So I''m not sure if I''m posting in the right place...

[partyjewels]

I know I''m on the right forum, but I''m not sure if I''m supposed to start a new thread or if I''m supposed to just reply in old ones.... so if I''m supposed to put this somewhere else please let me know!!

I have been lurking on here for about a month, but something that happened yesterday made me finally register so I could start posting!

A little background if you didn''t see it in the introduce yourself thread...

I''m 21, he''s 27. We''ve been dating for a year and a half, this past summer he asked me to move in with him, and soon after that (before I moved in) he finally said I love you, yay!!! So all in all, I''m pretty content about things... I''d been waiting to say I love you since like the 3rd month if not before... and it was torture!!! And before anyone says why didn''t you say it first? Well, I tried, I didn''t actually say it, but made it pretty clear! But at the time, he said he told me that he knew I did, but he didn''t want to hear it yet... so I was stuck!!! So right now I''m still giddy about being able to finally say I love you!! And the fact that I''m living with him... I was pretty much living with him already, but now it''s official and I have a full sized dresser instead of a tiny one that held just enough for when i''d sleep over occasionally and the like. But so anyways, the point of this thread....

He''s always joked about marriage and babies, not so much engagement, but sometimes those slip out too.... well the other day we''re talking and he tells me that my friend told him the day before at the party that I was nervous about going to flordia (We leave on the 1st and don''t come back till the 12th! whoohoo! I SOOOOO need this break). I was very confused and said No, I never told her anything like that, all the while trying to think in my head frantically Did I tell her something?!? So he''s like yeah, she said you were nervous and worried that i was going to ask you to marry me while we''re there. and in my head i''m like freaking screaming!!!!! but i calmly said no, I never said anything like that to her. He insists that she did....and he goes on... I couldn''t do it then anyways could I, because you have so much school stuff left to do and if I did it then you''d be on even more wedding websites than you are now! (which, I''m really not on so many... I am on the knot, but I don''t look at it so much anymore, and then I look at these forums.. but mostly just the LIW, which I don''t count as a wedding website, hehe but so later on that night, i tell him that even if she really did tell him that, she was either trying to be funny or trying to feel him out to see how he would react if thats what he thought I thought was going to happen... no response from him. He does that alot, or if he decided that he doesn''t want to talk about it anymore he goes Oh Shush.. and yeah, it''s cute, cause he gets this little grin when he says it, but it''s frustrating!!! But so later on at night, we''re laying there watching a show, and he, so off the cuff, says so who are your bridesmaids? too which i reply not missing a beat my three sisters, whos your groomsmen, he says one of his friends... anyways. It''s just little things like this that drive me nuts. I don''t think he realizes what it does to me, we had all these weddings and receptions to go to this past year and he was always talking about "The wedding" what wedding are you talking about I''d ask him, "you know, THE wedding" and whats worse is that he''s been doing it like forever!!!!!! Even before he had said I love you!!! THAT was very annoying let me tell you, especially when he''d start talking about basbies... it''s like um... you missed a couple of steps!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH! So yes.

So today I ask my friend about what he says she said... she goes oh no, I asked him if he was going to propose!! which just has me all confused, because it''s like I don''t know if he''s lying or she''s lying or she just doesn''t remember how she worded it, but I''m guessing she just forgot what she said because when I was trying to be cute about it just now with M and say hey why''d you lie? She didn''t say that, she said she just flat out asked if you were going to propose, and he got all upset about it because I think it''s funny and he doesn''t because it really bothers him when people lie about stupid stuff like that. *sigh* So yeah. I don''t know. I''m right back where I started. I wish he had been lying about what she said.. because i would love to get engaged soon..... but if I can''t, I wish he would just stop joking around so much about marriage. I''m just a little worn out from it. A while back he had mentioned that in the next two years he would like to be engaged. I''m wanting a long engagement of at least one year, but preferably two, mabye more, maybe less depending on when he proposes because we both already know we want a fall wedding... well, i''d like a winter one, but that can get tricky with the snow sometimes! eek! So yeah. I don''t know if he meant in about two years he would propose, or that we''d already be engaged by then. It stemmed from him asking where I wanted to be in five years.. I said Married, to him, with a kid eiher in tow or on the way.... and then I in turn asked where does he want to be in the next two years.... and that was his response when it came to me and him. he put it with a big ol'' smiley face too, very cute, but sooooooo far away if he''s going to wait two years to even ask....

