shrinkage vs lifestyle

[laughinggravy]

Hi guys,
          I was on the brrrrink of buying this (hope it''s posted!!), using my OEC as part exchange, and then buy it on lay away. Here''s the link if you want to check it out further. : http://www.estatediamondjewelry.com/item.cfm?int_item_id=340&cat_id=1. The whole ring is 1.2cmx1cm. I think it''s just beautiful.

Now this is a 40th birthday present, (for November),  and we live in Europe, my husband''s French. When he came back from a work trip, he said we could get it straight away and he refused to allow me to use the OEC

which was very kind since our budget was $9k.... but..... he didn''t like it.

People just don''t wear big pieces here. My ering, which i''m beginning to have shrinkage issues with, is a 1.20 asscher with a 6mm spread, and trap sides, (it''s an E VVS1 ex/ex NiceIce stone so it is very lively), is the largest diamond I have seen in my four years of living in Belgium. France is the same.

I use the public transport sytem since I don''t see the point of having a car in a city if the transport system is good. I work for fun but my very dear co workers who just make the job perfect, don''t. I''m certainly the only diamond wearer there. I would hate to be brash or in-your-face. And, finally, we just don''t go out much (hubby works really long hours - bit of a workaholic) and when we do socialise it''s usually with my pals who are free-lance teachers and although they''d have no probs with me wearing whatever the heck I wanted, I''d just feel .... odd.

So I rang the the store and said no. Which was sad but when my husband said it would just not get much of an airing and when he added that he thought it looked a little ''old-ladyish'' given this culture where only older women (60-70+) wear this type of ring, I had to agree. (I already made the same mistake with some clothes which I just never wear, actually I''m glad I did make those mistakes because I could really relate to his warning.)

So how do you deal with the balance between shirinkage and practicality? Am I right in thinking you guys in the US would probably drive more than use bus/tram/subway?  ''cos I think that makes a difference. Do many people over there wear 1.50c + stones - I think I must be loking at a Pricecope microcosm - no? Would you be able to tote this beauty around most of the time, or would you think it was a dress ring only????

I''d love to hear your perspectives.

We''ve decided to focus on studs and there I am going big because I have long hair and because earrings don''t stick out so much - unless you''ve got sticky out ears. Plus i think people,who I don''t know, are more liable to think they''re fake, which suits me. A ring would, I think, attract more dangerous attention than earrings. So we''re thinking just under 2cs total weight. 6mm diameter each ear.

Hope to hear some thoughts on whether your life styles would carry this off just fine

A

 

[windy1365]

Hi. Where I am from, GA, your diamond size depends on what town you live in, and many other factors. In the small town that I used to live in, a caret center stone is considered big. Most women don''t have that size and don''t even have an idea about the cost of it. They just have what their husband picked out at the local jewelry store.

In Atlanta, I see bigger stones in the girls my age. I am 27, and I see rings about 1.0 - 1.5 (center stone). They are usually professional women with professional husbands (fiancees).

It sounds to me like you have already answered your own question. You really want the ring, but you will be uncomfortable wearing it out in public. Yes, it will probably get attention b/c it is a beautiful ring. Are the subways safe there? I wouldn''t want to riding around in Atlanta on a subway with a ring like that on my finger.

I think you should get the ring if you are going to be comfortable wearing it. There isn''t any point in getting it if the ring is going to sit in your jewelry box all the time b/c you''re too embarrassed to wear it.

 

[laughinggravy]

Hi Windy - I''m definitely not getting it. I told them a sad ''no'' yesterday. I was just curious about the differences, if any, between wearing jewellry in the USA and in Europe.

Hope you had a good weekend,
A

 

[laughinggravy]

Hi Windy - nope I''m definitely not going to get it. I told them a sad ''no'' yesterday.

I was just interested in the differences , if any, between jewellry wearing in Europe and the USA.

Hope you had a good weekend,
A

 

[Jennifer5973]

Hi, laughinggravy...there must be differences. I have never been to France or Belgium, but from what you describe and from tidbits I''ve picked up, it seems as if there different attitudes about diamonds--and spending money on them.

I live in an affluent suburb of NYC and 1.5-2 cts is the norm for most women i see. And a 3-4 ct is not "shocking" but it will garner attention. There are also differences in the U.S. I went on a business trip once to the deep midwest here and the average ering size was maybe .5-.75. ct.

