Starting a new relationship in your mid-late 20s

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Hi everyone! I've been a part of the LIW in the past, but the relationship didn't work out, and so it was back to square one for me. I love this forum so much, I was even lurking when I was single! I'm in a new relationship now and am so happy with my new guy. There have been a couple of threads about when the right time to talk about marriage, and how it might be related to age. My question to you all is related to that.

For some background - I am 25 and my bf is 28. We've been together for 4 months, and he has never been in a serious relationship before. This is the closest he has felt to something that works well for him, and he's very optimistic (as am I) that things are headed in a very good direction. We can openly talk about anything, including marriage. We have not seriously talked about marriage to each other, but talk about what we're looking for, what we're afraid of, and joke around about being with one person for the rest of our lives. Recently though, we've been talking more about what it would be like to live with each other and where we want to live, and getting engaged. He's shared that he sees engagement as a guy's last attempt at the "chase" and wants it to be completely spontaneous and unpredictable. I disagreed - mostly because I told him I am very picky about rings, and that I believe a couple should at least have a serious talk about getting engaged and whether both parties are ready for it. He said that I would have to show him what kind of engagement ring I would like so he could work on it himself and still be able to surprise me with a proposal.

I shared with him some Chinese wedding traditions and he's talked about what Evangelical weddings are like (he grew up religious but became an atheist, and his mother is very religious). Almost all of it has been casual, and I don't think I'm quite ready to seriously talk about engagement and marriage

Now my question is: is this normal in a relationship for couples in their mid-late 20s? Compared to my last relationship, marriage did not come up at all until we were together for almost 5 years and we were very serious about whether we were ready for it. But in this new relationship, we started talking about it very early, and it seems both serious and hypothetical at the same time. It seems like timelines do shift a little with age, and if we did end up living together and things continued to go well for us, I would happily marry him. We both do want to be married someday, not necessarily with each other if it's not right, but we're no longer in the stage of our lives where casual dating is something we're looking for. But I would hate to feel led on, and that while I might see this as leading to a more serious discussion about marriage, he just talks about it like it's any other normal topic couples have conversations about.

Any thoughts or experiences with this are greatly appreciated, thanks!!

 

[mogster]

I can relate to how you're feeling. My current relationship is the first real relationship I've been in. From movies and magazine articles and dating websites and talking to people, my impression was that guys never wanted to get married and getting a proposal out of them was like pulling teeth. And then I met my fiance. I told him that I liked to look at model homes for fun because I liked seeing the architecture of different homes, which led to us talking about buying a home, which led to us talking about buying a home together, which led to us talking about marriage less than a year after we started dating. It was all very natural and it was the direction in which he wanted the relationship to head as well. I never once felt neurotic or needy or on eggshells when the topic came up. With that said, I think it's a totally normal discussion to have early on in the relationship given the other person feels the same way. Because he can talk about marriage comfortably doesn't mean that he's leading you on.

 

[LaraOnline]

Hi there!
I'm glad you are having a nice time with your guy. Imho, it could be a good sign that he has not really been that serious with other women...my husband was the type that kind of 'kept his distance' before me, and in my experience he has proved to be a very sincere fellow.

If your man is happy to talk about marriage - even in a very general way - I would take that as a very good sign indeed.
As you're already in the relationship, you can't really worry at this stage about the possibility of getting 'scammed' or disappointed. Although I guess you should try to be constructive and clear within yourself about whether YOU honestly wish to marry HIM!

I am constantly surprised on this board by the apparent willingness of US men to engage in quite deep ongoing discussion regarding proposals, weddings and all the details. In my community (semi-rural Australia) this just would not go down.
So from my perspective I wouldn't keep on with detailed discussions about the nitty gritty of the ideal wedding...until I've got a proposal, anyway.
And as he's said he'd like to keep THAT a surprise, I would try and keep mum about the whole thing. You've already had a discussion about it. You know he's not 'anti-marriage'.
You may find it happens sooner rather than later!

As a fellow PS-er though, I think it's only fair you get him clear on the ring haha. As in: you get to pick? Again, there seems a much stronger cultural imperative where you live. My husband proposed without a ring - it was more like a 'conversation from the blue' (in a beautiful scenic setting); we went home and called our parents. The ring came three months later (when I had made my choice from within my teensy budget).

All the best to you!

