slight frustration, need to quickly vent....

[Dreamgirl]

So this 19 year old cousin of mine got married on Friday. I was invited but unable to attend (she lives in another state) which coincidently happens to be the same area (small town) my boyfriend is from. Well anyway ff and I went out to eat dinner Friday night and I reminded him that it was my cousins' wedding. Then I told him she sure is young, I hope it works out for her. Then I told him my Mom and I were talking the other day and she said ff's brother will probably get married before ff does. (ff will be 27, his brother is 23) So you know what he says to me?! "Yeah, I'll bet he does!"

This upset me because his brother has never even been in a longterm relationship. I'll bet the longest he has been with a girl is 4-5 months. And here we are...10 years together and he says I'll bet he does.

So I said "How could you say that when he can't even hold a girl?" He tells me "Well, they marry young up there....." I can't believe he said that to me. I know its probably nothing to get upset about...and I honestly don't care who gets married first. But its just the fact that we have been together for 10 years vs. his brother who hasn't had a longterm relationship and he said that.

So me being a woman and all: I told him "Sometimes I feel like we will never get married. I know we aren't ready just yet, but sometimes thats how I feel." He tells me I worry too much (about getting married) and told me not to worry about it, that he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to marry me. (obviously) Im also sure it doesn't change when we would probably get married either. Just that he said that about his brother irks me....You know what I mean?

Then just to confuse me more...we were shopping yesterday at the mall and we were in a store. I was going to try on some clothes so he sat in the waiting room and looked at magazines. When I was finished. He said "Wait! I was going to show you something..." so he's flipping through the pages and said "Oh! Where did that go?" So he finally stops and shows me a Cartier ad with an engagement ring in the ad. "What do you think about that!?

" he asks me.

So I said "Yeah, I'll take that!!!"

and then he said "Wait there was something else..." so he goes to a Tiffany ad and shows me. So I said "Yeah, that's an Elsa Peretti necklace" and he said "Yep! It sure is!" (butthead) lol

Then while driving home he points out this wedding cake bakery and is all

oooh ahhh and pointing out the store while driving by.

Uuugh. One day he makes me feel like oh God, this is just NEVER going to happen. And the next day he teases me with a Cariter ring ad and wedding cakes?

So what's he going to do to me today?! lol

Thanks for reading.

 

[bubbly1126]

Well, isn''t he horrible!?!?! I would be so confused if my FF did that!

And yes, I could totally see why that comment would irk you b/c it would certainly hit a nerve with me too!!

I''m not too familiar with your story... have you two had a serious marriage talk? If not, I''d definitely talk to him and just ask what he thinks about it all or if he''s ever really even seriously thought about. Again, you might have already talked with him and posted that on here but either I didn''t read it or I just don''t remember. So, sorry if you have to repeat yourself.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Yes, we have discussed everything before. I have posted about it too. Im thinking maybe he said that because we will probably be married in 3 years. And since he said "they marry young up there" he maybe just meant that his little brother could beat him to the punch so to speak because we have an idea of when we will get married already and that isn''t until...

You know what I mean?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Honestly, I doubt he meant it the way you took it. Like he said, he probably just meant it in a funny sarcastic way because teens tend to get married younger in that state. He probably thought it was funny to think that his younger brother may get married before he does... Guys are strange creatures at times... They really don't think the same way girls do. He probably had no intention to offend you, since if he did, he probably would have kept his mouth shut. Like I said - I bet he just thought it was kinda funny to think his 23 year old brother would get married young just like your cousin did! Don't read too much into this - this dude obviously loves you and wants to be with you.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/20/2008 9:03:36 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
Honestly, I doubt he meant it the way you took it. Like he said, he probably just meant it in a funny sarcastic way because teens tend to get married younger in that state. He probably thought it was funny to think that his younger brother may get married before he does... Guys are strange creatures at times... They really don''t think the same way girls do. He probably had no intention to offend you, since if he did, he probably would have kept his mouth shut. Like I said - I bet he just thought it was kinda funny to think his 23 year old brother would get married young just like your cousin did! Don''t read too much into this - this dude obviously loves you and wants to be with you.

Biog ditto to that he sounds like he was just teasing you

 

[Dreamgirl]

Thanks ladies! I felt that he probably was teasing me. (he loves doing this)

I asked him today why he said that to me on Friday because I was actually a little hurt by it. He said "I don''t know...it was nothing, Im sorry

"

He was too cute! But turns out it was one of those silly sarcastic comments (like yeah he would probably get married sooner being that he lives up there) that just came off as being serious this time around. (and Im the queen of sarcasm

) Plus I think because we have a sort of general timeline where as his brother just sort of does whatever for today and who knows tomorrow...I just had one of those OMG moments that us women tend to get from time to time. hehe

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

You are the one who said it first, putting him between a rock and a hard place. You told him that your mom thought his brother would get married first. At that point he can either take it as a dig at him from you via your mother''s words or take it as a joke and play along with a sarcastic comment about his brother. I think you should be glad that he didn''t get offended or see it as you picking a fight and that he is light hearted about marriage stuff instead of shying away from those ads. I know it can be tough though, so hang in there!

 

[Independent Gal]

I don''t know. Despite showing you pictures of things, he made it pretty clear that he has no intention of getting married any time soon. Especially after 10 years. Can you remind us why, after 10 years, he wants to wait another THREE WHOLE YEARS? That sounds like a stalling tactic to me. But I don''t know your whole story.