It''s a shame we can''t all just do what we want but when you are talking about a large purchase like a diamond, you can''t spend the money then have it collect dust in the house. The reason to have jewelry is to enjoy it. I wear my jewelry becasue I adore its beauty and it makes me feel good. if I felt I would attract negative attention becasue of where I worked or lived, I wouldn''t buy it--I stopped playing "dress up" in the house at age 9 or 10.

I think you made the right call and studs are a great idea!

 

[laughinggravy]

OOops double posty earlier, sorry.

Thanks Jennifer - I so admired your brother and the way he handled that really tough situtaion you outlined on a previous thread.

Yup - I know it was the right thing to do, but I wonder if I would have been so open to my husband''s points if I hadn''t bought the most gorgeous coat in the universe (not, of course, fur), which I''ve worn ooooh; maybe three times in the last six years. Oddly I don''t regret that, it''s so beautiful just to look at. But that was my working overtime for two months and feel it was fair outcome.

This would have been a biggie and I already have stuff from my mother that just sits in the bank. Nothing, maaaadly huge, but just not really wearable.

It must, on one hand (no pun intended) be fun to live somewhere where it''s cool to have nice stuff. But then, does it mean that those who can''t run to it feel inadequate? I read the post about enagements and waiting for the ring and guys feeling stressed, girls feeling stressed. Here, barely anyone gets proposed to with a ring.

I remembered after I posted that I have seen two the same size stone as mine, both were on students of mine. I used to teach English as a foreign language to adults.

I find this really interesting. With studs I figure I can have my cake and eat it too.

By the way, did the ring I posted look like a matronly ring to you guys? Would that be something that a woman turning 40 would wear?

A

 

[Mara]

hmmm my two cents is this...

i think that style is lovely and i have seen far more than just older women wear it...that is a style that is getting much more popular, the halo settings with various stones. i see it as classic, somewhat vintage and really beautiful. not matronly or grandmotherly at all. in fact i'd love a RHR like that!

and, the most important two cents...wear what you want! buy what you want to wear! i don't hold much with what others think...i wear what i want, buy which jewelry i want. there are only a few opinions in my life that matter, those friends and family that are closest to me. everyone else can shove off.

i understand what you mean about not wanting to seem like you are flaunting your ring or status or similar...but i don't think of things like that. if you are simple in other ways, a big rock should be a present to yourself that you can feel good about. some people buy cars, or boats, or lots of furs or clothes..i think jewelry is just another way to express yourself. if you spend all your time worrying what others will think about your clothes/rock/car etc...it will be hard to please yourself at all.

so anyhow, it's sad to read that you were sad when you told the store no. i'm sure your hubby would love seeing the ring on your hand, his perception of it and it's style may change once it's yours. hard to say....but if you really want that style and love it, then wear it! and be happy. good luck.

 

[Christy42]

I believe you said you weren''t getting the ring for sure and you were getting the earrings and you just wanted opinions about the US and diamonds? Just making sure..

I live in a smallish but growing town on the east coast. There is a lot of money here but not necessarily in my circle of friends. I understand your point about not being brash. People in my social circles have mostly small diamonds. Some would like bigger but can''t financially and some find it wasteful. Shudder the thought! I know I''m fortunate to be able to indulge myself and don''t want to create envy, but it''s hard because I too love to look at them so I wear them. My husband is the only one (except for PS) who seems to appreciate the joy I get from these precious shinies. He says he loves to watch my face light up and he likes them too.

I see diamonds with some size but I think most are .5 to 1 carat. Younger women usually have smaller stones. I actually rarely see 2 carats and above. I think most people here have big boats. Mine do attract attention, even from men, who are probably thinking, "I''d have bought a boat!"

So, I probably wouldn''t wear them on public transportation and I do have a car (as do most people here) but I''m still careful about where I go at night. I wouldn''t want to stand out in a dangerous way either.

Studs are wonderful too. I prefer small studs and big rings but that''s just my preference. But really, I just love diamonds, period.......

Your ring ring sounds beautiful!

 

[movie zombie]

the ring is beautiful and if you lived in the US you''d get more use out of it, although even in california this type of ring would be unusual ''on the street''.

telling the store ''no'' was hard but given you live in europe, the right thing. being on the streets with a ring like that would certainly bring you unwanted attention.

re the studs: have you considered doing a halo setting similar to the ring?

peace, movie zombie

 

[kaylagee]

Hi laughingg,

My husband is French too! I'm originally from the San Francisco Bay area and he's from Paris. You're so right about diamonds not being as popular there...When I do see them they're either quite small or extra-gigantic!

