Sister''s Engaged!

[soulsis]

My sister got engaged on Firday. I will post pictures as soon as I see the ring...apparently a little over a carat in a thick band. I am very happy for her, but to be honest...a little jealous too. Her husband to be has a lot of toys and a big new house. Stuff that we could never afford now, but have had in the past. To be honest, my DF had it all and left it behind for a happier existence

I was kind of sad about the whole thing because I would love a dream wedding but cannot afford it. She will have the huge dress and the carriage...the whole nine yards. I know it''s horrible what I am feeling. I mentioned it to my DF. This is what he said to me:

"Could ________ love your sister as much as I love you? I wandered the earth for 33 years ALONE looking for you. I thought I would never find YOU. DO you even understand HOW MUCH I love YOU????????? Even death could not change how I feel about you. All of the toys in the world do not come close!!"

The funny thing is that he''s right. I am very happy for my sister, but I honestly do not think that he cares for her like she needs. I am not jealous anymore

 

[MichelleCarmen]

The funny thing is that he''s right. I am very happy for my sister, but I honestly do not think that he cares for her like she needs. I am not jealous anymore

um, okay!

Good luck to your sister. I hope she''s very happy!

 

[soulsis]

Sorry, what I meant is that her DF has done some things that my man finds QUESTIONABLE. Like he''s trying too hard to hide something. If she is happy, then I am happy for her.

 

[MrsFrk]

So to not feel jealous, you need to think about what a crappy husband future BIL will be?
Sorry to be harsh, but that's a pretty lousy way of thinking about things.


My wedding day cost us $172 dollars. I know many, many people who had the 'dream' wedding, and then an equally expensive, and presumably 'non-dream' divorce.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think you never know what people''s relationships are like behind closed doors. He is obviously doing something right because I would hope your sister would not marry a man she was in love with. Maybe you have some sibling rivialry but you should be happy for your sister and mean it not just say it.

 

[sparkly_stars]

ahhh i completely understand.
it''s not that you don''t want to feel happy for her. and maybe deep down you know your fiance and yours'' relationship is a bit more "steady". which is probably not built on the money aspect.
you''d be surprise how many people stay in a relationship because of financial security(which sure helps!.. but definitely can''t be the "all of it").
maybe that''s what they are hidding.
they''re "perfect" lives, with all the toys. to show everyone how perfect they are. (in the events that they are more then likely not even close to it)

just feel happy that you have someone who loves you more then anything.
(what were ur plans for the wedding anyways? why not try a destination wedding-it can be done with A LOT of class, and could be kept at a lower cost?)..
just a thought!

 

[soulsis]

WHOA!! Maybe I shouldn''t have posted this here...or maybe it is the wording of my topic. I don''t think I''m being a bitch at all. My sister used to date a guy that cheated on her. I caught him red handed kissing the other woman. She had her heart set on this man...they were together for 5 years. I kind of hinted some stuff to my sister about it. I didn''t want to intrude in her relationship but I didn''t want to get hurt. She didn''t speak to me for 4 months because she was mad at me for questioning it! Two months later they broke up. He got the other woman pregnant. I had known all along and couldn''t do anyhting about it because it wasn''t my business??? I don''t know what kind of friends others are used to, but I would''ve wanted to have known. Now I know that she is marrying a guy who isn''t that great. Even my fiance doubts that he is faithfull. And I have kept my mouth shut entirely. It is none of my business. So I can stand here and let things go one that don''t affect my relationship?

Like I said, I am happy for her and I am not faking it. Maybe it was my way of explaining how I feel that was incorrect, but I am not a selfish person. I believe that anyone out there would want the best for their loved ones as well.

 

[soulsis]

Date: 9/26/2005 10:07:05 PM
Author: sparkly_stars
ahhh i completely understand.

it''s not that you don''t want to feel happy for her. and maybe deep down you know your fiance and yours'' relationship is a bit more ''steady''. which is probably not built on the money aspect.

you''d be surprise how many people stay in a relationship because of financial security(which sure helps!.. but definitely can''t be the ''all of it'').

maybe that''s what they are hidding.

they''re ''perfect'' lives, with all the toys. to show everyone how perfect they are. (in the events that they are more then likely not even close to it)


just feel happy that you have someone who loves you more then anything.

(what were ur plans for the wedding anyways? why not try a destination wedding-it can be done with A LOT of class, and could be kept at a lower cost?)..

just a thought!

Actually....thank you! You are the only one who seemed to understand what I was trying to explain.

I don''t want to sound like a bitch. I just think that marriage is built on three things, compatibility, compassion and compromise. I BELIEVE that she is marrying him because she is tired of being alone. Honestly...
Two weeks ago she called me crying. She didn''t want to have kids anymore. I was floored because she always wanted a ton of children and her boyfriend was kind of iffy. Now they are engaged? I think that she is comprimising for him. And not in the way that you should be comprimising.

