Strange request from FMIL...

[turboflgrl]

The other day, my FMIL and I were discussing the wedding and we started talking about wedding gifts. She stated that when she got married (in the 70's), her MIL had the wedding gifts displayed in their dining room and invited people over to look at what they received. My initial reaction was "Huhhh??!?" but I played along and eventually had my FI decline her offer to do the same. His family is very wealthy so maybe I'm just out of the loop here.

Has anyone heard of anyone doing this? To FI and I it just screams greedy and something we would never in a million years consider doing. I just wanted to make sure I'm right here..lol

Opinions?

 

[ac719]

i have NEVER heard of that and would NEVER do that lol. I agree with you seems way too showy\greedy.

 

[slg47]

that seems weird to me as well, I'm glad you got your FI to talk to his mom about it!

 

[kittybean]

That is really odd. I have never heard of someone doing something like that! Good thing your FI was able to politely decline her (strange) offer.

 

[The sun is shining]

I have only seen it in the movie "High Society" with Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. Highly entertaining if you like classic films.

 

[megumic]

I'd solve this by ensuring that every gift was sent directly to my home, not FMIL's. This is sooo odddd. Can you imagine going to someone's house to gawk at gifts??? A baby, definitely. But gifts????

 

[mary poppins]

I've never heard of displaying gifts for people to stop by and see. I agree with you - very odd. Glad you got FI to talk to his mom and decline.

 

[turboflgrl]

I'm so going to check out 'High Society' now..lol

I'm really glad I'm not alone here. FMIL was really shocked when FI said it was a 'stupid idea' (his words..lol) All gifts are thankfully going to my parent's home since we're in the process of moving. Though I'm sure this event would've occurred without our permission if gifts were arriving at their place...

They've been pretty awful through this whole wedding process. I'm seriously going to be elated when this is all done!

 

[junebug17]

I was oddly intrigued by this practice, so I did a quick google search and came up with a few websites that do indeed talk about displaying the wedding gifts at a private house so that people can see them. Apparently this is something that can be done and is considered to be proper etiquette (at least according to the websites I checked). I have never experienced anything like this, but I thought I'd post just to let you know your fmil isn't totally off base, or didn't make this up on her own! Maybe it's a regional thing, or something that was done in a bygone era that is still done by the wealthy?

 

[Mashira]

I'm honestly surprised that it seems so strange... mayhaps it's a cultural thing? Most of the weddings I've been to have had the opening of the gifts displayed in the home the day after the wedding. I don't intend on doing this as we are leaving the next morning for the honeymoon, but I don't think it's weird. Just my 2c though!

ETA: I don't think it's an 'upper class' or 'wealthy' thing either... as most of the weddings I am talking about weren't upscale by any means (because this is a subjective comment I will say that the weddings ranged from 5K to 30K with the variance most likely due to # of guests)

 

[KittyGolightly]

I was oddly intrigued by this practice, so I did a quick google search and came up with a few websites that do indeed talk about displaying the wedding gifts at a private house so that people can see them. Apparently this is something that can be done and is considered to be proper etiquette (at least according to the websites I checked). I have never experienced anything like this, but I thought I'd post just to let you know your fmil isn't totally off base, or didn't make this up on her own! Maybe it's a regional thing, or something that was done in a bygone era that is still done by the wealthy?

My copy of Emily Post has a section on displaying wedding gifts, so I'd agree it's probably either a regional or old-fashioned thing. It seems to be a hold-over from when wedding receptions were held at home rather than at a hotel or club.

 

[vc10um]

OUPearGirl writes a wedding blog and she JUST did a post about this last month when her sister got married. I had never heard of it before, but apparently it's not unheard of! Perhaps she can elaborate more on the subject (since I don't think I can put up the blog post here)...

 

[swingirl]

I have certainly heard of this but I think it's become an out-dated tradition as more people receive monetary wedding gifts these days. It has nothing to do with greed. (?) It is a respectful way of showing the gifts you received and that you appreciate them by displaying them. Back in the day, before couples set up full house holds while dating, the only stuff a new couple would have to start their life together with was from the shower and wedding. Those couples appreciated toasters and china and towels. The display gave everyone a chance to see what china, silver and glasswear they picked. Everyone ohhed and awwed over the newlywed's finery.