I've gotten weird looks from acquaintances and some of my husband's family for my jewellery(which is modest by US standards). It bothered me at first, but I stopped caring. I think that many take it as costume/cz anyway. BTW, Have you noticed that even some costume/paste/cz/crystal pieces are much more expensive there?!

I'm also an at-home mom and I've yet to met another one in Paris(I'm sure they exist..somewhere).

Sometimes it just feels that there's not as much in-between there. Either people are sort of hard-scrabble and practical(as far as jewellery, lifestyle, women working outside the home) or they are super-rich. At home there's quite a bit of middle ground.

I've been trying to convince dh to move to the US. He's more open to the idea than before and we're starting to move in that direction, thank G-d.

If I were you, I'd buy exactly what I wanted and enjoy wearing it(I don't find it old-ladyish at all!). You're also fortunate that you're married to a generous Frenchman. My in-laws (well specifically, my mother-in-law and one brother in law...My FIL and the other brothers are pretty easy going) seem to really disapprove of the kindnesses that my husband shows me. When visiting, I usually get the once-over for anything new..bags, clothing, anything. She's(MIL) sure I'm sending him to the proverbial 'poor-house'. I've never noticed her wearing any nice jewelry at all... she has this austere thing goin' on...which is fine(each to her own) but bothers me when she starts trying to pick over *me*.

 

[valeria101]

It doesn''t make sense to buy jewelry that doesn''t feel confortable to wear and does not fit your lifestyle...

For better or worse, something always fits: there are so many styles out there ! Perhaps that ring or a large diamond ring in general would not do for every day. Thank goodness someone invented earrings

Of course those two would be lovely

 

[kaylagee]

re:shrinkage..

The one positive element about going back to Paris is how it mysteriously makes all of my jewellery seem huge. LOL! Total reverse shrinkage phenom. A 1ct carat rb suddenly feels substantial.... Ahh.. but then I come home to the bay area and I''m wearing an earring on my finger again.

This is insanity!

Over the holidays, I had a new 2ct oval ring done and I''ve all but stopped wearing my first set. I''m thinking of having a pendant made or buying another 1ct rb to make earrings.

The one shrinkage spot in Paris is the area (i''m blanking out on the streets) where the Van Cleef & A., Boucheron, et al. are. OMG!! Those window displays would give almost anyone shrinkage shock! I nearly faint everytime!

 

[IrishEyes]

I love perspectives from other places outside the US ! I think that you were mostly right in saying no on the piece you were thinking on getting. I understand safety issues and not feeling comfortable wearing it in many environments because you don''t want to feel as though you are "showing off" or shoving your nice jewels in other''s faces!!
On the other hand, you really have discipline!!! I don''t know if I would be able to turn it down. I love the way I feel when wearing beautiful, sparkly things - really makes me feel like a woman! Even if I don''t wear something out, I would love to just wear it around the house, admiring the sparkles it gives off in certain lighting.....
Overall, it sounds like you did what you thought was best. And you can always go for it again in the future, or for something else!
I was in France and Belgium a few years ago, and its interesting because I really don''t remember seeing very big diamonds over there. I actually saw a proposal take place on top of the Arc d''Triump (sp??) and the ring was very simple - yellow gold with a smaller (maybe .35/40?) round solitaire. She was laughing and crying away, so excited! It was a very wonderful event to witness and I sometimes wonder what became of them....
We here in the U.S. tend to suffer from "bigger is better" syndrome. This is the land of the super-sized - everyting: our cars, food portions, houses, jewelry,etc. Of course it varies from region to region. Where I live, in the Midwestern part of the country, small diamonds are the norm (.50-.80 cts.). If you go closer toward a big city, say Chicago, it increases to about 1.00-1.50 for the norm. But its not uncommon now to see 2+ carats sometimes. The east, especially around the NYC area seems notorious for having bigger diamonds. This is just how the US is sometimes - many tend to want the newest, greatest, biggest thing. But not all........
anyway, I''m rambling! I love hearing about what life is like for others in different parts of the world, and what different cultural expectations and norms are. Keep sharing

 

[youngster]

Hi laughingravy,
As a proud member of the 40 year+ club, I can tell you that I would happily wear that ring you posted! It is not the least matronly to me and seems quite stylish. I see lots of rings like that in a lot of the nicer jewelry stores where I live. However, I agree with the general consensus. You''ve made the correct decision in going with the studs. There is no point in buying something you can''t wear frequently. Hope you enjoy your new earrings and post pics please when you get them!

