*sigh* Boys are stupid

[4ever]

So around this time last month I was getting all hyped up because Bf and my 3rd anniversary was coming up and I was getting the vibe that that might be the day; he was being secretive and not telling me what we were doing for our anniversary and really avoiding the subject when I asked him about it and being particularly lovely and affectionate the week or so before, I figured he must we waiting for a special occasion since he didn't do it as soon as we moved into our own place, which was the last thing off out check list, and a Saturday night would be ideal because we could have the Sunday to ourselves and then we go to dinner with my family on a Sunday night and then talk to his parents on Skype video chat after wards and also our first "date" is a really good memory for me.....

So the day comes, a Saturday so I'm at work till 4:30 and he's at home all day (plenty of time to "plan" things right? ) so I pull into the drive, open the door and there is a surprise waiting for me......Rocky horror picture show tickets. Cool...but not what I expected. Ok, that's fine; I hide the disappointment and think, ok, so he'll do it at dinner before the show.

So I get snazzed up and pretty but he wants to wear jeans....ok......so then we are about to leave and I have a sneaky check to see if the ring is in its hidey place or not and...... Yep, it's still there. Bummer

So, we head off and I'm feeling a little upset but and sucking it up because I know I'm being silly, it will still be a really good night out and it's nice of him to take me to a show I really like, and deep inside I'm still kind holding out hope it maybe might be tonight....maybe.

I spend dinner trying to work out why he's not doing it, he's had the friken ring for ALMOST TWO FLIPPING YEARS, we live together, he has had plenty of bloody time to do it, so what is wrong with me? He says how much he wants us to be engaged, so why won't he propose? What have I done? I kind of loose it at the end of dinner when BF asks me why I seem upset. I have to go back and sit in the car because I don't like to cry in public .

So I bawl my eyes out for 15 minutes while explaining to BF why I'm so upset and so disappointed, and his response: He thought about it but decided doing it on our 3rd anniversary was too "obvious" Yeah it was obvious because it was A REALLY GOOD IDEA!




.............Anyway, on the up side, apparently it's not very far away now and he just has a really particular idea about how it's going to go, and to be honest I've been waiting so long I think he feels the pressure to make it worth the wait. I waited a while to post this because I've been too embarrassed, but there you are, my LIW melt-down, LIW-itise at its worst.

 

[inflorescence]

Reading that I wanted to give you a hug **hugs** Sometimes obvious is the perfect idea, bah, men.... it can't always be a super secret surprise, you know he has the ring! Hopefully this was a wakeup call for him thats there is waiting and then being ridiculous, but he just wants to make it perfect for you two who knows what wonderfulness he has planned!!!...

 

[blacksand]

I'm so sorry. I had the worst LIWitis day yesterday, too. I never knew how bad it could get! It's so hard, but we know it's coming, and it will be wonderful when it does. I guess all we can do is try to focus on the positive. But I know how hard that can be sometimes. Thank God for online forums!

 

[briolette]

Men, I swear....*hugs*
I think their brains are just wired differently and they forget to take other people's feelings into considerations. He may be thinking about the perfect time for HIM to pop the question formally, but not necessarily the perfect time for YOU TWO. The important thing to remember is that the ring is purchased and you know he will propose eventually.

 

[DuckLovingVegan]

Honestly I don't know how you could do it I mean waiting two years for a ring. Well at least you know like PP said it isn't that far off. I just hope he does it sooner or later. I swear guys have no idea what we go through waiting for them.

 

[slg47]

and I have a sneaky check to see if the ring is in its hidey place or not and...... Yep, it's still there. Bummer

OK, so just some advice...if he is working really hard to make it special for you...then you don't want to ruin it by checking every time you go out?

I can't imagine having the ring in the house for 2 years??? I wouldn't have bought the ring if I wasn't planning on giving it soon, but that's just me (where soon = within the next 3 months or so). Maybe guys are different, AN's FI had the ring in their house for 8 months (still a lot shy of 2 years...but still a long time) Anyway, hang in there, you know it's coming soon.

