So many wedding issues already

[XChick03]

Hello everyone, I know I haven''t been around in a while, but things have just been crazy.

Ever since we got engaged, I''ve been debating between just getting married on a gorgeous beach somewhere or have a more traditional wedding. If we chose a destination wedding, we''d still have a huge reception to celebrate with all of our friends and family, but there''s still a part of me that wants to share my wedding with the ones I love and not with strangers. However, I know the destination wedding will save us lots of stress and money. I still have plenty of time to decide, but I was just curious as to everyone''s thoughts on destination vs traditional, especially if anyone here has done a destination wedding.

Also, if we go the traditional route, I have to decide who I want to walk me down the aisle. I would rather it be my stepfather because I adore him and he''s done so much for me while my father has never done anything for me and I barely even have contact with him. The only problem is that I think my real father will be hurt if I dont ask him to do it.

Another problem is that I don''t like three of the four groomsmen. They are the very loud, obnoxious kind of guys who graduated from college years ago but still act like they''re freshmen. They''re more like drinking buddies to my fiance, and I''m worried they''ll make an ass out of themselves. But I''m not objecting to them being in the wedding because they''re his friends and its his choice and I guess there''s no rule saying the bride has to get love the groomsmen too. Peter will just have to tell them to behave and stay away from alcohol.

Sorry for the rant.

I just needed to vent where hopefully someone will understand.

 

[monarch64]

Xchick, would it be possible for both your fathers to walk you down the aisle? That''s the first thing that came to mind when I read your post.

On the groomsmen issue, I have to say that I worried about my husband''s choices as well. Everything turned out fine, I think the guys were worried about losing the respect of my husband if they behaved badly, so hopefully your fiance''s guys will feel the same.

 

[E B]

This is a hard one, a decision I''ve been trying to make myself. Since I''m leaning towards the larger wedding at home with family, it''s probably the way I''ll go, but a DW wedding does sound nice.

Regarding the stress factor, I honestly believe a larger wedding can be pulled together with little stress. What date have you set? If you''ve got time, start getting things together now. Book sites. Sample cake. Try on gowns. Collect centerpiece ideas. Don''t worry about the little things...they''re what turn brides into bridezillas. I think that with a lot of time, decisions can be made here and there without pressure. Give yourself plenty of time.

Regarding the father issue, I like Monarch''s idea of having both walk you down the aisle, if you''re comfortable with the idea. I''m having both of my parents walk me down the aisle! Regarding the drunk friend issue, I''m with you...they''re his friends, and if he tells them to behave, it''s one of those things you just have to cross your fingers and hope for!

Let us know what you decide!

 

[firebirdgold]

LOL. One of the reasons I''m so fond of the DW idea is to avoid his old high-school friend. That guy doesn''t even need alcohol to be obnoxious! He''s harmless, but loud comments about genitalia is not what I''d prefer.

 

[sunkist]

XChick, I''m sorry you''re feeling so much stress! Just do what you can and remember you can''t make everyone happy

About the father issue, that''s a tough situation to be in. Which man raised you? Which man taught you how to be a decent person? Which ever this man is, I''d say he is your "father". That''s my personal opinion. If both have been involved in your life and they are both worthy of the title "father" then I also like the idea of having them both walk you down the aisle!

 

[XChick03]

Sunkist, I lived with my real father until I was 15 when my parent''s divorced but he did everything but raise me. My mom is the one who did everything great in my life. He''s an alcoholic and has never been there for me and he doesn''t even bother to send me a Christmas card anymore. My stepfather has done more for me since he''s been in my life than my dad ever did for me. Even my grandfather on my father''s side doesn''t blame me for wanting to have my stepdad do it, but I still dont know.

As far as having them both do it, I don''t think that would work at all. I thought about it, but I don''t think my father would agree to it.

EBree, I probably could do a larger wedding here with not a whole lot of stress. We haven''t technically set a date yet, but it will probably be around a year and half from now. So, I have plenty of time to do all the planning. I probably will end up going that way, but a wedding on the beach sounds great, too.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Sorry you''re so stressed... You just started the planning!! It''s way to early to start freaking out sweetie.....

Here''s my take on your worries:
If you love both fathers, then having both of them walk you down the aisle sounds really sweet and adorable to me.. However, if you aren''t close to your father and don''t feel that you would like him to walk you down the aisle, pick the stepfather. You can always have your father read at your wedding or have some other task in the wedding. That might help tone down the hurt. The role of who walks you down the aisle should be the person/s who have had a lot of impact and influence in your life. If your father hasn''t been there for you and you barely have contact with him, I personally don''t think he should have the privilege, but that''s just my opinion.