He told me about a month or so ago that after construction begins (he''s adding onto his house), he''s up for everything. Marriage, babies, a life together with me. And that he''s never been as sure about anyone as sure as he is about me, and he only wants to make sure that i''m completely available and as sure as he is"... which will be soon" he actually said that, what does that mean?!?! now, I know all about girl soon and boy soon, even more so after reading on here, but this man several months before saying I love you, hinted that it would be "soon" after I had sent him a message saying I heart you or something to that effect, he said I know, soon. And then MONTHS, many months later, he finally said it... so I can only imagine what he thinks soon is in terms of engagement

Any suggestions on how to cope with a bf who talks about all these things as if it''s already set.... also, this is a guy who when I''m trying to ask him about something, if he doesn''t think it''s important he''ll just stop answering me. Like right now, I was trying to talk to him and he just stopped saying anything, so I walked away saying thanks, I love it when you don''t answer me when I''m trying to talk to you to which he says, it''s not important. So I finally tell him, it doesn''t matter if it''s not important to you, did you ever think maybe it''s important to me?! which of course he had nothing to say too. *sigh* He does it all the time. It''s more frustrating than when he jokes about marriage and babies half the time, but the rest of the time, he get irritated if I bring it up. I can''t win!!!! I know I said I could wait, and I could, but I don''t want to when he brings it up like that from time to time, I just want it to happen, I don''t care about the ring so much either, I''d prefer if he would go ring shopping with me prior to getting one, but I don''t really think he will, and I don''t know how to hint that I''d like him too because I don''t think he''d have a conversation about that... he''ll talk with me about our kids and our wedding, but he rarely mentions engagement... so I just don''t know how to go about it. Because while the ring doesn''t matter, I don''t want to have something thats not my taste stuck on my finger for the rest of my life!!! I told him it could be a fake stone if he didn''t want to spend the money on it! Although having been on price scope for about a month, you do pick up some things and i''m starting to think i''d rather have a real one, and that i could find one to love for not too much money! hehe... But I just don''t know how to broach the topic with him more seriously than we normally talk about it. BEcause like I said (I''m sure I''ve repeated myself alot in here, sorry

) we talk about marriage and babies and life together all the time, but it''s never really anything too concrete. The most I''ve gotten out of him was the two year thing... so how do you start that conversation? I''ve read other posts about it...but mostly they seem to be for people in relationships that are longer in length than ours and one of the people are getting ready to walk if it doesn''t move forward soon... I''m no where near the point of walking.. it''d just be nice to know what he''s been thinking about. It didn''t help that this weekend about 4 different friends of his asked about the ring I wear on that finger... I''ve always worn rings on that finger, I''m left handed and it''s just more comfortable, I''ve never really even thought too much about it until recently, so I''ve been trying to wear my rings on the other hand, but it''s hard to switch. One of his friends even asked what kind of ring I think I''d be getting, you know, if we went down that path she said... I didn''t know if she was asking what I would like, or what she thought he would get me becase he''s kind of frugal, but it''s the whole fact that she asked at all. It''s probably just because he hasn''t had too many relationships last this long, I think there''s only been one thats been longer, and he''s almost 30 so people are starting to wonder, especially since alot of his friends are getting married or engaged or having kids...

Also, whenever he jokes about kids, I''ve taken to telling him that he can have them in 6 years... the logic behind that is this... I''d prefer to have two to three years in between steps... so if he asks me to marry him in two years, we''ll be engaged for two, then married for two, and then start our family.... but whenver I say 6 years, he always says that too long. He doesnt seem to want to wait very long to start a family, he doesn''t want to be old he says... I don''t think he realizes that 30 something is definately not old! It''s not even like he''s a women with a limited baby making time!!!!! lol. But other than that, if he doesn''t want to wait 6 years, he better get cracking!! Cause the shortest time frame for kids he''ll get from me right now is 4 years. blah.

