Sister/MOH update

[anchor31]

For those who did not follow the whole story with my twin sister, she is my MOH and we had many fights about my wedding. She was insecure, was afraid to lose me, afraid that I was marrying for the wrong reasons or too quickly (she doesn''t believe in the institution of marriage), afraid that my FI may not make me happy, afraid that what I want in life may not be good for me, afraid that I''d give her a ton of responsibilities regarding the wedding, etc. She had never had a serious romantic relationship and she equated love with neediness and dependance. She''s always felt very responsible for me, even believed for the longest time that my disability was her fault (we were born 10 weeks early and I was the smallest; I had brain hemorrage which resulted in hemiplegia), so letting go was harder for her than it was for my mother.

For those who did follow my story, thank you again for your support.

So, she left last July for her 12-months college exchange in Australia. She is thriving, I have never seen her this happy in her life, ever. She''s doing great in school, se''s travelling and seeing things, going out, meeting people, took up kobudo and rocks at it, found a non-denominational spiritual group and is working on her spiritual life... AND SHE IS DATING!!!

I am so excited for her... She met a very good-looking and sweet guy from New Zealand and they''ve been seeing each other for a few weeks. She''s so happy... A little insecure, but we''ve been e-mailing and IM-ing and I''ve been as supportive as I can. She truly is a wonderful person and she deserves the happiness she has found. Of course, there''s a downside to dating a guy from the other side of the world when you don''t plan on staying very long, but I told her TGal''s story... We never know, right?

I just wanted to tell you all how thrilled I am for her. I prayed that her exchange would be a positive and liberating experience for her and it definitey is. She won''t have any responsibility towards my wedding until she comes back and it''s working well for us this way.

Thanks again to everyone who has helped me through it all.

 

[diamondfan]

I am so pleased, for BOTH of you. Often in life things sort themselves out, with less effort from us than we would believe, so it is great that she is thriving and you two can just have a good interaction. It is great you boh can just be sisters and hopefully the pressures are off of both of you.

 

[robbie3982]

Yay! I''m so glad to hear that things are good between you guys and that her exchange program is going well!

 

[RoseAngel04]

What a wonderful update! Sounds like your sister is doing wonderful and loving her exchange program. How great that your relationship with your sister is doing much much better!

 

[Independent Gal]

That''s so wonderful to hear, Anchor! It''s amazing how going abroad can affect a young woman. Suddenly, you''re forced to define yourself and explore yourself in new ways, because everything around you is so unfamiliar to you, and everyone around you so unfamiliar WITH you. I know it was totally life changing for me when I first moved abroad too.

Good for your brave sister! May this be the first of many adventures!

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Anchor,

I''m so happy for you and your sister. It''s great to hear that things are working out so well after everything you two went through. I''m so glad that she''s doing well and she''s happy. Yay!

 

[anchor31]

Thank you again everyone. I love my sister so much, I think the hardest part for me in all this was seeing her so unhappy, not only about my marriage but also with her life. This whole experience has truly been a blessing for everyone in the family because things were so dfficult before she left... She was so unhappy and depressed. It is great to just be sisters again... I remember saying that I wish things would go back to the way the were, and they have. We don''t really talk about the wedding (not that there''s much to talk about lately, things are moving very slowly on that front since school started), but se seems to have come to terms with it and has talked about it to her new friends. Every time we talk she asks me how FI is doing, that kind of thing, so it''s really like it was before I got engaged. She used to really like him, it''s a relief for me to see that she desn''t begrudge him anymore.

IndyGal - thanks for sharing your experience!

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Anchor, it occurs to me, when the time comes for your Sis to come home, one thing you may want to warn her about is ''reverse culture shock''. This was totally unexpected for me when I first went back to my home country after living abroad and I was rather freaked out and unhappy until someone explained it to me. Basically, while you''re away you''re changing and growing and maturing in various ways and reacting to all the new experiences. But back home, things like your parents, the streets of your home town, etc., are pretty much staying the same. So you come back and everything feels WEIRD! And you''re all WHAT''S GOING ON!!!!??? What happened to everything and everyone? But it''s not THEM that are different, it''s YOU, only you feel like it''s everything else that doesn''t feel the same anymore. See what I mean?

Not a bad thing at all, just helps to know what''s going on. I felt so much better as soon as someone clued me in. Apparently, most people have this ''reverse culture shock'' thing when they come home from a year or two abroad when they are young. So it''s very normal! And it passes quickly once you readjust ''the new you'' to your old environment.

Anyway, just in case that''s helpful.

 

[iheartscience]

I''m glad to hear everything is working out for the best! I think once she returns and you two adjust to being around each other again, your relationship will continue to evolve and grow into a stronger one!

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh Anchor, this is such a happy update. I am so glad she is happy and doing well. I think many good times are ahead for you two. That''s awesome!!

 

[labbielove]

anchor,
i do remember you sharing with us about your struggles with your sister, and i''m so glad she is doing so well!!
thanks for the update.
(you sound like a wonderful sister, btw)
she is lucky to have you

 

[shigidigi]

Anchor, I am so happy that your sister is doing well in Australia! I have three sisters of my own and I know how trying it can be at times but sometimes having the spacial distance puts things in perspective for us all.

It sounds like you''ve got your sister back! This is really wonderful for the two of you!

 

[Harleigh]

Hi anchor!

I''m so glad to hear things are going so well for your sister! I hope that with all of the growth she is making with this exchange that she will be able to be happy for you no matter what when she returns home and give you all of the support you need AND deserve!

Please keep us posted on how she''s doing!

 

[bee*]

that''s great news anchor! I''m so happy for you and your sister!

 

[anchor31]

IndyGal - What you said about reverse culture shock is very interesting! I will talk to her about it before she comes homes.

labbie - I know know about being a great sister. We''ve shared everything from the womb, we have a special connection that I can never have with anyone else, not even my future husband... I just want her to be happy, because when she''s not, I''m miserable.

You are so wonderful and supportive eveyone! Thank you!