Soccer Dilemma... What do you think

[MINE!!]

OK... We have to make a big decision in the next follwing weeks involving my daugters soccer situation.

She is now playing on a competetive traveling team. But there are other.. organizations in the area... not as good and they are not travel. She has been playing on this team for about.. oh.. 3years total. We are going ready to start a new season. We pay about 600 a season... plus travel and supplies. DUE to the last....events surrounding the try-outs and how I beleive there was back scratching and cheating involoved in the organization... which involoved our coach... her father and I are tempted to pull her off the team and put her on a rec team. But this would be a HUGE step down for her. Right now she gets private lessons 2X a week and is working with someone we feel is 10X better than the (I guess he is a coach.. peronally, I think if you have never played soccer and have only had some clinics... you are not really a soccer coach.. wether you are ''certified'' by the organization or not) Coach.

In 2 years she can play soccer at the middle school and can work up through the school system. We can continue her private lessons and she can continue to go to camps. She has been with this new coach for about 2 seasons... I would say that she has learned about... well... nothing from him. I have paid quite a lot of money for her to play her position so the coach could ''market'' his daughter'' that used to be on the team. She was basically being punished becuase she was good at soccer. This season we are short a few players, one of our top players is hurt and the coash is basically a cheating jerk-off. But I am afriad to pull her off this organization becuase I do not want to mess up her chances of being really good and using her tlaents to her fullest potentail... although.. right now.. I think she is stagnant, the coach sucks, people are talking about quitting the team, and I am just down right SEETHING inside!

So we can mover her to a Rec league.. pay about 40 Dollars a season.. she pay more games and they be IN-TOWN!! But I could also be messing up her chances of playing good soccer in the future. It is EXTREMELY Competitive around her... asI am sure that it is everywhere. .... So what do you think? What to do.. What to do....

 

[MissAva]

How does your daughter feel? When I was in HS the bes players had been playing since they were 3&4 most everyone had been on traveling teams and I...had never kicked a soccer ball. I caught up, it wasnt the end of the world. If your daughter could play more and possibly learn more then that is what is best for her regardless of the others on the team.
Is she emotionally close to the other girls on her travel team? That might be something to consider as well.
I wish I had a definate answer but I don''t think any of us who havent lived through it can fully understand the dynamics of the situation.

 

[MINE!!]

She does not want to leave the team that she is on. She is prety animate about it. She loves the fact that she travels. I will probabbly end up leaving her on it for another season. But she has much more potential than to be playing for who she does... yet as to much potential than to be playing for a rec league.

I would like her to pay through the system.. but she is in the 4th grade now.. so she will not be playing school ball for another 2 years. I think that I am just disgusted about spending so much money for nothing...

 

[Blue824]

If she wants to stay on the team, let her...My parents had me switch tennis clubs when I played and I HATED IT. They switched for sort of silly reasons, not like a cheating coach, but because my mom liked that the other club had a spa in it. Anyway, I got really upset, didn''t like my pros as much and I started to dislike going to play...with in one session, I was back at my club.
I know you''re upset, but if she''s ok with everything, let it be. She''ll be on school teams soon enough and there skill is more important than parents (at least in my experience). She''s young...middle schoo, right? so just let her have fun and enjoy playing, because at that age and stage, the most important thing is that she''s enjoying herself and having fun, right??

 

[Catmom]

Hi Mine,

Well I don''t have soccer experience but do have 15 year of competetive and college softball experience. As a matter of fact we just came back today from 5 days at Nationals in Buffalo, NY. My daughter is 21 and now plays on a woman''s team so I can tell you if they are serious about it, it never ends! I agree with the others on the issue of how your daughter feels. If that is the team she wants to be on then it is very difficult to get them to agree to a change. Also, if she is good enough to be on a travel team and is serious about soccer then I wouldn''t go back to rec league. You always have an advantage going into high school if you''ve played on competetive travel teams. I''m not saying it can''t be done, just saying you have an advantage over others. You do not get the same experience playing in rec leagues. When my daughter played travel there were many travel teams within 50 miles of our home. Are there any other travel teams that she could try out for in your area for next year? Daddy/daughter teams in any sports are always a problem. We learned that the hard way and found that the best thing to do was to find an established program where the coaches did not have any children on the team. I know these can be found in softball, I don''t know about soccer, though. You may want to check out some of the other travel teams in the area to see if they are run differently than your daddy/daughter team.

 

[MINE!!]

Thanks everyone. UNfortunately the closest travel team in over an hour away... but I did consider that option for a few moments as well. I think the problem is that I am just so digusted with the coach and I fantasize about telling him exactly were he can stick it....

OH well... I know she wants to stay on the team ... so I am sure we will keep her there.. thanks catmom... it looks like it will never end eh?

Thanks Blue.. I am sure she will be miserable...

Thanks Matatora... those are definitely good things to consider.