I''m sorry this is so so so sooooooooooooooooo long, does any of it make sense? Any suggestions on how to hold my frustration in, or how to let it out in a way that won''t make him freak out? OR just any thoughts on what I''d said so far? I feel like I''m nuts

 

[monarch64]

Well I have to say it does sound like your BF is ready to propose to you, and move forward with life. His constant talk of marriage and babies is a pretty obvious sign, to me.

Only advice I have to give is to make sure you keep your options open just in case this relationship doesn''t work out. Best of luck to you!

 

[partyjewels]

I think he is too, I especially have to wonder cause yesterday I asked him, so when do you want to have kids, and he kept saying two years....hmmmm.... I said, I''d rather not have a baby unless I''m married, I don''t want to kill my mother! And he just laughed!

But I have been keeping in mind that if it doesn''t work out it''s not the end of the world. Too many examples of things not working out lately for me to just assume everythings going to be roses from now on So thanks for the advice!

 

[goldenstar]

Hi

i read your story and it seems to me that all you need to feel better is a more certain time frame for an engagement. since it seems that you have a great relationship and he is not afraid of commitment, why dont you just ask him point blank? instead of beating around the bush by saying something vague like "where do you see yourself in 2 years?", just ask him if he''s thought about when he would like to be engaged. if he''s as ready as it seems he is, he won''t be afraid to give you a straight answer.

maybe he is thinking about a good timeframe for you, since he mentioned that an engagement would distract you from school. thats a good sign. good luck!

 

[partyjewels]

Date: 10/30/2006 3:47:01 PM
Author: goldenstar
Hi

i read your story and it seems to me that all you need to feel better is a more certain time frame for an engagement. since it seems that you have a great relationship and he is not afraid of commitment, why dont you just ask him point blank? instead of beating around the bush by saying something vague like ''where do you see yourself in 2 years?'', just ask him if he''s thought about when he would like to be engaged. if he''s as ready as it seems he is, he won''t be afraid to give you a straight answer.

maybe he is thinking about a good timeframe for you, since he mentioned that an engagement would distract you from school. thats a good sign. good luck!

You''re right. I should just ask him point blank, because it would seem, like you said, that since he seems so ready he shouldn''t be avoidant if I ask him flat out, but he would be, no doubt in my mind! Whenever I start talking about things like that, he kind of clams up most of the time, it''s so annoying! Especially since half the time he''s the one who starts it in the first place! And you''re definately right, I shouldn''t have been so vauge about it, because when he wanted to get engaged is completely what I was fishing for without coming right out and saying it, and luckily for me he answered it himself anyways: the question was asking where do you want to be in two years regarding your house (he''s planning on putting up an addition in the not to far future), work, us, etc? Next to us he put "Engaged " I couldn''t stop smiling when I read that! But like I said, what does that mean anyways? We''ll get engaged in two years? Or we''re already going to BE engaged at that time planning our wedding which will be happening soon since I''m wanting about a two year or longer engagement?!

I was so tempted to ask him what he said to my friend when she asked him flat out if he was going to propose on our trip we''re going on! but I guess I didn''t because part of me is secretly hoping he really would ask me then.

Though it''s a long shot, if he was planning it, I wouldn''t want to "ruin the surprise". Plus he''s definately the type of guy that if he did have something planned and I brought it up he''d push it back.

As far as distracting me from school...I have thought of that, but I really hope he doesn''t wait that long! I dropped out of school when I started going in the first place for many reasons, one of them being I''m just not cut out for it I think! But I had been wanting to go back for a while, and it was important to M too, so I finally got around to taking a class this semester, but thats it, just one class (I was worried about messing it up again and didn''t want to end up paying for it again!), and it''s kicking my butt!!! I was nervous enough about going back to school, and now I''m worried that if I try and take more than one class next semester I''ll just fail horribly.

So at this rate it''s going to be a looooooooooong time before he won''t be worrying about me being distracted from school. But it''s a good point. Although, I have say, I''m already distracted by it!

I think I''m just hopeless! (not to mention I type too much!! eek! sorry!) But thanks so much for the suggestion, I think maybe I''ll have a talk with him after we get back from our trip.