so, who walks me down the aisle?

[aliciagirl]

My BF and I have plans to be engaged soon and we''ve been discussing the wedding/planning a little bit. I''ve never been a "Planning my dream wedding since I was 10" kinda girl, so it really threw me off guard when he asked me who was going to walk me down the aise.

Well, babe, good question. I don''t have any idea! I was raised by my aunt and uncle. I have a terrible relationship with my uncle, so that''s definitely out. I am all about being non-traditional and slightly feminist and asking my aunt to do it, but I do still have a mom and a dad. It''s definitely a very awkward situation. My mom has been in a hospital for a very long time but will be attending the wedding. We have a relationship but she''s kind of not really with it on some days but is on others. I have no idea what state she will be in on my wedding day, but I don''t want to hurt her feelings or have people wondering "WTH?" My mom and dad divorced when I was very, very young so while he is a person that exists, he probably won''t be attending since we have no relationship.

I don''t have any close male family friends. I have a close gay BFF but I don''t really want him to be "giving me away."

I know I can''t be the only one who has gone through this. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? It''s going to be a ceremony with around 100 close guests and I''m all about being non-traditional but I want to do it in a way that is classy and doesn''t leave people confused. It''s still over a year and a half away but it''s kind of got me feeling down since that is something that most girls/dads look forward to and I can''t come up with any solution that doesn''t leave me feeling... I don''t know... a little weird and lacking.

 

[Sabine]

I think the person who should give you away is the person you are closest to, and from your post, to me it sounds like it would be your aunt. If your ceremony is mostly people who are close to you, they will already know your family situation and will not think it''s weird for your aunt to be walking you when your mom is attending. I''m sorry that your situation is so complicated! Without knowing the details of your mom''s condition, I would at least guess that walking you down the aisle would be stressful for her and then because you wouldn''t be sure how she would handle it it would be stressful to you.

 

[MustangFan]

You could have two people your mom and your aunt? Does your mom have MS? Sorry to be nosey, but it just sounded that way from your post.

 

[robbie3982]

What if you walked yourself halfway down the aisle and then your FH met you and you continued on together? I''ve heard of it being done like that and I think the symbolism is really nice. Then no one''s giving you away, but you''re starting your journey alone and continuing on together!

 

[aliciagirl]

Yeah, it would be a very stressful time and my mother and I aren''t really very close, so the symbolism wouldn''t really be there. Is it totally against the rules to go solo? I''m not really thrilled about doing the whole public speaking, all eyes on me thing anyway and definitely don''t want to leave people wondering, well, anything. The people attending do know the family situation but it''s still going to throw people off, I mean -I- hadn''t even thought of it until a few days ago, haha. So I''m sure my guests would put two and two together when they saw me walking with someone who isn''t my dad, but it''s still something I would like to avoid. Would it make me look snotty or.. conceited or something to go alone?

Any wedding I''ve ever been to has been very straight-laced traditional so I can''t really imagine going about it in a different way.

 

[aliciagirl]

Date: 11/13/2007 4:59:15 PM
Author: MustangFan
You could have two people your mom and your aunt? Does your mom have MS? Sorry to be nosey, but it just sounded that way from your post.

No, it''s not MS. It''s just various mental illnesses that can leave her normal on some days and bad on others.

 

[aliciagirl]

Date: 11/13/2007 5:00:29 PM
Author: robbie3982
What if you walked yourself halfway down the aisle and then your FH met you and you continued on together? I''ve heard of it being done like that and I think the symbolism is really nice. Then no one''s giving you away, but you''re starting your journey alone and continuing on together!

This is seriously the sweetest thing I''ve ever heard and turned me into an emotional mess. That would be so perfect. Thanks so much for mentioning that, I''ve definitely never heard of it and would have never thought of it.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I see absolutely no issue with walking the aisle alone. I wasn''t the wedding-type, either, and really wanted my hubby to walk down the aisle with me as a declaration that this was not the "beginning" of our lives--this was a journey we started many years ago. I liked the symbolism of us walking down together, but my father did want to walk me down the aisle and I also wanted to honor that.

So my suggestion would be to have your boyfriend walk you--he''s been by your side and will continue to be. Otherwise, I''d say you can walk the aisle alone, there''s no reason to feel like somebody needs to walk you.

