Small minded people you wish you could do bodily harm to

[Gypsy]

My FMIL is driving me batty. Want to smack the woman. Seriously. She's irritating the stuffing right out of me.

She's a very narrow minded woman and frankly a bigot. Not a mean spirited one. But well an ignorant one whose happy with her ignorance and complacent that she's right. Uses words that make me want to haul off and hit her. Didn't want her granddaughter to do to the prom with a black man because of the 'pictures' (twit neice of mine caved to this-- FSIL is like this too-- and is going with a friend instead of her boyfriend of two years). Fortunately FI isn't like this at all-- it repels him. But they are his family.

And we live RIGHT NEXT TO THEM (yes, yes, belive me it's a priority to get the hell away from them geographically). And well, she's completely against my ring re-set even though she KNOWS FI bought the 14K trellis with the express INTENT of allowing me to reset the diamond when I found a setting I like. Makes all sorts of comments about it.

This is the woman that alienated her other daughter (FSIL I like) when she was getting married for the second time because she refused to throw a shower for her, go dress shopping with her (because FSIL wanted a big white gown), and didn't help with the wedding prep at all because she didn't think 2nd weddings should be celebrated (even though 1st husband was abusive ******* everyone hated). FSIL still can't stand her mother... not to mention FBIL.

Won't move to the next town over (even though she could get a much nicer home there) because it's got a large Jewish population. Hates jewish people. Not in a violent way... but in a they are all cheats and crooks way that is much harder to fight.

HATE THE WOMAN AT TIMES. Although she is lovely and generous with her family and loves me like a daughter (despite the middle eastern thing which is another long story)... I want to smack her sometimes and tell her how awful she is.

Sorry just needed to vent. Never told anyone this stuff before FI is ashamed of it and well... I needed to vent.

 

[pearcrazy]

Well, I wish you the best of luck. If she''s this difficult before your marriage, things unfortunately aren''t likely to change and she''ll probably get even worse if you have children.

I am fortunate to have a great MIL who has always treated me like her other daughter, but that has its bad points too. To her credit , she has always known when to stay out of our marriage and childraising and for that I am very grateful. She also lives 1000 miles away and that doesn''t hurt either!!

Like the old saying goes, you''re not just marrying him, you''re marrying his whole family.

 

[Gypsy]

We've been together for 7 years-- that's living together... and we don't want children, so it's mitigated. If we wanted children... ROFLMAO I'd be on a different continent. No WAY I would allow her and her poison to taint my kinds. Or my one FSIL -- she wouldn't be allowed near'm either. Maybe once a year at Thanksgiving.

 

[glitterata]

Golly, sounds awful! If I were you, I would move immediately to that lovely town nearby with all the Jews in it. In fact, consider converting (I assume you''re not already Jewish). Tell her you''d LOVE to visit her, but you can''t unless she keeps kosher.

What ethnicity is she herself? Just curious.

 

[FireGoddess]

I never understand these people. They''re sorta the ''everyone ELSE is crazy, not me'' type. One would think that having alienated so many people (family members no less) she''d get the hint but her high horse seems pretty high. Unfortunately there''s not much that can help these sorts of people except you getting away from them for your own good! But I wanted to mention that it does not matter ONE lick how much FMIL is or is not against your ering reset. She ain''t wearin'' it, and she ain''t lookin'' at it all day. Just tell her you''ve heard her position on that matter and it''s not her concern thank-you-very-much.

 

[Gypsy]

She''s itallian- american. Yeah... personally I''d love to live in the town next door, lots of new houses going up that are lovely. But when we move it''s going to be up North. My commute is killer. As for my religion... well FI is an agnostic and I''m protestant.... but I have tons of lovely jewish friends. And black friends. And asian freinds. To me they are just my friends... *shrug*

FG-- that''s exactly what she''s like. Everyone else is clearly just ''off''... it''s not her. It''s just... INFURIATING. Pisses FI off. He went off on his mother the last time she used one of those words...actually he goes off on her everytime she uses one, come to think about it. But it doesn''t faze her.


She''s a LARGE part of the reason why we aren''t married yet. My mother is crazy too, honestly. And she''s another part of why we aren''t married yet. Everytime I try to plan a wedding it turns into a strategic nightmare. Although this time we''ve decided that we are doing a cruise. Next year. And if no one shows up... to hell with them. There will be plenty of lovely people of the cruise to celebrate with! Plus, our friends will be there.

