Spontaneous personality attempts to plan huge formal wedding...

[meresal]

Anyone else?! It's been 304 days of planning, since August 4th 2008, and I have finally reached my "JUST GET HERE ALREADY" point!

51 days away, and I'm ready for the Honeymoon. I say we should have eloped, but I know we would both be upset later in life about not taking the opportunity when we had the chance. I have noticed that FI and I's relationship has changed alot because of wedding planning. Not in a worse way, just a different way, that isn't "us".

I'm irritable, he's quiet (fear of my irritability I'm sure

). We still laugh and have a great time, but if I actually think back to how everything used to be so care-free, I realize our relationship is not what it should/can be.
I think I'm starting to realize the actual point of a honeymoon. It's to get back to normal.

Anyone else notice things that changed/have changed while planning your wedding? and those that are already married, did you feel that sense of relief after it was over?

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 6/4/2009 12:25:56 PM
Author:meresal

I think I''m starting to realize the actual point of a honeymoon. It''s to get back to normal.

That is exactly what honeymoons are for IMHO. It''s to reconnect after months of focusing solely on the wedding!

Anyone else notice things that changed/have changed while planning your wedding? and those that are already married, did you feel that sense of relief after it was over?

When we were planning, we argued a lot. Neither of us wanted the wedding that we were planning but we also didn''t want to break that news to the other person. In my mind I thought he wanted a bigger wedding so that he can invite his small family and all of his close friends. In his mind he thought I wanted the bigger wedding because, well, I''m a girl

. The big blowout happened after arguing over chivalry chairs when we both realized that we weren''t happy with the way things were going (don''t tell anyone but the makeup to that argument resulted in my bundle of joy

).

We had a rare opportunity in that we were forced to take a step back and re-evaluate. When we start planning again, things will go much more smoothly. ::crossing fingers::

 

[rhbgirl24]

Oh Oh Oh! Same here! There is so much stress with the planning, and have to have this done, and this done, and this done.............. urg. We''ve been planning since last summer and I still have 5 months until the wedding.

It has absolutely changed us - instead of our free time being enjoying each other, there is normally a wedding planning something crammed in there! The same way as you. We can both be irritable. We are so ready just to be able to enjoy the fruits of our labor, you know?

I think thats normal!

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/4/2009 12:43:43 PM
Author: fiery

When we were planning, we argued a lot. Neither of us wanted the wedding that we were planning but we also didn't want to break that news to the other person. In my mind I thought he wanted a bigger wedding so that he can invite his small family and all of his close friends. In his mind he thought I wanted the bigger wedding because, well, I'm a girl

. The big blowout happened after arguing over chivalry chairs when we both realized that we weren't happy with the way things were going (don't tell anyone but the makeup to that argument resulted in my bundle of joy

).

We had a rare opportunity in that we were forced to take a step back and re-evaluate. When we start planning again, things will go much more smoothly. ::crossing fingers::

LOL! Glad to be in the know

I would imagine that getting a "test run" at the whole process is what a lot of couples wish they could do.

rhbgirl- It's good to know there are others out there! And you're planning longer than I am. Yeesh. FI wanted the wedding to be in Spring 2010, and now is so glad that I told him it needed to be earlier. I seriously couldn't imagine doing all this stuff for another year.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 6/4/2009 12:43:43 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 6/4/2009 12:25:56 PM
When we were planning, we argued a lot. Neither of us wanted the wedding that we were planning but we also didn''t want to break that news to the other person.

The part I highlighted is exactly what FI and I went through prior to deciding to down-size it and move it up. We were both too afraid to admit to ourselves and each other that we didn''t want a big wedding.

Mer- You''ll get there and your wedding will be FABULOUS. I don''t think that you will be disappointed in it and that you will find that it was all worth it in the end.

 

[mel047]

I read this, laughed out loud to myself, and wanted to scream a big Amen!

