notmyrealname
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2007
- Messages
- 9
Okay, ladies, I am getting closer. I was trying very hard to be patient and voluntarily dropped the marriage talk until Christmas, when we would be together. Before my self-imposed Christmas hiatus, it came up in conversation and we seriously hammered out the details he was worried about (such as me moving so far away from family, getting a job, living in various states, being happy, a few other general goals that had made him nervous). This time, I left emotion totally out of it. I talked like a man, because I was just so sick of talking about this whole thing. I treated it like a work or school assignment, rather than crying, whining, or letting his hesitation make me feel bad. Men are sometimes more practical and analytical than we are and need to hear things in a more man-based way. I also explained about timing regarding when we would like to be married (May 2009) and discussed how places are booking up. He came to me with the discussion. I think by letting a man come to their own conclusions and think it was their idea all along goes along way, as men don''t want to feel they are just going along with the woman''s idea.
He got me some nice Christmas presents and I didn''t mention the engagement situation at all. I told him I felt great after our last conversation and maybe it would happen "someday." I acted as though I wasn''t super eager...and I realized I''m not. Now that I feel we are going to get married someday, I don''t feel the need to have constant discussions about it.
He bought me a little ring for Christmas (a fashion ring) and told me that would do until we got me a real engagement ring. Well, he suggested shopping for it in a few days! I suggested the places to go, and kept a notebook with prices, etc, because that appeals to him. I also told him we should look online for a more reasonable price, which also appeals to him.
I did a lot of the legwork because he didn''t know what he was looking for. I gave him the name and info on a ring shop in New York and he ended up telling me tonight that he ordered it a few weeks ago! (He told me he wasn''t going to be able to order it until tomorrow, originally). I did ruin it a little, because I dragged it out of him when he said he was upset about something (it was about the way the payment went through, long story). He originally was going to tell me the ring was discontinued and procrastinate a little to surprise me more. (I love this ring though, so that would have hurt me!) We''ve already decided on a reception hall!
I just wanted to share my strategy. It is (in a nutshell) to basically sit down and have a non-emotional discussion. Talk like a man would. Lay out your reasons. Get a feel for it and if he is receptive, know that it is coming, then let him do it his way. If he''s not receptive, tell him this is the last conversation you are going to have about it. If he makes no moves in the right direction, it is time to cut him free.
(As a note, I feel that it is fair to give a man about 1.5 yrs from the date marriage is first discussed, if you are in your 20''s and 30''s. You may have been dreaming of it your whole life, but it probably just hit him! That said, judge your time wisely and try to get a feel on the situation).
I''ll let you know more when it is more official!
He got me some nice Christmas presents and I didn''t mention the engagement situation at all. I told him I felt great after our last conversation and maybe it would happen "someday." I acted as though I wasn''t super eager...and I realized I''m not. Now that I feel we are going to get married someday, I don''t feel the need to have constant discussions about it.
He bought me a little ring for Christmas (a fashion ring) and told me that would do until we got me a real engagement ring. Well, he suggested shopping for it in a few days! I suggested the places to go, and kept a notebook with prices, etc, because that appeals to him. I also told him we should look online for a more reasonable price, which also appeals to him.
I did a lot of the legwork because he didn''t know what he was looking for. I gave him the name and info on a ring shop in New York and he ended up telling me tonight that he ordered it a few weeks ago! (He told me he wasn''t going to be able to order it until tomorrow, originally). I did ruin it a little, because I dragged it out of him when he said he was upset about something (it was about the way the payment went through, long story). He originally was going to tell me the ring was discontinued and procrastinate a little to surprise me more. (I love this ring though, so that would have hurt me!) We''ve already decided on a reception hall!
I just wanted to share my strategy. It is (in a nutshell) to basically sit down and have a non-emotional discussion. Talk like a man would. Lay out your reasons. Get a feel for it and if he is receptive, know that it is coming, then let him do it his way. If he''s not receptive, tell him this is the last conversation you are going to have about it. If he makes no moves in the right direction, it is time to cut him free.
(As a note, I feel that it is fair to give a man about 1.5 yrs from the date marriage is first discussed, if you are in your 20''s and 30''s. You may have been dreaming of it your whole life, but it probably just hit him! That said, judge your time wisely and try to get a feel on the situation).
I''ll let you know more when it is more official!
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