Someone else causing drama!! Advice please?

[Cassian]

ok, to bring you up to speed my wedding is less than two months away. throughout this whole planning process and engagement, i have been nothing but the anti-bridezilla. everyone is always telling how awesome i am being about everything, how low drama i and everything surrounding my wedding has been.

we have a drama queen friend. not one of my close friends, but a friend. she is younger than me, and she isn''t happy unless everything is all about her, and her life is surrounded by some kind of drama. if it isn''t, she creates her own. most of it has to do with her son''s father. they have a 2 year old son together, and she is engaged to a new guy, and her ex is engaged to another girl. her and her ex don''t get along. they are both very childish. now their crap is spilling over into my wedding.

they are both invited. they are both our friends. instead of choosing to be an adult about it, she is going around saying how if they both go, he will try to start something, and she will get pissed off, and woe is me, what''s a girl to do when her baby''s daddy gets invited to the same thing she does. they try to avoid going to get-togethers that they know the other might be at.
she is trying to drag me into all of this, and it is seriously pissing me and my fiance off.

i wrote her this steamed email where i pretty much told her off, but i don''t have the balls to send it. it is kinda harsh, but i need to do something. this is getting rediculous. any advice?

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m sorry this is happening. I obviously don''t kow what you wrote in the e-mail but it''s probably good that you haven''t sent it right away. I''d suggest you read it over a few times. Just know that if you do hit ''send,'' it might cause greater problems in terms of your friendship. This has nothing to do with you -- it''s about her and her ex boyfriend/husband. She definitely should not be dragging you into this. After all, you''re friends with both of them. I would (calmly) tell her how you feel and explain that this is your wedding day and you can not have tension on such an important day (well, not visible tension anyway). They are adults and you expect them to behave themselves. If one chooses not to go, that''s really too bad but it would (to me at least) show that they can''t put other people''s happiness ahead of their negative feelings. That wouldn''t be a sign of true friendship.

 

[Pandora II]

I have a somewhat similar situation.

FI's bestman (who is doing the best man's speech - he has 5 best men

) split up from his wife S about 2 years ago when he went off with A. I never got on well with S, but A and I have now become very close friends. S and her exhusband were always hugely incompatible and too be honest I think it was probably a good thing for both that they split up.

This would all be simple if S wasn't now dating H, who is one of my FI and her ex-husband's bestfriends (and S's sister's ex-bf!!). H is obviously invited to our wedding and so S will come too.

S has expected all our group of friends to not speak to A, and most of them haven't. I don't think there will be any big scenes, but I am worried that A will feel bad that some people won't really be speaking to her, S will be giving her looks to kill and god knows how S will react hearing ex-husband giving the speech.

I think I'm probably going to speak to all four and make sure they are all going to be okay - maybe put S near a door for the meal so that she can leave during the speeches if she feels uncomfortable.

Could you try speaking to your friend's baby's father instead, since he's also a friend - sometimes men can be more sensible about these things?

 

[Cassian]

her ex actually heard about her whole fit she is throwing and emailed me. he told me he would never do anything to disrupt my wedding day and he has every intention of being civil. he said even if there was tension, he wouldn''t let it interfere with anything regarding the wedding.

i am going to email this girl and tell her calmly and respectfully that this is unacceptable to me. i am bummed that creating this drama is more important to her than being there for me, but i am not going to let anyone interfere with my no stress wedding buzz i am on. i erased the heated email. that isn''t my style anyway. thanks for the advice.