ETA: and yes, I have found that a little further on in life, things can move much more quickly, if the person is right. My proposal came after three months of blissful romance! No LIW-itis necessary! (a big thing for me, I am inclined to get pretty 'hung up'.
In fact, I wasn't even sure he wasn't joking me around! He had to ask me if I was going to answer...I actually had this dreadful thought that perhaps he was 'pulling my leg'?! But he wasn't. He was 34, I had just turned 31.

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

Hi sweetpea&babycorn !

I was in your exact position last year. I was in a 5 year relationship (from 19-24 for me and from 23-28 for him) and it just seemed like he wasn't ready to go through with a proposal and marriage, so I broke it off. I met an amazing guy through my nursing school friends and this was his FIRST relationship (believe it or not) and we talked about marriage early on in the relationship at around 4 months just because we were both in that stage, he had his degree and career and I was almost done with my nursing degree. We got engaged a year after the first marriage talk and are about to get legally married this April Our 2 year anniversary. So I believe honestly it does shift IF the guy is in the right position at this time of life.

 

[chemgirl]

I think its fairly normal for a couple in their mid to late twenties to talk about marriage and the future more than a younger couple. At least that's how it was for me. We started talking about it casually a few months in to dating. Just basics about how we saw our futures, kids, views on marriage, where we see ourselves living etc. We didn't want to waste time building something with someone who wouldn't be at least a candidate for marriage.

I had a longterm boyfriend before dating my husband and we did talk about these things, but only after several years of dating. It seems like things went a lot faster when I was older. Makes sense though since you have a better idea of what you're looking for, who you are, and what you want in life compared to your 20 year old self.

 

[madelise]

Now my question is: is this normal in a relationship for couples in their mid-late 20s?

Yup. The age difference, the 'position' in where you are along with schooling/finances, they all factor in.
And I also think the fact that you just had a prior experience in dealing with "losing all those years" with someone who didn't view matrimony the same way as you, might nudge you to talk about it more early to ensure you're not "wasting more time" with another one. and to bring it up early, i think, has a lot to do with the casual tone of it.

I went through something similar. Spent my late teens - early twenties with someone in his mid twenties. Never talked future. Never talked marriage. Finally brought it up 3 years later, not that I was holding it in or anything, but because it'd be 3 years, and I wanted to know where this was heading, and future plans, whatnot. The kid tells me he's not ready to think marriage. TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! Hell, the idiot fricken proposed to me WITHOUT A RING, at my house crying, when he begged for me back. What an idiot

3 months later (YES! THAT FAST), I was with my now BF, and HE was the one to bring it up to me! Within our first few weeks, I think! He knew I felt almost as if I'd "wasted" the past 3 years, and wanted to talk about it ASAP. That way we have little "goals" as to where our relationship goes. Like an itinerary? LOL. But at least I know it's on his mind. And not some "taboo" thing. Relationships are supposed to be honest. So I don't see why people get nervous or "creeped out" about talking about the future. If a couple has no intentions on keeping the relationship forever, why have the relationship to begin with?

 

[JulieN]

I don't think talking about marriage/future early on is weird, and I don't think /not/ talking about it either is weird. Some people are just dreamers and like to think about the future. Some people talk about whatever is in their heads.

I was 25 and my bf 24, we said we could imagine being a family and having kids together before we started dating. It's been 6 months now. We talk about marriage/engagement about once a month... I plan on it being in 1.5 years, and he plans on it being like in 2.5 years.

 

[gem_anemone]

I think age plays a factor, but I also think maturity level and life goals play into it. I had been in several long relationships since I was 16 up until the time I met my fiance. I'm 31 now. Marriage was never even brought up with any of my long term boyfriends until I was 26 or 27. Basically I was in no position to make that kind of decision emotionally or financially until then. Marriage was brought up briefly during two of my relationships before I met FI and as a result those relationships deteriorated quickly. I was (thankfully ) not on the same page as either of them. I learned from those mistakes that it is actually a good thing to discuss marriage early on because then you are not wasting the other person's time if you find yourself admitting that you would never marry them or you realize that your timelines for when (and if) you'd like to be married don't match up.

My fiance and I talked about what we wanted in marriage and life right from the start of dating. He understood that since I was late 20s that it was wrong to string me along without at least discussing the possibility of marriage. We were lucky enough at that point to know what we wanted in a relationship and that we could get it from being with each other!