 

[staceybelle]

I second Robbie''s idea of having your fiance meet you halfway down the aisle. My friend (who lost her dad when she was a teenager) had her fiance meet her halfway, and it was so touching. I got more than a little choked up.

 

[fabcrab]

Date: 11/13/2007 5:06:46 PM
Author: aliciagirl

Date: 11/13/2007 5:00:29 PM

Author: robbie3982

What if you walked yourself halfway down the aisle and then your FH met you and you continued on together? I''ve heard of it being done like that and I think the symbolism is really nice. Then no one''s giving you away, but you''re starting your journey alone and continuing on together!

This is seriously the sweetest thing I''ve ever heard and turned me into an emotional mess. That would be so perfect. Thanks so much for mentioning that, I''ve definitely never heard of it and would have never thought of it.

I actually had this done at my wedding. I don''t have a relationship with my dad and my mom couldn''t afford to make the trip from asia to the US so I walked by myself and DH met me half way. Seriously, it''s not awkward at all and I couldn''t be happier!

 

[Maisie]

I agree with you walking halfway alone and you walking the rest of the way together.

 

[largirl]

I''m having this dilemma as well - I''m very, very close to my mom but not close to my dad (they are married still). I decided to have both my mom and my dad walk me down the aisle (it''s going to have to be a wide aisle - my dad''s a big, big guy!). I''m foregoing the father/daughter dance for this same reason - it''d be more awkward than it would be sentimental or emotional. Instead we''re going to have a very, very quick first dance (my future FI is very, very attention-shy) where halfway through it we invite our parents up to dance with us. Plus, I always get sick of sitting through all those dances as a guest!

 

[Pandora II]

In Italy, I have never seen anyone walked down the aisle by their father - the groom normally waits at the top of the steps outside the church/townhall and then they walk down together.

 

[upgrading mama]

Given your circumstances, I would say go it alone or have your aunt and/or uncle do it. Ultimately, they raised you and that is why the person takes you down the aisle. In essence, passing you on, to your husband. As far as it raising questions like why it wasn''t your mom, I would do what your heart tells you, and realize those who know you will understand and those who don''t will criticize whatever decision you make.

good luck and don''t sweat it. this is small stuff.

 

[largirl]

As far as the questions go, I doubt there would be many as I would assume most people attending know that you were raised by your aunt/uncle and the people who didn''t know that either shouldn''t be there (just kidding

) or would think it *was* your mom. I wouldn''t sweat having to answer any questions. A simple, "Oh, I''m very close to my aunt" or something like that would be fine if it did come up, but like I said, I doubt it would.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 11/13/2007 5:06:46 PM
Author: aliciagirl

Date: 11/13/2007 5:00:29 PM
Author: robbie3982
What if you walked yourself halfway down the aisle and then your FH met you and you continued on together? I''ve heard of it being done like that and I think the symbolism is really nice. Then no one''s giving you away, but you''re starting your journey alone and continuing on together!

This is seriously the sweetest thing I''ve ever heard and turned me into an emotional mess. That would be so perfect. Thanks so much for mentioning that, I''ve definitely never heard of it and would have never thought of it.

Yay! Glad I could help! I''m pretty sure that I heard the idea on here. If you''re worried about what people will think it means, you could write something about it in the program along the lines of what I said in my last post.

 

[labbielove]

Date: 11/14/2007 7:43:12 PM
Author: robbie3982

Date: 11/13/2007 5:06:46 PM

Author: aliciagirl

Date: 11/13/2007 5:00:29 PM

Author: robbie3982

What if you walked yourself halfway down the aisle and then your FH met you and you continued on together? I''ve heard of it being done like that and I think the symbolism is really nice. Then no one''s giving you away, but you''re starting your journey alone and continuing on together!

This is seriously the sweetest thing I''ve ever heard and turned me into an emotional mess. That would be so perfect. Thanks so much for mentioning that, I''ve definitely never heard of it and would have never thought of it.

Yay! Glad I could help! I''m pretty sure that I heard the idea on here. If you''re worried about what people will think it means, you could write something about it in the program along the lines of what I said in my last post.

I really like this idea too- I have been at wedding also where the b&g walk down the aisle together, but the half and half seems even more meaningful- great suggestion!