If this is a family tradition your FMIL might expect you to keep it up. It's your choice, of course, but you might ask her if this is still done in their family and will they be disappointed if she doesn't do it.

 

[zipzapgirl]

I've been to one. The bride's mother had displayed all of the gifts on a series of tables in the formal dining room. It was ~20 years ago and was for a cousin who was from South Carolina. They displayed each fork, place setting, and goblet. It was beautiful actually.

I haven't heard of anything similar or been to such a display since. I could definitely see it being a very traditional (maybe Southern?) practice. I think it's ok to decline though, since as many of the fellow posters have shown, the practice might be misunderstood and misinterpreted today.

 

[briolette]

Maybe it's a regional thing. I'm from the south and am used to seeing gifts on the table. I don't really like that practice frankly but I was taught its proper etiquette. Maybe it's outmoded?

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I did a bridal table in my home. Mostly because right before my wedding I didn't have the mind set to clean out the kitchen and integrate the new stuff and I also had no where to "store" it...however, I will say, people that did pop by enjoyed seeing the stuff. I did it for a solution to a problem, but it wasn't weird.

 

[zoebartlett]

I think I've heard of that here on PS actually. I can't remember who posted about it because it was a while ago. I've never seen it done here where I live, and it's not something I'd be interested in having. I wish I could remember what the poster called it. I keep wanting to call it a showing or a viewing but that sounds a bit morbid.

 

[Clairitek]

OUPearGirl writes a wedding blog and she JUST did a post about this last month when her sister got married. I had never heard of it before, but apparently it's not unheard of! Perhaps she can elaborate more on the subject (since I don't think I can put up the blog post here)...

I was actually thinking about this. OU is from TX so I had wondered if this was a Southern tradition when I read about it.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

OUPearGirl writes a wedding blog and she JUST did a post about this last month when her sister got married. I had never heard of it before, but apparently it's not unheard of! Perhaps she can elaborate more on the subject (since I don't think I can put up the blog post here)...

I was actually thinking about this. OU is from TX so I had wondered if this was a Southern tradition when I read about it.

I'm so glad to have a few of you as readers!

We Southern girls like to do a "Display" of our thangs... It's definitely old fashioned and probably regional, but isn't considered all that strange to me. Here are a few pictures of my sister's display from December.. Two days before the wedding we had a "Sip and See." Several of our closest family friends came over to see the neat gifts they had received and drink champagne. It was a great night for girl talk.

 

[turboflgrl]

I just wanted to mention that I didn't mean to offend anyone who had done this themselves or thought it was acceptable. It must be a regional/traditional thing - it simply wasn't something that would have fit us or our circle well. I think it boils down to the fact that FI and I are typically very private and do not like "showing off" (bad terminology there but you get my point). It would just feel embarassing I guess. Heck, I'm having a hard enough time thinking about all the people staring at me when I walk down the aisle!!

I know someone mentioned something about being southern and doing it (I think?). His family is from Florida and Kentucky so that would completely make sense. My family is Pennsylvania/New Jersey so that could be why my family seemed a bit put off by it.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I just wanted to mention that I didn't mean to offend anyone who had done this themselves or thought it was acceptable. It must be a regional/traditional thing - it simply wasn't something that would have fit us or our circle well. I think it boils down to the fact that FI and I are typically very private and do not like "showing off" (bad terminology there but you get my point). It would just feel embarassing I guess. Heck, I'm having a hard enough time thinking about all the people staring at me when I walk down the aisle!!

I know someone mentioned something about being southern and doing it (I think?). His family is from Florida and Kentucky so that would completely make sense. My family is Pennsylvania/New Jersey so that could be why my family seemed a bit put off by it.

I don't think anyone is offended, some were just offering to you how others may not see it as weird. If you're not comfortable doing it, then by all means politely say no.

 

[lucyandroger]

OUpeargirl - what beautiful photos. Can you give us any hints for finding your blog? search terms maybe.

In the movie Father of the Bride, they put all of the wedding gifts out on the dining room table. Now I know what that was all about! Love that movie.