 

[atroop711]

I know you said that marriage is built on 3 things...compassion, compromise and compatibility. Don''t foget about a few more things that without you have nothing....

TRUST, RESPECT and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

To me these are the great building blocks of marriage.

Congrats to your sister!

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 9/27/2005 12:44:59 PM
Author: atroop711
I know you said that marriage is built on 3 things...compassion, compromise and compatibility. Don''t foget about a few more things that without you have nothing....

TRUST, RESPECT and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

To me these are the great building blocks of marriage.

Congrats to your sister!

Amen to you, Atroop711! This Feb. 14th 2006, my hubby and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage and it would definitely NOT be happening without all that you listed...

Marriage is hard and not for whimps...I truly felt I was IN love with my hubby when we married but NOW I definitely am. I definitely loved him more than I possibly could have imagined at our wedding, but over the years, babies, arguements, budget constraints, etc., love has taken root and flourished. I am FAR from perfect and so is he and that is A-ok.

Without trust, respect and unconditional love, there is no future...there is no relationship worth saving...I, too, am sending best wishes!

Just had to jump in and share my 2 cents!

 

[sparkly_stars]

hmmm like it was mentioned, those things are needed in a relationship.
chances are she is settling for what she wants(to not be alone).
surely you are probably right by saying "i think she just doesn''t want to be alone"..
but because you mentioned her getting upset over you knowing her bf cheated on her(upset that you would "ruin" the relationship) i would just let her be. Clearly she said yes to the proposal so if you even mention anything (like your thoughts expressed above) i definitely think she''ll be even more upset.

your wedding will be spectacular because it will be based on love. (what are ur plans for the wedding? like i mentioned above a gettaway wedding could really be romantic and different from what she is doing)

personally, i wouldnt want to try and top off a wedding like hers.. but i also wouldn''t want a wedding like hers.. so its an equal balance. hehe.. something small and glamorous is what i''d prefer!
i don''t think you are wrong at all in feeling a bit resentful, but you are right, you have True love, and if being with someone(even if it isn''t great in all aspect) is what your sister wants, then i guess leave her be... you may not enjoy his company but you will always still have hers.

 

[sparkly_stars]

So to not feel jealous, you need to think about what a crappy husband future BIL will be?
Sorry to be harsh, but that's a pretty lousy way of thinking about things.

umm i really don't think she is trying to "justify" her jealousy to him being a bad husband to be.
she talked with her husband, and after realizing he may not be as great of a husband(overall "not so great" relationship) she realized SHE was happy with what she had.
it wasn't a large wedding that would make her happy, it was the love of her husband to be.

i don't get why everyone thinks that what she is saying was so wrong...?
to me, i know A LOT of people who will settle and agree to all the wrong things(including marriage)
they think they are happy, but its because they just really want it to work..
she realized that her sister is probably just settling. and doesn't like the idea.

the inital thought she had was that she was a bit jealous..
but now feels that her sister should try and do better for herself...
(her post was how her feelings for all of this evolved...)

soulsis- i hope i didn't take your post out of context , but everyone seems to be "jumping" on you.. and i think the way they took your post is saying your making up reasons to why your better off..
(regardless i still see your point of view, and would probably feel something similar)

 

[soulsis]

soulsis- i hope i didn''t take your post out of context , but everyone seems to be ''jumping'' on you.. and i think the way they took your post is saying your making up reasons to why your better off..

(regardless i still see your point of view, and would probably feel something similar)[/quote]

Oh thanks so much. I really wasn''t trying to sound like a bitch. To me you shouldn''t have to convince yourself to be with someone, or try to talk yourself out of things that matter to you. I am not worried about tthe wedding details really. I am having the wedding that I want. If I had a million dollars I would still have the whole campsite/pig roast dealie we''re looking into

Did I mention that she is getting married 3 weeks after mine? That part got to me a little. Oh yes...and the whole visiting with my father on Saturday. We were outside talking to my neighbors and he was saying how excited he is that she is getting married. My neighbor stated "Well...it looks like you have two weddings to look forward to next year!!" My dad was like..."Huh? What do you mean TWO?" I piped up and was like...."um yeah mine?!?"

 

[MrsFrk]

Oh boy. Families can be crazy, huh?

I fully believe that you did not intend to "sound" so...whatever. You lose a lot of context and inflection over the Internet.

Obviously there are issues here. The grass will always be greener somewhere- if you truly love someone, you should endeavor to be happy for them, period, without justification and a totting up of how better you have it. That''s what your initial post sounded like to me. I''m not trying to be a bitch, it just seems like so many of us (myself included) are so caught up with comparing our material wealth with other people, and at the end of the day it''s just not worth diddly.