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questionaboutsettings

Rough_Rock
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Mar 6, 2006
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Does anyone else want a small wedding (less than 50 people)? I have been trying to figure out how to have a small wedding, without much luck so far! I thought maybe trying to just have family, and a few friends...but don''t want to hurt people''s feelings or seem like I''m being mean. My parents are concerned that distant relatives, their friends, etc. would be hurt, and I honestly don''t want to upset anyone. Destination weddings look like fun, but also expensive and maybe harder to arrange versus something local. If you are having a small wedding, have you run into problems with people being upset they weren''t invited?

Thanks!
 
We were anticipating 50-60 people but it looks more like 66 people. The only people I sort of wonder if their feelings were hurt by not being invited were my co-workers. (not that i care)

I have heard from others here that destination weddings end up being cheaper than having a traditional wedding b/c you really cut the number of guests down. So you can invite lots of people but in the end, are the distant relatives really gonna go to Jamaica or Hawaii? Probably not. So it''s kind of a win-win b/c you don''t hurt anyone''s feelings and you still keep it small.

We are actually having one wedding with about 66 guests here in LA where we live but none of our family are here. We are having another one in his country where he''s from (he''s only lived in the States for <2 yrs) with about 80 people. There was some drama on his side with not inviting the cousins so in the end we''re inviting the cousins and having a much bigger reception than is usually done in their country. I guess there''s just no way to please every one! You either have thick skins and ignore the hurt feelings or you give in and have a bigger wedding than you want.

But people like "friends of the parents" really shouldn''t assume they''ll be invited. No one should assume they''ll be invited.
 
we are expecting 40-50 guests for our september wedding. the planning was tricky initially since it can be difficult to cut the guest list down. we decided we wouldn''t get married in either of our home towns. we wanted a destination wedding in europe or the carribean, but while it would have been cheaper for us, it would end up being much more expensive for our guests. in the end our compromise was a united states destination wedding in san diego. other places we considered were chicago (there is just so much to do) and new england (renting a bed and breakfast for a small wedding in the fall). since we started dating in san diego before moving to another city and we wanted an outdoor wedding, san diego was the best choice for us. family members have complained less than we thought. after all, my fiancee and i will be traveling for the wedding too! as for work colleagues... we made it clear from the beginning that our wedding would be very small with only close family and friends so no one really expected to be invited. it''s working out relatively well for us i think. difficult as it may become, try to remember that it is about you and your future husband, not about everyone else.
 
My wedding will be slightly bigger with probably 75 people, and the easiest thing for me to do to keep the number low were to not invite any cousins, as far as family it was only immediate family, and then only my parent siblings and my granparents, it actually cut out a lot of people for me, and other than thatI just have to hope that word will spread that it''s going to be pretty small, and that people will understand...at some point you have to do what you have to do...We''re paying for the wedding ourselves so we are limited and had to make tough decisions... I hope this helps.
 
I am having a destination wedding in Sept with about 20 guests. I think that in order to be fair, you must be very selective in who you invite. For instance, I have a ton of aunts and uncles, some of whom I am closer to than others. None I am super, super close to however, so I didn''t invite any. There were 2 or 3 I could have invited because I am a little closer to than others, but I didn''t because it wouldn''t have been fair to the others. Obviously you should be able to invite anyone you want to, but when in doubt, I would say don''t invite.
 
I think it''s a lot easier to have a tiny wedding when you have a DW. I''m having less than 20 guests... and it''s pretty much both our immediate families + their S.O.''s, and a handful of best friends and their dates. Basically I decided that we''re not inviting anyone we''ve known less than 5 years, and not inviting anyone we don''t talk to at least once a month... so that really made it easier! Meant no work friends for FI, no grad school/law school/old high school friends for me. Planning from afar isn''t as easy as planning in town, but I do think that planning a small wedding is easier than planning a bigger wedding (like the kind you''d have to have if you were to invite everyone), so it''s a compromise.
2.gif
 
San Diego Bride, may I ask where in San Diego you''re getting married?
 
Date: 5/1/2006 3:30:04 PM
Author:questionaboutsettings

Does anyone else want a small wedding (less than 50 people)? I have been trying to figure out how to have a small wedding, without much luck so far! I thought maybe trying to just have family, and a few friends...but don''t want to hurt people''s feelings or seem like I''m being mean. My parents are concerned that distant relatives, their friends, etc. would be hurt, and I honestly don''t want to upset anyone. Destination weddings look like fun, but also expensive and maybe harder to arrange versus something local. If you are having a small wedding, have you run into problems with people being upset they weren''t invited?

Thanks!
Click to expand...

I had a small, local wedding - less than 30 people. Parents, sibs w/spouses only for family (no cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) plus a handful of VERYCLOSE friends.