 

[innerkitten]

Hi, I live in the U.S and don''t own a car. My FI has one but he doesn''t use it everyday. The public transportation system in San Francisco is really good. However I am also a smaller diamond wearer ( but I wear a lot of other jewelry though) and yes on public transport lots of bling would make you stand out here too.

 

[innerkitten]

P.S. The ring you posted is really pretty.

 

[windy1365]

Laughing gravy - maybe you could get a smaller version of the ring that you like? That would be pretty also. Then, you could wear it all the time.

 

[movie zombie]

windy, i like that idea!!!! then get earrings to match!

peace, movie zombie

 

[sjz]

Date: 4/3/2005 5:53:45 PM
Author: IrishEyes.
We here in the U.S. tend to suffer from ''bigger is better'' syndrome. This is the land of the super-sized - everyting: our cars, food portions, houses, jewelry,etc. Of course it varies from region to region. Where I live, in the Midwestern part of the country, small diamonds are the norm (.50-.80 cts.). If you go closer toward a big city, say Chicago, it increases to about 1.00-1.50 for the norm. But its not uncommon now to see 2+ carats sometimes. The east, especially around the NYC area seems notorious for having bigger diamonds. This is just how the US is sometimes - many tend to want the newest, greatest, biggest thing. But not all..

I''ve seen this subject touched upon in other threads, but you are right. Diamond size does seem to be a regional thing, at least here in the US. I''m in the Midwest, too, and I don''t see a lot of larger diamonds. Most women seem to have diamonds in the .50-1.0 carat range. The ones who have bigger diamonds, of say over 1.5 carats usually tend to be more mature women of 45+ years, who I''m betting got them as upgrades. Even very wealthy women seem to be pretty conservative with the size of their diamonds, and most don''t go over 1.5-2.0 carats. I guess that''s why my .75 carat never seemed smallish to me (until I found pricescope...lol)

The bigger is better syndrome is very much alive and well in the midwest, however. But here, instead of designer purses, shoes, and diamonds people tend to want to show their wealth with homes and cars. I''ve noticed a lot more homes going up in my neck of the woods that are $1 million and up. And more people are driving "luxury" SUV''s. I''ve even been seeing quite a few Hummers around town lately...which is strange considering there isn''t a hummer dealership within probably 100 miles of here!

 

[elepri]

Well here in NYC most people don''t drive and I see 2+ carat stones on the subway all the time so not sure if safety is a big issue. However, really huge stones (upwards of 3 carats) are probably worn more by those who don''t need to use public transportation and just take cabs everywhere (or live in the suburbs and drive). The interesting thing is that even within NYC there seem to be regional differences; we live in one of the nicest parts of Brooklyn and my ring seems pretty big here, then on the Upper East Side it just seems to shrink. So when deciding on the size, it was also a balance between what we could afford and what would look "appropriate" more time than not. I wanted a decent size stone but still not something that would look gaudy to my arty, anti-diamond friends (it still probably does but i don''t really care). On the other hand, a friend who''s a lawyer in Manhattan feels that her 2.5 carat stone is on the small side. My very American fiance for some reason also has this idea that (very) big stones, particularlly the ones in elaborate settings are for old ladies. I guess I''m lucky that our tastes are quite similar so I got to pick out a ring that he also really likes. But even if we could easily afford a much bigger stone, he''d feel the same way as your husband about it.

 

[sparklish]

Can''t speak to U.S. but in Canada, most rings I see are under a carat. This is true even of professional women. Personally, I''m not sure my lifestyle would ever let me wear large rings. I live in a very wealthy city where you see a lot of designer goods, fancy cars, expensive condos, but diamonds just aren''t huge here. It would be highly unusual to see a large ring like that. While it''s beautiful, it wouldn''t fit with my lifestyle which involves working with the public and sometimes the underprivileged. So for me, I can sympathise with lifestyle trumping shrinkage.

 

[ursulawrite]

I''m from London and this is my take on things.

On my most recent trip to the UK, I did see a couple of stones around the 1.5 carat range, but my 1.3 gets a lot of second glances under the bright lights of department stores. As I''ve said on here before, British and European women -- the ones who have disposable incomes -- are much more likely to be flaunting the latest handbags and shoes than diamonds.