 

[MissStepcut]

I think the sorts of conversations you're talking about are pretty common early in the relationship in those age ranges, but with a caveat: I think men sometimes engage when they're still in the "glow" or "honeymoon period" but then slow down and back off again. I think you'll hear that story a lot on these boards, and I know I see it in my personal life too. Maybe some people feel safe talking about the next steps for the relationship when it's too soon for that conversation to build serious expectations?

 

[audball]

I agree with the PPs. My situation is a lot like yours sweetpea. I was in a relationship with my guy for nearly 6 years. Aged (almost) 19-(almost) 25. We were a terrible match. Never made it to engagement. I knew at about year 2 that I wouldn't be marrying that guy and for some reason didn't break it off. My whole story/thread is around here somewhere, but the point is that when I met someone at school who was a good match (as friends) and we began talking (online) regularly, I knew the situation I was in wasn't 'right'. We broke it off in mid-June. I got my own place, and am all set up. Started dating the guy I talked to online about a month after the breakup. This weekend will be 6 months. It has been so incredibly EASY to be with him. We have so much in common and get along fabulously. We're the same age (25) and have already openly talked about marriage/our expectations/the future/kid(s)/where we may like to live, etc. And it's easy, it's not forced. He was actually the one to bring it up first. He knew from many of my pre-break up conversations with him, that marriage is something that I want. I'd also told him that while I would definitely live with someone again, I wouldn't do so until some serious talks about the future had happened, and have some agreements on the table about timelines, etc. That I didn't want to live with someone again indefinitely without commitment, and that, to me, living together needed to be a step towards marriage and that (ideally) I'd like to see a proposal by the end of the first year of living together with someone again.

The first time it came up was one weekend after we'd only be dating a few months. He was over, we'd made dinner, and we're going to watch some tv. I'd opened my DVR que and had some of my girly shows (Say Yes to the Dress, Rich Bride Poor Bride, etc) and he asked something about what kind of dress I'd like to wear. And he asked lots of questions about place, number of people, time of year, etc. And told me that everything I said sounds wonderful. It was shocking, but nice to hear. We've recently discussed moving in together next year. I reminded him of what that meant to me and that if he wanted to talk about it, he needed to be ready to have some serious discussions come Spring. He said he'd like to talk about it.

Ultimately, the answer is yes. I think after you've had a few long term realtionships, figured out what you want/don't want in a person, and you're older and more ready to mentally make those types of decisions, that these discussions happen, and happen sooner. I know first hand, as many of you also do, what it feels like to have 'wasted your time' with something that wasn't going anywhere and it's nice to know going in that marriage is something you both want...eventually. If it helps, my BF also has never been in a serious relationship before. And as advised on my old thread when I was breaking up with the exBF, he's an engineer who apparently are much more likely to settle down.

 

[tammy77]

Little threadjack: Audball, I am SOOOOO happy to read your awesome update!

OP: The short answer is yes, with exceptions. When I met my now ex-DH at age 20, I was married way before the honeymoon phase wore off (within a year). When I met my now-and-forever-DH at 31 I knew right away that he was right for me in my gut, but my brain was in control for a LONG time and I just couldn't let him in completely until I'd known him for a while. As time went on we only got closer vs. further apart. Once those walls crumbled though (about a year into knowing him long distance when we met for the first time in person) that was IT for both of us. He moved from NY to CA to live with me as soon as financially possible and we were engaged 7 months later, married 14 months after that. All that said, we absolutely knew we wanted to marry each other before he had moved out here. The only reasons we waited were because we both strongly believe that living together before saying "I do" is important and financially we needed to get some things ironed out.

Anyhow, sorry for the ramble. Good luck!

 

[audball]

Little threadjack: Audball, I am SOOOOO happy to read your awesome update!
OP: The short answer is yes, with exceptions. When I met my now ex-DH at age 20, I was married way before the honeymoon phase wore off (within a year). When I met my now-and-forever-DH at 31 I knew right away that he was right for me in my gut, but my brain was in control for a LONG time and I just couldn't let him in completely until I'd known him for a while. As time went on we only got closer vs. further apart. Once those walls crumbled though (about a year into knowing him long distance when we met for the first time in person) that was IT for both of us. He moved from NY to CA to live with me as soon as financially possible and we were engaged 7 months later, married 14 months after that. All that said, we absolutely knew we wanted to marry each other before he had moved out here. The only reasons we waited were because we both strongly believe that living together before saying "I do" is important and financially we needed to get some things ironed out.

Anyhow, sorry for the ramble. Good luck!