It was precisely what I wanted. Only one aunt got bent out of shape -- she''s still bent, and that''s fine by me. We aren''t close - she''s more pissed that she now cannot say she''s been invited to/attended EVERY niece/nephew wedding. She was more upset that her ''track record'' is broken than at not seeing the wedding.

If I had it to do over again, I wouldn''t change a thing.
 
of course, peony girl. we''re getting married at la valencia in la jolla.
 
Hi San Diego Bride,
Thanks for your recommendation, we are also thinking about the same place for our 2007 wedding. Please let me know how it turns out for you! :)
 
Hi San Diego Bride,
One question for you, la valencia has a 8k minimum for day wedding and 13k minimum for evening wedding (reception). Does it still apply for your idea of less than 50 guests? If not is it cost effective overall?
 
I think if you''re consistent, like if you invite one then you have to invite them all (ie. invite one cousin and the ones you don''t invite will be peeved), then people might be more understanding. I heard one person who is not invitiing any friends they haven''t talked to (ie. via phone or in person) in the past year. Those might be some tips if you don''t want to have a destsination wedding. I wanted to have friends and family so for me, a destination wedding wasn''t a good option. (Although because we have no family where we live, it''s almost like it became a destination wedding for my family who is travelling 2K miles and FI''s family who is travelling 6K miles!)
 
Ladies, thank you so much for the replies! It is really interesting to see the different ways people have made their guestlists...it is tough because of not wanting to offend anyone, but I just have never wanted a big wedding - so to have one just to avoid potentially offending people seems silly (and expensive!!) to me. I have come up with all sorts of scenarios to try to save money / have a small wedding - and they just don''t seem like they will work. I am starting to think the smartest thing to do would be to elope, and then come back and have a big (casual) reception! For some reason, that seems less stressful/expensive than a big wedding, and hopefully no one would be permanently distraught, as people keep telling me they''ll be. :)

Thanks again - what a great forum :)
 
After thinking about this a lot, I decided to have a ceremony with just immediate family, and a reception with friends and relatives separately - that way no one can get offended if I have a small ceremony!

Thanks again for the replies!
 
We are having under 75 people. Right now we are at 60 people and I want to keep it just like that. First thing we did was consider family ( parents, grandlparents, uncles, cousin and etc.) After that then we started addiing non-family memebers. Sit down with both sets of parents to find out what family members and close family friends that are MUST. Then you and your fiance make a list of the close friends that you both must have. Basically, make out a MUST INVITE LIST and then go from there. Good luck.
2.gif
 
Date: 5/1/2006 3:30:04 PM
Author:questionaboutsettings

Does anyone else want a small wedding (less than 50 people)? I have been trying to figure out how to have a small wedding, without much luck so far! I thought maybe trying to just have family, and a few friends...but don''t want to hurt people''s feelings or seem like I''m being mean. My parents are concerned that distant relatives, their friends, etc. would be hurt, and I honestly don''t want to upset anyone. Destination weddings look like fun, but also expensive and maybe harder to arrange versus something local. If you are having a small wedding, have you run into problems with people being upset they weren''t invited?

Thanks!
Click to expand...
I have not started planning yet but I am hoping to have a 50 person or less wedding. Just remember that this is your day and it should be what you and your fiance want it to be.
I have not looked into things much but some places like Atlantis will basically do all of the planning for you.
Good Luck!
 
Date: 5/7/2006 8:46:07 PM
Author: questionaboutsettings

After thinking about this a lot, I decided to have a ceremony with just immediate family, and a reception with friends and relatives separately - that way no one can get offended if I have a small ceremony!

Thanks again for the replies!
Click to expand...
Good for you! Wishing you good luck with the planning from another (kinda) smallish (OK- 70 people) wedding bride.
 
Hi,

I totally understand what you say about wanting a small wedding. We only had 19 people at ours, including the bride and groom!

We had a very strict rule that the only people we would invite were people we wanted to share our special day with us. That meant no relatives whose first words would be ''I haven''t seen you since you were 6'' and no ''and guest'' invites. Fortunately, as we paid for the whole shebang ourselves, there was no pressure from my parents - and my MIL knew better than to start!

One of my husband''s cousins refused to come when she found she couldn''t bring her boyfriend of 2 months and refused to attend, but that didn''t bother us at all. She still hadn''t forgiven us when she got married and pointedly refused to even send us an invite to her wedding, but as we see her once in a Sheffield flood - who cares!

Our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up in 4 weeks - yay - and we still get people telling us how much they enjoyed our wedding and how traditional they thought it was. We had a civil service at 11 am, had a sit down lunch with our guests and then left for our honeymoon at 3pm - very old fashioned but it meant we could spend our day with each other!

You have the wedding you and your FI want - don''t let anyone put pressure on you. Its the day you start the rest of your life together so only share it with who you want.

Sorry for wittering on for so long!

Clare
 
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