My old boss, whose e-ring was a half-carat cluster in yellow gold, was from a boarding school background, and had two homes -- one in London, and a farm in the countryside -- yet her hair was always all over the place and her nails bitten down to the core. Of course her favourite handbag was a Mulberry by Luella and her shoes were Ferragamo. There is a wild-edged eccentricity that wealthy Brits have (and perhaps some French, too). And Italians are label-mad but never sport anything more than a plain gold band.

In a nutshell, my NY tiddler morphs into a monster during transatlantic flights!

 

[innerkitten]

Windy, That is a great idea.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 4/4/2005 2:28:11 PM
Author: ursulawrite

...In a nutshell, my NY tiddler morphs into a monster during transatlantic flights!

I thought I was the only one experiencing this miracle transformation! Too funny! LOL!

 

[innerkitten]

I sometimes hear people on this forum say that people from NYC tend to have bigger diamonds. I always want to say this but never do. Now I don''t live there but Since my parents are from there and we have lots of family there I''ve been there many times. My parents also have many friends and business connections there and some of them are my friends too. Most of them grew up there or have been there for many years. Now both my parents come from arty circles. my mother is a writer and my father is an artist ( graphics, comics, painting and fine art printmaking) so it''s probably a totally different crowd then what has been mentioned in previous posts. PLus New York is a huge and very diverse city with people from all over the world. But anyway my mothers friends and family arent really into diamonds and so I personally have never experienced what some people here say is common in NYC. So I don''t think it''s that most New Yorkers tend towards big stones I think it''s a certain type of New Yorker. I think it''s not always where you live but your social group that determines the norm.Just had to get that off my chest.

 

[elepri]

Innerkitten, I completely agree, I was trying to make a similar point in my earlier post. It really depends in New York. One of my best friends is an architect, whenever I hang out with her and her other friends who are mostly architects, designers, artists, I don't think any of them even have erings, just wedding bands. On the other hand, I worked in several preschools on the Upper East and West side. I think it would be accurate to say that about 95% of kids' moms were sporting rocks way over 2 carats and the ones who didn't were usually the women from Europe (France, Germany, etc).

 

[sparklelover]

I agree with InnerKitten. It all depends on social group / profession. We live in mid-west. I work in finance/investment, where ladies more often sport sizeable diamond e-rings and noticeable studs earrings. DH is in computer engineering, women in his circle of friends usually wear plain bands and hardly any makeup. When we get together with his friends, I have to tone down a bit but still end up being the most "glitzy" one. Those people make good $$ but they are more into SUVs, the latest digital toys, home theater... This co-worker of my husband has to have the newest i-pod each time. Some moms in my daughter’s daycare and many women in our church have big rocks too. So I think it’s a matter of what you want and what you are comfortable with.

 

[laughinggravy]

So interesting to hear your opinions and experiences. Thanks

It seemed so peverse of me to be thinking that my ering was a little small and then, whan able to go larger, to back out of it because now the ring would be too big!

I love the idea of making a smaller copy, thanks, but I think that I''ll spend the budget on earrings and..... I think this is a cool idea, a 5 stone .25 little asscher band to wear with my e ring - which is a 1.20 asscher. That way I can glam up the ering when I want and play it down at other times.

It was really fascinating to hear about your towns/cities and friends. Kaylagee (hope I have your name right, I can''t figure out how to go back a page without losing the message!), what you say about Paris really rings a bell! And my pals are also arty types. I know they do accept me for who I am, but my friends at work - it''s quite a new job - may have thought I was flaunting! I''m glad I came to that decision and would have pressed ahead but for my husband''s warning!

I priced the Tiffany ''bubble ring'' (v. beautiful) and do you realise that it''s $3k more in the UK than in the States??

I''d love to hear more from anyone in other countries, Australia for example, and from other parts of the US?

Thanks all for responding!
A

 

[valeria101]

Date: 4/6/2005 2:57:34 PM
Author: laughinggravy

I love the idea of making a smaller copy, thanks, but I think that I''ll spend the budget on earrings and..... I think this is a cool idea, a 5 stone .25 little asscher band to wear with my e ring - which is a 1.20 asscher.

Will the studs be Asscher too ?

With your asscher e-ring and band they would add up to one nice matching set

if anything does !

 

[laughinggravy]

Valeria hi - nope, rounds.

I''d go craaazy trying to make sure the squares were ''square on'' and not diagonal!!

A