Silly Flower Girl Question

[MagsyMay]

So I do not really want children at our wedding and neither of our immediate families have any young children, so that works out well. Most of our friends with children have very young children or babies, so I don''t think they would assume it appropriate to bring them along. If they stay home as a result, well, there''s not much I can do.

My FMIL lives next door to her, let''s see if I get this right, second cousin and his wife, and they have a little girl who was adopted from China and is about 4 1/2 years old. So I don''t even know what that makes the girl in relation to my FI, but oh well. I have never met her, or her parents. FMIL apparently went ahead and told this little girl she would get to be our flower girl and tells my FI that she would be "devastated" if she wasn''t.

So fine, I think it was pretty inappropriate for her to assume without talking to us that 1) We would want children at the wedding, and 2) To go ahead and tell this little girl she''s in the wedding. BUT I understand this is how things go and I''m not going to break some little child''s heart over the fact that I do not want kids at my wedding and have NEVER thought of having a flower girl. So I''ll suck it up.

My question is (and I''ve searched tons of the old flower girl threads but couldn''t find the answer and there were a million others to search through, so I apologize if this has been discussed recently), who pays for the flower girl''s dress and other accessories? We will obviously be paying for the flowers and any basket thing to carry them in... but what about the rest of the stuff? What is the custom?

Our budget is pretty tight and the thought of spending an additional $100-$200 on a flower girl (that I never wanted in the first place, and no one asked me!) sort of irks me.

If I''m out of line, just let me know, k!!

 

[D&T]

so sorry that someone just volunteered the little girl for your wedding, thats just as bad as my SIL volunteering herself to be my BMs (at least I know her relations to me

) the last couple of times, when my sister''s little girls were my Flower girls, she paid for the dress, and picked out the dress (I just told her a color, however, I would have certainly paid for the dresses) when my little girl was the flower girl for my sister, I paid for the dress (although my sister would have if I didn''t have the means) You could find lots of vendors that sell on Ebay, we ended up only paying about $28 total includes shipping. I can pull up a picture of my little girls and nieces dresses to show you though, its not super fancy, or anything but it worked,

 

[D&T]

I was also thinking, do you think possible that you could just go over and tell the second cousin, that its a mis understanding on your FMIL part? that you really aren't having a flower girl?

 

[MagsyMay]

D&T, thank you for your reply! It''s good to know others have had similar problems with people volunteering people into a wedding party!

I''m also glad to hear there are affordable options, if we do get stuck with the bill.

I don''t even know the Mom''s second cousin and they live several hours away and we rarely go out there. I''d feel really awkward approaching someone I have never met to tell her that her daughter is "cut" out of the wedding, so I guess I''m just stuck with it. It would also put FMIL in a bad spot of being the one who overstepped without consulting us first. So, flower girl it is, and I guess we''ll just have to make the best of it.

 

[D&T]

awww, shoot

. Ok, do search "flower girl dress" on ebay, and you''ll see lots of options, lots with competitive pricing, and you don''t want to spend over $100 just for a one time event for the girl (you don''t even know)- But our dress, we''ll probably be using it again, for Halloween (as a cinderella dress

) fo my DD

 

[D&T]

just an example of $28, the little girl in the lavender is another option too. Not bad I don''t think.

 

[charbie]

i''d tell FMIL that she''s either paying for the dress or flower girl''s family pays for it.

 

[MagsyMay]

D&T - Very cute dresses! Yet another thing for me to research!

Charbie - I totally agree. Problem is, FMIL has very little money, and as it is, FI will probably be paying for his dress/clothes for wedding and hotel, not to mention the whole RD himself... So I don''t think she''d be able to foot any additional bills for the flower girl SHE invited.

The family likely could pay for it, so hopefully they will offer to do so when the time comes around.

 

[choro72]

We told my cousin and my aunt "Unfortunately we can''t afford to purchase the outfits, and we would appreciate it if you would just pick up something appropriate for the wedding". It worked out beautifully. We''re doing the same for the US wedding. They understand, and they are just excited to be part of it anyway. I guess this will work best if you don''t care about what they are going to choose.

 

[charbie]

Date: 8/25/2009 5:17:51 PM
Author: MagsyMay
D&T - Very cute dresses! Yet another thing for me to research!

Charbie - I totally agree. Problem is, FMIL has very little money, and as it is, FI will probably be paying for his dress/clothes for wedding and hotel, not to mention the whole RD himself... So I don''t think she''d be able to foot any additional bills for the flower girl SHE invited.

The family likely could pay for it, so hopefully they will offer to do so when the time comes around.

after i wrote my quick response, i thought more about FI and i would handle something like this. my mom has little $, and this sounds like something she would do.

actually, i think either of our moms could do something like this, yet they don''t have a ton of $ to contribute to the wedding. hmmmmm.

FI has a huge problem with confrontation, so i know the conversation with us would go like this:
me: "you have to tell her to pay for it. or figure it out, because it isn''t fair and i didn''t even really want to have a flower girl and she is going to ruin this little girl''s hopes and dreams of being a flowergirl."
FI: "just don''t worry about it. i''ll talk to her."
me: "when are you going to talk to her about it!? we have to get this figured out soon because i don''t want to have to worry about it anymore, and i want to know who is paying for it!"
FI: "ok, it isn''t that big of a deal. just pick out a dress for the flower girl. i''ll take care of it."

so yeah, he''d probably end up footing the bill just to get me to stop bugging him. but totally true you can find a very cute dress for uner $50. what i did was have the dress shipped to my FG''s home (they live 9 hrs away, and they had offered to buy the dress already) but i picked it out and ordered it. then they are kind of forced to get her shoes, stockings, and any alterations if necessary.

you are a very nice person for putting up with this

 

[MagsyMay]

Charbie, your mock conversation just cracked me up! That is EXACTLY how I would be! I can picture my face as I say it too, ha!

You''re right, we''ll probably end up paying for it one way or another in the end. I guess you win some, you lose some, right!

I guess in the grand scheme of things, it''s not the end of the world! I''m just wary of other things popping up down the road that occur without any input from us!

Thanks again for all your replies! At least now I don''t feel too terrible for being slightly miffed!

 

[charbie]

Date: 8/25/2009 6:55:14 PM
Author: MagsyMay
Charbie, your mock conversation just cracked me up! That is EXACTLY how I would be! I can picture my face as I say it too, ha!

You''re right, we''ll probably end up paying for it one way or another in the end. I guess you win some, you lose some, right!

I guess in the grand scheme of things, it''s not the end of the world! I''m just wary of other things popping up down the road that occur without any input from us!

Thanks again for all your replies! At least now I don''t feel too terrible for being slightly miffed!

anytime. i get the frustration.