Thanks tammy! I updated my thread awhile back about the going ons in my life. Thank you for all of yoru support over the last (almost) year!

End threadjack -- sorry sweetpea!

 

[madelise]

he's an engineer who apparently are much more likely to settle down.

while i was working in a hospital, a lot of the staff were dating doctors or soon-to-be-doctors. i remember after listening to a bunch of women gripe about their 'horrible exes' that one of them said, "that's why you date an engineer. they don't have the excuses to be leaving at 2am to 'visit patients'". funny. my now SO is an engineer

but it wasn't done on purpose, haha. just. an off thought

 

[audball]

he's an engineer who apparently are much more likely to settle down.

while i was working in a hospital, a lot of the staff were dating doctors or soon-to-be-doctors. i remember after listening to a bunch of women gripe about their 'horrible exes' that one of them said, "that's why you date an engineer. they don't have the excuses to be leaving at 2am to 'visit patients'". funny. my now SO is an engineer

but it wasn't done on purpose, haha. just. an off thought

Haha, that's so funny! But it does seem true. The engineers are much more likely to be introverts, subdued, quiet, homebody, family type people that want to find someone they're compatible with, and STOP looking.

 

[Amys Bling]

just wanted to say that I am happy you are moving on and that your are happy and things are working out

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Thank you guys, this is really great insight!! I feel so much better. Don't get me wrong, I love my bf very much, but I can overthink a lot of things and in a free moment in my head, I was like, waaaait a minute, are things moving too fast!? I certainly don't feel like we are rushing into anything, and I learned a lot from my past relationship that I'll carry into my new one.

It's really great to know that so many of you had similar experiences of a long term relationship that went caput and then a new one that was much happier and was going places. I was almost ready to give up, and I went on our first date with no expectations, decided to just put everything I had out there, and we just had so much fun. I'm so glad that everyone else has had positive experiences moving on (maybe not in the beginning but time heals a lot).

I work in medicine (well, working on it, I am a 2nd year med student), and my bf is so supportive. I was beginning to think that my prospects would be limited to other doctors, because very few understand (and tolerate) the time commitment that comes with building a career in medicine! My ex was a software engineer/computer scientist and he was very much what you are all describing - he is a great guy, but our communication was so off because he closed himself off so much and was really good about being in denial about a lot of our problems. My current bf is a psychologist so talking and listening is his expertise! He also went through four years of post-graduate work, so he understands how tough it can be. I think we are very lucky to have each other.

Hopefully in the near future I can add myself to the LIW list, and start to bombard my bf with all the stuff he needs to make a smart choice about rings (without driving him up a wall, but I'm not sure if that's possible

 

[chemgirl]

he's an engineer who apparently are much more likely to settle down.

while i was working in a hospital, a lot of the staff were dating doctors or soon-to-be-doctors. i remember after listening to a bunch of women gripe about their 'horrible exes' that one of them said, "that's why you date an engineer. they don't have the excuses to be leaving at 2am to 'visit patients'". funny. my now SO is an engineer

but it wasn't done on purpose, haha. just. an off thought

Haha, that's so funny! But it does seem true. The engineers are much more likely to be introverts, subdued, quiet, homebody, family type people that want to find someone they're compatible with, and STOP looking.

DH and I are both engineers so I'll have to agree!

 

[madelise]

threadjack again, so sorry, AUDBALL, is the AUD part of your sn meaning you're an AuD??

 

[audball]

threadjack again, so sorry, AUDBALL, is the AUD part of your sn meaning you're an AuD??

That WAS the plan. I did my (first) undergrad degree in Communication Sciences and Disorders with a concentration in Speech, Language, and Hearing. During my clinic semester, I primarily shadowed in the Audiology clinic and knew that was my preference over Specch Pathology. I applied to the AuD program and was one of only 12 students accepted my year. The cost of attendance frightened me terribly (estimate was 6 figures for all 4 years) and they don't permit you to work (at least at this school). My then job couldn't bear the thought of losing me and offered me a full time position to stay with the university and work. I was so torn that I decided to defer my admission for a year and take the job to see if it's really what I wanted to do and to save up some money in the meantime. Well, my job started talking promotions and also came with tuition waivers to go back to school on a part time basis. At the end of the year I still couldn't stomach the cost of the AuD program so I declined my admission, accepted the promotion and am back in school for accounting (what I do at work). It was a big change and sometimes I regret not going to the program, but when I think about how I'll finish this next degree the same time I would have been finishing the AuD, with $0 student loan debt and an already good job (that will come with another promotion at graduation), I think I made the right choice. I've been on PS since 2008 and clearly a lot has changed in the last several years, but I love my screen name too much to change it.