 

[bling*diva*]

~~I am sorry to hear about your situation, and sadly, it seems that she is the type of person who is not willing to change, even though the people she cares about despise her behavior. Me, being African-American (Black) I have come accross people like this all the time. They stereotype people, and use derogatory words to describe people they don''t even know!! I used to want to yell at them, scream at them, or beat some sense into them, for treating me differently because of my race (or in other cases religion) which are things that are beyond my control, but I realized that these people are just ignorant, and they don''t want to change, because if they did, they would have. I also think that the best thing for you and FI to do is to move away, so that you don''t have to be around her. I hope the situation gets better!!

~P.S. As for the ring, if it''s not on her finger, then it''s none of her business!!!

 

[perry]

This sounds familiar...

About planning that weading that becomes a "strategic nightmare"...... Ah; that''s one of the reaons people elope... Seems "D" and I were talking about that scenerio about an "Aunt" that believes that not only must a weading invite every obscure person in the greatly extended "family" but that she must also control many things... (my thought is a small weading with immediate family and a handfull of close personal freinds).

Why don''t you and your S.O. just take a nice vacation somewhere - and return married.

Then hold a causual post marriage party for people to wish you well... The one''s who are really offended won''t come - and everyone else will have a great time.


Perry

 

[FireGoddess]

You may hope they DON''T come on the cruise - nothing like being trapped on a floating vessel with a few people you don''t like. It''s just too tempting for a ''Man overboard!!''

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/20/2006 1:48:03 PM
Author: bling*diva*
~~I am sorry to hear about your situation, and sadly, it seems that she is the type of person who is not willing to change, even though the people she cares about despise her behavior. Me, being African-American (Black) I have come accross people like this all the time. They stereotype people, and use derogatory words to describe people they don''t even know!! I used to want to yell at them, scream at them, or beat some sense into them, for treating me differently because of my race (or in other cases religion) which are things that are beyond my control, but I realized that these people are just ignorant, and they don''t want to change, because if they did, they would have. I also think that the best thing for you and FI to do is to move away, so that you don''t have to be around her. I hope the situation gets better!!

~P.S. As for the ring, if it''s not on her finger, then it''s none of her business!!!

Yeah, that about sums it up. I''m from the middle east... so there are times when things get sticky.... And that bothers me too. But this is worse, because she can be such a lovely, warm, big hearted lady. Her brain is wired wrong though. And no, she doesn''t want to change. As for moviing away. We have plans to move within the next year... things need to settle a bit before then though. I''m still looking for public service positions nationwide... and need to be able to keep my search radius as wide as possible so it makes no sense for us to move... only to have to move again. On the plus side. wroking 60 hours a week with only Sundays of for the next 3 months, minimum? Means I will NOT be around it at all. Thank God.


Perry... I posted on the BWW thread about our wedding plans... and we can''t return married because I don''t want to. I don''t want small minded petty and outright CRAZY people influencing what WE want for our wedding. Which is to celebrate it with loved ones. Of course... some of those loved ones might be tossed off the side of the boat... but it''s important to us that our families are around us. (well, okay it''s important to me that mine is around... which means his needs to be too. Although I like 2 ofr my FSILs and my 7 nieces and nephews and want them there from his side).

Actually FG... that may be reason to HAVE them come... a quick dip may be just the thing to bring them to their senses...LMAO.

 

[galeteia]

I know how you feel. I just finished spewing off a rant about my FMIL's religious silliness.

You can read the post here, dead sheep and all: rant

*sigh*

You know what they say about you can pick your friends...

 

[galeteia]

It occurred to me that I should post this here, instead of completely hijacking that poor guy''s thread...


"They don''t have to come"

Kudos to your FI! Clearly the two of you are well-suited when it comes to spunk.

My FI has spine-- tried getting him to let me chip in for the e-ring costs, and he wouldn''t hear of it. Funny how one can coax and cajole men in to many things, but with some things, they just plant all four hooves and bray?

As for his mother, I think he just ignores her, and does his own thing. I''m more confrontational than he is, so she''s likely to say things that will set me off, while he just shrugs it off.

Cows, sheep, and now donkeys. I think I should stop this roll I''m on before someone gets hurt.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/20/2006 5:55:43 PM
Author: Galateia
It occurred to me that I should post this here, instead of completely hijacking that poor guy''s thread...


''They don''t have to come''

Kudos to your FI! Clearly the two of you are well-suited when it comes to spunk.

My FI has spine-- tried getting him to let me chip in for the e-ring costs, and he wouldn''t hear of it. Funny how one can coax and cajole men in to many things, but with some things, they just plant all four hooves and bray?