As for the groomsmen, I don''t think you have much to worry about. Some of my fiance''s friends can get pretty stupid when alcohol is around, but they''ve been in each other''s weddings and they acted like perfect angels. I think they knew that any acting up would affect their friendships and would flat out make them look dumb. It''s one of those events that people tend to know better than to get out of control (so much would be at stake). If you''re REALLY worried about it though, have a talk with your fiance and ask him to have a man to men talk with the guys about their behavior. I think everything will be fine.

Vent, baby, vent! That''s what we''re here for! Now go back in there and make me proud, rookie (sorry, I''m such a sports geek)!

 

[MINE!!]

*HUGS* I am so sorry to hear of your stress. I know the issue with your father and step father must be driving you crazy. But I do like the idea about both your fathers walking you down the aisle. I have a hunch that you could talk to your step father about it and he would be honest and loving about what he thinks.

AS for planning a wedding. I think you can do that no problem. A year and a half is PLENTY of time. You can defintily create something beautiful. AND since you have the time, you can bargin shop and really do expensive things for inexspensive prices.

As for the groomsman.... One of my first husbands grromsman was a troll... literally... When I talk about him now (14 years later) I still only refer to him as "Troll Boy" Couldn''t stand him. Anyway, he was on tip top behavior at the wedding. Of course, the next day he wasa his nasty self again. I think that your FI should worry about that and you should just worry about making everything else exactly how you want it!!

Good luck girl... much more stress is ahead.... but it all leads up to such a wonderful day!! HANG in there and HAVE FUN!!!!!! planning your wedding.

 

[XChick03]

Yeah, I know a year and half is plenty of time to plan, but I''m such a procrastinator, I''ll need every bit of it.

His friends tend to act like morons even when alcohol isn''t involved. I''m just going to tell Peter if his friends/groomsmen make a one fart joke (which are their favorites), they''re going to wish they hadn''t.

But I''m really not that worried about them. I am slightly dreading the BM''s speech though, but I think he''ll come through for us.

My mom brought up a good point about my father, she said he probably wouldn''t even get a tux for the wedding and he probably wouldn''t dance with me either. So, maybe I''ll just talk to him and see what he says. My mom also said I should ask him if he plans to contribute anything to the wedding (which he won''t) and if he says he won''t, he probably won''t be too offended if I don''t ask him to be a part of it. Plus, he and my stepmother are getting married soon (or so they say) and I highly doubt I''ll have any role in their wedding.

The only other early planning problem we have is the guest list. I don''t want to have a huge wedding, but my fiance is insisting on inviting second cousins from Chicago he sees maybe every three years just because he was invited to their weddings.

 

[chickflick]

This is the reason we did decide the have a DW- I''m a bit older for a first-time bride (3 and just didn''t want all of the stress I''ve seen all of my friends go through with pre-wedding stuff. I booked our wedding last Thursday with Carnival cruise lines and it literally took three minutes (would have taken two but the credit card systems were slow that day.)

All I have to do is buy the invitations, favors, and my gown.

You do give up a lot of control- we can''t pick the food or the decorations or even where we get married on the ship- but that''s the price for also giving up the stress of the decisions.

I hope that you eventually come to a decision that makes you both happy. It''s the most wonderful time of your life and you should enjoy it!!

 

[Faerievert]

Date: 3/20/2006 12:56:25 AM
Author:XChick03

Another problem is that I don''t like three of the four groomsmen. They are the very loud, obnoxious kind of guys who graduated from college years ago but still act like they''re freshmen. They''re more like drinking buddies to my fiance, and I''m worried they''ll make an ass out of themselves. But I''m not objecting to them being in the wedding because they''re his friends and its his choice and I guess there''s no rule saying the bride has to get love the groomsmen too. Peter will just have to tell them to behave and stay away from alcohol.

My FH''s groomsman are his fraternity brothers... from a fraternity that lost its charter for throwing to wild of parties. They, and the rest of his friends have been instructed to be on not THEIR best behavior, but JACQUI''S best behavior!

 

[jaz464]

I am in the same situation, father-wise. I will have my real dad walk me half way down the aisle and my stepdad will meet me half way and walk me the second half.