sorry need to vent somewhere.

[aneelcon]

Ok, so I''m a grad student and I tutor part time (SATs, APs, etc.) and you can''t believe how some parents act! I know there are a lot of parents on this board and I know I come here way too often (I need to study for quals! but diamonds are just way too pretty) so i need to vent. Anyways, the SAT test is this saturday and tonight I have the last lesson with this one student. I never really liked the mother because she''s too demanding and expects too much out of me and her daughter (her emails are like book chapters). So she calls me the day of her last lesson (three days before the exam) and has a deal with my meeting time, which I set up at our last week''s meeting. Does she call me last week to deal with the time? No, she calls me today! Hello, I have other students scheduled.

I explained to her that she can''t change the time around on me the day of the lesson when the test is only a couple of days away. argghhhh. some parents don''t realize that tutors have a schedule and it doesn''t revolve around them! I guess she didn''t like my attitude, or my tone (it was a very informative one) and said "well, that''s just fine, fine, I''m just going to have to let your boss know about this". Go ahead. I''ve dealt with hundreds of students and when he hears about my side, he''s going to label you as one of those parents who expect too much and can''t commit to a schedule. Of course I didn''t say that. arrgghhhh.

Well, parents of juniors/seniors in highschool, please don''t expect too much out of your kids and coordinate the tutoring times in a timely manner. When I was tutoring in the city, I never had a problem with parents like this. Never. Now that I''m in the east bay, I''ve had at least three parents who are just way over the top. It''s usually the case of the parents'' being overachievers and the student being low-performers and the parent''s expectation is too high. arrrghhhh. Don''t expect a 1500 in two months if your student can''t even score 1000 on their SATs. Seriously.

Not only this, I''m dealing with a professor who''s going on sabbatical next year and his sidekick is stealing my thesis

!!! it''s so upsetting! I can''t wait to get out of here. Tutoring was so much fun but with parents like this, I really can''t wait to get the lesson over with. arghhhh!

 

[pqcollectibles]

I completely agree with you that the Mom is expecting too much from both you and her child.

Here's some perspective from an over scheduled Mom who's schedule changes, sometimes, in less than 24 hours. We came home Monday night from one daughter's band concert to learn the other daughter had a swim meet Tuesday afternoon. The swim meet wasn't on the original schedule. An opportunity came available to get in an extra meet and the Coach went for it.

We have 3 kids. Each child is involved in multiple things outside of school. We used to have to juggle transportation for all 3, but thankfully son drives now. Throw on top of that, orthodontist appointments, doctor's appointments, auto service appointments, and anything else that is needed, plus family things. I have a dry erase board hanging on the wall in plain view of the entire family. I post the weekly schedule for everyone. Each child is color coded and parent/family events are black. I still miss things. Even tho we go over the schedule for the week on Sunday evenings, and it's posted on the wall, I miss an appointment once in a while. Sometimes I forget to look at the board in the morning. I know 1 event in particular is scheduled for that day, and I completely forget another. I usually call, full of apologies for my lapse in memory. When I ask for a reschedule, I take whatever they have available that works within my schedule. It was my mistake, not theirs.

As far as expectations of our children,.... We expect them to honorable, decent human beings. Beyond that, we can wish for greater things but we cannot make them perform. That's a frustrating battle we tossed aside long ago. We can help them, but we can't do it for them. They have to figure out what they want to work for, how much they are willing to give, how hard they are willing to work, and we help. We guide, advise, provide opportunities, but we don't fight with them. It's their lives, not ours. They cannot live out our dreams and we cannot live vicariously thru them.

 

[aneelcon]

PQ, you're such a wise woman and you sound like a wonderful parent!! My future sil is such a busy person and I completely understand. Her schedule is packed with things on the weekend, during the week and even the nights!!!

I just had to vent about this particular family because they're situation isn't like most bustling families. Out of the seven lessons, she's called twice to change the appt last minute. The house isn't full of kids, the daughter is 17 and is the only child in that house. she didn't apologize but rather accused me of pressuring her daughter to switch times. arghhhhh. This tutoring thing was so much fun. I loved seeing the student's face light up when they get a concept. But you throw in these uncontrollable factors and it really ruins the experience.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day. This is my third day in a row breaking down over the situation here at my lab. My research advisor is leaving for one year and i'm stuck working with his side kick (another prof who's new) and after working on a project for over 2 years and finally having some data, she's slowly taking over it. it's really disheartening because I realy don't know what to do

or who to talk to about this. argghhh. she's a thief and I really don't care for her on a personal basis....when I first got to this lab, she invited me to her engagement shower via email. I thought it was junk mail because I didn't recognize the names. later I find it's from her and I'm like wow. I don't even know her. I also get invited to the wedding shower and another thing but not to the wedding. but i still give her a wedding gift. no thank-you card was ever received from her. She also had a bbq but i wasn't invited. hmmmm. good enough to buy you presents but not for your bbq??

i can't wait to graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Nicrez]

Aneelcon, I am so sorry you are so frustrated, but I think at some point we all go to the zoo after our breaking point is reached!




Know that that there are things in life you can change, and things you must not even attempt to change. You don't have the power of a super hero, and even a super hero would be too busy to enjoy their lives, if they tried to make everything work well. The most important thing in your life is that each day you are healthy and happy.