Sorry for an additional threadjack sweetpea!

 

[audball]

Sweetpea - are you a trade member? I never noticed before but your posts are all marked 'trade member' now. What do you do? I don't remember that from before!

 

[madelise]

Sorry for an additional threadjack sweetpea!

and again!

OH!! I'm glad things worked out for you . I'm currently doing my undergraduate at the moment. I've seen your SN around 19821892 times and never connected the two until yesterday's "first day", where the prof had his name and degrees written on the screen while i was simultaneously browsing PS. *DING DING* rang a bell. Yeah, most programs around here are FT basis only, and don't allow you to work, either. I'm crossing my fingers to get into an in-state school, at least, and just pretend to be oblivious as I rack up student debt.

 

[audball]

Sorry for an additional threadjack sweetpea!

and again!

OH!! I'm glad things worked out for you . I'm currently doing my undergraduate at the moment. I've seen your SN around 19821892 times and never connected the two until yesterday's "first day", where the prof had his name and degrees written on the screen while i was simultaneously browsing PS. *DING DING* rang a bell. Yeah, most programs around here are FT basis only, and don't allow you to work, either. I'm crossing my fingers to get into an in-state school, at least, and just pretend to be oblivious as I rack up student debt.

Awesome. I started a new thread so we can actually stop threadjacking, haha. Talk to you over there...

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

hahaha, not a problem, it's a great way for me to catch up on your story, Audball! It's so nice to hear that you're in a good place. Feels good, doesn't it?!?!

I am NOT a trade member... to be honest I'm not sure how that even ended up there. Maybe I've been on PS too long, and the mods got confused!

 

[audball]

hahaha, not a problem, it's a great way for me to catch up on your story, Audball! It's so nice to hear that you're in a good place. Feels good, doesn't it?!?!

I am NOT a trade member... to be honest I'm not sure how that even ended up there. Maybe I've been on PS too long, and the mods got confused!

Thanks for understanding! It is good to hear that you are also back on your feet and doing well. It really does feel good

Hmm...the trade member thing has happened to other posters after the conversion to PS2 as well. Maybe message the mods and get them to look into it? You certainly don't want to be caught giving advice to new posters in Rocky Talk or something and get flagged for giving biased opinions as a "trade member" when you're not.

As for the ring and your particulars...how will you ever design something you love more the your modified JBEG Julia Cushion Bezel? It was TDF. What happened with the ring after the engagement broke off? Do you still have it? Does he?

It'll be tricky for sure especially seeing as how new BF seems to want to go the full on surprise route.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Thanks for understanding! It is good to hear that you are also back on your feet and doing well. It really does feel good

Hmm...the trade member thing has happened to other posters after the conversion to PS2 as well. Maybe message the mods and get them to look into it? You certainly don't want to be caught giving advice to new posters in Rocky Talk or something and get flagged for giving biased opinions as a "trade member" when you're not.

As for the ring and your particulars...how will you ever design something you love more the your modified JBEG Julia Cushion Bezel? It was TDF. What happened with the ring after the engagement broke off? Do you still have it? Does he?

It'll be tricky for sure especially seeing as how new BF seems to want to go the full on surprise route.

That's a really good point!!! I will get in touch with the mods as soon as possible. I usually don't visit RT too often (mostly b/c I will get sucked into thinking about diamonds myself!) but it's a good thing to clear a false label.

And regarding a new ring... I've thought about that too!! Thank you for the wonderful compliment - I loved loved loved my Julia, and my cushion, but I think that also made me feel even worse when I wore it and looked at it because it was not at all representative of the relationship for which I had the ring. I had even purchased a wedding ring that sat flush with it. The ring is with my ex-fiance - he wanted me to keep it to sell so I could have some money for school, rent, etc. But it didn't feel right to me. My wedding ring is also with him - to be honest, I've been wondering how OK it would be to use it as my official wedding ring for when I do get married. From there I started thinking about what kind of engagement ring would go with it. My current bf earns half what my ex-fiance made, so getting a stone of similar size and going the custom route isn't likely which is totally fine! My preferred style have been fluctuating since the split, and right now I'm leaning towards a classic RB solitaire - I've fallen in love with the Vatche Royal Crown solitaire and JA Platinum Pave Cathedral with Claw Prong Basket.