Neither one of us wanted to have a huge wedding. FI wanted to have a small wedding with family and a few close friends. I wanted to either elope or have a very very small destination wedding. While by most people''s standards our wedding is small (130 guests), I find wedding planning absolutely ridiculous. It''s crazy how many people want to have an opinion about it. Plus, most women expected you to be super duper excited about IMHO lots of stupid pidly stuff.

Lucky, FI is very understand and knows I love him, want to marry him, and can''t wait for the honeymoon. Plus, it feels like we spend so much time planning stuff together, that we really never get a chance to simply enjoy one another''s company...

Anyhow, hang in there ladies... Luckily I only have a few weeks left...

 

[diamondseeker2006]

This is precisely why I do not favor long engagements.

Six months or so is about enough stress, I think!

 

[bee*]

I''ve enjoyed the planning so far and we''ve been engaged 19 months at this stage, with only two weeks to go. I think D and I have been way too relaxed about the whole thing so we only do wedding things about once every two weeks and the rest of the time we''ve been acting as normal. We''re both happy with the way things have turned out, although we still have plenty to do in the next two weeks so I''d say that we''ll be glad of the honeymoon once they''re over.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My fiance is pretty hands off with wedding planning, which is ironic because he's the one insisting on the big ol' Catholic wedding. I personally wanted to elope. But since we're doing a wedding, and he's pretty bad with details and remembering to do things, the majority of the planning falls on me, despite it being in his hometown at his church and mostly with his family in attendance. I try not to dwell on this, lol.

I actually have enjoyed a lot of the planning, especially the crafty DIY things I've been able to do. But I'll enjoy all this planning being done even more! I am definitely more excited for the honeymoon than the wedding ceremony. Although I'm also excited about the reception and seeing a lot of old college friends.

Can't say the planning has changed our relationship much, aside from me further realizing how bad his short term memory is, lol. I find it odd that he's insistent on a wedding, yet so apathetic about planning it. If there was a "wedding-in-a-box", ikea type event that you could buy, he would totally go for that, haha. It kind of makes me realize how different we are in terms of how we see ourselves reflected in the wedding. I want the wedding to be fun ,memorable, personal, and something I can take pride in putting together. He just wants it to occur

 

[elrohwen]

Our relationship has been totally normal except for one little wedding related thing:
My job has been ridiculously stressful (a psycho manager trying to get you fired, while HR says you absolutely should not be fired, will do that to ya) and I''m really down on wedding planning. Almost everything is planned really, but I''m starting to stress because we haven''t found an officiant yet. We''re not religious and aren''t too picky, but I know I need to get moving on this before everybody is booked up (I have a little less than 4 months to go). I know I know I need to do this, but I''m stressed and wish FI would just get it together and do it. Very frustrating. I can''t blame him too much because I''m procrastinating too, but I wish he would step up and just do this and it frustrates me. I also remind myself that he gets fairly nervous talking to people on the phone (other than me, his mom, sister, etc) so this is just something that I need to do. He has been a huge help and this is probably the one thing that he can''t help on.

However, this issue has only come up once or twice over the past few months, so it in no way affects our relationship. I just thought I''d bring it up since that''s the point of the thread and I feel like complaining

I think I''m just so stressed out about work that I don''t have any stress left to put towards the wedding! Being more stressed out would probably get my butt in gear.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 6/4/2009 1:11:21 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
This is precisely why I do not favor long engagements.

Six months or so is about enough stress, I think!

YES! I agree. Fiance was the one who didn''t think he wanted to ever get married before he met me (now, we started dating over 12 years ago.......) and now that we are planning he has an opinion on EVERYTHING! Don''t get me wrong, I love him, and want him a part of everything, but in my head I figured I would have to do everything, so I already had my mind made up with some stuff. Then throw him in, and everything - in my head - has to be redone. lol

So far its making for a much more "us" wedding, and geez, some of the things he wants are BETTER than my ideas. But it caused A LOT of stress and fighting in the beginning.