 

[hoofbeats95]

I've never heard of this. However, in my area it's common to have the wedding party, parents, any other special people over to someone's house the day after the wedding to open gifts and eat leftover food! I however, have never enjoyed this. I'm usually sleeping the day after I've been IN a wedding. I also think gifts are rather private. We will NOT be doing this. We have friends from Europe staying with us over the days of the wedding. They leave to continue their US trip the next day and we leave the following for our honeymoon. We will be spending time with them the day after before they leave. And I guess, honestly I just don't care to share my gifts with the world. The wedding party will be tired, crashed and probably wanting to have a lazy day after having rehearsal and the wedding over two days.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

OUpeargirl - what beautiful photos. Can you give us any hints for finding your blog? search terms maybe.

In the movie Father of the Bride, they put all of the wedding gifts out on the dining room table. Now I know what that was all about! Love that movie.

Hmm... I'm trying to think of hints without getting in trouble. Matrimonial is in the title... and I also did a post on antique diamonds Google!

It's still new and just for fun-- not even close to the same scale as some higher profile wedding planning blogs, but I love doing it!

 

[turboflgrl]

I just wanted to mention that I didn't mean to offend anyone who had done this themselves or thought it was acceptable. It must be a regional/traditional thing - it simply wasn't something that would have fit us or our circle well. I think it boils down to the fact that FI and I are typically very private and do not like "showing off" (bad terminology there but you get my point). It would just feel embarassing I guess. Heck, I'm having a hard enough time thinking about all the people staring at me when I walk down the aisle!!

I know someone mentioned something about being southern and doing it (I think?). His family is from Florida and Kentucky so that would completely make sense. My family is Pennsylvania/New Jersey so that could be why my family seemed a bit put off by it.

I don't think anyone is offended, some were just offering to you how others may not see it as weird. If you're not comfortable doing it, then by all means politely say no.

Oh I know that nobody voiced it but I just wanted to mention in case anyone might have been put off by what I said or the way I said it. Things can always be misunderstood online

And thank you for answering kindly and helping me understand the tradition - I appreciate it.

 

[lucyandroger]

OUpeargirl - what beautiful photos. Can you give us any hints for finding your blog? search terms maybe.

In the movie Father of the Bride, they put all of the wedding gifts out on the dining room table. Now I know what that was all about! Love that movie.

Hmm... I'm trying to think of hints without getting in trouble. Matrimonial is in the title... and I also did a post on antique diamonds Google!

It's still new and just for fun-- not even close to the same scale as some higher profile wedding planning blogs, but I love doing it!

Found it! Thanks!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

OUpeargirl - what beautiful photos. Can you give us any hints for finding your blog? search terms maybe.

In the movie Father of the Bride, they put all of the wedding gifts out on the dining room table. Now I know what that was all about! Love that movie.

Hmm... I'm trying to think of hints without getting in trouble. Matrimonial is in the title... and I also did a post on antique diamonds Google!

It's still new and just for fun-- not even close to the same scale as some higher profile wedding planning blogs, but I love doing it!

Found it! Thanks!

Yay!

 

[afreebird]

I've heard of this before, and it did strike me as kind of strange, too. But I think it got started as a way to not show off, but to show appreciation of the gifts by putting them on display. Kind of like when I wear certain pieces of jewelry or clothing around the person who gave the items to me, or making sure I have my mother-in-law's candlesticks on display whenever she comes for a visit.

 

[Clio]

As others have mentioned, it's an old fashioned, mostly (I think) southern thing. We did it when I got married, but it was pretty laid back. Everything was laid out on my mother's dining room table. Nothing elaborate.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yes, back in the day, it was proper etiquette to display the wedding gifts at the home of the bride's parents. At that time, the bride's parents were the ones who sent the invitations and the gifts were often bought at local stores and delivered to the bride's parent's home. Girls got married younger then, often right after college, so it was logical for the gifts to be delivered to her parent's home. I am from the south and everyone I knew did things the "proper" way at that time.

Our daughter just got married and we did host (as in pay for) the wedding. But since most people were from out of town, the majority of the gifts were brought to the wedding. We kept them (unopened) until they returned from their honeymoon. I really don't know of anyone who is doing the displaying of gifts these days, and that is at least partially due to the fact that most girls live on their own before marriage and already have many household items. You can't exactly display gifts to the honeymoon registry, etc.!

So despite it sounding a little strange, it was at one time proper etiquette!