I think we are slowly inching towards having more serious conversation. He is really pushing me to meet his parents soon because he wants me to be a "permanent" part of his life and therefore get to know the permanent people in it. It's pretty exciting to think about, and hopefully we'll get there in the near future!

 

[audball]

Thanks for understanding! It is good to hear that you are also back on your feet and doing well. It really does feel good

Hmm...the trade member thing has happened to other posters after the conversion to PS2 as well. Maybe message the mods and get them to look into it? You certainly don't want to be caught giving advice to new posters in Rocky Talk or something and get flagged for giving biased opinions as a "trade member" when you're not.

As for the ring and your particulars...how will you ever design something you love more the your modified JBEG Julia Cushion Bezel? It was TDF. What happened with the ring after the engagement broke off? Do you still have it? Does he?

It'll be tricky for sure especially seeing as how new BF seems to want to go the full on surprise route.

That's a really good point!!! I will get in touch with the mods as soon as possible. I usually don't visit RT too often (mostly b/c I will get sucked into thinking about diamonds myself!) but it's a good thing to clear a false label.

And regarding a new ring... I've thought about that too!! Thank you for the wonderful compliment - I loved loved loved my Julia, and my cushion, but I think that also made me feel even worse when I wore it and looked at it because it was not at all representative of the relationship for which I had the ring. I had even purchased a wedding ring that sat flush with it. The ring is with my ex-fiance - he wanted me to keep it to sell so I could have some money for school, rent, etc. But it didn't feel right to me. My wedding ring is also with him - to be honest, I've been wondering how OK it would be to use it as my official wedding ring for when I do get married. From there I started thinking about what kind of engagement ring would go with it. My current bf earns half what my ex-fiance made, so getting a stone of similar size and going the custom route isn't likely which is totally fine! My preferred style have been fluctuating since the split, and right now I'm leaning towards a classic RB solitaire - I've fallen in love with the Vatche Royal Crown solitaire and JA Platinum Pave Cathedral with Claw Prong Basket.

I think we are slowly inching towards having more serious conversation. He is really pushing me to meet his parents soon because he wants me to be a "permanent" part of his life and therefore get to know the permanent people in it. It's pretty exciting to think about, and hopefully we'll get there in the near future!

It sounds like things are headed in the right direction! I'm sure whatever you/he chooses will be lovely. It must have been hard to part with that beauty though, but I do see that it probably was hard to look at after the split. I can't wait to see how your new story unfolds. Maybe you'll be joining the list sooner than you think!

 

[amc80]

Sweetpea- I'm not longer a LIW (got married in November), but check this thread occassionally. I wanted to chime in. I think it's totally normal to talk about your relationship early on. After my ex and I broke up, I dated a lot. I mean A LOT. What I found is that for both myself and the guys I dated, the entire point of dating really shifted from when I was younger. When you are in your early 20s, you are dating for fun, companionship, etc. Marriage is always a "maybe," but something that is in the future. When you're older, it's more of dating with a purpose. I learned to weed out those guys who I knew weren't potential husbands. And that's something you can tell pretty early on. I always made sure that whoever I was dating had the same goals as I did, in terms of why they were dating. My husband and I had a pretty frank conversation pretty early on (in the first few dates). We both agreed that we don't date multiple people at the same time and that we both wanted to get married (whether to each other or not). I think it's really important to determine your dating goals early on in a relationship. I was with someone for almost 3 years. We broke up because he finally admitted he didn't know if/when he ever wanted to get married. So yeah, talk about this stuff. Not saying it's a first date conversation, but it should be something that is laid out fairly early on. Good luck!!

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Thanks for your thoughts amc! I think being more mature, having a failed relationship and learning from it, and having a stronger sense of who I am and what I want in a future husband has definitely helped move the process along! My boyfriend and I are both on the same page about what we want, and the best part is that we want it with each other, and that's the best feeling ever. We're doing a lot of positive learning with each other, it makes talking about anything so easy. It's been a while since he has been in a relationship, let alone a real serious one, so we talk a lot about expectations, and what we are each looking for. Each conversation makes us stronger and I feel more confident that I've found someone good for me.

I added myself to the list, and I hope I didn't jinx myself! I don't expect a proposal anytime soon, since ideally it'd be nice to live with each other first, but with clinical rotations coming up, it might not happen for a little while. But I am very ready to show him what kind of ring I'm interested in!