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Date: 7/21/2008 8:50:37 AM
Author: Independent Gal
I don''t know. Despite showing you pictures of things, he made it pretty clear that he has no intention of getting married any time soon. Especially after 10 years. Can you remind us why, after 10 years, he wants to wait another THREE WHOLE YEARS? That sounds like a stalling tactic to me. But I don''t know your whole story.

I was thinking the same thing!!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/21/2008 8:53:41 AM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James

Date: 7/21/2008 8:50:37 AM
Author: Independent Gal
I don''t know. Despite showing you pictures of things, he made it pretty clear that he has no intention of getting married any time soon. Especially after 10 years. Can you remind us why, after 10 years, he wants to wait another THREE WHOLE YEARS? That sounds like a stalling tactic to me. But I don''t know your whole story.

I was thinking the same thing!!

Thritto... is there something holding you back that you''re waiting another 3 years? Like... a good reason? Or is he just stalling?

Bless your heart for being willing to wait 13 years, but I am almost at 3 years of waiting and I am going crazy, even when I have a good reason not to be married yet. I can only imagine how you must be feeling.

 

[fieryred33143]

I’m kind of wondering as well. Obviously for this relationship to have lasted 10 years, you guys are doing something right! So I don’t think that marriage is going to change the formula.

Honestly, there are certain people on here that I sincerely can’t wait to see the “I’m Engaged!” post from. You are one of them (along with honey22, emeraldlover, Gwen, and others). I’m going to be thrilled when your day comes!

 

[Amzizzle]

Don''t feel to bad my BF is the "comment maker" as well. He mostly will make anit-marriage comments around his family because they tend to be a little pushy about it and are dying for grandchildren. In reality though he''s already looking for the ring

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Aw Dreamgirl, don''t stress. Really. You guys have talked many times. You know that he wants to marry you. You know it takes time to save up for the ring you want. You know he is working on it. Lastly, you know your anticipated timeline.

Everything will fall into place for you and your man regardless of what his brother does or does not do. Your time will come and the less time you spend stressing over the next three years, the more enjoyable your time will be and the faster time will go!

 

[KCCutie]

UGH guys are clueless sometimes. I think probably b/c you said your mom said this that he thought you were joking about it and thought it was somehow funny. Once you told him it wasn''t it seems he got it and tried to show you he didn''t mean it that way.

Seriously as proof guys are clueless my SO said something about being buried or being dead soon and I corrected him....he''s only 31 he has quite a few years left and he said...."well I''ll be getting married soon so I might as well be dead."

Ummm yeah I had to smack him for that one! I told him it wasn''t funny and that I know it''s just something guys say but he shouldn''t say it to me of all people. He was amazed that I was so upset but for the rest of the night he was super sweet telling everyone he was going to marry me. I don''t think I will ever see the humor in that but I do trust him that it''s just something guys say. I''m sure there are things that we ladies say that strikes them the same way, so as long as he does apologize I''m not going to take it that seriously.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/21/2008 10:47:18 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
Aw Dreamgirl, don''t stress. Really. You guys have talked many times. You know that he wants to marry you. You know it takes time to save up for the ring you want. You know he is working on it. Lastly, you know your anticipated timeline.

Everything will fall into place for you and your man regardless of what his brother does or does not do. Your time will come and the less time you spend stressing over the next three years, the more enjoyable your time will be and the faster time will go!

Ditto mama. Don''t stress. There is a reason you are BOTH waiting, so remind yourself of that when you get antsy.

Plus, the boy adores you...you know that!

 

[Dreamgirl]

guilty pleasure- Your right, I did... Maybe I just wanted to see what he would say.

Independent gal, headoverheels4james, elledizzy- Well, we were young when we met. He lived in the other state and had to finish his last year of high school. Then he moved out here to be closer to me. I had a year left of high school after he moved here. Then there was college and he had to wait the first year he moved here to establish residency so he wouldn't have to pay out of state tuition. He had a full time job and was going to school part time so he finally just finished the end of spring semester with his BS. He may or may not go back to school for his Masters (which would take 2 years.) And is currently putting together his resume and searching for a better job with his degree. Me on the other hand, am trying to get my career going but just got laid off last month so searching AGAIN for a new job. I don't feel "ready" ready to get married just yet and he wants a good stable job and have more money saved up. I mean, honestly he could propose at any time. We could end up getting married in 2 years as well (or he could even have a trick up his sleeve that I dont know about..) It all depends on how things go. Its something we both agree on though, we just aren't at that point just yet. Although I think about it constantly and talk about it too......

fireyred- Aww how sweet of you to keep your eye on me for when I get engaged! You are too sweet!!!

amzizzle- Thanks!

ktf- I know it. Thanks so much for the support! I told him I was sorry too because I know I worry too much about the future and I know I shouldn't! Everything will turn out right and it will all fall into place when the time comes. He completely agreed! lol. I told him I guess its my age or something. Like, I feel as though all these changes will be happening soon and thats HUGE for us. So I sort of worry sometimes........silly I know. He doesn't want me worrying and suggests I find something that will distract me from those thoughts. I agree with him completely on that. (So I went from worrying about a ring to worrying about the future...to: I have to just not worry lol!)

kccutie- lol Your right. Crazy boys, I actually do say things that strikes him the same way though.

Bia- Thanks sweetie! You're completely right.

You are all so wonderful *hugs*