 

[icekid]

MINE-

Just thought I would say that I also think you should let her stay on the team. At her age, I don''t think it''s imperative that she find a better team, especially since the other competitive teams are so far away. And moving her to a recreational team would definitely not help develop her skills. I absolutely do believe that you play to the level of those around you.

My siblings and I are all very serious athletes (baby brother number 1 is off to play Division 1 Hockey next year), so I know it''s nearly impossible to escape the coach and his kid problem. It''s pretty rare to find a team coached by a non-parent unfortunately. And it definitely sucks! My siblings go through that nearly every year. Luckily for me, as a figure skater, I had my own coach and I did not have to share

Too bad there are not more travel teams closer. Though my mom used to drive my brother an hour and a half to Canada just for practices for a all-star summer team he played on for quite a few years! (Yes, my parents'' lives basically revolve around our sports. Inclucing an ice rink in the back yard!)

When she gets older, it may be worthwhile to get her on a better team though. As young as she is, I''m sure she does not want to leave the friends she has on her current team. But perhaps in the future another opportunity will come up. At least for now I bet her private lessons and camps will do!

 

[ame]

All three of us kids played select soccer and traveled with teams. I know that every single organization, at least around here, has at LEAST one "cheating" coach, if not everyone involved being total cheaters. There was ALWAYS played favorites and you could always tell whose parents were buddies with which coaches. My sister's coach took bribes. Everyone knew it. It's sad that there are parents like this. ANd sadder that they would have coaches like this. YOu are right, it sounds like the guy is a waste of oxygen...is there NO ONE you can go to about this?

I think there needs to be a serious look at these organizations. People pay a LOT of money for their child to have the opportunity, it shouldn't be allowed for those who bribe or manipulate to keep their kids in this system. It shows the kid that you can buy someone to get your way.

 

[MINE!!]

Date: 7/31/2005 10:08:00 PM
Author: ame
All three of us kids played select soccer and traveled with teams. I know that every single organization, at least around here, has at LEAST one ''cheating'' coach, if not everyone involved being total cheaters. There was ALWAYS played favorites and you could always tell whose parents were buddies with which coaches. My sister''s coach took bribes. Everyone knew it. It''s sad that there are parents like this. ANd sadder that they would have coaches like this. YOu are right, it sounds like the guy is a waste of oxygen...is there NO ONE you can go to about this?


I think there needs to be a serious look at these organizations. People pay a LOT of money for their child to have the opportunity, it shouldn''t be allowed for those who bribe or manipulate to keep their kids in this system. It shows the kid that you can buy someone to get your way.

Thanks again for everyones advice.

ame~I sooooo wish that I could go to someone... unfortunately, becuase of this whole mess... the big wigs are involved and have to stand behind the coach... they are buddies.. ya know.. friends for a long time... their wives lunch together.. blah blah blah. UGHHHGGH!*#&^$%@&*(!(*U&@$!*&@^#*!&@# Jerks.

I agree something should be done and a serious eye should be bestowed on some of these organizations. They ones that lose out are the kids with the real talent... the ones that benefit are too often the ones when daddy is the coach and he is scratching the back of someone on the organizations board... JERK!!!

I think that I seriously need to learn to chill.. everytime I see the coach I want to scratch his eyes out... UUGGGHHH... HE screwed my kid and every kid that loves soccer just for his benefit ( and the benefit of his spoiled daughter) It is unfortunate... ayear ago... my daughter''s soccer was my life.. I loved it... Now I loathe having to see him at practices and games.... I just want to wipe that... ok ok...

You catch my drift.....

 

[sjz]

I sort of have my own bias on this subject. My sister's kids have always played on traveling teams. Mostly because they've moved around a lot, and because they've been in private schools that didn't always have atheletic teams for the sports they wanted to play. She and her kids have run into all sorts of politics and nepotism when dealing with the coaches and other parents of the kids on the teams. They are on traveling teams for baseball, basketball, and one of them even plays on a football team. They've found that while there is a higher level of competition, it's not always the "best" of the atheletes that get to play...it's more often the kid's whose parents are friends of the coaches or can buy their way onto a team. From what my sis tells me, some of the starting players kind of suck, but their daddy's are rich and can afford to sponser the teams, or donate equipment, and one kid's dad even owns a ball diamond that they regularly play on. She just had a situation last week where one of her son's was playing in a tournament, and he was supposed to be the starting pitcher. Some other kid was pulled in as a "ringer" to pitch. Apparently, he was the younger brother of one of the other boys on the team, and some strings were pulled to get him "officially" on the team so that he could pitch in the tourney. My sis and several other parents were quite upset, and from what my sister says, a pretty big brawl broke out between some of the parents (moms included!). I don't know if my nerves OR my temper could withstand that kind of crap.