 

[rialaine]

Two Years....Wow, hunny, I really cannot imagine knowing that the ring has been there for two years and still waiting. I am so so sorry! Sometimes I feel like guys get so intimidated by the whole proposal planning. Its like they think they have to think up a completely new proposal that no one else has ever done. So they spend months (for some even years) planning the perfect proposal, leaving us frustrated and upset! All we want is something sweet and personal. I think that would have been the perfect opportunity for him to propose but he obviously wants something else.....I agree...Boys are stupid!

 

[vintagelover229]

I feel your pain hun! Although the ring hasn't been bought for 2 years, it has been in our house since June (and he's let me wear it, and showed his friends...but won't tell his parents )

He bought the ring back in April, but we had only been dating a couple months so I wasn't surprised and knew he was going to hold onto it for a while (we knew on our 2nd date that this was it for us, and we are also international) and so he's had the ring almost a year and it is SO HARD to wait for it! At one point I thought I'd get it before the new year, but his brother asked for help on his e-ring for his gf, and they've been together for 7 years. So, they'll be getting engaged soon, and we will have to wait (which is fine, they've waited longer than we have) so now I think it's Feb that the proposal will come.

It will happen though! We are both so close! But my man's in the same boat as yours, he'll talk all sweet and tell me he loves me, call me his wife, etc. but NO proposal yet! I told him the other day (we were doing something I really didn't want to do, but I did it with a smile on my face bc I knew he wanted to do it) and I pointed at my finger and i was like...yeah...I totally deserve one

He just smiled and nodded and said soon.

Does anyone else know the difference between a "guy" soon and a "woman" soon?

For me, soon is like, SOON! For them, soon is relative, like in the next year. LOL.

HUGS! I hope it's *woman* soon that you get your proposal!

 

[w.a.n.d]

I feel for ya

I've started to wonder if men feel like they have to make it EXTRA special when the lady has been involved in the ring process/knows about the ring before hand. When my SO and I first started dating, he said he felt like the proposal is the man's time to shine, since women are more involved in the wedding planning process (in his mind). Now that I've convinced him to at least let me be involved in the beginning stages of the ring selection, I can tell just by talking to him that he is nervous that the proposal will not live up to my expectations.

It does sound like he has been thinking about it, though, so hopefully you won't be waiting much longer!

 

[maebelle]

They really are! Though I have to say honestly that now he'd going to be extra nervous due to the waterworks (I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to be honest!)

It'll happen soon, try to stay centered, and blow off your steam here instead of at your BF

 

[Jessie702]

*HUGS** I know how you feel hon. Im completely there, i thought he would ask close to our anni too, or at lest christmas, but found out he cant afford the ring, because its out of the budget, and he is scared about his job, and blah, blah, blah...so i know. Just hold out hope hon,hopefully he will surpise you for christmas, or NYE

 

[beesha77]

I don't know you do that! I would give him about 2 minutes after having that thing for 2 years! That's just uncalled for!

 

[Rezi]

Men.

 

[tyty333]

Men.

Ditto! 2 years?!? I would have layed down some guidelines way before now (but I can be impatient).

Big Hugs

 

[4ever]

and I have a sneaky check to see if the ring is in its hidey place or not and...... Yep, it's still there. Bummer

OK, so just some advice...if he is working really hard to make it special for you...then you don't want to ruin it by checking every time you go out?

I can't imagine having the ring in the house for 2 years??? I wouldn't have bought the ring if I wasn't planning on giving it soon, but that's just me (where soon = within the next 3 months or so). Maybe guys are different, AN's FI had the ring in their house for 8 months (still a lot shy of 2 years...but still a long time) Anyway, hang in there, you know it's coming soon.

The first thing I did when we got back home is give him the ring and tell him to hide it somewhere I won't find it.

