner by any means.. DF and I certainly have our friends, but quite a bit of the people coming to the shower/wedding are friends of my parents.. some of them I don't even know or have only met once or twice. My parents are VERY social people, involved in various groups and organizations. I am terrified that their friends are going to be generous enough to give me a gift and I'm not going to know who they are to thank them.

We invited close to 80 people to the shower, and 200 to the wedding. I'd say DF and I are close to about 50-75 of those 100.

Is anyone else having shower/wedding anxiety or is it just me?

 

[laughwithme]

I think everyone has a little bit of anxiety. Whenever I talk to girls getting married, one of the first things they always say is: "I''m sooo excited, but kinda nervous for everyone to be looking at me!" I feel that way too. The entire wedding day, let''s face it, no one is looking at the groom - they are analyzing the bride! Her dress, her facial expressions, her jewelry, how she says the vows, everything. That''s a lot of pressure. I know its a lot easier said than done, but I am just going to have fun. This day will be an enormous party and celebration for us - for me and my new husband - and we''re just gonna have fun. You should do the same! No one wants you to be nervous or timid - that makes guests feel very awkward and affects their enjoyment of the day. Guests want to see the bride beaming, and calm, and beautiful. So just do your best to not focus on them focusing on you - just focus on having fun!!!!

 

[beadchick]

OMG!!! I feel the same way! I''ve only got about 20 people coming to the shower and prob only 80 to the wedding. I work around people all day long, and, overall, people think I''m on top of things, articulate, can get the job done. This is cool at work and when it''s focused on a patient (I''m a future shrink) b/c I have an objective, but when it''s about ME, I get really nervous. I flush so bad when I give a presentation that I wear a turtleneck to hide it (my wedding dress is strapless). I am counting on that pre-wedding shot to chill me out. Might have to do it pre-shower too.

And, the gift thing. I have major guilt issues about people spending money on me, don''t know why, but there it is. So, the thank you thing, I feel like there is nothing I can say that will thank them for the generosity of the gifts.

One year, at a birthday party in college, a friend of mine wished me happy birthday and I was so anxious about it that I said happy birthday back, like merry christmas or something. So no, it isn''t just you.

 

[ArtistJess]

LaughWithMe- Thank you so much for the advice. I think it's what I needed to hear. I keep telling myself over and over that it's okay to feel nervous. I just wish I were closer to some of the people coming.

And you are totally right.. everyone is sizing up the bride. That is super intimidating to me, but I will try my best to make sure nobody feels awkward, including myself!

 

[ArtistJess]

BeadChick- You totally hit the nail on the head. That is EXACTLY how I feel. Sometimes I just feel I should keep thanking people over and over again so they don't regret what they gave me.

I'm so effing weird sometimes. haha!

I am so relieved to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way.

ETA: I am considering a pre-wedding shot too. Maybe not, though, because I get tipsy too easily.
Also, I used to DJ at a radio station for a living. The station was 100,000 watts and spanned all across the state. I never had ANY problems with that. Then I took a speech class in school. It was a small class of 25 people or so, and I shook through every single speech. It terrified me. I could barely keep it together. Maybe it has something to do with the idea of all eyes being on me? Who knows.

 

[stephbolt]

Date: 3/12/2010 8:04:24 AM
Author:ArtistJess
Okay, this may be a silly fear, but I am having a little shower anxiety. It might sound ridiculous, but I am a little nervous about being the center of attention.. really at the shower AND the wedding. Let me explain myself...

I work from home so I don''t see that many people on a daily basis. Don''t get me wrong, I''m not a homebody or loner by any means.. DF and I certainly have our friends, but quite a bit of the people coming to the shower/wedding are friends of my parents.. some of them I don''t even know or have only met once or twice. My parents are VERY social people, involved in various groups and organizations. I am terrified that their friends are going to be generous enough to give me a gift and I''m not going to know who they are to thank them.

We invited close to 80 people to the shower, and 200 to the wedding. I''d say DF and I are close to about 50-75 of those 100.

Is anyone else having shower/wedding anxiety or is it just me?

Jess - my dear friend had this fear for her shower. Here''s what she did...if she opened a card from someone that she wasn''t sure who they were, she pretended she couldn''t see where they were sitting in the crowd gathered around. So she opened a card that said the gift was from Jane Doe...she said, now, where is Jane sitting, I don''t see her...got the person to speak up. If they were in kind of an obvious spot, she made a joke, oh, gosh, my eyesight must be going, I don''t know how I missed you sitting right there!

 

[ArtistJess]

Oh Steph! That is such a good idea! Thank you so much for passing that along. No doubt it will be used!

 

[PumpkinPie]

Try not to worry about it too much - you''re not at all the only person who would find that situation stressful! I was self-conscious enough at our wedding and there were only 7 guests!

 

[Puppmom]

Jess, I passed on the wedding shower for this very reason. It was pretty easy because we had a small wedding with no bridal party and made it clear to parents, etc. that I didn''t want one. I get really stressed out when I''m the center of attention.

Now I''m pregnant and my mom and MIL are set on a baby shower so I''m trying to convince DH to have a Jack and Jill shower. He''s so not into it. I think I''m gonna have to suck it up. I feel so ungrateful because it is so nice of everyone to gather in one place in your honor. I just hate feeling like I''m part of a fundraiser. I know that''s not the intent but that''s how it makes me feel.

A lot of my friends who''ve had wedding showers have their bridal party or at least MOH sit with them while they open gifts - that might make you feel a little better.

 

[Prana]

I thought I was the only one who felt this way! I''m so nervous, just about being the center of attention. I HATE that! Plus, the only shoes I could find to match my dress are like 4 inch heels, so I just hope I don''t fall or twist and ankle or something. Yikes!

 

[beadchick]

So, then how do we manage the nervousness? What did those of you do who had the shower, already? I really like what stephb0lt''s fried did. That''s a good one, Thanks! Here is part of my hang up w/ the whole thing:

A big part of the shower thing is the gift-giving aspect of it. Less so with weddings (though still there) b/c the ceremony, the cake, the toasts, that is all part of the process. But, w/ showers, you get together and receive gifts. My major hang up with this wedding process: people spending money on me. I know its weird. I used to get yelled at by a friend b/c when I was dating, I''d go out w/ guys and always feel compelled to help pay. I don''t know what my deal is. I mean, all the other women there (or their daughters) will do the same thing, have showers, get married, and I''ll give gifts. I feel guilty for the presents. And for being the center of attention.

Weird, huh?

 

[ArtistJess]

beadchick- we are so much alike! i always felt guilty when guys would pay for me. strange, i know.