Shower problems and hurt feelings

[AmberWaves]

My very sweet FMIL is throwing me a shower, as well as my aunt. The other day my aunt asked me for a list of invitees including FI''s side of the family. Well, since it''s not fair to invite people to both showers, I assumed I''d only invite my aunt''s side (my side) to my aunt''s shower, and FI''s side to FMIL''s shower. When my aunt heard about this, she kind of laughed it off and said it was really "Your mother who is upset, she keeps asking me if I''m mad". I know my mom doesn''t really care, and only worries if her sister would be angry. So my aunt said that it''s okay since we''ll have enough on our side anyway, and she (FMIL) can invite FI''s family to hers, she (aunt) just thought it''d be nice.

Of course I feel terrible, like it''s my fault my FMIL is throwing this shower, like my aunt thinks it''s a "who has the better shower". To be honest, I''m much more excited about my aunt''s shower, since I know all this family better. I really don''t want there to be hurt feelings and discomfort, since my FMIL is really the sweetest person ever. So now my aunt is hurt that my FMIL is throwing me a shower, like she is trying to keep the families separate.

This suuucks.

 

[ladyciel]

I don''t suppose there''s any way to combine them? Make it a team planning effort?

 

[E B]

Date: 6/17/2007 10:37:30 AM
Author: ladyciel
I don''t suppose there''s any way to combine them? Make it a team planning effort?

That''s what I was thinking. Do you have a neutral party (a family member like your mom or an aunt) that could suggest combining them?

 

[AmberWaves]

Yeah, I tried to mention that, but my aunt said that she''s been planning this shower for ages, and doesn''t really want to combine.

My FMIL says this is a tradition with her side, the FMIL throwing the shower. So, unfortunately, nope. We''re going to talk to my aunt today and work this out. Hopefully.

 

[E B]

Date: 6/17/2007 2:02:09 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Yeah, I tried to mention that, but my aunt said that she's been planning this shower for ages, and doesn't really want to combine.

My FMIL says this is a tradition with her side, the FMIL throwing the shower. So, unfortunately, nope. We're going to talk to my aunt today and work this out. Hopefully.

Bummer! Well, maybe you can invite some of your closest family members and friends to both, specifying in lieu of gifts, please just bring your fabulous selves on one invitation? Something like that. I don't know. Good luck, darlin'!

 

[Fancy605]

I think it''s okay to have different guest lists for different showers. I had 2 in my home town: one was family only, and the other was family friends (with just a few overlapping guests). On the flip side, I''ve had several guests be invited to multiple showers (which is getting ridiculous because I have had 4 and 2 more are planned). I have a really awesome "young people" fun-and-games shower coming up that some of our bridal party is throwing, and I have a lot of friends invited who have already purchased more than one gift for me, and I feel so bad about it. So I''ve been telling those guests not to bring me anything else. "No more presents, just come play!" is basically what I say to the repeat shower attendees.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Oh tricky situation. I would try to convince her why it is better to keep the guests lists seperate.

 

[ladyciel]

Date: 6/17/2007 2:02:09 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Yeah, I tried to mention that, but my aunt said that she''s been planning this shower for ages, and doesn''t really want to combine.

My FMIL says this is a tradition with her side, the FMIL throwing the shower. So, unfortunately, nope. We''re going to talk to my aunt today and work this out. Hopefully.

Oh, that has to be frustrating! Will you have any other events before the wedding where both sides of the family will get to meet and greet? Perhaps mentioning those (or the possibility of planning one) will sooth your Aunt.

 

[surfgirl]

Not sure why this is such a sticky situation. Just have each side attend that side's shower, yes? If one hostess asks why there are no invites from the other side, just tell them it's because there is another shower on that side. They both know the other side wants to host a shower and neither side will back down or join together so it's their own fault as far as I can tell. I know plenty of people who have multiple showers with different guest lists and nobody thinks its tacky or declasse. It's just different groups of people. Now if I kept getting invited to multiple showers for the same person, that would annoy me. But that's just me...