So sad an frusterated

[midgirl]

So I know my bf has the ring and it is in my apartment and he has had it for awhile.

I can''t understand why he won''t ask me to marry him if he has the ring already and says he wants to marry me.

The other night he asked me to come to him and he told me his original proposal plan-which in my eyes was the most perfect way he could have asked me. He told me it wouldn''t work because he is too busy and would never have a clear enough schedule to get all the parts together. That held me over for quite some time

Then last night he was superromantic and asked to walk through the city one of the top proposal spots and sit under the stars and of course no proposal.

Then today he was acting unusually sweet and asked to walk on some trails-but of course no proposal.

Then we got in a bit of a fight because I was a little frusterated and wanted some alone time. He yelled at me and said that he can''t do anything romantic without disappointing me with no proposal. The point is that he is not the romantic type. All he does is research study and do homework-I pretty much do the same-so these romantic outings are completely out of the blue and totally unlike him.

I just can''t understand why he won''t ask me. He hasn''t asked my dad yet and won''t do it until then and I keep leaving him alone for long periods of time and he won''t call. He is very open and honest about it and says that he hasn''t called and doesn''t have time to-but it is so upsetting.

I don''t only want a beautiful sparkly, I want to call him something more than my stupid boyfriend-I hate that term and I feel like I am in high school. Why can''t he understand my feelings?

 

[sleeping beauty]

Midgir,l have you thought that all those romantic outings could be part of his new plan. As i read i couldnt help but think that he is trying to be romantic every once in a while to mislead you when the actual proposal comes. More often than not, a proposal is usually romantic and if you say he is not the romantic type then when he does it you will smell it from a while away. Maybe he just wants to really surprise you. Hang in there. At least he already has the ring in hand.

 

[moon river]

You''re already halfway there!!! Maybe these are leading up to a phenominal proposal!!

 

[ilovesparkles]

This isn''t the best answer to your question and for that I am sorry but it is just what came to thought as I read your post. Is it possible he just gets too flustered? Like he may have been planning to ask you but gets to anxious or "cold feet" if you will although I hate that term. I may be way off, and I hope I am! But if he is under a tremendous amount of pressure here it might just be too much if you know what I am trying to get at. He also may just trying to get more comfortable with the romantic scene so it is a breeze and not completely nerve-racking when he does plan on asking.

I know it is difficult but try not to focus on the proposal and when and where it is coming and instead enjoy these outings with him as a wonderful way to take a break from studying for you and him. Cherish each moment for what it is and not what you are anticipating it to be. I know its difficult but you may find yourself much happier and not so let down.

 

[JenStone]

I agree with Sleeping Beauty - from what my boyfriend and other men have told me, they like to mislead girls before the actual proposal. Just read what this guy did - that almost seems mean!

 

[moon river]

Date: 4/16/2006 8:50:38 PM
Author: JenStone
I agree with Sleeping Beauty - from what my boyfriend and other men have told me, they like to mislead girls before the actual proposal. Just read what this guy did - that almost seems mean!

I think it''s cool that he put that much effort into a proposal.

I''d still get that baby appraised

in case he did the ''fake ring'' thing and didn''t tell her.

 

[lilmaria]

I agree with the other posters, he is trying to do it and/or trying to mislead you. stop sweating it, it will happen soon enough. trust me, he''ll want to get it out of his possession as soon as possible, but he also doesn''t want to let you down. most guys have told me that they usually fight with their gf right before they propose and its usually a fight she starts -- sounds familiar? hehehehehe, hang in there!

 

[Rhapsody]

I am with you 100% right now. The ring has been in the house for 10 weeks and I''m starting to wonder what the hold up is. I''m finding myself getting really crabby with him because I am just so generally frustrated with the situation!

I have to keep reminding myself that I trust this man and know that he is not trying to drive me nuts, it''s just an unfortunate side affect of whatever it is he has planned.

And don''t you hate the "I''ve been busy" respose when you ask what''s taking so long?! I don''t know what could be more important than the rest of your life and making the woman you love happy

Well, at least I have a dealine, May 16. So I know it wont be more than 5 weeks.

Good luck with the wait! We can commiserate over the situation together

 

[meepcat]

If you didn''t have a deadline, and you didn''t know the ring was there, would you still be acting or feeling this way?

IMHO, you should put out of your mind that the ring is there at all, enjoy your time with him, and figure out why it''s such a big deal to you to get engaged when YOU want to. Meanwhile, let him figure out how to do what HE wants to do to SURPRISE you. Yes, I know the frustration; yes, I''ve been there before (2001), and yes, I''m there again (with my SO). But, with patience comes virtuous love.

 

[jesterjigger]

Maybe he''s trying different things, see how the mood is, before deciding on a final way to do it? (And at the same time mislead you, lol). Just try to put it out of your mind for a month, then have a talk with him about how much it''s bothering you if nothing has happened yet. My bf just bought a ring, and I told him that if he didn''t do anything with it before we left for Korea I would probably be really testy (I also told him this the night before we went ring shopping for real--even though I hadn''t expected him to actually buy a ring). But he agreed and said I didn''t need to worry. So I''m trying to keep my mouth shut, though can''t help but give him a hard time a little (in a joking manner) since the ring isn''t even ready for two weeks...so, my advice is hang tight for a month, give him a chance to think you''re unsuspecting, and then talk to him after a month has passed with no proposal.

 

[midgirl]

Yea I give him a little bit of a hard time.

He usually says what would make you happy, love? and I say a pretty sperkly on my finger!! And he laughs and says soon enough So he doesn''t get angry when I bring it up.

You know...I think everytime I bring it up he pushes the date a little farther so maybe I should just SHUT UP! It is sooooo hard

I am just going to enjoy my non-engaged status for the rest of the month. Hopefully within the nest week or two (probably after Passover)

You girls are fantastic and I heart you all for helping!!

 

[jesterjigger]

Midgirl...I''ve been doing the same thing and mine was just bought Saturday. I''m trying to be good though, but the last couple of days I''ve just been saying "want ring", but in a cute voice. Once I think it''s possible he might actually have the ring (the setting had to be ordered since the one we looked at was sold before we decided to buy it) I''m going to be on my best behavior, lol. Good luck with being good, I think that until the end of the month sounds like a good compromise.

 

[ellaila]

Like so many of us, I''ve SO been there and feel your pain! I can honestly say that when I didn''t bring it up for just one week, he popped the question. He was just waiting for the "pressure" to ease so he didn''t feel like he was just giving me a ring to give me a ring. He wanted it to be a surprise, and when I kept bringing it up every other second, I kept ruining any opportunity for him!!

So be patient. It''s hard - near impossible, I know!! - but you have to remember that this is important for him too!! It''s easy to just sit here and think "why is he torturing me?!" but for the most part (some exceptions of course), I don''t think they''re doing it to torture us -- they''re just waiting for it to be right.

Good luck! And deeep breaths!

 

[bex891]

The kettle never comes to the boil when you are stood over watching it.

Put the proposal completely out of your mind, and just let things unfold.

He probably wants to choose his moment, without any pressure from you.

Take a deep breath...and don''t mention it.

Bex