He did plan on giving it to me soon after he purchased it but our sistuation changed; it took him A LOT longer then expected to find a job after moving here, then the job he got was one he was very overqualified for so he didn't earn as much as expected so we could't afford to get our own place untill I finnished uni (I was at the beginning of my last year) and got a job (which took 6 months) and then we house hunted for 3 months and then when we moved in at the beginning of October this year I expected him to do it ASAP since we had BOTH waited so long to have all our ducks in a row.... but it seems he has other plans. So, no he's not being mean and vindictive making me wait for almost 2 years, I agreed we should wait untill we got our own place, it's the last few months of waiting that are doing me in because after THAT long waiting, I would assume he would be in just as much of a rush as I was to get engaged.

*shrugs*

I think part of the problem is he thinks it has to be a super epic proposal extravaganza. I have said I don;t need a big fuss, as long as it is heart felt and private you can do whatever.

Anyway, my sympathy to all you ladies that have been waiting a long time with or without the ring, I'm sure it will happen to us somday (hopefully SOON).

 

[Jessie702]

and I have a sneaky check to see if the ring is in its hidey place or not and...... Yep, it's still there. Bummer

OK, so just some advice...if he is working really hard to make it special for you...then you don't want to ruin it by checking every time you go out?

I can't imagine having the ring in the house for 2 years??? I wouldn't have bought the ring if I wasn't planning on giving it soon, but that's just me (where soon = within the next 3 months or so). Maybe guys are different, AN's FI had the ring in their house for 8 months (still a lot shy of 2 years...but still a long time) Anyway, hang in there, you know it's coming soon.

The first thing I did when we got back home is give him the ring and tell him to hide it somewhere I won't find it.

He did plan on giving it to me soon after he purchased it but our sistuation changed; it took him A LOT longer then expected to find a job after moving here, then the job he got was one he was very overqualified for so he didn't earn as much as expected so we could't afford to get our own place untill I finnished uni (I was at the beginning of my last year) and got a job (which took 6 months) and then we house hunted for 3 months and then when we moved in at the beginning of October this year I expected him to do it ASAP since we had BOTH waited so long to have all our ducks in a row.... but it seems he has other plans. So, no he's not being mean and vindictive making me wait for almost 2 years, I agreed we should wait untill we got our own place, it's the last few months of waiting that are doing me in because after THAT long waiting, I would assume he would be in just as much of a rush as I was to get engaged.

*shrugs*

I think part of the problem is he thinks it has to be a super epic proposal extravaganza. I have said I don;t need a big fuss, as long as it is heart felt and private you can do whatever.

Anyway, my sympathy to all you ladies that have been waiting a long time with or without the ring, I'm sure it will happen to us somday (hopefully SOON).

4ever, *******Hugs*********, i know how you feel hon. Men are just stupid, and think we need the biggest, and best, but its not true. Sometimes the best proposals are the simplest ones, like a walk in a favorite park, or in bed, or at a favorite resturant. It doesnt always ahve to be a Limo Ride to central park, a horse-drawn carriage in the park, on the perfect bridge.....Some thing that complicated sounds like a fairytale....and in my case, enough room and time for me to hurt myself, being as accident proned as i am.

 

[4ever]

Yep, small proposal would be just fine, I'm thinking bf should cook me a yummy sunday breakfast, pop the question, then we chil out and do fun stuff all day. I think that because people always asks how he did it, he's trying to make it sound really impresive, when, as long as it's not super innapropriate or embaessing, I'm not much concerned with having a good story to tell.

 

[Amys Bling]

I never understood the whole- buy the ring but wait months-years to propose....why? It sucks! Why tease?

 

[NOYFB]

Aw sweetie, I'm sorry. I know what you're going through and it does suck. I'm not a LIW, in fact I've been married for almost 10 years now, but DH had the ring hidden in the house for 8 months before giving it to me and it drove me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!! I, too, thought that it would be my birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve, etc. and continued to get more and more frustrated with each passing "special day". He finally gave it to me on Valentine's Day and I felt like an ass for pouting about it for so long

Hang in there. You'll get it when it's right.