As for his mother, I think he just ignores her, and does his own thing. I''m more confrontational than he is, so she''s likely to say things that will set me off, while he just shrugs it off.

Cows, sheep, and now donkeys. I think I should stop this roll I''m on before someone gets hurt.

THAT IS A RIOT!!!! And EXACTLY true with my FI too.

 

[galeteia]

Another thing that cranks me, since we are on the topic of small-minded people, are those who look down their noses at me when I tell them I met my FI (well technically we aren''t ''officially'' engaged yet, but we have the ring picked out and are waiting for him to save up enough $$ for the ring) on the internet.

So we were modern-day penpals first. Who cares? At least we had meaningful conversation!

Okay, I too used to pooh-pooh the idea of meeting people on the internet, but have come to realize that it''s valid for its own reasons. At least it''s a meeting of the minds, rather than someone you got into a relationship after waking up with a hangover in their bed and having to introduce yourself! And yet people who started off their relationships, say, in a bar when they were too drunk to remember their own name let alone the person they were dragging home... these people assume their way of meeting is superior to mine.

My ex-housemate was like that. She changed boyfriends bi-montly (prompting me to worry if I should bleach my bathroom and couch after she used them) but she would sneer at the very idea of meeting a man on the internet. Thanks to webcams and video conversations, it''s no longer the crapshoot it once was.

 

[diamondfan]

this is a topic that has come up before. I hate my MIL and she is also a small minded and offensive bigoted person. We just took her on a trip to Mexico with us. I happen to speak fluent Spanish from taking it in school and though now I do not use it much a lot came back to me. I was the go between on the trip. Many of the people who worked at the resort spoke English because they deal with the guests. However, many people there did not. My mother in law was inscensed that they could not understand her and was angry that they did not speak English. I was so amazed I had to laugh, after all, she was in their country, not vice versa. Also, she proceeded to snobbily inform me that SHE thinks Spanish is an ugly language and she had no interest in learning it! (this after I mention to her that it was worthwhile learning another language and that most school aged kids take one). I told her that few people would consider on of the Romance languages unappealing and that I found her comment to be petty and ill informed as well as racist! She did not have much to say after that!!!

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 5/20/2006 3:03:55 PM
Author: FireGoddess
You may hope they DON''T come on the cruise - nothing like being trapped on a floating vessel with a few people you don''t like. It''s just too tempting for a ''Man overboard!!''

Mom Overboard!
Good point, my bf and I had better not do a cruise then, there''s no way I could resist.
I''m the one with the mother in our case. She''s a wonderful, loving and ... helpful woman, whom every family member has at one time (or many times) wished to toss off a cliff. My bf has even expressed concern that I may turn out like her. I think he''s really worried about it. I keep trying to reassure him that she started out like that. (My father backs me up). Sure I''ve developed a slightly paranoid nature and the occasional elitist attitude due to overexposure, but it''s not a natural personality trait.
I love the fact that she''s very against any kind of racism yet is unable to recognize any kind of problem with some of the stuff she says. Blacks, jews, and muslims she''s fine with. Asians, hispanics, fat people, ''funny religions'' (Any religion younger than 1000 years old including Protestants) and uneducated people are her weak points. Quite frankly that covers a lot of ground.
Then there''s the massive anxiety and paranoia. The slightest thing can set her off for days in a high anxiety mode where she takes the tiniest thing as either a massive insult or a huge crisis.
She''s also incapable of ever admitting fault when she''s actually at fault. The best apology you''ll ever get from her is "I''m sorry you feel like you were hurt by whatever it was I said/did that upset you". Believe me, a lifetime of this and you''ll notice the difference between that and "I''m sorry I hurt you". Unless of course she didn''t actually do anything, then she''ll apologize profusely anytime something goes wrong.

At least in her case meds could probably work wonders. Unfortunately she''s violently opposed to taking ''happy'' pills or any kind of psych meds. (it''s fine for other people but not her) She claims that they would alter her personality. uh, no duh, that''s what we want!

Believe me, I''m sure your fi cringes every time your fmil says something awful even if he doesn''t always say anything about it. I must admit, I usually don''t stomp on my mother, correct her, or try to thwart her in anyway. It''s just a waste of time and effort. She''s like a force of nature, trying to stop her only makes matters worse. I suspect most problem mothers are the same way.

Of course, my mother could be far worse and I''m happy she''s not nearly as bad as your fmil. She sounds particularly awful. You have my deepest sympathies.

btw, sorry for hogging the thread but I needed the mini-rant. - and my bf wonders why I''m so eager for him to change jobs to another state.