My daughter is a talented athelete. She used to play soccer, but now she concentrates on fast-pitch softball and basketball. She plays on rec teams and also plays for her school. From the experiences my daughter has had...including wonderful coaches, excellent parent support, evenly competitive teams (especially in the school sports), and most importantly FAIR treatment of the team members, we are very happy that she didn't go down the traveling team route. I've talked to some of the parents whose kids have gone on to play in high school and college, and when the kids get to that level, past experience all kind of evens out. My daughter goes to camps to build on her skills in the off season, and she works very hard. Sports has been nothing but a joy for her, and that's how we wanted it to be. My sister's kids, on the other hand, stress out all the time about things like who's dad is friends with who, not getting to start if they miss a practice, or being booted off the team if they don't play as well as someone else. I feel so bad for my nephews. This is GRADE SCHOOL SPORTS for crying out loud...they should be learning and having fun at this age. I feel that talent and ability, along with the desire and drive to work hard and make the most of that ability is what is going to take these kids far in their athletic careers...not neccesarily what team they played on when they were 10 years old.

My daughter is going into the 7th grade this year. She already knows she wants to be a vet, and is planning her life accordingly. She is also hoping to play softball and basketball at the high school and college levels. She has already been approached by the girl's basketball coach of one of the local catholic highschools asking her if she would consider going to high school there and playing on his basketball team. I kind of think it's not going to matter that she got her start playing for the Holy Cross Crusaders Middle School basketball team or the Orange Crush Rec league team.

I'm not really slamming or putting down traveling teams. I think it's just an entirely different mentality towards atheletics. One that I chose not to subject my kids OR myself to at this stage of the game. I think that you have to consider what's right for your own child (and yourself) when making the decision.

 

[MrsFrk]

Mine, it just sounds like a rotten situation. I''m so sorry. I know you just want the best for your daughter.

My cousins live in LA, their 3 kids are all competitive soccer players (side note- the youngest was in the Will Ferrell movie "Kicking and Screaming" When the oldest and his friends began looking at colleges, it became obvious that some of them just were not cut out for Division 1 soccer. For many of them, it was a rude awakening, and caused a lot of angst. I feel like some (not all, mind you!) of these kids had their hopes raised by ambitious parents who were convinced they were better than they were. It''s so all consuming and competitive that I think sometimes everyone (coaches, kids, parents) loses sight of the fact that most of these kids will not receive scholarships, and will not play professionally, and unfortunately much of the fun is drained out. My younger cousins have benefitted, and their parents are much more relaxed about the whole thing, they try to emphasize the fun part.

If your daughter is going to be unhappy about changing teams, I would probably be inclined towards leaving her where she is. But what a situation. Ugh.

 

[perry]

Traveling has its advantages and builds maturity and self confidence.

Coaches are people and some are not always fair, others are, and there are always accusations of of unfairness by some parents.

I have been an official of Whitewater Slalam canoe and kayak racing for almost 25 years; and have seen so many situations, and the same paterns repeat year after year. Truth be told - usually the parents have it wrong when they but in and accuse the coaches and officials of unfairness.

I have seen so many parents who destroy the sport for their child, and tear down their children, by their actions to "protect" or "overpromote" their children.

I''d leave your daughter on the team; even if she was being treated unfairly. She will learn from it and from the other aspects of the situation. If she sees a better oportunity she will let you know.

The sport is about your daughter and her development, not about your feelings about the coach (or an official).

Remember, even the good coaches and officials make mistakes. Everyone does - and learning to deal fairly with that situation is sometimes the best lesson that children can learn. I have on rare occasions saught out racers and appologized for a judging error I made (and we have a sport where the racer gets the benifit of the doubt if we are not sure. On those occasions the racers in question have been appreciative of my judging in general and understood how the mistake could be made - and they continued to say "hi" at future events). I have seen coaches do the same. Life is about learning, and one race or one event or even a year or so does not make or break you as a person.

As your daughter moves up in level of compitition - improper behaviour in most sports - whatever the position - tends to get washed out.

As an example: Last weekend at a national level "junior" event the coach for one of the junior teams was disqualified and removed from the event for the use of inappropriate language. Trust me, it was the talk of the race amoung all the racers; and the kids got the message (so did the other coaches). We don''t tolerate the use of foul language on the national level. It''s in the rulebook - and we enforce it (and we don''t care if you are a paddler, coach, judge, or other volunteer). I think within 2 days every coach in the sport in the US also heard about it.

In the end: Attitude of the person and their abilities will overcome any bad coaching or other issues. I''ve seen it to many times.

I''ve also seen many people who have moved on from compitition, but are such wonderfull people because of their participation and the lessons they learned.


Perry

 

[codex57]

If she''s not really gonna get a chance to improve, just stick her where she''s happy.

If she''s only in the 4th grade, isn''t she kinda young to be worried about getting her exposure? I mean, unless she''s like Freddy Adu and can play with adults, I wouldn''t worry about it too much. Once she starts playing school ball, then you can worry about the proper exposure.

In the meantime, she''s a kid. Let her be a kid and enjoy herself and play where she wants to play.