Oh well. ha!

 

[doodle]

I think DH and I might be the oddballs with wedding planning because it actually brought us closer together. I love anything wedding related, so I didn''t get stressed out with the actual planning, and since he knew I had the major stuff covered, it wasn''t stressful for him, and he felt more inclined to handle the stuff I passed his way because he knew I was handling the stuff he didn''t even remotely want to have to worry about. I think that''s the most I''ve ever said "stuff" in my whole life, and all in one sentence--oh duhduhduhdear! On the other hand, my wedding pretty much completely destroyed my relationship with my best friend since the third grade, and we''ve only spoken once or twice since the wedding, which was last October. Something I found really helpful was assigning nights--one night of the week, we''d go out to dinner and wedding talk was definitely on the menu, so we''d figure out anything wedding-related that needed to be discussed then. We also had a night per week that was wedding-talk forbidden. I think I called him a groomzilla once throughout the whole thing because I had been asking him what he thought about something, he said he didn''t care, then when I picked something, he decided he wanted something else, so I told him he was an indecisive groomzilla, haha!

 

[meresal]

I''m glad to hear that there are quite a few that haven''t had this issue!! And seriously looking over this thread, I am so suprised to see how close some of you are... bee* and Clairtek!!! (mel, you too!!)

MTG: I think we are in the same position. FI actually apologized today for wanting a big wedding. LOL!! "Wedding in a Box", Now THERE''S an idea!!

elrowhen- I hear you on the stressful job. I hope it gets better!

doodle- The one-night-a-week thing was our original idea, then the hurricane hit, and I had to temporarily move to another city. That was right in the heart of getting everything booked. He did give lots of input. Now is all the details, and I''m the one with the Type A "issue".

 

[AmberGretchen]

OMG I was so ready for it to be over by the time it arrived. And I have never been so relaxed and happy as I was on the mini honeymoon DH and I went on right after the wedding

 

[ilovesparkles]

I am only one month in, and am shocked at how into the wedding planning H is! He wants to know everything and help and give his opinion on everything! Overall he goes with my ideas and we tweak them to his liking. But he is totally into everything right down to the color and style of the bridal bouquet!

I have noticed that some nights after some big things, I am more irritable. But I think that is just my personality. After a bad day at work, I am the same way. This thread was really awesome to read through tho. It really gave me some perspective and ideas!

 

[ladypirate]

Aww, *hugs*! I''m sure that the wedding will be wonderful and you''ll forget all about the horrible stress that led up to it. Kind of like having a kid makes you forget how painful labor was? (Or at least that''s what I hear).

 

[Blair138]

I''m ready! I am stressed because of work and I am currently taking class for my Master''s along with the wedding. It had SUCKED. I feel so bad because I am so irritable and FI just goes along with it. I cannot WAIT to be married and be normal! I just want to be done with the planning and see it all pay off! Only 37 more days!!!

 

[princessplease]

FI is not too involved, actually. We picked out our photog, reception and ceremony site, wedding bands, and all that stuff already. I''m trying to get as much as I can done now so I don''t have too much stress come school time. Luckily, FI and I are both pretty laid back and we have the same styles, so we are picking out the same stuff and agreeing on the same stuff.

 

[musincy]

Mer- I''m feeling completely the same way. Stressed and ready for the honeymoon! I know we''ll love our wedding day, but I wonder if 13 months was a little too long of an engagement...
I actually was hitting this point when you were having your invitation issue, and I remember thinking "Uh oh, she''s almost there too!!"

 

[Dannielle]

We don''t have a whole lot of momentum in regards to planning but I can see some problems when we really start to get organised.

FI is usually quite an irritable person, he gets very easily aggitated and I think that the ''stress'' of planning is just going to set him off. We have already decided that when things get to much he is just going to call a time out.. and we will come back to planning when he calms down.


ETA: This makes him sound horrible.. he isn''t, he is just a cranky pants