Happiness is not always having things go your way, but accepting them and being OK with them. This new teacher is just a bad personal contact to have, so being stressed over her is worthless. Let it go. Enjoy the things in life you CAN control. Like what you eat, whom you spend your free time with, what you do with that free time.




I have to say I used to get so keyed up over things I couldn't control, and I got so stressed out I suffered from a bad back because of it and it just got worse from stress...Believe it or not, calming yourself and breathing properly with long deep breaths has helped me realize that most people around me indeed ARE idiots, but I would be the idiot to let them ruin my day(s)...




We don't always get much time with those we love and to be the person we want to be, but we should take advantage of that time and just ignore most of those idiots. I realize no one can irritate you unless you let them. Consequence of these parents calling you last minute. If you can accomodate them, OK, but if not, say no and just establish your limits, let them know that, DONE. Do you best with their children, and it's up to them to appreciate it. If they are "impossible people" I can assure you they are suffering more over it that you. My sister is "impossible" and she's so miserable that no one can ever do anything right like she can. It's her cross to carry, she's always agitated. Me, I don't care anymore. But when it's important I exercise what power I have, and the rest leave it to fate. When you surrender, there is so much less stress!!!




Good luck and if this lady does it again, give me her address...

 

[fire&ice]

aneelcon, your present situation is exactly why I could not teach. The kids are great - yep, very rewarding. But, at the time, I was incapable of dealing with the crap from the parents. I don't offer any advice. I just feel your pain. Well, I can offer a little advice. Focus on the kids. The subterfuge surrounding your mission isn't your mission. Good luck.

PQ, whenever you talk about your kids & family, you have such a steel resolve calm & sane quality about you. From your posts, I can only imagine that you are an awesome parent.

 

[pqcollectibles]

----------------
On 3/26/2004 9:37:02 AM fire&ice wrote:

aneelcon, your present situation is exactly why I could not teach. The kids are great - yep, very rewarding. But, at the time, I was incapable of dealing with the crap from the parents. I don't offer any advice. I just feel your pain. Well, I can offer a little advice. Focus on the kids. The subterfuge surrounding your mission isn't your mission. Good luck.

PQ, whenever you talk about your kids & family, you have such a steel resolve calm & sane quality about you. From your posts, I can only imagine that you are an awesome parent. ----------------

I second that F&I. I used to Tutor and Substitute. There is nothing like seeing the light bulb go on in a kid's eyes when they "get it". I didn't deal much with parent issues, tho. As a Sub, you're here today, or for a few weeks, and then you're gone. I Tutored thru an agency. I worked with the kids, but someone else handled scheduling. I've heard about the problems from my own kids' teachers. When I have an issue to discuss, how other parents handle things usually comes up. I don't think my kids are Saints while other parents do. I don't think every problem my child has is the Teacher's fault while other parents do. On and on.

I could only wish to be "an awesome parent". Parenting is hard work and we work hard to do a good job. We may not always be right, but we work at it.

Ance-
You are going thru what I call a "Soap Opera" period in your life. There are times in life when crisis seems to find us every where we turn. No matter what you do, life is throwing you curve balls. While the times are trying now, you are getting prepared for the future. You are learning lessons now that will help in other situations down the road.

Everyone has been there having crass people in their lives. Good enough to get a gift from but not good enough to socialize with. Everyone encounters "Takers" in life and each one has to be handled differently.

Chin up! This too shall pass!! And you will be on to the next great adventure in life!!!

 

[aneelcon]

Wow you guys. You are so awesome. I wish you lived here on the west coast so we could do a little get together. Mara has one planned for the bay area folks.

You know, there are so many good parents out there (like PQ) who are wonderful to work WITH. I love working with parents and letting them understand some of the issues that I notice with their child. I've grown very close to some parents and there's this one mom I would like to take out to lunch/dinner one of these days. She's absolutely awesome. She's a physician at UCSF, has an MD and PhD and has the brightest kids.

I have to remember the good side to this tutoring thing because that's why I'm doing it. It's not a necessity but my outlet to the seriousness of my schoolwork. thanks everyone for letting me vent. I'm glad that everyone can give me great advice.

thanks

 

[Patty]

I think you should tell that mother that her child isn't very bright and will never get a good SAT score. She should encourage her to apply at McDonald's.

 

[LadyJ]

I TOTALLY know what you are talking about!!! I used to tutor middle school kids and I worked at an after school program. The parents could be very disagreeable at times. Either they expected way too much of their kids or they did not expect enough. I would have kids act horribly and be disrespectful at times and when the parents were approached they would not want to believe that their child is capable of something like that.

Then you have the parents that want their kids in cheerleading, gymnastics, ballet and still expect them to finish all their homework and school projects on time while pulling straight A's.

I used to have kids that were literally stressed out because they did not have their homework done and they had to leave to go to football practice or ballet.. ect. Sad. Kids should not have to be in that position.

On that note my daughter just won Scholar of the Month at her school for reading and writing.

I am very proud of her. She's 6. I guess all that reading we do together is paying off.


Maybe you should not tutor this child anymore. It sounds like the mother is too demanding to me. Her expectations are not realistic. Who needs that kind of stress???